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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Oh this is so funny

Ever since the Terengganu chief minister's announcement that the state had forked out RM3.4 million to buy 14 Mercedes Benz Kompressor cars and the debates, arguments and public indignation that followed I've been waiting for something else laughable to happen. Today when I opened the newspapers there it was...

BN states to promote cost-saving habits.

Yes, that was the headline story. And the call was issued by no less than our Prime Minister! Remember? He'd just approved the Mercedes purchases but stipulated that they only be used to transport foreign dignitaries visiting the state. An order that nobody bothered to take very seriously. Of course. It's only Abdullah Badawi after all. Ah nerr mine la. Jom pi makan angin in my new Mercedes Benz Kompressor.

"Barisan Nasional state governments are to launch community programmes to help people reduce their energy use and adopt other cost-saving habits. These include more use of public transport and developing edible home gardens......"

The prime minister gave this set of instructions to chief ministers and menteri's besar at a meeting yesterday. And guess what? This is really quite funny. The only guy who wasn't present at the meeting to hear Badawi's words was...........the menteri besar of......Terengganu!!!

It seems Ahmad Said is abroad performing the umrah!!! I wonder what sins he is seeking forgiveness for?

Anyway, after spending millions of tax-payers money on luxury cars for executive councillors these flers now tell US to change our lifestyles. Again! Plant vegetables. Use public transport. Cut back on use of electricity and water.

How many times you want us to change our lifestyle?

Plant vegetables? Sure if you had changed local building by-laws to ensure that our homes have at least a piece of green that's bigger than a postage stamp. Plant vegetables in our garden ah? Hello! Where got garden?

Use public transport? If I take the unreliable buses that run late all the time and I get fired from my job then how? If I take LRT and have to queue for hours and get home late where got time to plant vegetables?

And then I use public transport everyday I get home late. Dark already so sure have to switch on lights so how to save electricity?

Save water ah? That one maybe can la. I tell my family they can only shower once a week. But then we all smell how? Then maybe you will tell us that also cannot because it affects our tourism arrivals etc. Give bad impression to our foreign visitors.

Cost-saving ah? Eh! Wait a minute ah. Then how come your house so big one? So many lights. So much land but I don't see any vegetable patch one. Wah some more your gardener use hose to water your wife's flowers.

Hiyah! Everything also we lose one la.

NIAMAH!!!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Thank you very much.



A dream and vision shattered.







A new economic policy but not enough time to see it through.







A new eye hospital.





Aaaarrrhhhhh! You're stepping on my legacy.




Hmpprhhh!!! I need to take a nap.


Well, this isn't exactly an update la but just a short note. Actually, this thought has been in my head for a few weeks. Since I drove past the banners that have been put up in certain parts of Kuala Lumpur promoting the upcoming Merdeka celebrations. Malaysia's 51st birthday celebrations. The ones I saw were under the Jalan Tun Razak flyover at the junction of Jalan Gurney (don't know what the new name is la) and Jalan Tun Razak.

And again, the banners show only 2 things. On the left there are silhouettes of Petronas Towers, what looks like KLIA and some other buildings. I guess they are to represent the progress and achievements of Bolehland. Ok, nothing wrong with that. On the right hand side of the banner are the photos of the 5 prime ministers. Tunku, Razak, Hussein Onn, Mahathir and Badawi.

So again, we the citizens of Malaysia are asked to celebrate the achievements of these 5 people-elected politicians. Are we? What do you want us to do? Genuflect? Give thanks? Be grateful? Okay.

But my question is this. When is the elected government going to celebrate the contributions and sacrifices of the PEOPLE of Malaysia? Ever? I think the least they can do is to recognise and applaud the tolerance we have shown for their f**k-ups!!!

Niamah

Saturday, July 26, 2008

This is really too much la!!!

Wouldn't you like this at a nominal price?

Can you believe it? After 4 (or was it 5?) days of the announcement that the Terengganu flers bought a fleet of Mercedes Benz E200 Kompressor for almost 3 and a half million Ringgits the top story in the dailies today is still about the cars! What? Is nothing else more important that needs addressing and resolving in a country faced with record inflation and other problems? Or is the government purposely doing this to piss the people off and divert attention from other more embarasing and damaging issues facing the ruling coalition?

We got lots of problems and we are talking about cars and who should drive which model???!!!

Okay, if it is their intention to piss me off they sure as hell succeeded! The whole bloody episode is ridiculous. After raising fuel prices and dispensing unsolicited advice to change our lifestyle and plant vegetables on balconies to save hard earned money we are told that a BN state government has purchased a fleet of Mercedes Benz's. And not just normal Mercs but the Kompressor model which cost even more. Then when the outcry hit the excuse proffered was that the Mercs were cheaper to maintain than the approved vehicles, the Proton Banana's...huh? what's that?...oh sorry I mean Perdana's. As if that wasn't enough some fler had the audacity to announce that the state government had spent more than RM131,449 to service and maintain justs one of the Perdana's belonging to the state. What do they do with those offcial cars? Do they race them in rallies or drag them on the streets of KT?

Oh we officials and all have to travel great distances to do our duties you know. Ya right! I don't care if you drive your official Perdana on the Paris-Dakar Rally. If your head is screwed on right you should have known something was wrong and rectified it instead of wasting tax-payers money.

Then I read somewhere that official cars were always sold to the 'officers' for a nominal price after a few years. Then I thought, "Ah so!!!" Is that why BMW's and Mercedes Benz's are better. I mean who would want to buy a 4 year old Perdana even for a nominal price, right? So, while I can I will approve purchases of cars which I would not be ashamed of driving on the highway when I balik kampung for Hari Raya la. Ya! Of course BMW's and Mercs are better cars. Really one. Trust me!

So I thought, what about other makes that are supposedly also prestigious and more reliable and cheaper to maintain than the national Junk? Toyota Camry? Honda Accord? Volvo? Cheaper what. Answer: No la. When I get nominal price I want Beemer or Merc la. Ada gaya ma.

But what about rising cost of everything in Malaysia? Don't you want to lead by example and save the tax-payer's money? Eh! Hello, you don't listen to us ah? We already said that we spend hundred of thousands to repair and maintain the Protons. Mercedes don't need so much ma. So we must save the tax-payers some money isn't it? So we buy a fleet of cars that cost RM3.4 million la. Don't see the logic issit? Stupid!

And they really think we are stupid.

I read in the papers today that the cabinet has approved the purchase of the cars but stated that they are only to be used to ferry VIP guests for official functions!!! What was said exactly was, "...but they can only be used for foreign dignitaries."

“We said (to Ahmad) the important thing was that the Cabinet had decided that the state government should not use the cars for its executive councillors. I said use the Mercedes cars for guests who are visiting”...Prime Minister Badawi.

Foreign dignitaries??? What foreign dignitaries? If George W. Bush or Lee Hsien Loong decide to visit for a couple of days rent the damn cars for them. Anyway, Bush brings his own wherever he visits. So what's the problem? And we are not so fond of Lee these days so let the bugger sit in the Proton la. So what's the problem?

Ask yourself this question. Now that these executive councillors have those Mercedes Benz's how often more do you think that their Perdanas will break down requiring them to use the Mercs instead? Need me to draw you a picture ah?

If you are from Terrenganu...no even if you're not but just a Malaysian read this and see if it makes you sick to your stomach?

“I told them that the state government has not spent extravagantly and the decision to procure the Mercedes cars was done after two years of evaluation”...Terrenganu Chief Minister. And then to kick you in the balls again...“I have also received support from other state leaders and ministers on my move (to replace the Proton Perdanas).”

Terrenganu is one of the poorest states in Malaysia and they spend 2 years debating whether to buy Mercedes Benz cars??? And have to ask for support from other state leaders and ministers???

Just what the F**K do our elected representatives do with their time???

NIAMAH!!!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

So what is the answer?

Image from BBC site

First, the police fler said it. Give us a new DNA sample because we don't want to use the old one. That one old story. This one new story ma.

Then, the Home Minister also asked for new DNA sample. If he (Anwar Ibrahim) is innocent then he got nothing to be afraid of what.

Now, the Prime Minister gets into the act. " If indeed he is not involved, give the sample now. He said he did not do anything. So he must give fresh sample to prove it. I want to see the results."

Okay, I am no forensic expert. I don't even know anything about DNA and stuff like that. But I do understand that DNA is unique to each person, right? It's like no two persons on this earth are the same. So when I give you my DNA sample and you analyse it and get a print out it will be the same no matter how many times you get fresh samples and test my DNA. Right? The DNA will be the same even after millions of years. Right?

If so, why is there is need to ask for fresh samples? Was the old one tampered with? It just doesn't make sense spending all this time, effort and tax-payers money to chase after something which you already have. Right?

We seem to be going around in circles chasing our own tails la. What gives man???!!!

Can somebody who knows about DNA and forensics shed some light on this?


Niamah!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

And I thought he was quite good!

Was it my bad eyesight or was he foaming at the mouth on the night of the debate?

After watching the great Debate on TV, I like many Malaysians I'm sure, came away with a new respect for the minister of information, Shabery Cheek. Going up against a skilled and season campaigner and orator of the calibre of Anwar Ibrahim is no mean feat. I 'tabik-ed' him that night.

And then ah...this morning my respect for the man fell a couple of big points leh. Why? When he was asked by reporters why he had taken pot shots at Anwar by making personal remarks he replied, "Personal attacks will be more about criticising his face, his clothes or his preferences."

Huh???!!! What kind of reply is that? And coming from a minister of information!

Sorry, Shabery. One point lost.

Niamah!!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

And you thought THAT was funny!

Malaysian Police state-of-alert stance while enforcing typical Malaysian 'rubber' time.

And so the police have arrested Anwar Ibrahim. Again. According to Channel News Asia he was dragged into a police vehicle by heavily armed and special forces police personnel wearing ski masks. (Picture that. Who are the 'bad guys'?) Almost like a replay of the first time, right? Except this time the police flers did not do their thing by storming Anwar's house. Eh, they might not be very smart but at least they are not repetitive.

Anyway, so he's arrested again but that wasn't what made me want to write this post. What caught my eye were the reports in The Star today. I've cut and pasted the statements here. You read it and let me know what you think. Personally, I think it is very, very funny while at the same time really scary that things like this could have been said by senior people in authority and reported in the media.

"He was arrested as we had reason to believe he was not going to show up"....this was uttered by no less than CID director Commissioner Datuk Mohd Bakri Zinin!!!

Reason to believe that he was not going to show up!!!??? He also said...."However, we were informed that after he left the ACA headquarters in Putrajaya, he had changed his route and was heading back to his house in (Bukit) Segambut."

Wait, there is more. In another interview another government big-shot, Deputy Home Minister Datuk Wan Farid Wan Salleh said, ".........he was on his way home. He couldn’t possibly have made it on time." Huh???

Asked why the police had not waited until 2pm before making the arrest, Wan Farid said: “What's the difference between 20 or 50 minutes?”

There you go, folks! Bolehland logic at its best.

Sure, Anwar had not shown up at the last request for an interview at Poice HQ but then the Police gave him another deadline, right? So? And when he was arrested he hadn't missed his deadline yet, right? So? But..........

"......we had reason to believe he was not going to show up"

and

"......What's the difference between 20 or 50 minutes?”

NIAMAH!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Above or below the law?

Home Minister, Syed Hamid says that Anwar Ibrahim is not above the law and cannot be treated as special and be exempted from it. Yes, of course he is not. Every Malaysian knows that there are only two groups of Malaysians who ARE above the law.

The first group are of course the YB's of the ruling coalition. (Notice that I didn't say which coalition. Just that they should be the ruling one.) They are definitely exempted from that rule. Anyway, whenever there is a law they need to rise above they simply change it.

The second group is more interesting. They are definitely above the law and exempted from it. Who are they? Well, technically they can be any Malaysian or illegal immigrant who owns or is possession of a motorcycle of less than 200cc engine capacity and a modified LOUD exhaust pipe. What? Don't believe ah? Take a look around. Those flers on those little motor bikes ARE above the law.

They run traffic lights at will. They weave in and out of traffic scratching cars and breaking off side mirrors at will and with impunity. They take illegal U-turns right under the noses of traffic policemen. They perform bike stunts on major highways without an entertainment permit or police permit. Yes Mat Rempit is definitely above the law. Well, unless they are doing something completely legal like going the proper speed limit or riding in the motorcycle lane and minding their own business. Then you can see them being hauled up at police road blocks, JPJ barriers or Immigration operasi's. Actually, that proves something about living in Malaysia doesn't it?

You want to get away with things do them BIG. Like build a mansion. Use C4 to blow somebody up. Not any explosives mind you. Must be C4 or your ass gets hauled to jail. CBT? Got to be in the billions. Otherwise you are not above the law man!

Anyway, now that you know. Next time you pass or most likely is passed by a Mat Rempit remember to tabik (salute) ya? Thank you.

Niamah!!!

What a f**ked up day!

Sorry ah. It's for your own protection.

Boy! Am I glad Monday is over. What a f**ked up day it was. Didn't you think so?

First, an emergency motion of no-confidence against Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and his Cabinet was thrown out by the Speaker. Why? The motion was rejected by the Speaker due to the "wrong choice of words". Huh? Exactly. What the fuck does that mean? That was what was reported in The Star's online paper. But in a neighbouring country a news channel reported that it was due to a word or words being mis-spelt!!!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar has issued an apology to the Malaysian public for the massive traffic jams caused by numerous road blocks mounted by the police which "were carried out in the interest of the public". And then, as if to kick us in the nuts just one more time, the minister said, "The public want their safety, not demonstrations or interference with their daily life." Interference with my daily life???!!! What the fuck do you call sitting in traffic for 2 and a half hours for what normally would be a 20 minute journey? I would call that a BIG interference with my daily life, wouldn't you?

Anyone who was caught in the grid-lock yesterday would have wanted to tell Syed Hamid to take his apology and shove it so far up his ass he'd choke. Instead of issuing apologies which mean nothing why didn't he deploy traffic policemen to assist the very people whom he claims do not want interference with their daily lives? Like stationing traffic policemen at all the major intersections in the city centre would have been a great help.

I am not a BN supporter. Neither am I am big fan of Anwar or the PKR. But can you fuckers stop talking to me like I'm a fucking retard? Thank you.

NIAMAH!!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

The day the music died...

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.
............American Pie, Don McLean


Most Malaysians woke up today oblivious to the fact. But today, Monday July 14, 2008 marks yet another milestone in the history of Bolehland. To be a little dramatic about it today is perhaps the day Democracy Died in Malaysia. Again! Why?

It's is now illegal for us to go to Parliament House.

And we thought it was a government of the people by the people for the people. Hahahahahahaha....okay, okay so we haven't thought that for some time already la. Sorry.

According to Nazri Aziz claims, “I am the person responsible for it, be it security or the length of skirt to enter Parliament,” he said that he had the mandate of the house. I wonder whose house he thinks it is?

In the meantime, Home Minister, Syed Hamid apologised to Malaysians for the massive traffic jams in Kuala Lumpur today but defended the police road blocks saying that it was needed to stave off an illegal gathering that Pakatan Rakyat was planning at Parliament. This despite Anwar Ibrahim and PKR's denial that anything of that sort was being planned at all. Well, thank you all over the place, Mr. Home Minister!!!

No. It is not just another Monday here in Malaysia. But for most Malaysians it will be. Ho hum.

UPDATE 1650 hrs.

I missed this because I neither buy nor read the New Straits Times on a regular basis. I post it here because I want you to read the quoted statement. I am not going to comment. You read it and make up your own mind. Then you can comment on this blog what you think. Okay?

Nazri Aziz, so-called Parliament minister told an English daily on Saturday, "The safety of MP's is paramount...We don't want anything untoward to happen in Parliament."

NIAMAH!!!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Doublespeak

......and no waiting virgins either!

We have read in recent weeks of the prejudices against homosexuals that exist in Malaysia. isn't it then surprising that it is also very tough to find a straight politician in Malaysia?

I read this, or part of it because I just couldn't stomach going on, in The New Sunday Times interview with Ezam Mohd. Nor, the former PKR Youth chief who is now back in UMNO and threatening to 'expose' Anwar Ibrahim if the latter tries to link him to a political conspiracy over the sodomy report. Okay, so nothing wrong with that. After all we are Malaysians. So you sodomise me. I sodomise you. I make SD. You make SD. Somebody blows up some story or other. Somebody else blows up models. Just a typical Malaysian scenario.

And so back to the interview...

To a question as to why he left PKR the reply was that he felt PKR or more correctly Anwar had diverted from the ideals on which it was formed in 1999. Now, the next bit should make you think again whether you did the right thing back in March when you scratched an X in that square.

"When we formed PKN (as PKR was then), we agreed on it being a muti-racial party; but we also agreed that it has to be a Malay-based party."

Please read that and let it sink in a little. And then realise...nothing has changed!

Later in the interview this Ezam also warns "the Chinese and Indians that they have to be careful with this man (Anwar)."

Well, thank you all over the place, Mr. Ezam.

I don't know about you but I have never trusted anybody in the current political circus. We wait. We listen. We decide based on our research, our gut feel, our observations. And we continue to search for a solution. As Malaysians.

Another thing ah. Maybe I am stupid la and don't know how this system works but aren't you puzzled as to why so many of these political clowns claim that they have this and that secret to expose this and that fler? But never use them? If that is true why are they still keeping them as secret weapons for their own political careers?

I can prove IGP and AG commited a crime back in (whatever).
I have proof that that fler was there watching the explosion.
I can tell secrets about that fler if he tells secrets about me.

What is this? A game issit? If criminal acts have been committed expose the whole bloody lot all at the same time. Throw the book at them. Put them behind bars and throw away the keys. Better still wall up the cells. No, even better still draw some C4 from the armoury and blow the whole bloody lot away. What? Then nobody to manage the country ah? Get some more monkeys la. I think still got before they clear the forests for condominiums.

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Hearbreaks in silence

Heartbreaks in silence. That is the poignant title of a wonderful piece written by a gay friend of mine. Yes, he is homosexual. He is talented. He is caring. He is passionate about his art, his beliefs. He is my friend. Enjoy...

HEARTBREAKS IN SILENCE

In response to all the homophobic Bernama articles out there telling me how evil it is being gay, and to prelude our upcoming Seksualiti Merdeka celebrations, I hereby offer this long post taken from my "personals" profile on www.guys4men.com, with which I break the hearts of the men of Malaysia, and then seduce them.


Amazingly, I had my first erection when I was 7. It came from like nowhere. Wah, I thought, a new toy! Like a transformer robot - from a little teapot into a space rocket! Papa! Mummy! Look at my transformer! "Ah boy, put away your toy, we have visitors."

I really didn't know how to play with my new toy until I was 12 when a classmate and I went went to the toilet behind school to compare sizes (wah, you so big; no lah, you bigger - bloody hell, it's a tie!). "Come," he said, "let's goncang together." What is goncang? I asked. "There you shake it like that." Oh, so that is what "goncang" means, I said. Um, I don't feel anything lah. "You just keep shaking. You will feel it." Eh, so boring, man, I see you back in class. In class, we continued comparing sizes under the table, right under the teacher's nose.

When I was 14, I left Malacca and studied in Singapore. I was living in a hostel, and I found a way to always end up sleeping in other boys' beds. They taught me to masturbate (ooh, so that's what happens when you keep shaking it!), or let me touch them while they pretended to sleep ("Hey, stop touching me please, and stop pretending to be asleep."). Well, I touched a few, and fell in love with many. But I never told anyone my feelings, and so in silence my heart broke over and over.

Who could I tell anyway? I was short and awkward and easy to bully. Are the guys in my batch so mean because I am ugly and stupid or because they know I am hopelessly in love with them and they find it funny? Is this going to be my life, heartbreaks in silence?

Frightened of the demons in me and feeling desperately alone, I ran to jesus and prayed to be normal. "Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me." For 12 years I wanted to be like all the rest of god's chosen ones, everyone so perfect, arms raised to heaven, secrets buried under their songs. I felt even more alone.

Unable to concentrate on my studies, I started skipping classes and going for movies at Orchard Road. At the movies, as in the novels, I found one thing: the world is full of loners. From The Last Emperor to the live poets of Dead Poets Society to the replicants in Blade Runner to the cuckoos in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. And of course, Yentl! Sometimes these loners are loved for who they are, sometimes they don't know it till it's too late. They discover that their truths are not the same as society's truths. And that it's okay. It's okay to be alone. Especially when society is not okay.

So it was a whole decade of trying to be straight and struggling with my "sins" before I finally asked myself the question without answer: What is so wrong with loving another man?

Pastor said, the bible says so. I said, yes, but why is the bible saying so without giving a goddam good reason?

Here we have spent all our lives curing our loneliness by joining different crowds -- at the church, the mosque, the malls, the clubs -- when ultimately the only way to deal with being alone is to be alone.

ALONE I LEARNED

1. Alone, I learned that faith, identity and truth are all constructed in the mind - and they are largely determined by the crowds around us. History and geography and biology conspired to form our gods.

2. Here's what I believe: Whatever you believe becomes true to you. So you might as well believe in everything. Or nothing at all.

3. So it was my desire to be with another man that slowly lead me to think the unthinkable: What if we are truly alone in this universe? Our desires for connection are born not of that seed planted by god to lead us back to him, but of a genetic code that enables the species to survive. The species is the goal. I am not important. I will be forgotten. My aloneness is complete. No one else can live my life for me, die my death for me.

4. I alone must decide what this life means and keep searching. I came out at 26. I can now begin to like who I am. If guys like me for who I am, lucky me.

5. But for people who have a problem with who I am, I realise it is their problem, not mine. They should see a shrink.

6. Breeders and their children live to consume the earth's limited resources; so much misery born everyday, so many hungry mouths asking why -- why are we here? Why is the universe such a lonely place?

7. But me and my kind, we are just trying to spread some love around, make it beautiful while we are here. Laying in each other's arms, perhaps we will find our answers. Or we will find better questions. Perhaps the universe can wait. In the continuum of each other's arms, time holds us in a bubble even as we float towards the night's horizon. And if our bubble should burst, we still have our memories, and the ocean and the stars. One day, these too shall burst. All our efforts at procreation, survival, continuation, becomes pointless. And all the things that once seemed unproductive will become most meaningful.

8. I hope that one day we will learn to move beyond our fears. We shouldn't have to walk around with our parents and all the idiots of society sitting on our backs, making decisions for our lives. Life is short enough, don't live halfway. So go ahead. Grab his hand. Down that street. You know it can't be wrong.

9. If you believe that love is not a crime, don't act like a criminal. Don't hide. Don`t be ashamed of it, don`t pretend to be straight, don`t join in when idiots make jokes about gays, don`t dislike others for being chubby or skinny or campy or promiscuous, be proud of your friends for all their shapes and preferences, fight for diversity, fuck as much or as little as you want (but be careful with your heart, and the hearts of those who trust you). And most of all, don't be silent when you see injustice, when you see hate.

10. There are many idiots in this life. They are idiots because idiots like us allow them to make life difficult for us. Don`t let them. You are who you are. But don't worry if who you are now is not yet who you want to be. There's a transformer in all of us, with the capacity to learn, and evolve, and be extraordinary.

11. Love yourself. You are alright, babe.

12. And yes, I have a boyfriend now. It's been three amazing years. We complement each other's aloneness. Life is short, people can't be owned, and love has to be shared. So talk to me, babe. :)

...................................Pang KHEE Teik from his facebook notes here.

After reading all the comments that came in for this particular post I thought that you all might find the following essay an interesting read...

Buggered by the Victorians

By Farish A. Noor

Malaysias political climate has become somewhat predictable of late, and the seasons come and go with yawn-inducing regularity: Once in a while we will have the amok season when tempers are raised and emotions flare; then to be overtaken by the Who Buggered My Arse season which can be likewise amusing. It is only a matter of time before Malaysia as a nation is filed under the category of exotic and incomprehensible of the index of failed postcolonial states, and I for one, hope to be happily decamped in some hot humid steamy jungle retreat living in a treehouse surrounded by babes in sarongs and an orangutan as my butler/batsman/driver and doorman...

Until that day comes however it would be nice to take a break from the madness that passes itself as Malaysian politics to consider the historical paths that were taken which led us to this sordid mess we see in our country today.

Lets start with buggery, which is a pleasant enough topic for dinnertime conversation with friends and enemies alike.

Now as we all know Malaysians are a lot of randy bum-bandits and pillow-chewers. This is true for those who have been following our politics and politicians over the past couple of weeks and who have not been able to secure a private bunker for themselves to escape the crass puerile drivel that is sold as news in this country. Ol Anwar has been accused of sodomy again, or in this case sodomising. In the counter-allegations against his nemesis in UMNO, arse-raiding was likewise mentioned along with other allegations including murder and fraud.

Now why is it that Malaysians have become so paranoid about the very simple, and dare I posit, universal phenomenon of butt-humping? Where does this fear come from and how has it become so sedimented in our collective national consciousness?

Lets not waste time to talk about moral values, religion, holy commandments etc as we all know that this is part of a wider and more serious political contest that is being played out before the public eye. Yet allegations of corruption, abuse of power, meddling with the institutions of the state or even cavorting with bomohs and witchdoctors do not elicit the same sort of Victorian response we see from the Malaysian public today. And indeed, Victorian values are precisely part of the problem.

Taking time to walk down our countrys tortured historical path brings us to the less than pleasant period of nasty colonial rule. Now the colonialists who ruled over us did not simply build towns and bridges. For those colonial towns - like Georgetown, Ipoh and Kuala Lumpur - were also racially segregated enclaves where the logic of racialised capitalism was put to work; hence the creation of racialised ghettoes like Chinatown, Little India, Kampung Melayu, etc.

Part and parcel of this process of colonisation was the ideological and cultural reconstruction of the native other as that barbaric, lewd and randy Asian native who had to be kept at bay. Thrown into the Orientalist mentalscape were a host of other native pathologies that were thought to account for why the Asian colonial subjects were so odd and inferior: The pathologisation of the phenomenon of amok was one such case, where the Malays in particular were cast as an unstable and dangerous lot.

Linked to this was the late Victorian prudish mindset that regarded sex and sexuality as a necessary evil at best - and often messy too - or worse, something downright decadent, indecent and a threat to Western civilisation. Much of the Orientalist nonsense that came from the pens of Orientalist writers like Florence Caddy and Anna Leonowens then cast the Asians as a degenerate, over-sexed and over-heated lot of perverts, sodomites and womanisers. The uptight and anal temper of the Victorian mind, transplanted from the insipid climes of Blighty onto the humid and fluid terrain of a verdant Asia, allowed this imaginary to literally run riot.

This accounts for the many rules and laws, both written and unwritten, that governed race relations between the white colonisers and the Asian natives then. The laws against sodomy and other things fun and fantastic like rimming, blowjobs, etc. came at a time when Western Europeans were themselves deeply frustrated and anxious about their place in the global racialised hierarchy of power and dominance. To lose control of their libido in front of the natives was simply not on, not a thing to do when Abu the butler was meant to be serving you Gin stengahs in your white linen pants on the verandah.

Oddly enough, this Victorian mindset has prevailed in many of the postcolonial states like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Malaysia and Singapore even long after the sun of the Empire has set and the former colonial masters have kicked the bucket. Western Europeans today look back at their prudish ancestors with amusement and curiousity, and happily bugger the night away in the safe comfort that love and lovemaking are, after all, private matters that do not concern the state.

It is we postcolonial pseudo-independent subjects, however, who seem to have internalised the Victorian morals and mores deeper than anyone, and even without the benefit of the obligatory pipe and monocle, seem happy to prattle on about moral decay and the collapse of civilisation; despite the fact that the politics of the developing world hardly passes as civilised by any standards. So what on earth has happened and why do we maintain these laws that were an anomaly in the first place, and patently historically outdated today? Are we still mentally captive to the morality of the late Victorians of the 19th century that we cannot even see that what passes as the moral laws of the third world today happen to be the very same laws of the age of Empire?
...............Dr. Farish A. Noor

Niamah!!!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

What is happening to Malaysia???

Here's a damn good reason to feel sick to your stomachs this morning. Remember this is July 9 and the year is 2008! And here in Malaysia we have people, learned and respected ones, with this type of thinking....read on and weep....and then be afraid...be very afraid...


KUALA LUMPUR, July 8(Bernama) – Literally, the term homosexual refers
to sexual relationship between the same gender, either man and man or woman and woman.

Homosexuality is usually contrasted with heterosexuality and bisexuality.

Traditionally, the term gay is used predominantly to refer to homosexual males,
while lesbian is a gender-specific term that is only used for homosexual
females.

The term homosexual is also used for the same-sex sexual relations between
persons of the same sex who are not gay or lesbian.

In the West, the morally wrong and corrupt homosexual act has turned into a
sort of plague, spreading its tentacles far and wide, engulfing individuals with
the tendency of adopting this immoral self-indulgence.

In the country today, the ‘gay’ lifestyle is believed to have sprouted
rampantly. A point to note is the mushrooming of the gay clubs.

A news report yesterday came out with a revelation that shocked
many, gay comics, said to be sold at RM50 each, is believed to be a hot item
among those aged 25 and above.

But the question is that, is this upsetting trend is mushrooming?

WORRYING TREND?

The Malaysian Muslim Consumers Association (PPIM) secretary-general, Datuk
Dr Maamor Osman, said the homosexual act in the country had grown to a worrying trend.

The tendency to perform homosexual acts is there, as shown by the proliferation of gay bars, Dr Maamor, who is also a general medical
practitioner, told Bernama.

"In the Quran, it is said that Allah the Al-Mighty had obliterated Luth’s
people for their indulgence in homosexual acts.

“There is no forgiveness for such debauchery, to the extent that it angers
Allah the Al-Mighty," said Dr Maamor.

RISKS

On the health aspect, Dr Maamor said homosexuals who indulge in anal
intercourse are prone to various risks.

"Each of the human organs has their respective systems including blood
circulation, nerves, immunity and other systems. The woman’s sexual organ, and hormones are different from that of the man.

"There are specialised cells for certain functions. Unfortunately for some
humans, they resorted to commit deviations," he said.

According to Dr Maamor, the human’s gastro-intestinal system begins right
from the mouth until the anus. The system is outfitted with specialised cells
for the digestion and absorption of food.

"There is the rhythmic (intestinal) muscle movement, known as peristalsis.
And if this system is disturbed, like when anal intercourse occurs, it will
invite damage to the person’s physical, emotional and spiritual attributes.

"As this system is not for erroneous acts, it invites various risks like
the Aids, hepatitis, haemorrhoids and septicemia (bacterial infection of the
blood), said Dr Maamor, adding that this unnatural sex act also provokes
various sexually transmitted diseases".

IMMORAL ACT

The Malaysian Islamic Youth Movement (Abim) president Yusri Mohamad said
that a homosexual act is a serious immoral and criminal offence.

"There is no difference between a homosexual act and adultery. Hence,
severe punishment should be handed down against homosexuals. Prevention and punishment must be executed”, said Yusri.

He said the ‘doors’ that invite people to commit this sin should be
permanently closed and sealed.

"Take immediate action against centres or clubs where the homosexuals
gather, like revoking the operating licence.

"Websites and magazines that may have room for homosexual-oriented messages should be monitored and action taken against them," he said.

Yusri calls on the authorities to conduct raids, akin to that held for
drug-prevention operations at nightspots and entertainment centres.

Hence, the government is seen as taking stern and firm action to curb this
moral decadence, unlike the western nations that provide the so-called ‘freedom’ to such debauchery.

CANNOT BE ACCEPTED

"There is not much account on homosexuals in the Indian community, in some
cases there are bisexuals but that is not their wishes.

“Even the Hindu religion does not accept homosexual practices”, the
Malaysian Hindu Sangham president Datuk A.Vaithilingam told Bernama.

Vaithilingam calls on parents to exercise caution in and give the issue a
serious look in the efforts to prevent their children from being trapped in the
homosexual clutches.

He said the community should be exposed to education and counselling on the
homosexual topic to create awareness among the public on the ills and evils of
this felony.

Serious attention should also be given against illicit sexual relations in
order to prevent it from becoming a menace to the society.

IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION

This act, which is like a malignant cancer, should not be allowed to spread
its tentacles, as it threatens to bring destruction and devastation to the
society.

Hence, education for the youngsters particularly for those in schools and
universities is crucial to prevent the society from being engulfed by this
immoral act.

In this context, Dr Maamor concurs with Vaithilingam that the parents need
to boost their knowledge in order to shoulder the immense task of preventing
their offsprings from being drawn into the evils of homosexual acts.

Parents should not feel embarrassed if they ask for advice and counselling
from the experts to overcome this issue.

JAKIM
Dr Maamor also calls on the Islamic Advancement Department (Jakim) to adopt
an approach where doctors and psychiatrists can brief mosque officials on the
issue apart from setting up the integrated referral centres at the mosques.

Similar concepts can be applied at institutions for the other religions in
the country, he said.

Dr Maamor said the Information Ministry can use the electronic media to
disseminate information on the warfare against this social scourge.

"We may be giving the wrong impression as if the authorities are tolerating
this immoral act”, he said.

Meanwhile Yusri calls on the authorities to monitor artistes and actors
that portray the 'feminine’ image.

"We are not saying that all of the womanly males as gays but many of the
gays are from this group.

"We do not wish these people to be used as the illustration and model”, he
said.

Clearly, the homosexual phenomenon is against the human’s natural behaviour
and should be swiftly and firmly dealt with.

Not everyone wants to see the country to be overwhelmed by the influx of
moral decadence that erupt from those who are out to draw the people into the dark ages of morality. -- BERNAMA

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, July 04, 2008

And now for something completely different.

Tinted car windows

Like most of you I am just getting so tired of all the shannigans going on in Malaysia right now. Who had sex with whom? My Statutory Declaration against your Statutory Declaration. One press conference after another....

So I decided to write about something completely different. It struck me today as I was driving past this car on the AKLEH.

The car windscreen tinting issue recently came up AGAIN! Feels to me like the authorities have been trying to resolve this for decades without success. Or maybe it is something they pull out once in a while. Like a game. Okay, here's what I think it is about...

Dark tints for cars are illegal because they are un-safe. Right? People who tint their car windows darker than permissable levels would not be able to see properly and might get into accidents. And that would be bad. Okay that's great. But now tell me something. If dark tints are unsafe then why are some of our most important people (at least they think so la) like judges and top leaders of the armed forces exempted from this rule? Do they have some Divine protection not available to lowly people like you and me or are we simply trying to get rid of them using innovative ways?

Okay, okay so you're more concerned with insertions, retractions and SD's and all. But I would like to know what. Don't you?

Niamah!!!

Ya baby! Give it to me one more time!

And you thought Dubya learned the art of a** f**kin all on his own!

So Anwar has been accused of sodomy. Again. And now the private dick has statutorily declared that he saw an SMS (supposedly sent by Najib) which said that the murdered Mongolian woman was "susceptible" to anal sex.

Newsflash: This private dick may turn out to be a DICK-HEAD! He's since retracted his Statutory Declaration!!!

And then I get sms's from people all asking the same question. Why are Malaysians nowadays so susceptible to ass f**king? Is it a cultural thing?

Is that a stupid question? Or do all you flers have selective memory? Hello! We've all been fucked up our behinds for close to 30 years and now you're asking WHY? Don't remember issit? During the 20+ years rule of the previous prime minister (original un-intentionally racist reference removed by author with apologies), who now thinks he is the sole champion of Malay rights.....huh? what?....okay, okay Mahathir la. Happy now? During the Mahathir years we had the Twin Towers, Proton, Sepang F1, Putrajaya, CyberJaya, Multimedia Super Corridor, E-Village, LRT, Monorail plus a host of other sharp and painful objects shoved up our collective asses. Okay, slightly lubricated by the handling of the Asian financial crisis la.

And do you remember what most of us said back then?

"Wah! Damn nice leh. Feels good la."

What? Forget already ah?

NIAMAH!!!

It's all going crazy!!!

Alamak! Crash? Technical ke? Oh..ape boleh buat?

Call me negative, cynical, gloomy whatever. But it looks to me that things are going to shits here in Bolehland. The Malaysian Stock Exchange was suspended. Because of a "technical glitch"!!! This is the face of rumours and suspicion that investors were abandoning a 'sinking' ship. So okay I am not a stocks and shares speculator so I don't know shit about these things. But I think it's all going crazy because of the reported reactions by our Prime Minister in today's newspapers.

"I have been told it is a technical glitch. If that is so, what can we do?"

- I would like to make a smart-ass remark on that statement but I must admit I am dumb-founded.

"We are still a safe country. I don't want to be perceived as being in denial but in terms of of political stability , what's happening in Umno now is because of the impending elections is not new. It's happened before. Similiarly, certain chaotic events and activities in Parliament cannot be equated to political instability."

- Political instability to me means that there is a looming, real threat to the ruling government. Period. No ah?

"We are in control of our safety and security and I mean every word I say."

- I am sure he means that. When something happens you can bet your ass that Jeanne, Nori, Khairy,Najib, Rosmah and the rest of the bunch will be safe and secure. Maybe behind guarded gates in Perth?

"What is all this suppose to mean? Why is there a need to say such things? What is all this?"

(read out that sentence aloud in any stereotypical Malaysian accent you can muster. Any injuries resulting from the hysterical laughter that will follow cannot be blamed on me, ya?)

- I laughed out loud when I read the above statement in the newspaper. Well said, Badawi. So typically Malaysian. So childlike. So .......... BLUR! I think before you lose it all you should send some of the boys to pay Wong Chun Wai a visit. Surely, you didn't say all that, did you? Or you were taken out of context. Right?

NIAMAH!!!

A real people's government

Hmmm...Errr... Hmmm....

Najib: Saiful met me for advice before lodging police report.

Yes, there it was in The Star page N12.

So now we are expected to believe that some young fler who claims to have gotten f**ked up the ass by some old guy can actually get to meet the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia to seek some wise words of counsel before lodging a police report???!!! Also, this young fler had somehow managed to get a meeting with the DPM's 'special officer' when he wanted a scholarship.

Wah damn good man! If this is the kind of pro-active, people-sensitive ministers we have in our cabinet then I am definitely going to vote for Barisan Nasional to remain in power. It would be tough job for the Y.B's though because as tax-paying Malaysians we have ALL been f**ked in the ass. So we all want our appointments to seek 'advice'.

Can ah?

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

1,2,3.Vomit now!!!

Just when you think that things can't get any more ridiculous here in Bolehland here's more to help you throw up.

The following clips are taken from the mainstream media verbatim. You read them and see if you can see the stupidity of the statements and the ambiguity of Malaysian journalism. You decide.

New Straits Times, Wednesday July 2, 2008

"It was believed that Mohd Saiful had also complained of constipation when he was taken to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur outpatient ward.

Doctors, however, found something amiss during the check-up , and upon questioning Mohd Saiful, learnt that he had been sodomised.

Checks on the Internet reveal that acute or forced sodomy can cause constipation. A University Malaya Medical Centre doctor said fear, mental trauma and the physical act could have caused the constipation.

"An anal tear and the pain could have resulted in the victim having difficulty in passing motion."

NST July 2, 2008

"Tan Sri Musa Hassan (the Inspector-General of Police) and Attorney-General (Tan Sri Gani Patail) are professionals. They are good people and know how to carry out their duties. The investigation is being headed by a senior police officer. They will do their work. They are professionals."

(The highlights are mine)

Well, what do you think? Stupid or not? Or they still think WE are stupid? Okay all answer together...

Quite stupid............1 NIAMAH!!!!!!!
Very stupid.............3 NIAMAH!!!!!!!
What? You think I am a f**king moron? .......... 1 NIAMAH!!!!!! and stop buying newspapers for a week.

Can?

NIAMAH!!!

Enough already

Wake-me-when-it's-over Man!

Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do Man!



I'll-give-you-free-petrol Man!
Soon to be (maybe)
Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do Man II

It is quite sickening actually. I mean for a loyal, hard-working Malaysian these days to see what our political clowns are doing. Sorry I won't use the word 'our' then. These clowns provide us with daily doses of comedy but these days the laughter is fast turning into frustration and perhaps even despair. More than 100 days after the initial euphoria of the March 8 general elections and the promises and hopes that it brought nothing much has happened. Well, except for the high octane speed of rising costs of living. Promises made by the Opposition winners have yet to become action and reality. Although in the process some of those promises are already beginning to be watered down by the very people who made them. Errr...we need more time....that's always a handy excuse. Or this one...it is not easy. Well if it wasn't you sure didn't make it sound that way when you made the campaign promises. And it is not only the Opposition flers making all the funny turns. The BN is one of the major actors on that stage. They do almost everything that they accuse the Opposition of doing and which they (the BN) say are a waste of time and money.

I don't know about you la but personally I could give a flying F**K about whether Anwar f**ked somebody up the ass or if Najib did or did not f**k some foreign woman and blew her up. Those accusations are being investigated by the police and whoever else they got playing CSI in Bolehland. Okay, I say. Give them time to run their courses and when the results are announced then let's see if we are satisfied with them. If not then some asses burn and we light the torches.

But in the meanwhile, can we get on with things? With life in a fast evolving world where we are beginning to be left further and further behind. With how we are going to resolve problems resulting from rising fuel costs, how we are going to compete with our neighbours in the tough battles for investments, how we are going to alleviate the plight of the hardcore poor...so much to do. But we seem to be caught up with the politicians-staged side-shows which more and more make me suspect that neither side have actually got anything going which we would approve of as citizens. Know what I mean?

As far as I am concerned, the Barisan Nasional is still the government. They are still the law-makers. For now. So get down to doing the jobs that you were elected for. What are the plans to help the hardcore poor? Hello! I am not stupid. I want to SEE real, working plans. Not hear you talk. Again. So the fuel hike has kicked in. We don't like it but we are dealing with it. According to you there are billions saved now right? So what are the plans for our public transport system?

I don't know about you la. But I am quite fed-up already la.

With all this talk of sodomy, Sodomites, Cutesy engagements.
With exploding models and the spectators.
With debates about dress codes in this and that august house.
With senile politicians making racist statements...............

I am just damn fed-up la. And in less rational times I just think we should take the whole f**king bunch and burn them all at the stake. No better still herd them into that august house and torch the mo'fuckers.

Then we make Malaysia an absolute monarchy with Raja Nazrin as our King and the Sultan of Selangor as the Grand Vizier.

Okay la that is just a frustration-induced fantasy but right now, I feel that democracy ain't doing SHIT!

NIAMAH!!!

Nuffnang