Huh? Howzat???

Adam: Huh? Howzat again? Golf buggies issit?

There were two little mysteries in the newspapers yesterday and today.

Yesterday.

It was reported in The New Sunday Times yesterday that the police are planning to buy golf buggies to use for patrolling tourist "hot spots" (what are these?). The New Sunday Times story says that the buggies cost RM26,500 each. I don't know how many units the police flers are thinking of buying but surely it would be a sizeable purchase if the plan is to have a semblance of credibility. 10 of those machines will cost RM265,000. A hundred would cost RM2.65 million!!! I have been a Malaysian for close to 60 years so there is a part of me that is asking if there is someone whose cousin's mother-in-law's younger adopted sister is a dealer in golf buggies. Sorry la. But seriously, folks. Who came up with this cockamimmie idea? Patrol 'sprawling' police complexes and narrow streets in golf buggies???!!! How's that going to make the mata-mata more effective in their work? Before the bright spark who came up with this rather predictable way of spending 9th Malaysia Plan money didn't he/she/they consider other, more obvious alternatives that will not make them look incompetent?

Like BICYCLES maybe!!!American bicycle police unit

NIAMAH!!!

Today.

I have always liked the current sultan of Selangor. Good guy. Head on his shoulders. Doesn't give out his state's dato-ships like they were so much trash. Thinks and does good for the people of Selangor. His Royal Highness is on the first leg of his planned car drive from Beijing to Paris. Great! But this line in The Star story caught my eye...

" A group of Malaysians led by Selangor Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Dr Mohd Khir Toyo was at the flagging off of the Peking to Paris Motor Challenge to see the Sultan off. "

Was the Toyo fler and his goons at the Beijing flagging off ceremony or were they just standing in Shah Alam waving flags?

If it is the latter then, Well Done, Toyo! If it is the former, then we shall expect some answers when you return as to who approved this latest "holiday" trip.

A group of Malaysians led by.........

See how we ordinary Malaysians are always the fall guys? They should say so la if they meant a group of state assemblymen or a group of developer-type dato's or some other equally mercenary characters. Much as we love and admire the Sult. we ordinary Malaysians have more important things to do than stand around and wave flags and waste public money.

NIAMAH!!!

Halal Pigs

Yang Berhormat Napoleon Pig Lea King
(photo from here)

Niamah!!! Quiz #1

Question: When are pigs halal?

Answer: When they are male chauvinist pigs masquerading as Members of Parliament.

Apparently, male chavinisism and sexist remarks against women are things that are practised all the time in that august house, as the press loves to call that circus. The latest incident being that of the "bocor" (leaking) kind.

Two Barisan Nasional backbenchers, Jasin MP Datuk Mohd Said Yusuf and Kinabatangan MP Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin were in the news for the wrong reasons when it was reported that the Bung fler said in reply to Batu Gajah DAP MP Fong Poh Kuan's query about leaks in the lobby of Parliament House, "Mana ada bocor, Batu Gajah pun tiap-tiap bulan bocor juga" (Where is the leak? Batu Gajah leaks every month too)

All the other pigs in the pen squealed out in defence of the two porkies when Malaysians of higher I.Q. than these YB's expressed outrage at this sexist remark.

Speaker Tan Sri Ramli Ngah Talib said cannot do anything because the Batu Gajah MP made the complaint one day too late. If she wanted to take up the case she should have done it on the day that the remarks were made.

Tangga Batu MP Datuk Idris Haron said, “we should take them as a joke, not as a personal attack”. Unfortunately, the "them" he used referred to the remark and not the two clowns in question which would have been much more appropriate.

Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz said that it was normal to play with words.

But the best one comes from the Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department, Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz who commented that Fong should not have overreacted as MPs enjoyed the immunity to speak about anything in the House.

“Politicians must be able to take criticism and be thick-skinned about it,” he said. Oh really? Then I call you a male chauvinist babi lor. Can? Huh? Oh I see. Only women MP's la you mean. Okay, I get it. Thank you, YB. You can go back to sleep now.

Actually, our dear Deputy Prime Minister, who's been so quiet for so long, ultimately came out with the best line. I paraphrase but he said something like "joke aje la." It's just a joke so don't have to take so seriously one. See? I've always thought that Parliament House is a poor name for Comedy Central Malaysia. Now confirmed la.

Meanwhile, Federation of Livestock Farmers Associations of Malaysia’s pig unit chairman Tung Hong Chai said pig farmers were facing difficulties because of declining prices.

Strange. I would have thought that pork would go UP in price because there would be a short supply. I mean who wants to be a roasted or stewed piece of pork when you can be a member of parliament.

Niamah!!!

Work - Malaysian style

What does the above photo tell you about the Malaysian way of doing "work"? Think and then scroll down for the answer.....

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The Malaysian Way.

One fler does the actual work.

9 other flers stand around and watch.

Niamah!!!

Let's have some fun here. What do you think the Prime Minister and any of the other 9 flers are thinking or saying? I'll start it off.............

Pak Lah: Oooooooooooohhhh....I'm feeling a little dizzy but "I'm fine, don't worry. Maybe I was tired, and the weather was extremely hot. Furthermore, I did not have enough sleep the previous night."

Okay, now it's your turn. Let's have some fun here.

Niamah!!!

Somebody F***ed up. Big time!!!

Adam: Alright, who f**ked up this time?

NIAMAH!!!

Whoever believes that crime does not pay should not live in Malaysia. I consider the latest Maybank scandal an out and out criminal act. There's no other way to describe it. But whoever committed the crime appears to be getting away scot-free.

Okay, for those of you who've been sleeping or been apathetic as usual or been abroad and out of Internet reach in Siberia here's a little background to what took place about a week ago.

Maybank, the country's biggest bank announced that for legal firms to do business with it the firms must have at least 3 Bumiputra partners. One of whom must own no less than 50% equity in the firm. Of course, when the announcement went public the shit hit the fan. As it should.

Muhibbah, right? One for all and all for one, right? Racial integration, right? Fair play, right? Wrong! These are the rules. So there!

The legal profession went berserk. Some of the Malaysian rakyat, those who weren't sleeping or been properly trained as sheep, thought, "What the hell???!!!"

And then the usual talking heads realised..."Eh? Somebody screwed up big time la." Shit!" Then they all came out and made...statements. Even went up to the cabinet at a meeting chaired by the Prime Minister who wasn't opening a restaurant or looking at kebayas that day. And they all echoed the usual, "No cannot!"

And then some really funny stuff came forth from the mouths of some of these trained sheep. Ng Yen Yen, the deputy finance minister was reported as questioning the bank's move as firms that provided the best professional services should be the criteria for selection. Where's Yen Yen been living all these years? The moon?

Hishammuddin Hussein, I'm not sure with or without the keris this time, thought he was being smart when he used another racialistic argument against a racialistic decision. He said that in multi-racial Malaysia every small thing could become sensitive. Hello, Hisham you're not always going to be able to scare us with mentions or veiled references to May 13, 1969 you know. So what? So we should keep quiet and let you sweep this shit under the carpet because you scare us with this May 13 riots and bloodshed memory? This isn't about small things becoming sensitive. This is about a major f**k up that somebody needs to answer for. Okay, I'm waiting for you or one of your cabinet colleagues to pull out the ever useful "rights enshrined in the Constitution" gambit. With bated breath.

Hisham, I choose to believe that us Malaysians are smart enough to know that the only way we can prosper is to live and work together as one nation.

It's been days since the shit hit the fan but do you notice something? No names have ever been mentioned. It's always Maybank did this Maybank shouldn't have done that. So? So who the f**k is Maybank? Who in Maybank was responsible for making the decision to discriminate so blatantly? Was it the chairman? The board of directors? Some senior manager? Maybank made a decision which means someone signed on the dotted line knowing full well what he/she was doing. Right? So how come, the cabinet, the Prime Minister and all the assorted bunch of politicians are busy making statements and excuses but nobody has ever mentioned a name from Maybank who signed the directive?

This makes an ordinary, tax-paying member of the rakyat like me very suspicious. Was this a government decision that went horribly wrong? Was some bigshit...sorry I meant bigshot...in Maybank trying to covertly sabotage the government's plans? Was this discrimination something that's been happening all along and that this was just a cat out of the bag situation? How are we going to trust each other ever again? How are we to believe the government's plans for racial integration are even real?

But already the coverage of this Maybank thing is losing steam in the mainstream media. The flers from BN will make some more statements. Maybe fire some fireworks in celebration of some Visit Malaysia Year biggest, longest, stupidest 'achievement' and soon we will all forget and go back to our apathetic lives.

But today I am one really unhappy Malaysian. I am unhappy that something like this could happen. I am unhappy that so many of my friends don't seem to think that this is a big deal. I am unhappy that I am being patronised by the very people who should be accountable to me for f**k ups like this. I am unhappy that everybody is talking and nobody is being held accountable or responsible. Not the finance minister. Not Bank Negara. Not Maybank.

I will never use Maybank services. And I think you shouldn't either. But then I know...aiyah! troublesome la want to change bank account. Somemore they got so many branches ma. So easy for me lor. Hiyah! Waffor want to worry la. Can't do anything anyway what.

Okay, you like the shit hole you're living in you can stay in it. I'm not going to.

Niamah!!!

A full report will be submitted...

Adam: Oi? Isn't this the same tree we started off from 6 hours ago?

Isn't just bloody typical in Malaysia? A photo of a group of young, innocent National Service Trainees who should never have been put into the danger of possibly dying lost on a jungle trek, grab front page coverage. While the bloody baargers who should have known better and done what they were paid to do were hidden in page 3 almost anonymously.

23 National Service trainees were sent on a jungle "orienteering" trek with nothing more than a compass, some biscuits and a dog-earred piece of paper which was shamelessly passed off as a map. Without a supervising trainer. Surprise! Surprise! They got lost. Some of them could have died. But none did and so in typically Malaysian fashion the media and the 'authorities' are all smiles and spout off about how a bunch of young Malaysians have survived a jungle ordeal.

An instructor should have accompanied the group said the director-general of the National Service Training Department.

No, the orienteering programme required that the instructors wait for the trainees at a point 1.2 km from the starting point said the camp commandant. And then some more the trainees had been trained and successfully executed their exercise while they were in camp. So what's the problem?

The right hand not knowing what the left is doing? Malaysia ma.

Of course, the chairman of the National Service Training Council Lee Lam Thye announced that a 'full report' on the matter must be submitted. Ho hum! We're still waiting for those reports on the bus screw ups, sexual harassment, food poisoning etc. So don't hold your breath, folks.

But the best statement came from the mouth of another Y.B. The Malacca Chief Minister suggested that at least one or two of the trainees should be allowed to bring along their mobile phones in case of emergencies. Does he know of a telco that provides service in the middle of the jungle that we don't?

NO wait, there is a better one. The parents of the lost orienteering flers were not informed that the youngsters were lost. Why?

Camp Commandant Mejar Japari Ujang said:

“We tried our best first to find the trainees first. We did not want the parents to worry."

Don't want to worry them ma. See? Nobody died isnit?

Okay, we await the next National Service screw-up with bated breath. Just pray that your child isn't going to be in that story.

Niamah!!!