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Friday, April 06, 2007

VMY2007 already la. Know or not? Niamah!!!

Each time I cross the border down south to Singapore I get a boost of patriotism which is most often manifested in a much lowered level of tolerance for things Malaysian that don't work.

The latest incident happened to me just a couple of hours ago at the immigration checkpoint at the 2nd Link. Travelling light I jumped off the bus and walked ahead of all the kiasu Singaporeans into the building so can be more kiasu lor. Beat the queue ma. Of course, I was headed for the two automated lanes which had machines that would read our chip encoded state-of-the-art passports. But this is Malaysia, right. So...

1. One of the lanes had an orange colored traffic cone in front of it which meant that it was "rosak". But never mind the 2nd one was open for business.

2. I stepped in and the barrier closed. I took one look at the slot for the passsport and had this shudder. It has a piece of cardboard cello-taped over it. I inserted my passport into the slot. Nothing happened. I tapped the machine. Nothing happened. I kicked it. Nothing happened. And I was trapped. The barriers on either end were closed and I couldn't get out.

Of course, in the meantime the Singaporeans who were queueing in the normal check-in lanes had smirks on their faces. I tell you ah. I was feeling damn malu man.

After a couple of minutes of me standing there like a goon-du, this tudunged girlie comes over and tells me with a straight face, "Rosak la."
So I looked at her with a look on my face that said, "So how the F*** am I going to get out of this shit hole?"

"Nanti, nanti, nanti..." (ever notice how Malaysians think that by repeating themselves they somehow make things better?) She tapped the machine. She looked at it. She almost wanted to kick it. Finally, she gave up and waved for some pegawai to come across to help her. Some guy with a disinterested look came over. Looked at me and said, "Rosak." REVELATION!!! I was almost going to say, "How the..." but he took dog-earred card out of his pocket and tapped it on the sensor and the barrier opened. I went to one of the normal check-in lanes and lined up sheepishly behind the Singaporeans who were by now laughing audibly. Damn malu man, I tell you.

I said in a loud voice when I reached the counter, "Pak Lah didn't come here yet ah?" Got some dirty looks from the pegawai-pegawai. Well, Pak Lah you did some good shit when you visited the immigration department in KL and I managed to renew my state-of-the-art Malaysian passport renewed in under 2 hours. I think it is time to go check on the fler who is in charge of the Johor immigration department. And kick his ass. I mean what is so difficult about keeping some dumb machines in working condition so that we don't have to be malu in front of our foreign visitors.

Hello, this is Visit Malaysia Year isn't it? So what? Want people to come here for satay and some good belly laughs issit?

p/s I can't upload any photos for this post because I am posting from my brother's pc in Singapore. Also the streamyx service in my area of the developed state has been kaput for the past couple of days. "It will take 2 to 3 working days and here is your report number..."


zewt said...

hey, what's new pat? this is just so malaysian isnt it? i think i have said it before... we can have very the many plenty counters... but only a handful will be in operation.

by the way... what's happening to the state of the art toilets that cost us a bomb? i heard they all also... rosak already.

Russ said...

"Pak Lah didn't come here yet ah?" Akakaka... Damn funny lah you..

Aiseh, very sorry to hear that you were caught in that horrible little contraption Mr. Patrick, but im sure no one else could have done it with such style & sarcasm! .. Niamah!!

Russ said...

"Pak Lah didn't come here yet ah?" Akakaka... Damn funny lah you..

Aiseh, very sorry to hear that you were caught in that horrible little contraption Mr. Patrick, but im sure no one else could have done it with such style & sarcasm! .. Niamah!!

M.M said...

Dear Patrick,

My mum told me about you when you came back to Ipoh sometime back and met her with some of her friends including Susan and Phoebe Fong-Smith. When I told her of you having a blog, she was looking forward to meet you again.

Anyhow, we might be meeting at the SMI reunion say end of this month.

I just can't stop laughing at when you put that tagline at some statements!

Ben said...

Niamah! You think you malu only ar? I get so sick about it each time I call tmnet to complain about the poor connection. Niamah x 2! then yesterday they disconnect my line because did not pay bil. I ask them why I complain, you don't bother, when I don't pay, you cut the line. Only know how to say sorry, sorry ... for what? Niamah.....! This is Malaysia where the monopoly (not the game la!) can exists, PM tell people to buy more shares fall good factor?!!! and corrupted top guns scratch each others backs, Niamah!

daniel said...

Ah, so you were in Singapore issit? Next time call me lah in JB, maybe can belanja you mee rebus or something.

You know, on the one hand, these blardy Singaporeans have this perpetual smirk on their faces when in Malaysia; that's why always kena even by the mata-mata.

On the other hand, the malu part of your post is an everyday thing for us in JB. When crossing the causeway, you can easily know whether you're in Malaysia or Singapore by looking at the lamp posts. The rusty ones which sometimes don't light up belongs to you-know-who.

In the mornings, when the motorcyclists go to work in Singapore, they are all over the place on the causeway; that is until they reach the Singapore side where they file meekly into proper queues.

Sometimes, even the smell is a dead giveaway, where rubbish from our infamous Sungei Segget is strewn on our side of the causeway, and left to rot without being cleared away.

Malu? You bet.

Anonymous said...

You should see the same thing at the airport terminal.

Likewise, the online booking on the MAS site.


:: Nicole :: said...

plenty of counters but only a few in operation? hmmm.. sounds like those counters at the immigration office, post office, TNB office, Telekom office, the toll plaza and etc.. even the supermarket too AND some departmental stores.. typical scene in M'sia *sigh*

bojed said...


that's so british


btw pat, enjoying your stay in singapore?

balik malaysia la, boleh makan chewing gum

Eve said...

and might I add, also the e-payment for summonses on most sites that they provide. Means I still have to get caught in the traffic jam to settle the summon.

See...not I don't want to settle it. The bloody stupid system wouldn't work!!!

K said...

LoL! cant stop laughing sorry. it is always the same and repeating mistakes with our Gov!

i recently renewed my passport at the Msian embassy in Budapest and damn backward kind of passport lah, using the old type writer ..hmmmph i want my state-of-the-art old passport back!

Anonymous said...

Watcha complaining about? You were LEAVING the country so they make things difficult for you. No welcome here but maybe "GET LOST" you! You must remember you are leaving a third world country and entering a first.

I went to S'pore via Second link too on 28 Feb. The gates were rosak too then. Looks like they will still be rosak when I make my next trip on the 15th.

Please let me know whether the ENTRY gates are working at the "Arrival" Immigration side. My bet is that one is still not working.

Trashed said...

The automated lanes are not for visitors mah (by definition, non-Malaysian passport holders).

So the rosak automated lanes is not part of VMY 2007 lor. So where kerangga bite you ?

But as taxpayer, why spend my tax money on things that go rosak in the middle of the day ?

Niamah !!!

jorji said...


Russ said...

Hiyah, sorry to hear about what happened to you Mr. Patrick, but nobody would have pulled it off better than you, "Pak Lah didn't come here yet ah?"... Akakaka! Damn funny lah.

Chee Yong said...

Patrick, this is the service u get la from this govt ppl that works in Msia. I am a msian working in spore. Everytime i go back msia and deal with these ppl....hati naik panas la....

Brian Fong said...

is the same with the ticket dispenser of our LRT. Most time only 1 or 2 is working (if there are a few) sometime none working.

Public phone? Good luck bro... depends on which part of the city you are in.. that's why handphone market is so good in msia...

hope u are enjoying your stay.. cheers

Lo said...

yes!!! we all boleh!!

Anita Krishnan said...

Maintenance isn't a very strong point with our government nor with developers or contractors is it?

mob1900 said...

"So how the F*** am I going to get out of this shit hole?"

Should end up with a Great 'NIAMAH!!!' ode! Hopefully Bedol reads your blog religously like Hadhari and rectify the situation down south.

bob said...

Ah yah, why the fuss..first world facility..third world mentality mah...we all know already isn't it?

adriantai said...

p/s I can't upload any photos for this post because I am posting from my brother's pc in Singapore.

good luck trying to get back into Malaysia. i'm sure Sg gomen more than happy to take you in... hahaha...

PurpLe~MuShRooM said...

Hahahaha! This is so funny. Aiyo... really malu!

The Angry Medic said...


Oh how you make me laugh. I come back in 3 months and am looking forward to bursting out in laughter when I see what my country's turned into.

Eh Patrick, go update Tokkok la. It hasn't been updated in so long, I could've mistaken you for one of those immigration flers la.

eantautjk said...


check this out

Anonymous said...

What for so angry? Machine rosak is a norm mah, after all they need servicing and you only lost a few minutes and did not miss the bus. Better have patience like me and
live to 100.

Anonymous said...

I used to travel SG bia JB link, at 5AM, they (the idiots) dont even check, its free for all, just walk and you dont need to show anything. And this is like abt 2 month ago. There is a lot of incompetitency with our systems.

The main man himself should do some spot check. Oh i forget! he is too busy with giving out contracts for the family!

Anonymous said...

Hi Patrick,
Just found your blog. Excellent, excellent!!!! Errr....what does Niamah mean ah? Me out of country too long. Not fluent with Malaysian lingo. Enlightened please.

Shireen K said...

i might have to high 5^ you on that pat... been there, done that and i had a tshirt for that...

No point having such 'advanced' system when it doesnt work 1/2 the time and the goondoos most probably dont even know how to get it fixed while they wait for the 'foreign' vendor come kau tim the machine.

i just wonder the machine hired more people into the scene or basically replace the already lazy people working behind the counter.

STreamyx? STIMX??? please dont remind me.. i will pop my veins..

alliedmartster said...

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for this blog readers or bloggers who are interested in the development of NAB - All Blogs, email to to keep yourself in the loop of things to come. This is early stage yet, but this will act as a reflector email to disseminate info to those who are keen.

chanyip said...

hey... actually malaysians just need to flash their passport to the pegawai la..there's no need to go through all the shitty machines !!! haha... malaysia has the most efficient custom !! just flash and go

Kookaburra said...

An American friend of mine took a Selangor VMY2007 leaflet and took a drive to the Paya Indah Wetlands. Of course he didn't manage to find coz it has been closed down for some time. But it is still listed as an attraction in the Selangor VMY2007 leaflet............niamah

Calvin's Wife said...

aih biase larh.. where else you wont find these kind of encounters? Malaysia plentiful lor..

mob1900 said...

Count Egypt as one of your Biggest fan, Pat! LOLX!

patrickteoh said...

No la, mob. i don't think he's a fan at all. he is on another stratosphere. among the jeff ooi's and all in the multi-million hits club.

patrickteoh said...

kookaburra, what? you want them to be efficient issit? LOL
Chanyip, are you telling me that actually happens??? Or were you being funny? then there's this guy who said he breezes thru the second link at 5 am and doesn't even need to show his passport!
It's not patience la, anonymous. It's about losing face and being malu about my own country. No Bob it is not even a case of having 1st world equipment. we obviously didn't.

Anonymous said...

Yes we DO have 1st world equipment Our passport reader is a very sophisticated piece of equipment which not many countries have.

But they get relegated to 3rd world junk due to the 3rd world mentality of the people operate/maintain it.

Definition of 3rd world mentality when it comes to equipment maintenance:

Staff: "Machine ini rosak lah"
Supervisor: *SMACK the side of machine HARD*
Staff: "Masih rosak lah"
Supervisor: *SMACK the side of machine HARDER*
Staff: "Masih rosak lah"
Supervisor: "Sudah rosak lah. Biarlah saje."

monsterball said...

Pat....So nice to have met you in person...after such a long time.
Keep well, my beloved friend.

monsterball said...

There you old were just lucky to be at the right place on the right date to get your passport renewed in 2 hours.You are always a grateful out comes your few complimentary messages for the government. Now you know the truth...and mind you....right at S'pore/JB check point. Why such news are not even put out in MALAY MAIL...the paper that said their slogan.
Pat...nice to have met you after such a long time and smoked a cigar.

Anonymous said...

well, i was on a flight back to KL from Singapore last night. The flight time was 45 minutes and the luggage took 35 minutes to come out. how the hell did klia get that whatever best airport award anyway?
don't even make me start on the klia limo service... limos are not suppose to stink and have stained seats. ugh!

bobmarLEE said...

Hey there Patrick!

I experienced the same thing too haha. Not quite similar but funny enough for me. I am working in Singapore since July and after two and a half months here I went home via coach and after crossing the lil bridge reaching Johor's check point, I went up to the machine (which memalukan you) and guess what? Sudah rosak. That was kind of like a slap in my face telling me "Wala I'm back in Malaysia where most things (or people for that matter)don't work and efficiency has no meaning to erm erm, public services.