The Keris Cuts Both Ways

"Report to me", says Hisham. Wah damn terror right? Education minister, Hishamuddin Tun Hussein said that he would personally look into complaints by parents of students who'd been asked by their schools to provide salary slips and other information pertaining to personal incomes. This despite the fact that these parents had not asked for nor intended to ask for any form of assitance from the ministry. The rationale for asking for salary figures the minister pointed out, was to ensure that the assistance provided reached those who really needed it. Very good, Yang Berhormat. Thank you.

And now will you please take that shoe and keris out of your mouth before you say anything else?

The borang (form) from the Education ministry which every student in Standard One has to fill out has this clause:

(iii) Ibu bapa/penjaga hendaklah menyertakan sesalinan Penyata Gaji/Borang J atau bagi mereka yang tiada Penyata Gaji, sertakan Pengakuan Pendapatan. Salinan Penyata Gaji atau Pengakuan Pendapatan hendaklah disahkan oleh pegawai kerajaan dari kumpulan A (Kumpulan Pengurusan dan Professional), Jaksa Pendamai, Fesuruhjaya Sumpah, Penghulu, Ketua Kampung, Pengerusi JKK Kampung atau Penyelia Pembangunan Mukim.

There are no pre-conditions for filling this form. All pupils have to get it done. So now parents like myself are in a dilemma. The minister says one thing. The form says another. And the headmistress of my daughter's school is insistant that my Standard One student daughter pass up her borang by January 31.

So Mr. Education minister, how now? Maybe you should get some education before putting your foot in it again. Tsk tsk tsk...what would your dear father say if he could look down at you from the big Mosque in the sky. Sigh.

Niamah!!!

Noisy fireworks disturbs heart patients

Photo used by permission of TV Smith




From where I live in Ulu Klang I can see the fireworks displays at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa each night. But strangely there had been nothing for the past few nights at least. I was wondering why? Ran out of money? Not enough visitors there to appreciate it? Did something screw up major?

Today I learned from unconfirmed sources that the fireworks had been stopped during weekdays because there had been complaints from the management of the Institut Jantung Negara (National Heart Institute) situated nearby across Jalan Tun Razak.

Somebody sure didn't think this one through well enough when choosing locations, did they? And if I was a patient in the IJN recuperating from open heart surgery or something major like that and I heard loud explosions outside my room window every night while I am fighting for my life I too would want to scream...

Niamah!!!

Give me all your money or...I'll shave my head.

(South Korean opposition fler and some other flers getting their free hair cuts and maybe changing some government policy in the process.)

Photo from The Sun


On the front page of The Sun also appeared this hilarious story...

Some guys in Korea had their heads shaved in public to protest something or other that the government did or didn’t do? I’ve always been intriqued by acts like these.

Something happens that some people don’t like or disagree with…let’s go shave our hair in public. Sure they will buckle in after that one.

Like, if I was the government there the shit I care about you wanting to look like Kojak. You want to shave, shave la. How is that going to affect anything one iota? You mean people are going to watch and say, “Aiyoh! So poor things la these bald flers. Come let’s overthrow the government now.”




Dave Avran said... hmmm...i'm missing something here.
i'm bald, can't pull the chicks and certainly don't get mistaken for a korean.what gives?

Now you tell me, Dave. Thanks.

Niamah!!!

It's a secret. And it's none of your blaardy business.

(Noddy: It's just for your ears, Adam. It's a secret.)








I picked up a copy of The Sun today. Something that I rarely get to do. And there it was right on the front page. A Niamah!!! moment…

Cabinet says ‘no’…toll details stay secret…

Now, I have not been following the toll increase, the protests and demands for making public the details of the deals signed between the government and the concessionaires. However, the announcement by Samy that the cabinet had decided not to make public the toll agreements signed between the government and highway concessionaires really pisses me off as a citizen of Malaysia. Apparently, it is a secret just between the government and the concessionaires. What???!!! Who is the spin doctor for this guy here?

Something which affects millions of Malaysians and their pockets is a secret between the guys we elected into office and some contractors and we can’t know anything about it? Okay, I will understand if it is something that will adversely affect national security but this is a business arrangement pure and simple. Also cannot ah?

What do they take us for? Sheep issit? Oh sorry ah. They already know that we are sheep.

Niamah!!!

Ligthning visits = lightning service?

(Hmmm...maybe I should make more lightning visits.)



Niamah!!!




It’s true. Things get done with super fast efficiency at the Immigration office these days. Imagine just under 2 hours to renew an international passport. I know. I did it this morning.

I would like to believe that this is the direct result of that famous “lightning visit” by Pak Lah to the Immigration Department last year. Remember? He went in there and kicked some civil service ass. Which leads me to think that if Pak Lah can perform such miracles with Immigration he should travel the country and get things rolling the way they should instead of wasting his time travelling to distant countries to "improve" his international image. Just think about it. All government departments operating like efficient commercial enterprises. Wait a minute…actually what I experienced at the Jabatan Imigresen, Cawangan Wangsa Maju this morning was miles better than most of the so-called service oriented commercial operations including fast food chains.

For the first time in history a government department’sservice is efficient and fast and the staff provide service with a smile. Which commercial companies no longer do.

Actually, come to think of it ah. Pak Lah if you can achieve what you did with the Jabatan Immigresen I would like to respectfully request that you make a “lightning visit” to my bank branch, my telephone service provider and my satellite TV service provider. You did it to some public ass. Now please kick some private butts as well. Please.

Sigh. For once it is a good day in Bolehland.

Niamah!!!

P/s Both TV Smith and I would like to present a bouquet to Pegawai Imigresen Tinggi, Ms. Manjit Kaur. All Malaysian civil servants, most of all those flers who hide in offices and are perpetually away on Mesyuarats or Kursus, Lawat or something or other, should emulate her. She was helpful, informative, friendly and even wished us a good day and thanked us for using the Jabatan Imigresen, Cawangan Wangsa Maju.

Which is NOT in Wangsa Maju.


The full story of the visit to Jabatan Imigresen, Cawangan Wangsa Maju here.

A 1, a 2, a 1-2-3...ooops!

(Hmmm...maybe that wasn't such a good idea. What to do ah?)






I like Pak Lah. He is a Prime Minister with an honest face. Okay, so there are people who believe that he's done shit since he took over from the other fler but that's a subject for other bloggers.

This morning I heard on the 9 o'clock news over Traxx FM (RTM's ridiculously named English language radio station) that Pak Lah had announced last night in Bukit Mertajam that he'd allocated RM20million to redevelope his alma mater, the Bukit Mertajam High School. The P.M. also announced also announced an additional RM3.5 million for the restoration work for the Block C of the Bukit Mertajam High School. What the ^*&$#@@#!!!

RM23.5million to redevelope (what does that mean anyway) a school? And the money is going to come out of the 9th Malaysia Plan funds. To say the least this is untimely isn't it? All that money for one school while there are hundreds which don't even have electricity? All that money for one school while the people of Johor are still drying out their lives?

Okay, those of you who mourn the demolision of Bok House in Kuala Lumpur recently read this and cry some more..........

"We have decided the school heritage should be retained. At least Block C should be restored with the original look just like before. Therefore, the government has allocated RM3.5 million for the restoration work so that it will look good like so many years ago," he said in his speech at the Bukit Mertajam High School Reunion Dinner.

Like I said, I like Pak Lah. But man! His timing could improve some.

Niamah!!!

What the pork man???

(Porkies showing us what the year's going to be like for human porkies. Or what politicians are doing to our country. Niamah!!!)

Photo from www.hedweb.com/animimag/amorous-pigs.htm




I opened my mailbox this morning and got a personal Niamah!!! moment.

Niamah!!!

As you know the next lunar year is the year of the Pig. That fat, jolly creature that epitomizes the easy life. Relax, makan, enjoy. You know that kind of thing. So everybody happy la. Well, unless you happen to be born in the year of the Pig. Then you’re royally screwed!


Wealth: Avoid investments. If you are in sales, there is a high likelihood to experience a low period.

Relationship: If you are in a relationship, you will expect more quarrels and misunderstandings this year…

And the list of ‘bad’ things goes on for all the little piggies out there.

Don’t you just hate people who send you this stuff? Do I need to know this shit man?

Niamah!!!

P/s I guess you’ve figured out that I was born in the year of the Pig.

Moved Out

(Laura's impression of the "look" of future local councilors.)





It was reported in the papers today that the Sabak Bernam District Council president has been transferred out for “overlooking” several entertainment outlets that doubled as illegal gambling centres. The fler has been transferred back to the Public Services Department.

A couple of things bug me la. If action was taken against the fler it must mean that he was guilty of some misdeed although our big minister of this here developed state continues to amaze me with his use of inventive descriptions of what are plain and simple fuck-ups. “Overlooking”…hahahahahaha…sorry. Okay, okay…If he is guilty why wasn’t he fired? If he is known to have a habit of “overlooking” stuff wouldn’t he do the same back in the PSD or wherever he’s “moved out” to?

Shape Up Or Ship Out! That’s the warning recently given by the Chief Secretary to the Government to all civil servants. Obviously, our big minister decided to take his words literally and shipped the Sabak Bernam fler back out to the PSD. So what? He cools his heels there for a few months before he's moved out to another lucrative "overlooking" place issit?

Niamah!!!

Who wants to be a policeman?

(All for RM800 a month less deductions for EPF and SOCSO)





In her weekly column MUSINGS today Marina Mahathir described how, as a friend of hers, a victim of a robbery, “sat in the police station talking to the Chief Inspector, she was astonished at the working conditions of the police, forced to spend time in offices so bleak that no human could be expected to function properly”.

That story reminded me of my own experiences the few times I’ve had to go to police stations to report a crime or an accident. I know that the mata-mata flers aren’t any Malaysian’s favourite characters. But after seeing the kind of conditions they work in I tend to sympathize with them la. Hot and stuffy offices. Rickety furniture. Poor to non-existent equipment to type reports, photocopy documents or even to draw a straight line across a piece of paper. Computers ah? Yes some balai do have them. Does anybody remember those 286 machines? Hahahahaha…sorry.

These days I tend to be more tolerant of our policemen’s perceived inefficiencies la. Even to the point sometimes of wanting to shove some money into their pockets and tell them, “This is not a bribe la, brudder. It’s a contribution to your well being. Take the money la but give me the summons anyway.” You know what I mean?

Policemen are human too right? So they need some motivation to perform their duties which can be dangerous and sometimes life threatening to them. So tell me what kind of motivation you’d get if you don’t earn enough each month to feed your family or to buy a second hand Kancil.

And tell me la how you’d feel when you read that your country is spending BILLIONS buying submarines and MILLIONS sending some clown on a tour of outer space. And your big boss, the minister of home affairs announces a multi billion Ringgit budget for everything except giving you a realistic living wage.

Yeah man you’d be tempted to chuck off your rusty Smith & Wesson and shout…….

NIAMAH!!!

Driving and Living in Bolehland

(Typical Malaysian traffic jam. Spot the guy who will go far in life in Bolehland.)







This morning was one of those rare occasions that I drive in rush hour traffic along Jalan Ulu Kelang. While I was inching along, I had an epiphany.

Malaysians drive the same way they do most things in life here in Bolehland.

Hiyah! Do la whatever you have to do to get what you want.

In a jam drive along the hard shoulder. Change lanes without bothering to signal. Just look for an opening and jam yourself in there. Speed limit? What's that? If you drive a bigger car than the one next to you in the jam just shove the little one off the road.

In Malaysian work/business life bribe, cheat, lie, bully to get what you want..

Drive lawfully and courteously? Do things the legal way? You must be joking. You think what? Stupid ah?

Niamah!!!

New and Unimproved!!!

(RTM - new and unimproved)



Well, what do you know? They are threatening to “improve” RTM’s image yet again. Seems like every information minister's first duty when enthroned in the chair at Angkasapuri is to give RTM a makeover.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Except that all they ever manage to do is to spend hundreds of millions of taxpayers money to end up with the same tired-looking crap.

Remember when that fler with the bow tie was there? He announced, implemented and launched a multi-million Ringgit RTM makeover during his last few months in office. What happened? Same crap with some new costumes. Maybe.

The new minister of information, Datuk Seri Zainuddin Maidin has announced that from January 15 RTM news will have a new look. The changes will include a new montage, and improvements in news content and presentation. Since we are at it may I suggest that some of their news readers go on strict diet programmes. Puhleeeeze!

We await the “new look” with bated breath. Sigh.

Niamah!!!

Keep an Eye on Malaysia

(The Eye On Malaysia. Photo taken from the New Straits Times)






It looks like all is ready for Pak Lah to officially launch VMY 2007 and the opening of the Eye On Malaysia giant ferris wheel which apparently is the largest mobile giant ferris wheel in the world. I am sure that thousands of Malaysians will be looking forward to their opportunity to ride the Eye On Malaysia and perhaps when up at the zenith hopefully get a glimpse of where Malaysia is heading.


At RM15 for a 12 minute ride I reckon it is better value than travelling on a tolled highway anywhere in Malaysia.

It was reported in the New Straits Times that the Department of Occupational Safety and Health had approved the giant ferris wheel for operation. But something caught my eye in the NST story. It was reported there that project director Jeroen Nijpels said, "We started piling at the end of October and installation of the wheel started on Dec 23." The project director also said, "It usually takes 10 days to put up the wheel, but here we have taken two weeks." So it's not like building the Petronas Twin Towers la. Should be okay lor.

Okay.

But the Star reported on December 27 ... "According to a contractor, soil testing was done two weeks ago to test the ground before the structure is installed."

Hmmm...so do we believe ANYthing that we read in the newspapers these days?

Niamah!!!

The ride is called Eye On Malaysia. So it is quite ironic that in the press statement, the man said that visitors on the ride can see the KL Tower, the Petronas Twin Towers, Genting Highlands and Istana Budaya. That's Malaysia. Isn't it?

Niamah!!!

Biggest in the World!

(The winner, the First World Hotel, Genting Highlands, Malaysia)


















(MGM Grand, Las Vegas, USA)










I came back from a corporate gig and saw this on TV Smith's, MyCen News

Malaysia hotel now the largest - MICEBTN

The Guinness Book Of Records has officially certified that Genting's First World Hotel is now the biggest hotel in the world. Yay! Malaysia Boleh. The previous record hotel was the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

I have stayed in the First World Hotel before. Yes, it has a lot of rooms. Too many for my liking actually. But that's got nothing to do with it. What I want to share with you is that the size of those rooms would be perfect if the hotel was located in Middle Earth and the guests were all Hobbits.

Also, remember this very important thing should you plan to check into the biggest hotel in the world. Each room is entitled to 2 bath towels. No more. No less. I called housekeeping to request an extra one for Adam and Laura and got a curt, "NO!"

Me: Why ah?
Them: Each room only got 2 towels.
Me: But I need two more because we have two kids.
Them: No! You want 2 towels you give us back the one first.
Me: Errr...okay...sorry ah.

The biggest hotel in the world. Big on service?

Niamah!!!

Tai Chi Siam

(Eh! Look at me. Waffor I want to resign? Not my fault what.)




Yoo hoo! We’re on a roll here buddies. Some more Niamah!!!’s courtesy of the National Service Council and Training Department.

It was reported in the Star yesterday that the chairman of the National Service Council, Lee Lam Thye had said that no trainees were left stranded.

In page N4 of The Star today Wednesday January 3, 2007 it was reported that Lee is upset with the “transportation blunder that left thousands of NS trainees stranded on Monday.” Either the Star reporter misquoted or Lee is a master of tai chi.

Niamah!!!

Lee was also reported as saying that years of building confidence in parents on the programme had gone down the drain “just because of one or two irresponsible parties.” Wait ah…here comes the BIG spin…

“Lee said that he could resign, but that would not solve the problem as HE (my capitals) was not the one responsible for transportation.” It’s not MY fault. It’s THEM!

So, what else is new with people like these? Honour and responsibility? What the f*** are those things?

Niamah!!!

And finally……(cue drum roll and fanfare…) Lee said the council had suggested to the department to terminate the services of the irresponsible bus operators immediately for not being reliable.

What a revelation!!!

Niamah!!!

And we're off to a great start!!!

(Buses, buses everywhere but not a seat in sight.)

Photo from The Star.



It’s the second day of the new year and already the Niamah!!! moments are coming in thick and fast.

Today, January 2, 2007 sees a triple Niamah!!! moment. A first in Niamah!!! (Anybody know the number of the Malaysian Book of Records?)

The Star’s front page headline shouted, “Trainees stranded’. Yup. Those N.S flers fucked up again. Hundreds of National Service trainees were left high and dry, well maybe not those in Johor la. Why? The buses that were to ferry them to centres did not have the necessary permits, which were required for the proper insurance coverage and “…to ensure the safety of the passengers…”

BUT…according to National Service director-general Abdul Halim Abdul Hamid, “We have co-operated by not sealing the buses and have allowed them to ferry the trainees to their camps.” WHAT the F***!!! How come they are not safe one minute and perfectly okay for use the next???

Niamah!!!

The same DG fler earlier had said, “the department would act against the errant bus companies”. Hello! What about acting against the goons in the department who approved the hiring of these buses?

Niamah!!!

And of course, the National Service Training Council chairman Lee Lam Thye just has to exhibit his foot-in-mouth affliction. “No one was left stranded as we had made the arrangements to temporarily place those who did not get seats today at a camp near the airport.” (Referring to the scores of trainees who spent up to 12 hours frustrating in the airport.

Lee must have closed one eye. Or two.

Niamah!!!

Wait a minute. I just remembered that National Service comes under the purview of the ministry of defense. If those flers can't handle bussing a couple of thousand students I'd hate to think what would happen if Malaysia got invaded. And that deserves another...

Niamah!!! (before you hit that comment button, yes I can count. That's 4 Niamah!!!'s.)