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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Quotes from Sages and Morons Pt III

Which do you think?

Despite what may have been said about them the editorial team at The New Straits Times do have a sense of humour la. Look at today's front page.

4 quotes. All attributed to one man. The Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia, Najib Razak. So what's so funny about that you may ask. Well, read on...

"We should be watchful of what we say, not because we cannot say it, but because we must know how best to say it"...

...and this from the same guy who not so many years ago was standing in the middle of a padang in the middle of Kuala Lumpur at a public rally and waving a keris calling for the shedding of blood. Whose blood I won't say la because I should know how best to say it, right?

"I believe it is a disservice to the spirit of our nation and founding fahers if we keep harping on what would keep us apart, rather than what has kept us together for half a century"...

...very true words, Najib but unless my memory fails me all the disservice in recent years seem to have been done by mostly politicians in the Barisan Nasional. Right?

"Let us celebrate the success that is Malaysia. Let us celebrate 50 years of nationhood, sacrifice, tolerance and co-operation"...

...yes thank you, YB we shall do just that as soon as you and your political colleagues recognise that Malaysia belongs to us, the Rakyat, and not to the politicians in power. That the sacrifices you so often refer to is made mostly by us, the Rakyat, albeit led by a team of leaders like the Tunku and your father. I as a Chinese Malaysian together with my brethren, the Bumiputras and Indian Malaysians have tolerated a lot in the last 50 years and will continue to do so with understanding. So please la, don't lecture us about tolerance and sacrifice anymore, okay?

By the way, what is your sacrifice and contribution ah? No seriously, tell us. We really would like to know.

"Each of us must ask ourselves what we have done to promote national unity"...

...are you listening to yourself, YB? Oh sorry, it is YAB isn't it? Ah whatever la. Makes no difference to me. Or any member of the rakyat I don't think. Thank you.

"I am proud to say that almost everyone in this country has access to safe, potable water supply"...Dr. Lim Keng Yaik, Energy, Water and Communications Minister.

...I wonder if Dr. Lim has installed those gleaming silver water filters that cost a fortune in his home? If he has then he is tokking kok right? If he hasn't then I salute him for being a brave soul for drinking unfiltered water from Malaysia's water supply. Syabas!

"That means my identity card or passport must state that I am a Bangsa Malaysia. My religion must also be left out as it is strictly between me and God"...the former Inspector-General of Police, Rahim Noor on his definition of a complete Malaysian.

Now how the hell did somebody with those thoughts get to become Inspector-General of Police? The Home Ministry better tighten up some loopholes la.

"We also want them to promote Langkawi, Penang and other interesting islands as an alternative to Bali"...the Malaysian minister of tourism on his plans for co-operation with the Indonesians to exchange tourists.

Sounds like something wrong here la. It's like..."Dei brudder, send some of your tourists over la. Bali enough already isn't it? Share share la". This wise minister suggested that during the season when Middle Eastern tourists visit Malaysia the ministry would promote Indonesia to them and wanted the Indonesians to do the same with their Russian and Australian tourists who visit Bali often. Call me a cynical Chinaman entrepreneur la but somehow that doesn't sound right or clever to me la. You?

"I don't see any other reason that they cannot spend about RM3 to buy a mini flag and fly it on their vehicles"...Deputy Information Minister, Ahmad Zahid Hamidi after being frustrated by the lack of commitment shown by motorists in flying the mini Jalur Gemilang on their vehicles this year. He reckoned that motorists were expecting the Government to give them the flags for free.

Hello, YB when you've given people things for free for 4 decades now you blame them for wanting everything free???


Friday, August 24, 2007

Patriotic? IDIOTIC!

A visitor to this blog sent me the link to this photograph.......

Who's this guy trying to kid? The only thing he loves is HIMSELF. Not his country. But I am sure that newspapers and BN politicians and cabinet ministers will be lauding his "patriotism" if they see this.

And they tell us that Wee is unpatriotic. Well, we think Wee is patriotic. Not this IDIOT!


p/s read my friend, Zorro's take on patriotism here.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Quotes from sages and morons Pt. II decide...

"He (Wee) said he wants to apologise, we can accept it. But if it is an offense, how to let him go without him being punished?"... Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi on the case of the Negaraku-ku rapper, Wee Meng Chee.

Really ah, Pak Lah? Now we talk about the sanctity of the law issit? How about those times when your colleagues waved kerises and made racist remarks that were calculated to incite racial distrust and hatred? Oh I forget. One set of laws for us and one set for you/them. Of course. Sorry ah?

"The offence was not against the Prime Minister or Ministers concerned but against the nation" ...Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Nazri Aziz on the same Wee matter.

But YB ah I don't seem to hear the nation losing any sleep over this except the Prime Minister and Ministers who are making all the noise. Scoring points for the next election issit? Then further on this same YB says...

" this country we have laws and we cannot set a precedent whereby you commit an offence, apologise and get away with it"...

Nazri, obviously have a very short selective memory of the actions of your cabinet colleagues. Oh used the word "you" meaning us the rakyat. Ah now I understand. 'we' cannot commit an offence, apologise and get away with it but 'YOU' can la. Sorry ah.

Culture, Arts and Heritage minister Rais Yatim was reported as concurring with Nazri saying that the country was governed by the rule of law and Wee had to abide by it. Well YB, WE do. Do YOU? Sorry I couldn't resist that one. LOL.

"This is the act of a youth who has admitted his mistake and has openly apologised. We, as caring Malaysians, should accept his apology and not punish him forever"... Dr. Zamry Kadir, Perak state executive councillor. I am so proud I am a Perakian.

"In fact, I commend the Commercial Vehicles Licensing Board (CVLB) for grounding the fleet of the bus company involved in the (Taiping) accident until a comprehensive audit is carried out"... Transport Minister, Chan Kong Choy on the express bus tragedy in Taiping that claimed 20 lives. Brave words from this YB when the rest of the country probably is wanting the members of the board of CVLB strung up and CASTRATED! Tsk tsk tsk.

And so another day in Bolehland.


P/S I can't wait for more on this Wee, we, they, thing to get really funny.

"What did he say?"
"Wee said..."
"No what did he say?"
"Well, Wee said..."
"Not we, HE!"
"Yeah, Wee said..."


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Strange Contradictions

Adam: Can one la. Close one eye la.

Our Malaysian "authorities" have a very strange culture and way of thinking and doing things, you know. Just a couple of simple examples here...

One "authority" says that dark tinting for car windows and windscreens are not allowed because of safety reasons. The tint might obscure the view of the driver and therefore endanger him and the passengers of the vehicle.


presumably, the same "authority" thinks it is perfectly okay for some of Malaysia's most important people, like judges, top rank armed forces personnel, the Prime Minister no less to travel in vehicles which are tinted blacker than a kuali's ass.

One "authority" in charge of vehicular and road safety introduces 3rd brake lights, the AWAS MUATAN PANJANG contraption behind lorries, speed limits, PUSPACOM etc. all in the interest of road safety.


presumably, the same "authority" thinks nothing of asking Malaysians to risk life and limb in the name of patriotism every Merdeka season. Fly the flag. Yeah just anywhere on your vehicle. Obscure the rear window of buses. No problem. Fly a huge flapping jalur gemilang on your lorry with only a couple of rubber bands to hold the flagpole to the lorry exhaust pipe. No problem. Show your patriotism with a flapping flag bigger than your 100cc kap cai. No problem.

One "authority" takes months, sometimes years to issue C.F.'s. Those infamously hard to obtain pieces of paper that says buildings are safe for occupation by human beings.


presumably, the same "authority" thinks it is perfectly alright to allow occupation of buildings that have not been 'declared' safe. More often than not for up to years at a time. No problem.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Quotes from sages and morons

Adam: Come share some of your favorite lines.....................................


"No one race could have brought Malaysia to what it is today"... "I want Muslims to respect the religions practised by other Malaysians"..."No politicians or group should attempt to gain popularity by stirring up such issues, as Malaysia is a multi-racial country. This country belongs to all Malaysians"... His Royal Highness Sultan Sharafuddin Idris Shah, Sultan of Selangor.

"The astronaut will play batu seremban or 'five stones' and spin traditional Malay tops in space"... Agriculture Ministry parliamentary secretary Rohani Abdul Karim told parliament on the matter of Malaysia's first astronaut.
(from Russ)

"There are ways to get around the rules and regulations. If you want, if you love your country, you would take the risk"... Tun Mahathir Mohd. speaking at a special meeting with bloggers. I don't know why but I want to laugh when I read this quote. Hahahahaha...

"Umno has become completely paralysed. It cannot do anything (to correct itself). The only hope left is with the bloggers"...Tun Mahathir Mohd. speaking at a special meeting with bloggers.

"We are not in the business of cheating people"... Abdullah Badawi, Prime Minister of Malaysia
(from wong sp)


"Unless the governors live well within the law, there can be no hope that the governed will do so"...Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people"...V For Vendetta

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore"...Howard Beale in Network

"We will find out how the company's drivers were selected and trained, and how the buses were maintained"...Transport Minister, Chan Kong Choy after 20 people were killed in a bus accident involving a driver with 13 traffic summonses and 2 warrants of arrest against him and a 20-year old bus which had 19 traffic summonses and was not licenced to travel the route. DUH! Bit late isn't it?

"We had difficulties purchasing the car from the dealer in Ohio, as the car was used in the Superman series in the 1950's and is much sought after" ... Culture, Arts and Heritage minister, Rais Yatim after spending RM171,000 of taxpayers money to buy a prop for a reenactment of scene for the 50th Merdeka carnival sideshow.

"They will not be able to influence the vote because people don't take them seriously" ...Minister of Information, Zainuddin Maidin's opinion of Malaysian bloggers.

I am sure that all of you have your favorite lines to share. Whether, wise, funny philosophical or downright stupid. Email them to me and I will post them up here or you can leave them in the comments box and I will copy them here. Anonymous contributions cannot be used. Sorry.

Have some fun la.

Vote Jeff Ooi. Please!

(or somebody buy me a nose hair trimmer please.)

There in the chat box there are a couple of visitors who seem to think that I should go into politics. I do not know why they think that and that is not the reason for this post. The reason is a strangely scary dream that I had some weeks ago. Not nightmare level. Just scary. I had this scary dream a couple of days after I learned that Jeff Ooi was joining the DAP and would probably stand for election in the next one planned. So what's so scary la? Well, think about it this way...

Imagine that I am a spin doctor for the BN. Jeff Ooi is a respected and much read blogger with hits in the millions to his blogs. When Jeff speaks people listen and they support him in his independent fight against corruption, bad governance etc. Frankly, he's becoming a big irritant in the sides of my BN bosses la. What should I do about this guy ah?

I would use the resources at my command to help Jeff Ooi continue to build his high profile with bloggers and other 'connected' members of the rakyat. I will engineer expose's for him to blog about. In fact ah no need to engineer also la. Since there is so much going on these days, right? If these are real ones that don't involve my bosses' cronies then he will be doing me a favor also. If they are 'sensitive' we can always use ISA ma.

But I will do what I can to help Ooi (from way behind the scenes of course) to 'find' new and innovative ways to build up his support level to the point when he and his 'army' will seriously think that Ooi should run for election. Become a member of parliament. And use his powerful voice in that august house (hahahaha) to champion his causes.

I will make sure he wins in whichever constituency he chooses to stand. How we make sure? Hiyah you know la we have ways one. Yeah make sure he wins. Actually, we don't mind even pouring money (we have lots of that la) into his campaign in rather 'invisible' ways la. Okay so Ooi wins and he becomes an M.P. Then we've got him.

He is now a member of parliament. Good. Now whatever he has to say we will silence him with our two thirds majority which of course we will maintain la. Huh? We have ways of ensuring that one. Don't worry. Some more the newspapers, radio and television, which we control, will do their part in making sure that Ooi becomes less and less 'vocal' in the mainstream media. Huh? Eh hello do you know what the penetration of the Internet is in Malaysia ah? No need to worry one la. Some more ah, now that he is a politician he would have lost a lot of the support he had when he was an independent blogger watchdog. You must remember that those who disagree with and criticize the BN policies are not necessary supporters of any opposition party you know.

So okay...Ooi is now effectively neutralised.

He will have a few years of raving and ranting in parliament and at by-elections or whatever. Then we will engineer some "expose" on him. He will quit politics. Take up our parting 'gift' of a dozen or so seats on the boards of public listed companies. Chair some government linked agencies to research the effects of palm oil on the Malaysian libido or something important like that la. Play golf a bit with Lee Lam Thye...

So everything kao tim.

Scary or not? But it is just a dream of mine la. Cannot happen one la. Right?


Sunday, August 12, 2007

Oh! For F**K's sake! Pt. 2

Adam, a little confused about his patriotism.

I don't know about you but I am beginning to get really pissed off as we approach our nation's 50th birthday. I am also a little confused la as I think back, reading about our country's last (that word sounds rather prophetic of late) 50 years.

First we are told that we are all one nation one people. All sayang each other and help and support each other to oust our colonial tuan's and sahib's. Ah of course, let's not forget those Commie baargers too. So we all pitched in. One nation, one people.

Then, years later we are told that we are not really so equal la. Because some of us have more than others. And so must share share la. Okay can. After all, we are citizens of the same country ma. Good. Then years later we are told that the sharing ratio must be adjusted la because still not equal wor. Errrr....okay lor. One nation, one people ma.

In more recent times the message has sort of become "Hello we don't need to ask you what. We are in power so we say so. Okay?"

It is really confusing. For everybody. Some politicians wave knives around and shout racist slogans. Then later the same flers try to preach racial and religious tolerance. Some politicians announce that some communities must get more than others because they have less and need help to catch up with the others. The same flers then tell the same audience that they must share development contracts with all the other groups. It's only fair. Huh?

And so the whole shameful show rolls on la.

And then in The Star...for me la...the most irritating 50th birthday celebration "gift". More rules on how to be patriotic. Okay la, some of you are probably saying that I am making a mountain out of a molehill la. But the story at the bottom of page N13 really pissed me off la.

How to be patriotic!!! I cringe every time some dumb ass clowns with a YB prefix tries to tell me HOW I should show my love for the country of my birth.

It was about the Do's and Don't's of displaying the National Flag. I won't even begin to go into the stupidity of some of the stuff listed there. You go and read it and get pissed off by yourself please.

Approaching our 50th birthday and our elected politicians treat us like little errant children.

Anyway, Mr. YB and YAB and whatever else you want to call yourselves, when are you going to learn that patriotism isn't shown by flying a flag. Less so if the flag is given out free at some toll booth. Patriotism isn't a once a year affair. So please la. Don't tell us to be patriotic once a year and then expect us to go back to being the clueless sheep that you want to re-elect you into office at the next elections.


p/s Actually ah...if you look around there is a reason for the detectable feeling of desperation from those flers in charge of firing up the annual show of patriotism. Nobody seems to be giving much of a shit about it. Look around KL. Not too many buildings have the flag up. Look at the cars. Not too many of them have the flags flapping. There have been veiled threats by the 'authorities'. Fly the flag or else kind of thing. But still not much happening la. Newspapers and TV give daily reports of how 'patriotic' some communities are. Doing this and that. But watching and reading these stories I get the feeling that it is a vain attempt at wagging the dog when the dog's long dead. Sad thing is that all these things mean that yours and my tax money goes down the longkang. Again!