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Friday, January 12, 2007

Driving and Living in Bolehland

(Typical Malaysian traffic jam. Spot the guy who will go far in life in Bolehland.)

This morning was one of those rare occasions that I drive in rush hour traffic along Jalan Ulu Kelang. While I was inching along, I had an epiphany.

Malaysians drive the same way they do most things in life here in Bolehland.

Hiyah! Do la whatever you have to do to get what you want.

In a jam drive along the hard shoulder. Change lanes without bothering to signal. Just look for an opening and jam yourself in there. Speed limit? What's that? If you drive a bigger car than the one next to you in the jam just shove the little one off the road.

In Malaysian work/business life bribe, cheat, lie, bully to get what you want..

Drive lawfully and courteously? Do things the legal way? You must be joking. You think what? Stupid ah?



Anonymous said...

maybe we shud toll the emergency lanes and put up those RFID readers like in Singapore.

Charge RM50 per kilometre.

Now we can make errant motorists subsidise our tolls! =)

Anonymous said...

Hey Pat... writing about traffic now eh... I have done a few entries myself.

The thing about malaysian jam, particularly KL... it's an unending problem.

Anonymous said...

No matter how many times you zig & zag thru traffic, you will only reach ur destination 2 minutes faster, at the most.
Courtesy? Please, Malaysians are only courteous when they have to be, and as soon as your back’s turned, they’ll stab you with a keris or chop you with a parang.
Car-pool? Public Transport? All thats so not cool..
Take the highway? Toll too expensive..
Wait till after rush hour? Cannot, after Toto shop close..
Use an alternative route? Too long, makan petrol..
Clear green land to build wider roads? Hell yeah!

Anonymous said...

We should ride more bicycles lah.

No road tax, no fuel, low maintenance.

If Penang style Becas can put engine on lah, aisey, I want one.

If long distance, then take bus or my favorite, train with sleeping berth.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more with Mohd. Cycle, walk then hop onto a bus etc. But M'sians want convenience - see how they double park (holding up traffic) and rushing to the ATM, nasi lemak lady etc. They just don't give a shit about others. A little exercise never did kill anyone!

Hospital slave said...

While we are on the issue of transport in the Bolehland:

A cargo plane crashed in Kuching Airport. None of the aircrew were injured.

And guess what? This is the remark made by our dear Deputy Transport Minister: "Luckily there was no damage to the runway surface."

Our wakil rakyat are more worried about the runway surface being damaged than the rakyat being hurt!!!


Anonymous said...

People do signal you know. Like, how they turn into a junction, then only they turn on the left/right lights.

mob1900 said...

We should come up with Nursery Rhymes for our Malaysian Traffic to soothe children from having nightmares.

The Drowmage said...

Malaysian drivers drive like they are immortal.

And most of the time, the culprits who forget about putting signal, speed limits and speed in housing areas seem to have their license plate starting with "J".

(Most, not all. This is not a bashing moment.)

Oh yes, and all the Avanzas and BMWs seem to think they have a claim to the road with the way they flash their lights behind your car and press the horn, when you're already going at the speed limit on the LDP. And these people are allowed to vote! Says a lot.

Niamah! (this is now my favourite phrase, thanks Patrick Teoh!)

zewt said...

hmm... how come my post comes up at anonymous?

monsterball said...

hi Pat...This is your very old friend. I GIVE YOU ONE GUESS. We used to meet opposite Yee Wah Hing's Watch shop at Jaya Supermarket. I am the one smoking a cigar!! Just address me by my blog name will do.
Traffic jams??? What's new?? Has been there for donkey years. The government does not listen to public advises at all!! First...lorries and buses MUST HAVE THEIR OWN LANES LIKE MOTOR CYCLES. Secondly....'overtaking lane' should go faster than the speed limit all the time.In Australia... you will hear the police yelling from his bike "Get the hell out of here" to those idiots who drive at lane speed limit from the overtaking lane....So who is to be blamed in MALAYSIA?? The Police ofcourse. OVER TO YOU PAT!!

Malaysian China Man said...

Sometimes it is the toll booth that is causing the bad jams in KL. Look at LDP (Sunway exit) and Kesas toll booth. It can get very jam during rush hour. Aren't those highways suppose to ease traffic congestion instead of causing them.


monsterball said...

Pat...Sheih's 'kickdefella' blog owner has designed a "No fear" logo to unite all bloggers . Please go see it. So many have adopted the logo and his presentations are unique.
This subject reminds me of your radio talk show some 30 years ago exposing the frauds of the police. YOU ARE A VERY BRAVE AND JUST MAN!!
So is Sheih doing his style.
Bloggers also need a 'Tai Kor' to advise them....if they are being troubled by the government. Not all advises must be against the government by a wise man like you. Go talk to Sheih after reading some of his encounters with the.....not the 3rd kind......but the not so kind....our government.

patrickteoh said...

Hi drownage. A German friend of mine who survived the bombing of Berlin during World War II was too scared to drive in all the 30 years that he lived in Malaysia. He said Malaysians drive like they have a spare life kept in a drawer at home. LOL. Bad drivers have J number plates. Now that is a bit much la dei. Bad Malaysian drivers are labelled from A to Z la.

Hospital slave, such things are nothing new in Bolehland la. We all seem to think that since we have 24 million people already what's losing a few here and there. "How many people die? Oh. That's all ah? Jom pi makan."

Melayu Lama said...

Traffic Jams.... should be incorporated into Malaysian culture. It's something we've gotten to live with for so long although it is something we can surely do without. Thank you to the masters of bolehland who said Malaysia Boleh! and made our cars to flood our own roads with.

Gee Pat, wonder if the jam was also partly caused by a Proton breaking down / stalled by the road side? Maybe drivers were slowing down to take a look.


You're right man! Very therapeutic.


Trashed said...

Is public transport a viable alternative ? Not yet lah, niamah.

Is riding a bicycle a viable alternative ? Only if there are shower rooms available everywhere (has to be free!), niamah.

kanine said...

For those who dream of riding bicycles, wait till the govt cover all the drains, repair all the potholes (which appear about 2-3 monhts after a new road is completed - and build proper bicycle tracts - away from the maddening trafic. Otherwise not only will we become udang bakar, but ayam golek as well.

No money to build tracts? Well the govt can use part of the RM400 million budgeted for the istana, or stop a few nights of fireworks at lake titiwangsa (budget:RM52 million).


patrickteoh said...

kanine and trashed you are both right. No viable alternative to driving cars. Bicycle? You'll probably kill yourself by tumbling into a pothole before you're out of your street.