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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Thursday, October 30, 2008

How much is that chopper in the window......

The state of Malaysian politics?

How do you know that your country is in deep shit? Answer: When it goes shopping for military helicopters and..............


The Defense Ministry Secretary-General says they cost...............RM1.1 billion

The Deputy Defense Minister says.............................RM1.604 billion

The Prime Minister-cum-Defense Minister says...............RM1.7 billion


And then the Prime Minister announces that the correct figure is actually RM1.604 billion, but he had thought it was RM1.67 billion and had rounded it up to RM1.7 billion!!!!!! But of course being the nice fler he thinks he is he also said, "I apologise for my mistake." Well, thank you. Sir! You are also a very funny guy. Really! Hahahahahahahahahaha..........sorry ah.

In case you haven't been keeping abreast of the news in our Parliament our government apparently signed the deals for the purchase of these choppers without testing them!!! Well, Najib did say that our fly-boys flew them a couple of times around the padi fields when they were being shown at the Langkawi International Marine Aerospace (LIMA) show la. Great!!! Spend billions based on a joy-ride!!! Malaysia Boleh! Some things just don't change eh? Hold on! There'll be more to come as the Police flers have also said they want to buy helicopters. And they want 12!

And as if to prime us all for the type of government we can expect if Najib becomes Prime Minister, when he was asked by the Oppostion to appoint an independent expert panel to evaluate the procurement process he said, "They are making too much of a big deal out of it."


NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So what is the answer?

Words as empty as that plastic smile

The headline shouted, "Najib: NEP elements will not be abolished but liberalised in stages."

Now read that statement again. NEP elements will not be abolished but liberalised in STAGES.

As an ordinary Malaysian what would you be thinking after your read or hear that from your Prime Minister in waiting? Here's what I think people will think...

Bumiputra: What the fuck!!! How dare they even think of treading on our RIGHTS!

Non-Bumiputra: Wah! Good, good, good.......errrrrr.......I think good la......isn't it?

So what I am saying is that statements like these from politicians and worse from our country's leaders serve no useful purpose other than to confuse the citizens, foreign investors and of course to give the flers something to say that will make front page press la. I mean if you want to NOT abolish but to LIBERALISED in stages then tell us HOW the fuck you plan to do that.

Najib:

"When I spoke (about the NEP) in an interview with Bloomberg recently, I did not mean that everything in the NEP would be abolished now. -I said that when the Malays and Bumiputeras have attained success and the confidence to compete at the domestic and global levels, then they would no longer need quotas or special considerations..."

Now what the fuck does that mean? "...have attained success and the confidence to compete at the domestic and global levels..." Can you please clarify so that Bumiputras know what to aim for and non-Bumiputras know what to expect?

Najib:

"What I mean is gradual liberalisation, not saying that tomorrow we will do away with every single provision..."

Gradual liberalisation....sure...sounds like a good idea. But what is the time frame? Where are the plan details?

"This concept of gradual liberalisation...I think it is something that can be accepted by everyone", he said. Wow! You actually figured that out all by yourself!

Come on la. If you want to liberalise then say la what the real plan is. Like...okay this year we will start doing this which will run until that year and then this is going to happen and so on .... A PLAN la. Then ah of course, all you Bumiputras don't have to worry about anything because this is what it actually means for you...1-2-3-4...ah see? It is a good plan. Ah...non-Bumiputras...See? We've always said we take care of ALL Malaysians. So this liberalisation plan means that will happen and will benefit you in all these ways.

So hard to understand this meh, YB? Ok la, in other words tell us facts la not political rhetoric.

That's the trouble with Malaysian politicians. Isn't it? Always shoot mouth before engaging brains. They always tell us that they are going to do SOMETHING but they never tell us what that something is. Guess la. Hahahahahaha...... Which of course gives rise to speculations, suspicion, distrust......stirs racial sentiments......

And then Najib makes one final, really TOO LAN (ask someone to explain this Hokkein expression if you don't get it) statement...

"As I had said before, we will be fair to all, we will not take away or deny the rights of the other communities." But then... Najib said he would also ensure that nobody would deny the Malays their rights.

"I will continue to champion the Malay agenda. Let there be no one, whether in or outside this convention hall, question this".

Many words saying absolutely NOTHING.

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

He said, she said...and then that fler also said...

All hail super-hero PEMBELA Exco Member Man

There is a new challenger for the Parliamentary Comedian/Moron of the Year title. This guy is to my mind the most idiotic of the lot. I mean we've all heard of the saying that somebody is "jumping on the bandwagon" but to jump on the wagon using the name of God is a dastardly act.

Pakatan Rakyat MP Zulkifli Nordin is using the religion ramp to aid his jump on the bandwagon. The easy way out for a politician with nothing else to offer. Say he is defending God's will lor. Sure work one. This fler is the one who led an illegal, unruly mob that stormed the presmises of the Bar Council recently to protest a peaceful, private forum. That time he dressed up as the super-religious hero, Pembela Exco Member Man (Pembela = Lawyers in Defence of Islam)

Listen to his rants this time...

"It insults Islam when parties go to court insisting they have the right to use the world Allah like Muslims do...". This is in reference to the ongoing case where local Catholic weekly The Herald is attempting to get a court order to allow it to use the word Allah. Hello, Allah is the name of God and unless the Herald was being insulting to the name of God who are you to say anything? When did Allah give you sole performing rights to His name?

This self-serving, racist idiot goes on to make a condescending statement suggesting that a mosque be built for Chinese Muslims and that the old Pudu Prison be the site. First of all, moron, if we follow your line of reasoning all Chinese Muslims should rise up in arms that you suggest using an abandoned PRISON as their place to worship the same God you do? And secondly, are you now telling us that there are and will always be Malay Muslims and Chinese Muslims and Indian Muslims???

He suggested certain articles in the Federal Constitution be amended "so that Islam is not challenged by irresponsible parties." I can't agree with you more, Encik Zulkifly. There should be laws to prevent morons like you from using using the name of God in vain.

As with all politicians, this idiot doesn't know when to stop. He added that, "...There are those that speak as if I am supporting another party but I am actually fighting for Islam. I do not care about what other people think of me because I will have to answer to Allah."

If that is true, Zulkifly I will stand in line for a ticket to Hell to hear your answer to Allah and what HE will say to you on Judgement Day.

NIAMAH!!!

I say, you say......

Prizes for guessing which is the medal for Champion Tension Release.

Thanks to The Malaysian Insider I didn't miss out on this juicy piece that was reported in the mainstream Chinese newspapers. Apparently, in speaking out in support for Chua Soi Lek whose adulterous act was caught on video and circulated online, ex-MCA boss, Ling Liong Sik stuck his foot in his mouth.

"...All men need to release additional or overflowing energies".....he said. I do love the old man's wonderful choice of words, don't you? "...additional or overflowing energies..."

Wah! Real man talk la. Release tension ma...nothing wrong what! And then to prove that all politicians use the same modus operandi he added....."as long as the affair is not leaked out then it will not be a problem." So the rule seems to be...cheat, lie, fuck...long as you don't get caught it's fine. AWWWRIGHT!!! Put it there brother Ling!

But wait there is more incomprehensible silliness in this whole sideshow. Wanita MCA chief Datuk Chew Mei Fun said Dr Ling's comments conveyed "morally incorrect values."

Oh really ah? Come on la Mei Fun your party supports and elects a self-confessed adulterer. So what you talking about morally incorrect values? So the fler said "I'm sorry" and that's supposed to make everything fine and dandy issit? Worse he also openly said that he wasn't going to stop seeing his girlfriend. I can't remember the exact reasons he gave but wasn't it something about having been together ....... for so many years already. So not nice la. Anyway, my wife and family also said okay what.

Sigh! I just don't know what to think anymore la. But sometimes I think that since they are like that ah.....if our politicians would just come right out and declare that they are all dishonest, greedy, selfish lying sacks of shit I might be able to live with that better than THIS!

NIAMAH!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Hmmm...what shall I tell these bozo's next?

If you have ever thought that you can trust politicians, this news story (edited version below. Full version here) from The Malaysian Insider change your mind. Once and for all.

Pakatan Rakyat is not in a hurry anymore to take over the federal government, according to opposition leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim.

Amid rising confidence from the Barisan Nasional that the takeover threat from PR is diminishing, Anwar said he would not focus on the element of surprise in the attempt to take power.

-We are not in a terrible hurry. In the current economic downturn we want to engage the government to take the right measures,- Anwar said.

-We are exploring the possibilities with respect to the constitutional process. We are working on it and we need the element of surprise,- he said to explain a lack of any further details.

Anwar, who has missed several deadlines to unseat the government, said in an interview with Bloomberg yesterday that he is running out of options to replace the ruling coalition.

I'm not saying we have no options left, but I'm saying it's getting to be much more difficult,- Anwar said in the interview.

I had thought of commenting on the highlighted parts of Anwar's statement but I just don't have the energy anymore la. Damn fed-up of this merry-go-round la.

NIAMAH!!!

Bapa apa ni?

Bapa-bapa Malaysia

These days I travel the North-South Highway quite a lot. On one of those trips at a rest stop in Johor I spotted this banner hanging next to the tempat cuci tangan (wash area)...

Bapa Kemerdekaan for Tunku

Bapa Pembangunan. There are 2 of these. One for Razak and one for Hussein.

Bapa Pemodenan Malaysia for Mahathir.

But with the photo of Badawi there was no Bapa anything. Telling isn't it?

Poor fler.

Niamah!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Cosmic rubbish!

A star does not need fancy names la.

Actually, it was the headlines of the news stories that made me a little upset about the Jalan Alor re-naming fiasco. The Star today on its front page had this headline...

We'll listen to all sides on Jalan Alor......

This was the response of the Federal Territory minister to protests on the decision to rename the globally famous Malaysian street. City Hall changed all the road signs from Jalan Alor to Jalan Kejora last week.

Listen to all sides? What do you mean listen to ALL sides? Why is it that when Y.B.'s (titled officers) fuck up WE, the rakyat (citizens) are asked to explain why we are pissed off? Shouldn't the mayor of Kuala Lumpur, the datuk bandar be strung up by the balls and asked to scream out his explanation on why he wasted public funds and public servants' efforts in this useless exercise? Well? We are waiting. What? Want to know why we are pissed off first ah? So the YB can have some time to manufacture some answers or arrange for a quick lawat sambil belajar (study trip) trip to Taiwan issit? Wait ah...don't get too angry yet people. There is more. Here is the other headline of the story in The Star...

New name to signify cosmic change in Bukit Bintang......

Cosmic change in Bukit Bintang? The only change I've noticed in the area recently is perhaps its resemblance to a mythical massage and reflexology capital of an imaginary country somewhere in a truly Asian setting.

The datuk bandar admitted that the name change had been in planning for 3 years as part of DBKL's (City Hall's) efforts to rename roads in the Bukit Bintang area after planets of the solar system!!! Bukit Bintang is Malay for Star Hill you see. And so they spent 3 years planning this crazy, useless exercise while ...... garbage in KL streets remain uncollected....... Pot holes in KL roads continue to crack vehicle axles...... crime rates rise to a level where even policemen and the home minister are scared...... Don't the DBKL people have better things to occupy their time? If they don't other than with things like this perhaps it is about time we get rid of the whole team altogether. Nothing to do what. So waffor?

It's things like this that makes Malaysians damn "too lan" (fed-up) la.

Niamah!!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Incredible!!!


YB, you damn champion la. We are so proud of you.
Syabas!


This morning I almost had a coronary I was laughing so hard. I never for a moment believed that Syed Hamid Albar, Malaysian Minister of Home Affairs and stand-up comedian par excellence could top what he's done in the past few months. But true to his form he did!

The headline of the news story was "KL area 'unsafe', so police base closed".

Alright, I'll let you catch your breath before I continue...................

Okay? Here's the story. A police beat base in the Chow Kit area of downtown Kuala Lumpur was closed down recently. When questioned about it in Parliament our world-class comedian said it was because the beat base was located in an area considered "unsafe". HUH???

Ok, ok, ok....hold your laughter first. There's more.

Why unsafe ah?

It was located in a 'dirty' area where there is a possibility of being exposed to contagious diseases. HUH???

Wait..............here comes the great punchline.................

"The presence of criminals also posed a threat to the safety of the police officers"


HUH???

And this time the clown did his act without even having to be physically present. He just sent in his funnies in a written form!

NIAMAH!!!

p/s I changed the photo of this post after reading what Antares commented....

"
You compare him with a jackass - too classy for dat bugger lah, especially since some jackasses sound like Eddie Murphy. I compare him with a hyena, always laughing at his own lousy joke"

I agree Antares.With apologies to asses around the world.

Monday, October 13, 2008

PM material man

Hahahahahaha...sometimes I just kill myself........hahahahahaha

This morning I wrote this in reply to a comment on the chatbox here...........

"You probably noticed that I am not one of those prolific bloggers"

Then I posted 4 articles in 1 day. This is actually the 5th.

So? Do you think I got what it takes to be prime minister?

Oh. You didn't get that? Never mind. It wasn't so funny anyway.

Niamah!!!

Money would be great but............

Some things money cannot buy.

Ever since my hits counter passed the magical but purely psychological 1 Million mark I've been asked by friends and family alike why I have not started making money from my blog.

"Wah! So many hits ah? Sure can make money one.......Put la Ad Sense...Nuffnang...etc on your blog la."

Yeah hor. I've heard that Kenny fler makes thousands a month just from blogging. My friend S. gets invited to all the coolest parties in the marketing world where she gets expensive, cool door gifts. K. assures me that blogging is his only source of income. And I know K. has expensive habits to maintain.

And for a brief moment I too was beginning to be seduced by the delusion of my own blogging success. After all I do have earnings of 240 something Ringgit from my Nuffnang banners!

It took just one statement from a fellow-blogger to dash all my hopes of earning big bucks from my blog.

"Hello! Who is going to advertise on a blog called NIAMAH!!! la. Wake up la dei!"

True I guess. But I am having fun and I hope some of you reading Niamah!!! are too. If you are then I am happy. And some things money just cannot buy. Right?

NIAMAH!!!


p/s To put things in perspective for the less informed, 1 million hits mean nothing in the blogosphere. The country's top blog, Mahathir's Chedet, has had close to 90 million hits since it was started! Now that would be serious money earning potential. But then why would he need MORE money?

What to do but laugh. Then suicide.

After that last post I thought some of you might be in need of some laughs. Watch this video. You will laugh initially but when it sinks in you might also want to jump off the balcony of your penthouse apartment or slit your wrists. The choice is yours.



Niamah!!!

Don't worry. We are okay one.

Patrick: Niamah!!! What the FUCK?

The last post I wrote here seems to have been slightly prophetic. Less than 2 hours after I posted the article I was informed by the TV station that is currently employing my services that my 7-month contract has now been reduced to 4! The global financial situation was cited as one of the reasons. This country here is 'officially' in recession you see. And advertisers probably will not have nor want money to be spent on advertising goods and services that nobody can afford to buy. So, sorry la.

But...but...but...the contract is signed what. We had a deal. No? Yes, but you didn't read the fine print. It is clearly stated that we (the company) reserve the right to terminate this contract at any time and without having to give any reasons. So in other words...be grateful for the 4 months we are paying you. Now fuck off. You're standing too close to my Mercedes Benz S500.

And so the 46,000 or so Ringgit that this Malaysian would have been able to bring back to Bolehland and perhaps contribute in some small way to that "strong reserve" mentioned below, disappears in smoke. Actually, there wasn't even smoke because they strongly discourage smoking in this place.

Meanwhile back in Bolehland the government is telling us that all is OKAY! We are managing much better than the other Asian economies. Our financial fundamentals are strong. We still have a lot of reserves. I believe this is what the sleepy fler actually said...

'We have some very strong economic fundamentals. And we have very strong reserves. Our trade surplus is still strong... Our savings are also very high...'

Strong economic fundamentals? Do those people even know what that means? Strong reserves? How much? Trade surplus strong? How long do you think that is going to last when the whole world goes into recession and nobody buys what we sell and we cannot afford what they sell? Savings high? Really ah? Even Adam will tell you that savings without sustainable income will fizzle out eventually. Does anybody there have a crystal ball that helps stoke this foolish confidence that we don't know about?

WE are okay they say. By the way, has anybody qualified who that WE is?
NIAMAH!!!

What la!!!

Adam: Here! Stick this up your collective asses!


Is it just me or are our Malaysian politicians just so concerned about the race for themselves that they have totally forgotten that they are to manage the country? For the past few weeks and months all I have been reading and hearing is how this fler is going to hand over to that fler and how the other fler is planning to support don't know which fler. But as an ordinary working Malaysian rakyat I just want to say, "The fuck I care!" I would like to start hearing and reading about what you guys who hold the power now are going to do to solve Malaysia's problems. And please don't tell me we're okay or I will puke all over your sorry asses.

Actually, this reminds me of a joke told to me a few days ago. Our DPM (he still is just Deputy, right? These days you can't really be sure) apparently told all of us that the impending global depression is not going to affect Malaysia much. See? Our stock exchange index only dropped 3 point something per cent. We're okay! I believe the last 2 words were actually uttered by this man. But the guy who told me the story reminded me that although that was what he said the fler didn't qualify who the "we" referred to. YOU figure it out yourself la because if I say some more I think it might be libelous. Anyway, sorry for going totally off tangent there. The alcohol from my advance birthday party is still coursing through my body la.

So now our current prime minister has announced that he is stepping down and handing over the reins of power to his deputy in a few months. And as we can read, all the ma-cai's(cronies) in the party are jostling for position. They make statements on a daily basis about their plans. Their strategies. Their allegiance. Wait ah. All that is about winning positions for themselves ah. Nothing about you and me okay? And nothing about that they plan to do for the country's good. What the fuck!!!

And in a great example of how things are done in Bolehland the only plans for the rakyat's benefit has come in recent days from the guy who is going to be as effective as a limp dick in a few months. The outgoing Prime Minister!!! He has announced that he is going to do this and that and the other. Stuff which he should have been doing the last 4 years. No, he is going to do them in 5 months. Hey!!! We're Malaysian man! Who needs years? We can do one. Yeah sure. Take a nap. Please.

And on the other side of the fence is the fler who's announced yet another deadline. What is it now? December something I think. The whole fucking world is facing a financial crisis. Singapore has just announced that it is officially in a recession. People in the USA are killing themselves over retirement money disappearing into thin air. But here we are in Malaysia playing guessing games. Why? What? You didn't know meh? You stupid or what?

WE ARE OKAY MA!!!

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Selamat Hari Raya


Here's wishing all Muslim Malaysians...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITHRI

Forgive.

Release RPK and all ISA detainees.

Never forget.

Abolish the ISA.


Let's move ahead as ONE People ONE Nation.

Selamat Hari Raya, Malaysia!!!

Nuffnang