Google AdSense

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Wat la. Our Engrand sooooo bad ah?

Laura: ...when should I change my identity card replacement ah?

It's true! Since last night the JPN has changed the entire page that was highlighted here. Now, that is what I call efficiency! And it's in better English too. Well done! Now why can't other things be like this?

Update Thursday December 4, 2008
4:22 p.m.

I just clicked on the website again and went to the FAQ section for "Website" and this was what I read...

# What is NRD's website?

NRD website is abbreviation to official web National Registration Department. NRD website make major world to information and national registration department service through Internet.

# Why this website been created?

Latterly, information and service majority National Registration Department has been prepared by online and NRD website been created to provide convenience to the public find information and service that are provided.

# Whom were allowed surf and use this website ?

Generally, this website could be achieved by all society. However, there were some information and service that need registration.

# What is privacy policy for this website? Am I been recorded or not?

All access and your use up on this website shall not be recorded. To further information, please visit to 'Privacy Policy And Safety Policy' in bottom of each page.

# What method for I contact National Registration Department?

You can contact us:-
Public Relations Office
Tel: 03-8880 8206 / 7071 / 7077 / 7067 / 7069
Fax: 03-8880 8288 atau

# How should I sent my feedback to Goverment Agencies?

You can fill form in the division "Public Complaint System " In NRD website. It would be channelled to the divisions relating.

So what is going on over there in the IT department of Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara??? Shouldn't somebody go and wake them up? Or at least check on what they are inhaling over there?


Original blog post "Wat la. Our Engrand sooooo bad ah?" ----------

Alright, let's try and talk about this in a constructive way. No racist remarks, no disloyal comments, totally objective. Can? Alright.

Bahasa Malaysia is OUR national language. We are all proud of it. We are, or should and must be, proficient in it. It is our unifying bond as a nation.

Bahasa Malaysia is NOT an international language. We NEED to be fluent in an international language if we are to really become participating citizens of this Global Village.

English is an international language. Malaysians must be fluent in English to compete globally.

It is NOT true that Malaysians are fluent in English.

It is NOT true that learning English will corrode our sovereignty, our loyalty, our Malaysian-ness our unity as a nation, our loyalty as Malaysians.

It is NOT true that Malaysian children can become fluent in English if fed on a 45-minute per week diet of English lessons in schools.

Okay, I hope that I have established the parameters of this playing field. I would like to show you a page from the official website (English) of the National Registration Department or Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara Malaysia...

1. I'm 17 year old, when should I change my identity card replacement?
A person whose had got first-time identity card namely during old 12 year, are required change again his identity card when have reached the age 18 year. If this change made within life time 18 - 25 year, no any penalty imposed.

2. I already 25 year old and still not have my own identity card. What shoul I do?

To them not yet own identity card although already aged more 16 year are advised to come to any nearby NRD to apply identity card past record. Applicant and promoter must showed up together to be interviewed, bringing with together following documents:-
Applicant Born Certificate / AnakAngkat's Certificate / W's Form Or Applicant Enter Permit / Confirmation Form National Standard(if concerning) Promoter Identity Card

3. I a foreign citizens and have gotten permit of entry from Jabatan Immigration Malaysia. Whether I qualified to apply identity card? What is conditions for I apply identity card.

You qualified to apply identity card with permanent resident status(Red). Applications requirements is bringing with permit of entry and passport and copy both of them and application fee as many as RM 40.00. Applications can be made in NRD Putrajaya Headquarters and NRD Branches only.

4. Is there any payment am being imposed in case happened damage for chip in my identity card.

Chip damage who is not due to purposely destroyed, misuse and others within one year from the date of submission card is give replacement by free, and if card period has been held by the applicant exceeding one year, payment as many as RM 10.00 imposed.

5. How many payment am being imposed if I loss identity card?

Lost identity card would be charged follow loss number. Please see payment schedule.

6. How long MyKad's application period can be completed?
MyKad can be completed within 24 hours as applicant whose opted to take MyKad in NRD Putrajaya headquarters. For applicant opted to take MyKad in any NRD branches office in Peninsula of Malaysia, then MyKad would be completed within 10 working day while 30 working day for applicant opted to take MyKad in any NRD branches office in Sabah, a Sarawak or Labuan. MyKad's charter completed this only involve applications from Warganegara Malaysia and prayer not problematical only.

7. Could I change address without change my identity card?
If I can how many rates imposed?
Yes. With payment RM2.00 and new address information would be updated inside chip. If you want change identity card one time, the charge is RM10.00 .

8. Is it NRD receive payment other than cash ?

Yes, NRD comply accept payment electronically namely via credit card, card debit and MEPS.
However, there were limit minimum sum accept to payment via credit card there is as many as RM 50.0

And this is the website of a major Government department you know. Still believe that we can teach Malaysian children English on 45 minutes a week?



Juanito said...

I didnt bother reading all... Atrocious english they have....


If all send to LCE level, fail big time in english.. take a F9 home for sure..

People of colonial days like Uncle Pat should be the ones teaching English today...

WTF?? WTF?? WTF??? Read already also tulan... Really niamah

ricky said...

I went to their website and saw this announcement:

"Congratulations!!!....National Registration Department of Malaysia was selected as a receiver of Chief Secretary to the Government's Quality Award"

Huh ...... !!!???

Chet said...

I also went to the website and briefly looked at the History section. Here's an example of the info from that section:

1874 - 1899 - Federated Malay States (Perak, Selangor, Negeri Sembilan And Pahang) become protectorate Great Britain from the threat enemy.

I think maybe the website team used an online translation service to translate the Bahasa text to English.

Chet said...

Here's another one from the History section:

Birth and death records that has been recorded by Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara Malaysia still breed since almost 150 years ago.

I think we've solved the mystery of phantom voters in recent elections.

nstman said...

Ironically, the fascist umno governemnt is trumpeting to the whole world our high educational standards. Ironically, every year, the number of pupils scoring distinctions in English keep on skyrocketing. Conventional wisdom tells us if that is the case, our standard of english should also be skyrocketing. This is a sick joke. And I think we have reached a point where we dont know how to separate fact from fiction. Malaysia used to produce first class english graduates. Now Malaysia produces classless English graduates by the thousands every year. God knows how these people become english graduates in the first place. In the meantime, let's drink and drown our sorrows and hope everything will be hunky dory in a thousand years time. Tiuniamah ka fa hai. Malaysia holangkan.

ricky said...

This paragraph:

"A person whose had got first-time identity card namely during old 12 year, are required change again his identity card when have reached the age 18 year. If this change made within life time 18 - 25 year, no any penalty imposed."

when directly translated to Bahasa actually sounds good:

Sesiapa yang mendapat kali pertama kad pengenalan semasa berusia 12 tahun, di kehendaki menukar sekali lagi kad pengenalan bila sampai usia 18 tahun. Jika penukaran ini dibuat didalam jangkamasa 18 - 25 tahun, tiada penalti dikenakan".

I agree with Chet. They must have used an online translator .... Malaysia Boleh !!!

Anonymous said...

aiya, what you expect lah. must thank mahatir lah for his policies lah. another 25 years, one sentence not even correct lah.

try my best to beat them lah. more manglish than them ok. NIAMAH.

Anonymous said...

where got road man, this Malangsia Engrund!!Is it translated by an UiTM graduate? meponder

Joel Yap said...

Good post.
Malaysia needs people like you to speak up.

Jonathan said...

There is a third way. Appoint a professor of Manglish at UM and promote Manglish as an international language. It's much more entertaining than English and speakers of international English could learn a little about Malay, Chinese and Tamil culture in the process.
I'd like to nominate Antares to be the first to fill the UM chair in Manglish and Patrick to be an international Manglish ambassador at large.
Just think, if Hollywood went Manglish; "Aiyah punk, lucky or not meh?" or gone with the wind ending "Eh Makcik, tingwaat, I care wan? Ah?" Great films would have been truly timeless....

Anonymous said...

"Bahasa Malaysia is NOT an international language. We NEED to be fluent in an international language if we are to really become participating citizens of this Global Village.

English is an international language. Malaysians must be fluent in English to compete globally."

Completely agree with you.
But some close-minded people look down on those highly proficient in English but aren't that good in BM or their mother tongues.

Anonymous said...

This is great. The Chinese in me sees the Engish tuition opportunities. Hahahaha. Kaching, kaching!

june said...


My Indonesian maid (who went to "sekolah pondok empat tahun")speaks better English....

Anonymous said...

Uncle Pat,
no eyes see lah. I bet u will see n read more of such official language in other gov web pages. So, dont hold your breath....

Brian Barker said...

I live in London and if anyone says to me "everyone speaks English" my answer is "Listen and look around you". If people in London do not speak English then the whole question of a global language is completely open.

The promulgation of English as the World's "lingua franca" is unethical and linguistically undemocratic. I say this as a native English speaker!

Unethical because communication should be for all and not only for an educational or political elite. That is how English is used internationally at the moment.

Undemocratic because minority languages are under attack worldwide due to the encroachment of majority ethnic languages. Even Mandarin Chinese is attempting to dominate as well. The long-term solution must be found and a non-national language, which places all ethnic languages on an equal footing is long overdue, An interesting video can be seen at Professor Piron was a former translator with the United Nations

A glimpse of Esperanto can be seen at

Anonymous said...

wah... blardy shocking engrand used here... NRD summor

msia memang boleh - NIAMAH!

Gary Chee said...

Their Engrand ok what... After I am reading still can understanding. wakakaka~~~

People nowadays depend too much on "Spell Check" function, which really "Spell Check" only.

nstman said...

I hope Dr Mahathir reads Niamah's piece. I hope Dr M will realise his folly of playing to the Malay chauvinist gallery when he downgraded English in the late seventies. I hope Dr M will realise the main losers of his Ketuanan Melayu policy are Malay youths. This country has destroyed at least three generations in an education holocaust. And not even a token attempt at resurrecting English, like making it the language of instruction in maths and sciences, can alter the education trajectory which has spiralled out of control. And the sad part is Malays, the biggest losers of all, still believe in Umno's lies, stupidity, idiocy. Malays still believe English is the greatest threat to Bahasa. My message to my Malay brothers is very simple: English is the gateway to knowledge, science, maths. Most important, it is the language of the Internet. Need I say more. Still dont get it? Tiuniamah ka sifat.

Anonymous said...

ai ees lik dis pose veli much.

deh england ees gud. deh info ees also veli gud. I ees so prowd off u. :)

The england comply international standard.

N Naw I no, 'Lost identity card would be charged follow loss number.'

but my number ees 880101-14-3837 wor? so haw much lik tat?

Anonymous said...

I am the coming. He is the going!!

horngyih said...

To be fair. I don't think a person translated this, not directly at least.

From a quick comparison of the English and BM version, I'd gander to take a quick guess that the English version is the product of an automated translation; probably something like BabelFish or something.

However, it still reflects badly that given the simplicity of the FAQ - Q&A - whoever maintains that is too lazy to do a proper translation.

So to conclude, our ENGLAND probably not that attrocious - it's just that other Malaysian trais - Laziness.

Leithaisor said...

Wat la Patrick...

You wrote:

Still believe that we can teach Malaysian children English
on 45 minutes a week?

"...ON 45 minutes a week"? If you were writing about feeding a kid "on" RM45 a week, that would be OK.

But I think you should have used "with" in your sentence, viz "teach Malaysian children English with 45 minutes a week."

Gotcha....... :)

However... your message that the standard of English on the NRD website is Grade Z is indisputable.

We also have mainstream press and TV reports which use "break" instead of "brake" [as in to stop a car], and make other similar mstakes...

And yet, in the name of defending the National Language, all sorts of loud politicians and heroes make all sorts of demands.

Nothing wrong with ensuring that Malay has its rightful place as both the National Language, but don't just make noise lah, like tin kosong... just hoping to look Hang Tuah-like.

donplaypuks® said...

Sack that man vying to be the next PM after Rosemajibbed and who has been the Minister for Education God knows like forever.

Sack him and pack him off to England tomorrow!! That's what we should do to racist wolves in sheep's clothing mama's boy who wave the keris about.

casper c said...

Oh my gawd, this is BAD !

Dept.Head will have his head on the chopping board, first thing in the morning.

Thank you Pat for the insight but what is more puzzling - SPM level English is not exactly a walk in the park - yet many manage a grade and get through.

Question that begs an answer ; has the exam been made easier OR have the grades been tampered with ?

The co-relation just doesn't add up - if students are able to get through SPM(O's back in the day) English, they should be able to string proper sentences, use words in the proper context.

Regards all.

Lao' Cha said...

Talk about airing dirty laundry in public. Some of our government department sure does a good job clowning themselves to the world in tandem with their half-baked masters.

So, would our PM-in-weighing be changing his priorities from trying to hide our washableses from public view to improving language proficiency for public view?

I was scratching my marbles in paragraph 6,...'from Warganegara Malaysia and prayer not problematical only.'? I'll still be scratching after posting this comment.

Isn't there someone in that department who have read those manglish, ground his teeth and say 'I've got to improve on this.'?

'Niamah' now sounds like poetry after having a dose of the 'Quinine English'.

Anonymous said...

Goodness gracious! I checked out the FAQ section of JPN, and lo and behold, the cragged english Q&A does exist! Tsk tsk tsk...

Malu mannnnn...

Anonymous said...

Waaaa, the english in the JPN website like the same with the ex information minister laa! What his name aar? Ahhh, something like The Mydin Supermarket or something laidet wan aaaa...

Haiyaaaa, may the force be with us wan aaarr...

Obi Wan Kentucky

Anonymous said...

Hey folks, try checking out the FAQ on citizenship and check out question No. 1

1. I have satisfied all the conditions of the application, so why has my application been rejected and can I submit an appeal?

Answer. The government is not satisfied with your application (huh???). The decision of the minister is final (I repeat, FINAL!) and if you are still interested to become a citizen of Malaysia, you can submit a fresh application (Err, I thought you said 'final'?).

I was reading that over and over, and (sigh) I read it yet again. Conclusion? I believe the poor guy who posted that question will be submitting applications till the cows turn purplish blue with a slight peroxide green hue...

Obi Wan Kentucky

Shiok Guy said...

Dear P,

The fall of our education system started when we change the medium of instruction from English to BM!

Now, A MAN has to come forward to revert the damage caused by the above

Shiok Guy

Anonymous said...

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Wont be long before the can of worms will be opened in other government depts. Pathetic is the least offensive word to describe the (in)efficiencies of them. Yet you get the 'bodoh sombong' attitude among them when you deal with the counter staff.

Anonymous said...

If you think the NRD site is bad, have a look on the Wisma Putra website - this is our foreign service??

- Pat

Bob said...

This make me laugh!

Malaysia truely Malaysia! Anything can happen these days.

Anonymous said...

YYYYY, no good meh. I thinking the standard very good la. Engrish 122 mah. I remember it from 1977. Not bad la, can tahan. Everyone also can understanding it. I now thinking we should reduce teaching time from 45 minutes a week to 45 minutes a month, aiyah, maybe just ban this colonial langguage forever. If the not happy, the people can go back to own country of origin. If too mix already, meaning inter marriage too many times then just jump inot Klang river, malaysia's cleanest river.

michael said...

Dear Patrick,

You is wrong.
Why care if write don't say correct english ?
You still very understand me right ?

Malaysians still ok be angkasawan.

Niamah boleh !

k4kenny said...

Wahhaha...the overzealous so-called protector of national language should read it.

What kind of English is that??? All the fucking mistakes do not reflect Malaysia's goal to be a developed nation by year 2020.


Roti Janai said...

Thank God I studied in international college last time. I couldn't believe my eyes when i visit Niamah today. what kind of English is that?

Anonymous said...

Here's a real recent case. One local graduate applied for a job. He filled the apllication form.

Name: XYZ
Age: 24
IC no.: xxxxx
Address: xxxxx
Sex: Never

The coy decided not to hire him.

Vernette said...

People that I meet here in this side of the world (Macau/HK/China) have been telling me how good my English is (mainly mat salleh la!) but I was always pleasantly surprised when they told me that. I thought they were just being friendly... I have always thought that my English is above average but not good enough... after reading your post today, Patrick, I think I speak freaking fluent English la! I might even qualify a master degree in English literature in some Malaysia universities!!
45 minutes a week? The donkeys in the parlimen spend more time reading than that!! hahaha!


Baldwin said...

oh my goodness!!!!

this should also be highlighted in the papers!

amoker said...

I cringed!

Was unable to stomach the rest of the posting as it was just pure bad, humiliatingly bad English.

No wonder so many ministries are coming out with whatever website. A lot of kaching kaching for cronies.

Anonymous said...


Why more students get distinction??? Elementary la. Passing mark is 20%, anything above 50% distinction oredi la. If still not enough people get distinction, aiyah, just lower the passing mark to 10% la.

Why we must continue to have malay medium education? Aiyoh, still no no meh. Education system in malaysia is for ordinary folks la so they remain like this lo. Of course there will be the smart ones who can overcome the system by virtual of their good iq la. But how many of this kind around? Majority will end up with this kind of engrish la. Dont worry though, we will always have the rich ones, and politicians children who will have their education overseas la. Then those with half a brain will be king la. Like one eye man in the blind world. capish!!!

The system is designed to make most of us bodoh, dont ask question, just follow the law. law is for you (not us)...get it!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey the guy who wrote the above probably scored an A in SPM English.

chong said...

yes, this is our malaysians english and our government is very proud of it. if you can't understand it, it is your problem.

take it or leave it! ha!!!

Jerry said...

As at 11.21am 4th December, the page in question appears to have been changed (only 3 FAQ's listed)... at least they are fast!

FA said...

looks like some lazy ass mofo took the original BM info and chucked it into babelfish.

My england not veli power but this is bloody embarassing... and it's from a government website no less.


Cikgubeng said...

I don't think it was done by the online translation service because the online translation service is much better than that.

megaman said...

This problem is endemic and even worse in China.

But the biggest difference is the attitude in which the two different governments approach the same issue.

One chose to ignore it.

The other chose to aggressively tackle it.

weakman said...

When I read your mail in the end of it, it ended niamah, I already fell odd. And when I read this I/D mail, I feel like ending it Ni Na Ma.

Anonymous said...

Patrick, after leading your post, my england speak also broke. why you do me like this? my friend Kee tell me to go back to Mind Your Language class to brush my teeth. oops, sorry, to rush up my englis.

I fill so let down I wanna puke. but tank goodness, my esperanto is better!


Anonymous said...

Say folks, I believe JPN have removed the atrocities from their website, and replaced with a more 'correct' version on their FAQ section.

Well, at least they're efficient...


caravanserai said...

National Language a bonding amongst the people
Every corner one can walk streets and alleys
Our own grown Malay Language
It brings nationalistic gel into our lives
It is about that a locally lingo bridging the gap

Now English is an international language
Every one should master it to stay afloat
In the globalize world of multitude of people
English is the way to stake our claims

But Dr M never wanted it to happen
He wanted us to stay under the shell
He changed the education policy
National Language bridging the locals
We aren’t outstanding in the world
We have deteriorated our standards since
The day we forget to master many languages

Over 2 decades
We lost our will to compete
Living in our shells thinking we are the best
Only the truth drives home
We are only ‘jaguh kampong’

Now we wake up
Counting our losses in time
Regrets many yet afraid to learn
Languages to master our destiny

We see the narrow minded people
Clamoring for the Malay language
When the world keeps evolving
They don’t see they are left behind

Malay language is bonding with local people
We need to learn the global language
To compete, to improve our status, to acquire knowledge and skills
Otherwise we are left behind for good
We are only ‘jaguh kampong’

de Outlaw said...

all you base are belong to me!!!11one

Anonymous said...

In the UK, if you sit for the English exam with such language you will get a U. Ungraded, worst than fail.

- Collateral Damage -

Anonymous said...

Where did you get this from, man? I went to their site right after reading your posting and found the following:

I wish to apply for an identity card. What are the documents required?

To apply for a new identity card, i.e. MyKad for those who already have an identity card:

i. Citizens

There is no form to be filled. You are required to bring along your present identity card and other information that you wish to add into the chip, for example, driving licence or passport (if available).

ii. Non-citizens

A payment of RM40.00.

There is no form to be filled;just bring along your present identity card.

* For those who have yet to obtain an identity card or children of 12 years of age who wish to apply for an identity card for the first time:

i. Citizens

Free of charge

Fill up the JPN.KP01 form (obtainable at the NRD counter)

ii. Non-citizens

A payment of RM40.00.

Fill up the JPN.KP01 form (obtainable at the NRD counter) and bring along other related documents such as passport or entry permit.

* Another payment will be charged for applicants who are still holding the Plastic Identity Card (KPP), i.e. the old identity card.

I have long applied for the card. Why does it take so long to get the card ready?

There may be a problem with your application. Please contact the NRD Clients’ Corner at telephone number 03 8880 7000 for more information.

I have lost my MyKad, what should I do and what documents should I bring?

If you have lost your MyKad and wish to apply for a replacement:

First-time loss RM100.00

Second-time loss RM200.00

Third-time loss RM300.00

and subsequent loss

* The payments above are inclusive of a processing fee of RM10.00.

Angie Tan said...


They have updated their FAQ. The FAQ is located here -->

I went to the site earlier this morning and the FAQ displayed as how Patrick described.

Anonymous Coward said...

Ok, so the NRD, like so many other government agencies in Malaysia, butchered the English language. But isn't this the norm here already? Just read some of the comments here, they are littered with grammatical errors.

I mean, what do you expect when even the mainstream newspapers can't get it right sometimes. Just look around you, no one seems to know the difference between a salon and a saloon (evidenced by the fact that there are "hair saloons" everywhere in Malaysia) And how many people know the difference between "slang" and "accent".

I don't mean to sound condescending, but the point is, the problem is more widespread than we care to admit.

nstman said...

Umno is the biggest enemy of Malays. By downgrading English, Umno has deprived its people of a chance to learn the single most important language in the world. This is a crime against humanity. Umno wants to make Malays stupid so that it can maintain its grip on the Malaysian polity. Umno has destroyed generations by embarking on a policy of divide-and-rule. I urge Malays to escape from Umno's cesspit of lies, treachery, bigotry, idiocy, stupidity. malays must see the light instead of being consumed by darkness and inertia which have made the community the butt of jokes. If things continue the way they are, I am afraid Malays will continue to speak fractured England. By the way, I only got a weak credit in my Form Five English, 40 years ago. If I were to take the SPTM english now, I probably would get 1111111111111AAAAA11111111AAAAAA11111111. Got it? Tiunamah ka fa hai.

knnbccb said...

this and that are different from our daily english speaking. I mean at least for a government website, show some international english standard lah. we might have some grammatical error in our comments here or poor structure, but at least better than those FAQs posted loh

Anonymous said...

what the talking you!!!!

My country my english la. Not happy then go Singapore or elsewhere to study, better still go somewhere else to live la. In 1977 or thereabouts, we decided to introduce communication english la. Only for communicating la, like tokkok la. So long as you understanding it then ok la. Grandma, what grandma? Aiyah, you know i mean grammer right? So ini macam la. After 31 yrs later, you should be happy that we still talk english la. Is like that la, take it or leave it. Will not change, cannot change. Believe me, another 20 yrs later also same la. Dont care who come into power la, malay langguage must be above all, remember la. ketuanan..apa itu?

JT said...

If i'm not wrong, this could be a work of a auto-translate software, hence the weird grammar and english. Just that those idiots did not even take an effort to run through and ammend as necessary.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Patrick for highlighting our grossly embarrassing situation here in Malaysia.
Many a time, i am mistaken for a Singaporean because my english is too fluent for a Malaysian. I don't know whether to feel proud that my English is good or ashamed for being a Malaysian. I really have to thank my mother for sending me to the library everyday when i was younger. Unfortunately, even though kids nowadays can read as many books as they want, this does not guarantee good english if teachers and the public are not even speaking the proper way. So,as citizens of this country, how do we improve our own and our children's English if the education system and society is already as such?

Cruzeiro said...

Fuckin' Niamah!!!

Don't these guys have any sense of shame left in them?
I can't believe that these guys don't mind being laughed at as long as they think they are "Tuans", instead of asking for help from my 14yo nephew ....

Jeez man - Fookin' Niamah!!!

Anonymous said...

I would love to see some of the BN MPs such as Tajuddin, Jamaluddin, and the rest of the gang sit down and have a decent conversation with Barack Obama in...well, English, of course. It will be an interesting experiment. But then, I'm just hopelessly ambitious to ever think of such a meeting taking place. I can imagine how Obama would eat them for breakfast...verbally.


june said...

Those Flers send their kids overseas for education & fucked up the education system here for the last 30 years.

Some of my retired friends /relatives speak almost impeccable English. They had just 6 - 9 years formal education (NO CAMBRIDGE - we call Form 5 now). I'm also retiring very soon.

sEmut said...

woo.. no more hadhari engrand mah..



Anonymous said...

" hi, pat, how r u ?"
" hi, tq. i in the well !"
" pat, how big is your well ?"
" aiya, veri big lah, no pain no stomach-headache !"
" how is adam & laura ?"
" them ah, also good lah, tq !"
" your bini, how ah ?"
" veri well also, tq."

Anonymous said...

pat, apa inggeris is that ? i am
not veri understanding lah ! pls translate into michaelian english, ok, tq !

Anonymous said...

some are good ones from itm eg. aina & rocky. Hey, that fler Zaid sacked from umno also from itm man !!

Fuzzy A! said...

Before my current university, I was in a [in]famous local uni for two months. We had English 101 there. The first class had us filling the blanks with 'is', 'am' and 'are'.


I rationalized that it's a formal thing that we just had to go through.

Naturally, I scored a hundred percent.

The teacher came to me later and, looking as surprised as fuck, told me how good my English was.


If that's not bad enough, only two of us scored perfectly. One got around 90% but the rest of the class of 40 students scored around 30-60%. IS AM ARE! IS AM ARE, people. I scored a 100% when I was in kindergarten for goodness sake.

Whatmeworry said...

Damn those politicians who changed our education policies in the mid-70s when it was doing so well in ENGLISH. Now we have graduates who can't even hold a decent conversation in English let alone draft a simple letter in English.

Anonymous said...

For the fun of it, let's change all the FAQ to Bahasa Malaysia.I'll try FAQ number 1.

1. I'm 17 year old, when should I change my identity card replacement?
A person whose had got first-time identity card namely during old 12 year, are required change again his identity card when have reached the age 18 year. If this change made within life time 18 - 25 year, no any penalty imposed

Bahasa Malaysia version:
1.Saya baru berumur 17 tahun,bilakah saya perlu menukar kad pengenalan saya?

Seseorang yang mendapat kad pengenalan kali pertama ketika berumur 12 tahun,dikehendaki menukar kad pengenalan sekali lagi apabila mencapai umur 18 tahun.Sekiranya perubahan ini dibuat dalam jangka umur 18 hingga 25 tahun,tiada denda akan dikenakan.

Andrew Chia said...

This is classic, Patrick. I must bookmark and archive it for frequent reference in future.

Anonymous said...

It's one thing to accept Manglish in daily communication, but to use it in official communication is really an embarrassment for our country.

Instead of bickering about language superiority, we should take the opportunity to learn as many languages as possible when we have such treasures at our doorstep, Bahasa Malaysia, English, Mandarin (and the various chinese dialects), Tamil (and the various Indian dialects) and all the native languages in East Malaysia. When I travel, people never ceased to be amazed at how many languages we, Malaysians, speak and we're truly blessed indeed.

The key operative word here is AND, not OR!

monsterball said...

What a shame!
What a bloody shame.
It seems Indonesian ministers can speak better English than Malaysians.
Every country have move forward..except Malaysia.

austozi said...

At least they were quick to correct their mistakes... this time. I went to their website and sent them some feedback yesterday after reading Patrick's post. This is what I wrote:
--- Please, the language is truly atrocious, and you have the cheeks to put the national emblem on that page! You are embarassing all Malaysians with your tidak-apa attitude. If you can't write proper English, get someone else who's knowledgeable to do it. JPN era baru indeed! Bahasa pun baru.
Of course they updated the single page as per my tip. The other FAQ page is still unchanged as I type. I can imagine an Engrand-speaking fat cat wobbling up to an underpaid clerk with this memo to say update the webpage NOW! The clerk, of course, writes better English than his/her boss.

We wouldn't be where we are today if not for their lack of initiative. We would have been lightyears ahead. So thanks JPN era zaman batu.

Birds Talking Too said...

Da webmaster must have got a degree and obtained 100As in his/her exams!!!!
This is the real reason Malaysia is begining to look fucked-up.
The entire world IS watching assholes!
What kind of Education Minister are we having?

Cheers and regards
Birds Talking Too

austozi said...

Just in case anyone might think about questioning Patrick's credibility, I've created an archive of the ID card FAQ page before the update. You may download it here:

I have a penchant for collecting things like this. I don't know why I do it. To be honest, at the rate such incidents take place in Malaysia, they are hardly scarce and therefore not valuable. I guess I'm just covering my own back by collecting as much evidence as possible so I could tell my children and grandchildren who screwed them up.

Lao' Cha said...

This litter is too goo a laughing to leggo, sow I put here again for all people to laughing, ok or not Patrick? Hear go...

Dear Ah Lian

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hop one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me.
Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,
> Ah Beng

Anonymous said...

Learn English by watching 'Phua Chu Kang' on local TV?

Did you know that Singapore governemtn stopped Phua Chua kang after knowing that the Singlish was doing damaged to its sudents?

Now our local TV is promoting PCK!

Imagine our ministers talking to Obama in such English?

anti-illuminati said...

I am sad. Sad by the fact that our leaders are morons. What you have just hilited is the effect of their stupidity and arrogance.

Anonymous said...

"Many a time, i am mistaken for a Singaporean because my english is too fluent for a Malaysian. "

O come on! it's not a compliment la!! they're just saying you speak bloody singlish! do you know how singaporeans ask when they want to find out if the shop accepts credit cards? "eh, can sign visa here ah?"


Anonymous said...


Only 2 things really. Wouldnt it be nice if ALL politicians be transparent about 2 issues. I for one would be very very happy if and only if they disclose 2 things:

1. where all their children got their education; and

2. how many of their children have been selected for NS?

My guess (loved to be proven wrong on this) is that majority have some form of special education; private schools, private tuitions or overseas education. If local govt schools are good enough, then there is NO need for any of these.

As for NS, I would guess more than 75% of politicians have yet to be the lucky ones to have their children called up.

What is supposedly good for ordinary citizens may not be necessarily good for politicians and their VVIP friends in Malaysia.

To lead by example, I would suggest all cabinet ministers must have their children educated in ordinary govt schools, no private tuitions or overseas school and all their children must be the lucky ones to be called up for NS.

Dream on, thats what I have been told. These 2 things will NEVER happen in Malaysia.

Anonymous said...

Here's a story that made the email circuit some time ago that may highlight this problem with a bit of humour. It's quite vulgar, but we're all in a vulgar mood considering the vulgar things that have been done to our once excellent education system by our vulgar politicians.
One of the main reasons why in recent years the Malaysian Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago.
It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA : Lamp
Miss Singapore : Light bulb
Miss Malaysia : LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 3 more chances; Now, name me an animal starting
with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lion
Miss Singapore : Leopard
Miss Malaysia : LABBIT
Judge: No, n! o, no!
MC: Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with "L"
Miss USA : Lexus
Miss Singapore : Lamborghini
Miss Malaysia : Lolls-Loyce
Judge: Oh my God!
MC: I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruit starting
with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lemon
Miss Singapore : Lychee
Miss Malaysia , with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN!!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the
board of judges to determine if Miss Malaysia should really be
disqualified ; and they decided that since Miss Malaysia ! was having
so many problems with the letter "L", they decided to give her another
Judge: OK, the final question is : Name me a human anatomy starting
with the letter "L"
Miss USA : Lung (applause)
Miss Singapore : Liver (even more applause)
Miss Malaysia : LAN CIAU
The Judges fainted..!!!

Chow Kit Cowboy said...

Deer Niamah!!!

Than yuo four yur highliting our poor England.

Teh NRD was alwas doing uor bess to improvise our standad of England. I heave give odour to mye staffs 2 wastchinh more EPL manchis evry week 2 improof dear England. Pliss beer wiht US dan yuo vile C teh diferent in many munths 2 cuming.

One a gin, tink yuo 4 yuo concert.

"Belanjar sambil belancong".

Alias bin Alias
alias @ Elias bin Lias
aka Elias bin Alias
atau Alias bin Elias
or Niamah Sekali (niknama).

Direktur Amat Besar Sekali
Presint C
Cell Nombor 4
Goblok A

c.c. Hishamuddin
c.c. Pak Lah
c.c. Samy Vellu

wénkt said...

byk kene lorrr

bibliobibuli said...

so glad they changed it. you did something good for the engrish language by highlighting it.

La Cha Mau said...

Waaaah! Like this also can ah? Latuk Hisamoodin, why you send so many childs to power Engrand Kollages, to learn what ah? Aiyoh! Latuk Samy's enggerish so much better one. No wonder gomen peeple olway have their don't under stand what blockers olway say in their blocks. Get easy hot and olway caught them for no ration. Sad case one.

m@rbl3s said...

Their English still sucks big time.

Anonymous said...

Die lah you Patrick! You make gomen look stupid, samoh repeat their mistake two times. I tink you better pack up for ISA soon. You should offer to edit and proof read their Yingris translation. Like that hoh you will be doing nasional servis. And get latukship.

Peter Yew said...

Don't like that Patrick, rub salt into wound somemore. People trying their best to improve and you hurt their feeling. Go lah apologize. Better still why don't you make corrections and tell them? After all you were former radio DJ with fantastic English so you should offer your service. That way win-win mah! Maybe you get Datukship for this?

Anonymous said...

2.33pm : miss malaysia itu bukan melayu lah ( nasib baik ) bcos dengan tudung cannot one !
BUT with tudung tutup the hairs also can sell shampoo one = funny lah in the bolihland !!

Anonymous said...

nstman SIR, aiya ! u talk talk so many, how i'm understanding wo ! why u so like det one ? u no lah , i len ingris in the 70s = komuni-kasih lah = can understanding
inglove lah, why u so like det !
lain kali, dun lite so fuss, lite
slooowly lah, so fuss aku canot
ikut laa !...lite sloo-ooly, oko ! tq !

Anonymous said...

pat, pls give a price ( ...or prize) to the BEST rottenest one above, ok ? canot ah !? why u so
kiamsiap one !!

Anonymous said...

pat, dun let your childes baca these rotten postings to burukan their ingris ! (jack-ass lah )

Anonymous said...

co2 = carbon dioxide = karbon dioksida = carburn dieoutside !!

gracieq said...

I admit I did not finish reading all the examples that you posted up. Why? Because the command of the English language in written form is so atrocious I do not know if I want to cry or laugh at it.

I've worked on my previous company's website FAQs and may I say, from my own experience, it was not easy. I got so paranoid with my own grammar and command of language that I took a full day to go through all the pages and sections. Even that was not enough, I had to pester a friend of mine who teaches English to make sure everything is perfect.

Based on my own experiences too, I've come across certified translators who frankly, does not deliver their translation well enough. Sadly, the examples shown in this post of yours do mirror the reality of quality we've received before. And boy, their fees are not cheap!

Anonymous said...

pat, watch out : dun let the oxford scholar sil read these sarcasms , dia may challenge u to a debate in proper ENGLISH man =
WOW ! syoklah !! ( guess dia sedang membaca tis & fon u now . hey ! i can challenge dia in proper BM man !)

Anonymous said...

a signboard to caution children by the river = please fall CAREFULLY !

Anonymous said...

HEY, i also can challenge the omar shariff from penang ( may frog to pkr one lah) in MANDARIN !

Anonymous said...

4.40pm anon : aiya, u kg cucumber man, u tink shampoo only used 4 washing hair-on-head meh !!

Anonymous said...

ha ! shampoo can use to shame the poo ah !? no shame !

Anonymous said...

a notice in ipoh jusco : please be inform that ....!( golf section)

btw, pat , no understanding why got ' handicap sign' 4 word verification one ? ...ha ! canot tell ah ...secret ah ! why u so like that one !

Anonymous said...

pat, has the sil contacted u !?
dia oxford ingris 1st kelas man, i heard him spoking b4 !

i feel uneasi seeing the 'olang cacat 'sign lah !

Anonymous said...

" you are fired" = anda di apikan !
"shut-up" = tutup atas !
" dun rush, keep cool" = jangan karat, simpan sejuk !
" my dad is understanding " =
bapa berdiri di bawah !
" I'm coming " = ayam kambing !
" .......!?" = .......!? ( yes!)

Anonymous said...

bapa : my son is sick, why can't he go home ?
guru : aiya,he is not sick lah !
bapa : he is ! his 'kelapa sakit' !
guru : ialah ! his 'kelapa' but his kepala what !
bapa : ....!?

Anonymous said...

ibu : anak, how's your maths guru ?son : mum, my cikgu no good lah !
ibu : why !?
son : she doesn't even know 'one & two' equals apa & has to ask me !
ibu : what's your answer !?
son : 12 lah !

Anonymous said...

Q : name a human organ with B !
A : Blue bird ( hokien) !

Anonymous said...

pat, laura got chill ah !? take care !!

Anonymous said...

Dear Niamah

1. By highlighting the poor standard of English in a KEY government department you have tarnished the image of Malaysia internationally. For this crime against the state I will ask my colleague Syed Hamid to have you arrested under ISA and lock you up till you are no longer a threat.

2. Now regarding the poor standard of English, I have asked for a new allocation of RM 1 billion to provide special English language training to ALL government employees. In order to FAST TRACK this key program, I have already awarded the training contract to my brother-in-law who scored First Class Honours in English from UiTM (it is strange though because he can hardly speak English...but I guess that is because he is such a patriotic Malaysian...)

3. Our internal study shows that the poor command of English among teachers is a key issue. So I have asked for another RM 1 billion allocation to send teachers to England for a special two year program to learn how to teach in English. This program will be limited to bumiputra teachers. (Application forms from non-bumi teachers will be torn up...)

4. In order to prevent other bloggers from tarnishing the great image of Malaysia due to poor English on their web-site, I have awarded a contract to my brother's company on a fast track basis to review and upgrade ALL government websites to make sure they are of international standard. This contract will only cost RM 10 million (but I know I can do variation orders quietly later to increase this to RM 50 million....)

5. To make sure that we do not get our strategies wrong, I have appointed my sister-in-law's firm as consultants to do a study to find out why the standard of English is so low. The study is expected to cost RM 10 million but is worth it because the problem is so crucial.

As your responsible Minister, I have taken IMMEDIATE steps to solve all the problems highlighted by Patrick Teoh and in future there will be no such problems because there will be no Patrick Teoh.

Niamah !

by BangsaMalaysia7

Anonymous said...

hey ! minister, ADMIT lah, only 10% teachers can use proper ingris to teach m/s & somemore u say 'satisfied' pula !

Anonymous said...

pat, r your childs & bini all bacaing these rotten ingris ah !?

Anonymous said...


What does one expect when the Ministry focuses on trying to detain people under ISA? All the creativity and supervision focus in that area.

Otak tak ade lagi ...


Anonymous said...


you are getting famous.niamah, they are monitoring your post, else change so fast ah?

Anonymous said...

inglis or knot, malaysia have reduce idsellf orlaly to joke onny. what so bolih abot des kontree la! Aiyoo, inglis are not the onny tink la dat is a joke!so mani oder tinbk abot malaysia olso vely funni one. i so sayang n prouds of my knotree.plis stop laughin, ok? gv mee fas, ok?

Anonymous said...

Do you all know that, b4 this they used to put their Pengarah's Big Photo and his Primary School level drawings on the main page of the website(It was 6 months ago)I was so shock to see that. The web desginer seems to be more interested in 'mengapu' their director's backside and get promoted then server the rakyat. I should have capture the webpage n show it to all.

Anonymous said...

sifar = zero , BUKAN 'kosong' !

sifat = BUKAN ass lah !

Anonymous said...

that's right, sifar is a number &
NOT "empty =kosong" !

2008 = NOT 4 numbers BUT 4 digits !

Mei said...

Maybe someone should volunteer as a freelance writer/sub for the government.

Funnybones said...

Hahahah Pat,

I fell off my chair "laughing off my butt" reading this. I'm totally embarrassed by the level of English these people have. What were they thinking?? I can bet those IT Guys have this Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) of writing everything in BM first and then translate EVERY single word to English. Seriously i'm not joking!!

I thought, this year, China Beijing Olympics English Signboards were the funniest. Well not anymore...

Anonymous said...

Frankly, most, if not all government websites, are atrocious.
Perhaps they farm such things out to some useless fucker who are well connected with some big shots.

Anonymous said...

intersting how malaysians say ohh we all speak english ... no u dont u speak manglish ! thanks patrick love yr blog !

Anonymous said...

OMFG.. It's definitely news to me and I'm mortified to know that the level of English is as bad as ground zero. Ruined I daresay..

Anonymous said...

check out and click on Amazing Protection ... ok minor errors here and there but ... this should not be happening ... maybe the car will be similar ... minor problems here and there too :(

Gan said...

sorry ... just want to add one more word "Niamah", now I feel better after reading proton exora :)