Google AdSense

Thursday, December 31, 2009






Saturday, December 26, 2009


Antares M


The Ecowarrior is on his way to recovery. Read more on his progress on his neighbour, Mary's wedblog here. Regular updates by Antares's 2 daughters also on his facebook page here.

The guardian of Magick River and my old friend, Antares has been admitted to hospital. And is in the ICU battling malaria.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. And may he get well soon and return to the people and the river he loves so much.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Here's wishing all Malaysians


Adam is starting school tomorrow afternoon. He has been admitted to the school of our choice. Finally. And without that elusive "form" demanded by the school as well as the Pejabat Pelajaran Selangor. The final drama played out early last week when we were at the Pejabat again. "Mana form?" We finally managed to see the pegawai in charge of Chinese schools. He too asked for the form. He too was confused. He called the school and spoke to the headmistress. He finally said, "Your son is named Adam, right? I approved his registration two weeks ago already. So I also do not know what is the problem." More talking on the phone to the headmistress. Finally"...okay la you can go to the school on Monday. Semua okay."

Thank you all for your kind support and encouragement. By the way, nobody replied to the request below.

Can somebody help us all by forwarding this blog post and comments to the Minister of Education, Minister in charge of monitoring the KPI...ah what the hell!! The Prime Minister as well la. Or give me the various email addresses which I can't seem to find and I will forward this to them, Thank you.

The order of the day at Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor, Kelana Jaya.

When I arrived at the Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor in Kelana Jaya Centrepoint yesterday morning I sort of knew that it was going to be not such a nice day. I was there to ascertain why my son, Adam's registration for Std 1 in 2010 was taking so long to process. And it was less than 3 weeks to schools re-opening. He still didn't have a confirmed place in the school of our choice. Or any other school for that matter. We had been told earlier in the month when we registered Adam at the school that we should wait for confirmation from the Education Department which will send us a letter of confirmation in the self-addressed envelope we provided for the purpose. So we waited. And nothing happened which was the reason I found myself at the Jabatan yesterday morning.

My wife and I had been there once before and had a taste of the less-than-enthusiastic service provided by the staff in the Jabatan lobby. We could have called the number given on the form for such enquiries. Except that the number given was almost perpetually engaged and when the call was connected nobody picked up the phone. There is a good reason for this which I shall tell you later. Now, back to the morning's visit.

A multi-tasking pegawai Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor. Propping up the ladder. Holding the banner and speaking on the handphone. All at the same time. Wah!

On arrival I noticed that there was a hive of activity around the entrance to the Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor. On closer scrutiny I saw that there were a group of 3-4 pegawai (officers) making rather amateurish and vain attempts at putting up a bright yellow banner across the entrance. The banner informed that there was to be an official visit by the Pengarah Pelajaran Selangor (Director of Education of Selangor - what a grand title eh?) later that afternoon for the jabatan's peresmian (opening, launch...whatever.)

First thought that came to my mind, "Shit! There goes any work and service for the public today!" Then I took a closer look at the 'team'. 4 officers. How do I know they were officers, and quite high level ones too? They all wore long sleeved shirts and gawdy unfashionable ties and had extra large name tags on their breast pockets. And so, 4 officers of the Selangor Education Department were engaged in putting up a banner to welcome their 'boss' la. Oh I forgot to mention that there were also another 4 female pegawai's watching their colleagues struggle with the big yellow banner. So who's doing the work for the day? Or is the VIP visit the work of the day?

Typical scene at the lobby. People clueless about what to do.

Anyway, I walked past the perspiring officers into the lobby. Crowded with people. How many officers attending to the people? None. There was the receptionist/operator who looked and sounded like she was at the end of her tether from being harassed by the constant stream of people asking her questions. Of course she has no time to answer the phone. In fact she had taken the phone off the hook! That was the reason why the phone was always engaged when I called. And the only time she replaced the handset was when she needed to make a call. That was when I got a ringing tone when I called and also the reason why nobody answered the call. She was just too busy. The receptionist/operator was doing everything there at the reception counter. Except answer the phone.

My wife took a queue number and waited in line. We were the 10th in the queue. Since we only needed to ask a simple question which probably required a simple answer which would take all of 7 seconds I decided to walk over to the banner-hanging pegawai's. The one I approached was quite eager to be helpful. I related my request and he waved his colleague over and asked him to assist me. We followed this guy back to the counter. Related our problem. Adam needs to have his registration confirmed for the 2010 school year.

Peg: Oh cam tu ya? Nama? Sijil pelahiran?

(we handed those over. the pegawai proceeds to start clicking buttons on the computer keyboard. Then a chilling look came over his face. You know that type of look that you get from someone you're confident of knowing his work and suddenly shows that he isn't exactly sure what he is doing? He clicks some more buttons......became more puzzled...)

Peg: (to his colleague) Eh! Mengapa cam ni ah?

(another guy comes over and says something to him that I could not hear.)

Peg #2: This case you have to get chop from the school on birth cert. Your child birth cert don't have chop. And we don't have record of your son's registration. Sekolah mesti bagi chop kalau sudah berdaftar. Kita taada record la. Lagi baik you balik tanya sekolah.

(My wife and I muttered some rather strong words under our breath and moved away from the counter. We drove to our next appointment across town. On the drive we called the school to relate to the kerani (clerk) in charge of registration what Peg #2 had said.)

Kerani: No, we only bagi chop selepas registration da approved. Kita sudah hantar borang berdaftaran ke jabatan pelajaran da.

After having lunch we drove back to the Jabatan in Kelana Jaya to try and sort out the mess that was fast building up. It was 2.30 pm. This time there were even more pegawai's standing at the entrance. Some even in jackets. My wife took a queue number. I decided to approach one of the suits with a big name tag.

Me: Excuse me Encik....

Big Peg: (Sternly) Apa? Pegi beratur sana. (What? Go queue up there.)

Me: Excuse me are you an officer here?

Big Peg: (Getting pissed off a bit) Ya.

Me: Why are you so rude?

Big Peg: (Starting to get even more pissed off......)

Me: (changing tactic a bit) So sorry to disturb you, sir. But may I ask which department you represent?

Big Peg: Pengurusan Sekolah( schools management)

Me (thinking: Perfect!)

The Big Peg begrudgingly said something which merely meant that I should go stand in the queue and wait my turn. Okay.

While I was in line I saw the VIP guest arrive with his entourage. The big wig. The state director of education. Coming to check out the new office. They were ushered into a VIP holding room which was in the lobby area and had glass walls so all can watch the proceedings inside. I watched. The usual posturing. Bows, limp handshakes, forced smiles.

I decided to exercise a right. I went up to the tudung-ed lady guarding the door.

Me: Excuse me. Is that the Pengarah Pelajaran?

TL: Yes. Ada apa hal?

Me: I would like to speak to him

TL: Sorry you cannot. He is having a meeting.

(I wave to the pengarah. He waved back to signal that I cannot proceed. I opened the door anyway.....)

Me: Excuse me Dr. XXXX. My name is Patrick. I understand you are the state education director. May I ask you a question as a member of the Rakyat?

DES: Oh yes, come in. You're the...apa ya? Ya? Ada apa hal? Come, come duduk, duduk....

I proceeded to inform him that all I wanted as a parent and a member of the Rakyat is to know what is the education department's procedure for registering children for school when they move from one part of Selangor to another.

Me: The school tells me this and your pegawai tells me that. As a parent I am worried.

While this short conversation was going on, the Big Peg I met earlier who was also in room probably because he was the local big shot was getting was getting really upset that I had managed to invade the big VIP gathering despite being told to queue at the counter. But ....

DES: (after listening to me...) Oh tu takde masaalah. Kan? (looking over at Big Peg) Kasi selesaikan la. Ya?

After the big pronouncement from the VIP there were smiles all round the room as all the pegawai's gathered felt more comfortable that my intrusion wasn't going to be an issue with the boss. I said my thank you's and went back to the counter. This time the pegawai at the counter seemed to be a little more friendly and helpful. He'd seen me in the room with the Pengarah.

Peg#2: Ini masaalah kecil je. Tak payar pegi jumpa pengarah. Ini kita boleh selesaikan. Senang je. Encik bagi nombor talipon, saya akan call balik selepas I dapat keterangan case ni.

Me: Bila encik nak talipon?

Peg#2: Esok.

Mr. Saya-talipon-esok. Suitable togged up for the big boss's visit. First time I met him he was just in shirt sleeves.

As we left the Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor, Kelana Jaya Centrepoint we past another couple trying to explain to the button clicking pegawai their predicament. It was almost exactly the same as ours. The father was trying to explain that he didn't have time to make many visits to the Jabatan and to shuttle from school to jabatan numerous times. He was a blue collar worker and could not afford to take time off or his family would have no food on the table for the day. But this father was a good Malaysian. Non-confrontational. He would accept what the Tuan Pegawai told him. Polite. He would never think of barging into the Pengarah Pelajaran Selangor's VIP reception. His family will go hungry for a few days before his daughter gets to go to school.

The pegawai will just shrug and click some more buttons on the keyboard.


p/s it is now 3:37 pm. The 'esok' call has not come yet. In the meantime, my wife went to the school and was told that my son has already been allocated a place in Std 1, 2010. All they needed now was the approval letter from...where?

Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor!!!

This is the state of things in Malaysia? That even after the Pengarah 'selesai' things, they still don't get done.

Them: Hiyah! Masaalah kecil je? Jangan risau. Tunggu la.

Us: Baik, tuan.

Them: Now fuck off.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sex, Lies and Excuses

Yes, sex is in the deal. No I am not expensive. But if you don't come it's not my fault.

Sunday is generally a day of rest. A day to spend quality time with the family. But I have to admit that yesterday I did very little of either. Why? I was laughing so hard the whole day everyone thought I'd finally gone off the edge of the longkang.

If you've ever had any doubt that the Malaysian mainstream media is full of rubbish yesterday's New Sunday Times might have proved it true to you once and for all. The Sunday paper's front page was full of sex, lies and excuses. Let me refresh your memory by reading you the headline stories...

Sex - Yes, we're...Married

Only in Malaysia will a story about a starlet (and not a very well-known one at that) becoming someone's second wife grap a major newspaper's front page. Zizie Ezette (who gave her that name???!!! It sounds like something out of Sesame Street.) and her "Bung" (Kinabatangan member of parliament famous for his "All women leak once a month" pronouncement in Parliament) finally admitted that they are married. Yay! All smiles from the blissful couple. Meanwhile, nobody quite cared what Bung's first wife had to say about the whole circus act. But then this is Malaysia ma.

Lies - BIGGER $avings

Some people would have us believe that the impending GST (Goods & Services Tax) is good for us and will save us money!!! "Pay less for phone bills, food and beverages under GST". Yeah, sure. The lie is that they don't tell us that we shall be paying tax on more things than ever before.

Excuses - Overzealous lecturers blamed for BTN grouses.

The National Civics Bureau (BTN) chief, Ahmad Maslan blames overzealous lecturers and rebellious participants for the problems surroundingthe BTN courses which many participants and critics have labelled 'racist' and counter-productive.

"Maybe some facilitators terlepas cakap (slip of the tongue). We have 1,500 trainers, facilitators and speakers, how do I control each and everyone of them?"

Yeah sure, Ahmad Maslan. Maybe someone should fire your ass too.


Pain ah?

Ouch! Baarger! Screwed again lor.

When you woke up this morning did you feel a distinct pain in your backside? I did. And when I read the front page of the newspaper the pain became almost excruciatingly hard to bear.


......screamed the headline. Pay what upfront? From next year all credit card holders will start paying the RM50 credit card tax.

I suppose living here we should all get used to getting a finger up our collective asses every so often la. Have a good start to the week, folks!


This land is mine. God gave this land to me.

The line in the title is a line from a song from the 1960 film, Exodus which was banned in Malaysia along with the book by Leon Uris. Why was it banned? It was a film and story about the founding of the state of Israel. It has absolutely nothing to do with this post but I just thought of it when I got the idea for this update.

For the past couple of weeks there's been this full-paged advertisement in The Star. The ad, in the Metro section is by the I&P Group advertising a new housing project and selling 'bungalow lots'. What struck me was the headline of the advertisement which read......

We fought for this land. Claimed our independence, because of its value. And now it's for sale.

I don't know about you but when I read it there was something terrifyingly prophetic about that headline.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009


These days our beloved country seems to be getting some global-level embarrassment. This morning I read that we may be in danger of losing our visa-free entry privilege to the UK by 2011. Of course, before this we were the laughing stock of the world for such events like sentencing a woman to be whipped for drinking, stepping on a cow head, dragging the Perak Speaker out of the House by his collar and the list goes on la. Damn malu la sometimes.

Then as I was surfing the Net this afternoon I came across this photo of world leaders at the recent APEC 2009 Conference. Photo-taking session. As you can see all the world leaders have crossed their arms and are holding hands. To signify friendship and cooperation I suppose. All, that is, except our prime minister. Najib looks like he's confused. Errr...which hand...which arm ah? Eh? I am holding his hand what. How come my arm not crossed one?

I thought you might enjoy seeing the photo if you haven't already.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

TM calling

After the rant I posted yesterday about how TM sucks, I got some action today! Or maybe it is just a coincidence la. Don't think anyone in TM would have time to spend reading blogs much less reacting to them. After all....WAFFOR? Right?

Anyway, the TM 'contractor', a young pleasant fellow, has just left with a promise that my phone line will be in working condition after 1 hour. "Sorry la, boss. Hari ni opis banyak orang cuti ah. Tak cukup orang kerja. Bab tu programming lambat sikit." HUH?

Anyway, I shall let you know if the 1 hour promise is kept even though opis banyak orang cuti.


Update #1 12:58 PM (18 minutes past deadline - phone not working yet.)

Update #2 5:09 PM (Sorry for this delayed update but right after I posted Update #1 I tried the line again and it worked!)

Monday, December 14, 2009

Any problem call us ya?

TM (Telecom Malaysia)SUCKS!!!

It's been 3 maybe 4.......maybe 5 days? I don't remember and I have given up counting. But it's been days since I went to that Kedai TM Point at Ampang Point to transfer my phone and Streamyx to a new address. I do remember distinctly the TM pegawai fler's parting words were, "Kalau ada apa apa masaalah uncle panggil la nombor ni...100"

This morning I discovered that I cannot call 100 except from a TM landline! Which of course I don't have because they take at least 9 working days to affect a change of address. And I have yet had no call from the 'contractor' which would have marked the 1st day of the wait. So I am still in limbo as far as my phone line and Streamyx are concerned.

TM must be one of the most inefficient monopolies in Malaysia.

Some weeks ago when the other flers were doing their POTONG ads all over the place, TM came out with their defence. Remember that newspaper ad which showed some guy leaning out of his window with a gadget that looked incredibly like the Potong tool? The tagline in that TM ad was Why go with the unknown? My friend, Kurt came out with the perfect answer......


Can we make this a viral thing? Send this message to all your friends. Via blogs, facebook, sms, Tweeter, YouTube ..... anything.



Saturday, December 12, 2009

Boss, got hammer ah?

There is something that tells me that this is going to be a good weekend. First, my family and I are in our new house away from landslide central. Second, I found that this place we've moved to has wi-fi right next to the pool! So I can actually surf, update, email. All while sipping an ice cold beer and enjoying the view of bikini.....errr.....okay let's keep our minds on this update. And third, I have some funnies to share with you.

I am sure that you know that my family and I were going through a house move last week. And if you've ever moved house before you will know what a traumatic experience it is. But there was one funny thing that happened last week. The team of 1 Indonesian and 1 Bangladeshi who delivered and fixed my daughter's wardrobe (one of those plywood jobs from one of those Expo Perabot places) asked me, "Eh! Boss ada hammer ka?" I laughed so hard I think I scared the Bangladeshi. You're from a furniture company. You're here to deliver and put together a wardrobe made of wood. And you don't have a hammer???!!!

Today's Star carries a couple of funnies which I thought I'd point out to you.

The first one is really quite hilarious. It's got Najib Razak, the PM talking through his.......errrr.......(okay la you add your own word here ya?)! The fler is telling bloggers to adopt a code of ethics which some US-based society has issued. Suddenly what those American flers say are soooo important issit? But remember ah. He's telling BLOGGERS to do this ya?

What are these rules?

Tell the truth! Be responsible! Be honest! Be fair when reporting and interpreting information! Never publish inaccurate information! Distinguish between advocacy, commentary and factual information! Admit mistakes and correct them promptly! Never plagiarise! Identify links and sources wherever possible! Do not pander to lurid curiousity! Disclose conflicts of interest, affiliations, activities and personal agendas! Abide by the same high standards to which they held others!

He's telling all that load of crock to BLOGGERS???!!! I feel like leaving him a less-than-polite message on his 1Malaysia blog. Hello, Mr. Prime Minister I think you should first make that speech to all the flers at the NST, Star, Utusan, RTM, TV3/7/8/9, Bernama and whatever else 'media' you and Umno and the cronies own. Come on la. Tell us to behave ourselves issit? How come you never say anything about this to your own flers? Or did you? quite a funny fler la, Najib. Oh of course you're a politician. I almost forgot.

A couple of weeks ago our old pal, Nazri said that our taxi's were worse than our toilets. That was because tourists complain most about our taxi's. Even more than our dirty toilets which they just put down as due to our 3rd World mentality I suppose. And now our taxi drivers are proving once again that they are a force to be reckoned with. They want Nazri to apologise to them. The demand was made by Azmi Md Yatin, chairman of the Executive Taxi Owners Association of Malaysia. Wah! I didn't even know we had an association of executive taxi owners. And just what the fuck is an executive taxi??? And just read this quote which the Star attributed to this Azmi fler. “The statement by Nazri is extreme and we (taxi drivers) from the Klang Valley unequivocally agree that Nazri must apologise openly”. Really ah? I'd like to hear Azmi even pronounce UNEQUIVOCALLY.

Anyway, the taxi flers are submitting a memorandom about this to no less than the Prime Minister AND the Deputy Prime Minister! And they are demanding Nazri relinquish his portfolio overseeing the Commercial Vehicle Licensing Board (CVLB) and if Nazri doesn't do what they ask they say they would ask all taxi drivers from various taxi associations in the Klang Valley to meet the prime minister to resolve the matter.

Wah! This is Malaysian democracy at work man. You can question and demand anything one. Well, except maybe why someone paid RMthousands for outdated laptops computers. Where all the Petronas money went. How politicians can afford multi-million Ringgit mansions. Why properly elected representatives can be removed illegally. Why...well something better than nothing ma. Right?


Tuesday, December 08, 2009

9 working days


A True Story

Year: 1990
Location: Waverly, Iowa, United States of America
Objective: To get a phone and phone service for my daughter's dormitory room in college.

Me: Hi, good morning.
AT&T: Good morning, thank you for calling AT&T. How may I help you?
Me: Errr...I would like to get a phone line for my daughter's dorm room in Wartburg College..
AT&T: Yes of course sir. May I please have the dorm and room number and the subscriber's name and credit card number?
Me: Errr...okay it's XXXXX and her name is XXX and the credit card details are XXXX AT&T: Thank you and may I just put you on hold for a second?
Me: Thank you.
(15 seconds later)
AT&T: Sorry to keep you waiting, sir. It's all done you may commence using the service in an hour. Thank you for choosing AT&T.

Then I went with my daughter to the local supermarket. Picked up some groceries and a made-in-Malaysia handset. Went back to the dorm room, plugged it in the socket. Voila! There was her phone line. Working. All done in less than an hour.

Seque to the present. Yesterday actually.

Year: 2009
Location: Kedai TM Point, Ampang Point, Ampang, Selangor.

Objective: To effect a change of address for my telephone line and Streamyx service.

Me: Selamat pagi.
TM: Ya?
Me: I am moving from Ulu Kelang to PJ and I would like to move my phone line and Streamyx.
TM: Where in PJ?
Me: Errr...yes it is at XXX
TM: Sana ada coverage ke?
Me: Errr...I think so because it is a condo and many people I know there have Streamyx service.
TM: Wait ah I check dulu. (clicks away at the computer) Errr...takde la.
Me: How can? I am sure I know people there who use Streamyx.
TM: You got any of your friends phone numbers?
Me: Huh? Errr...sure I can give you this one. XXXXXXXXXX
TM: (clicks buttons again) nak pindah ke sana ke?
Me: Yes.
TM: Kena isikan borang ini.
Me: (fills out form)
TM: Okay, you will have to pay RM50 for the re-location. But don't worry we will bill you in the next statement. Also you need to pay RM30 for the contractor to come and check your line.
Me: But it is a condo there are installed lines already.
TM: Ya but still the contractor need to come and check see if got service.
Me: Errr...okay. I am planning to move the day after tomorrow. So when will the service be available at my new house?
TM: 9 days time. Working days ya?
Me: What?! Why?
TM: You apply today so today memang tak boleh la. Then we will inform our contractor within 3 working days. Then the contractor will take minimum 3 working days to go to your place and check. And then they will inform us within 3 working days. So total 9 working days la. Tu je.
Me: Errr...
TM: Anything else I can help you with?
Me: Errr...terima kasih ya?

So friends, there will be no sound from me la for the next 9 days cos I'll be at the new house waiting for the contractor to come and check. Sorry ya.


Hey! Surprises never cease

What you talking la dei?

Yesterday I read that Tun Mahathir came out in defense of the curriculum of the BTN courses saying that it should be retained and not revamped or updated or anything. Why? The old man claims that it is good for instilling patriotism and what not. This despite the fact that first hand accounts of past participants have almost proven conclusively that it did just the opposite.

And today, when I opened the newspaper I read that Mr. I-love-to-put-my-foot-in-mouth Nazri Aziz has fired a salvo at the Tun. Even calling the old coot a racist! Now that's very surprising indeed. Isn't it? Just read what Nazri said.

Nazri said: “You talk about patriotism, love for the country. Patriotism is for all Malaysians regardless of race. Therefore, the money spent on BTN to have courses must reflect the 1Malaysia slogan by the PM. It should not only be to raise patriotism among the Malays. Malaysia is for all races so I disagree with any syllabus which only concentrates on patriotism just on one community, I disagree. If they have a problem with that, I want to know what is their problem,”

Nazri questioned if Utusan Malaysia, which has been at the forefront of defending BTN courses, believes that Malaysia belongs only to the Malay community.

“Do they want to say that Malaysia belongs only to the Malays and the government is only a Malay government? Should only the Malays be given the spirit of patriotism? Other races are not patriotic about their country? So I want them to point out to me where is it that I’ve gone wrong If I disagree with the past syllabus,” he added.

Nazri also questioned Utusan for deceiving Malaysians on BTN.

I apologise for not being able to credit the source of the above story because it was sent to me by a Niamah!!! reader. But you can read more about it here.

I have no idea of what Nazri's motives are for coming out so strongly about the BTN and reinforcing what many Malaysians are unhappy about recently. But whatever the man's reasons are today I will drink a toast to his health and continued wisdom. Way to go, Nazri!


Saturday, December 05, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Ale! Jangan marah la. Main-main je.

Over my morning coffee I was browsing the online news portals and found a gem. It's from the online version of The Star. The section, Other News & Views. I am sure that most of you have read about the so-called 'sightings' of the ghost of Teoh Beng Hock. Stories have been circulating the Net about how people have seen Teoh's spirit haunting the MACC building in Shah Alam. Anyway, there was a report in The China Press about this 'haunting'. Part of the English translation in The Star read...

The guard later went to the reception counter and saw Teoh’s spirit walking away. He later felt someone pulling his leg.

I fell off my chair when I read that. I was laughing so hard. Thank you to the editor or sub-ed who translated that. Proving that in Malaysia comedy (intentional or otherwise) is not the exclusive domain of politicians.


Friday, December 04, 2009

You just don't get it, do you?

Since I posted the video on "What the FUCK!!!" December 02, I have received in access of 40 comments. Unfortunately, I feel that too many of these comments are in the vein of...

a) Oi! If you were the one being robbed by the guy, you won't be talking so big would you?
b) Huh! Next time you need to ask the police for help then you will know.
c) The baarger being hammered is a robber la. He deserves it la!
d) Ya la, the fler non-Malay that's why kena hantam the police also don't care lor.

I think you get the drift of what I am trying to say here. So I think it is important to set things right for those of you who just don't get it. I have re-printed here a comment which puts things in the proper perspective. Please read it and stop with the illogical comments. Thank you.

It doesn't matter if this chap is Malay, Chinese, Indian or Lain2. Many readers get that, and I think that's great.

But it also doesn't matter if this mofo raped your baby. There are a lot of posts on the original youtube entry in the vein of "what if this fler robbed you, sure you whack him la".

Wtf do people think this country is? suspect someone of a crime, (e.g. an Indian person, as has been the case for over a decade now), so whack him? Don't like someone's face, so bash it in?

It is tempting to say "it ain't our fault if the police haven't done their job, right?" After all, if the police really were to enforce the law without prejudice, then maybe we'd be more aware that it is wrong to go bashing people up no matter what we suspect them of.

That's why there is legitimate state-sanctioned violence; the court process, for whatever piece of crap it is worth today, was once an effective instrument of legal violence.

So, now that we know the system doesn't work, are we better off enforcing the law ourselves? Get real results, real quickly.

But whose law?

Shit people, if Malaysia has gone to the dogs it's because of fucking Malaysians. We went and said "okay" to those filthy politicians in the first place; and we didn't bat an eyelash when the cops started going on rampages. we still don't, evidently. Just say "Hooray, clap clap, don't fuck with my petrol subsidy". Morons.


Thursday, December 03, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Soon all schools everywhere will be gong-ing to our tune.
(Star photo)

"Malaysia hoped to share its teaching standard with other countries in the region
paving the way for the nation to becoming a centre of education excellence.

........Malaysia’s education system was gaining international attention with the country being recognised as having an effective conventional and religious curriculum by various groups"........Muhyiddin Yassin, education minister and deputy prime minister speaking at a launching ceremony at the Malaysian Teachers Education Inst­itute Tawau campus in Balung.

And who says we are not FUN-ny people?


Wednesday, December 02, 2009

What the FUCK!!!

A friend of mine pointed out this youtube video to me. When I watched it I just sat there shocked to my core. I thought of writing about it and expressing how I felt but when I watched the video again I decided to let YOU be the writers of this Niamah!!! blogpost.

Watch the video and let us know what you feel. And while you're watching try and identify the good guys and the bad guys. Bet you can't.

Now, you know it's true what Najib's been saying all along.

There's ONLY


Friday, November 27, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Food For Thought

The religious believe that God belongs to them. Christians (Muslims and Jews) know that they belong to God

.......Sheila Samples, Oklahoma writer.

Kurt, Coreen, Laura, Virginia, Carol, Dianna, Rey, Lyle
and all the peoples of the
United States of America...


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

You think you very smart ah? Wait you see la!

Wait for it.......3-2-1...okay you can go. See you tomorrow ya?

Do you remember a few years ago the Police flers (don't remember who la but some high ranking pegawai) stamped his feet and threw a tantrum when the public complained about traffic police inefficiency in KL? The chap practically threatened the citizens of Kuala Lumpur saying that since they complained so much all traffic cops would be removed from street duty. Ha! Then see how you like it la. The scary thing is that the police actually carried out their threat and caused near total traffic chaos in the city for days. It was the Polis Diraja Malaysia's way of saying to all the Rakyat, "Ha! Padan muka!" (serves you right! Complain about us somemore la.)

Only in Malaysia can a civil force like the Police tell the people whose duty it is to serve and protect, "Go fuck yourself!"

More recently, the courts ruled that the MACC (Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission) witnesses could only be questioned from 8.30am to 5.30pm each day. This prompted a reaction that we ordinary Malaysians are no longer surprised at hearing. Read this......

The MACC's Director of investigations Mohd Shukri Abdull said he issued a directive on Monday, calling on all investigators interviewing witnesses to ensure they started and stopped their interviews during office hours only — which is from 8.30am to 5.30pm.

“We urge people who want to lodge reports with us or who want to give us their statements to come to the MACC office in the early morning or afternoon to avoid any inconvenience."

Okay, I have no problems with that part of the statement. It's what the court ruled. But then the baarger continues in a rather thinly-veiled finger-up-your-ass way by saying to all of us......

........... that if a person lodged a report on a Friday evening, his statement could only be recorded on Monday, the next working day.

“It is not that we do not want to entertain the public at their convenience but we have to adhere to the court ruling that forbids us from interviewing witness after office hours’’

Doesn't that sound rather like, "Ha! You want to play issit? Come la. Padan muka!"

And then, of course the PDRM (remember them?) jumps right into the game again.

The old DAP fler, Karpal Singh said that the police should not interrogate/question witnesses after office hours (?).

And so the Inspector-General shoots back saying that that would be tantamount to asking police stations to close at 5pm.
Really ah?

And just to make sure that there is not any doubt that our IGP is a very farneeeee kind of guy he added, “If that is the case, then those who want to lodge police reports after office hours can see Karpal.”

Doesn't that sound rather like, "Ha! You want to play issit? Come la. Padan muka!"

Actually, it sounds more like MACC and PDRM saying to the Rakyat,

"Well, FUCK you!"


Sunday, November 22, 2009

Some light-hearted Sunday funnies

No need to worry la. We all won't be speaking any English in a few years from now.

Actually, the Deputy Minister of Education (see post below) has absolutely nothing to worry about. Malaysian students and Malaysian youth have not spoken English in decades. That is going from what they are being taught in Malaysian schools and colleges. I heard from a reliable source today some 'sample' questions that were part of an English language exam paper for a certain Malaysian university. Don't laugh too hard okay?

Objective test.

Question: What does it mean when a person has a 'sixth sense'?

Required answer: The person has the ability to see ghosts.

Question: Which country welcomes its visitors with a garland or "lei"?

Required answer: Hawaii. (but Hawaii isn't a country!)

Question: If you cut open an apple and find the centre resembling the word for God (original word in the test substituted to protect sensitivities and to avoid legal battles about who can use the name) what is that?

Required answer: A blessing in disguise.

There were more examples but by that time I was laughing so hard I couldn't hold on to the phone. Hope you had an enjoyable and productive Sunday. Smile.


Saturday, November 21, 2009 you know where we can find ah?

Our Royal Malaysian Police or Polis DiRaja Malaysia are damn good right? Yes what.

They captured that Mas Selamat fler. Damn fierce terrorist that one you know. And he even eluded those super-efficient Singaporean baargers.

They shot dead all those criminals in recent weeks. Crippled this gang and that gang. Okay, right?

I have one question though.

If they are so good how come they cannot find RPK?

How come they do not know the whereabouts of that private investigator Bala fler even after Bala claimed that he has been in and out of the country several times since the police started looking for him? Not only cannot find. The Inspector-General himself had to publicly request if anyone had any information or knew where the 2 chaps are.

Wonder who gave them the location of Mas Selamat last time? Sure as hell would not have found him on their own, right?


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

First, it was a bunch of clowns from Umno marching around carrying banners that screamed "Puki mak" or some shit like that.

Yesterday while surfing the Net I came across this photo of Port Klang Assemblyman Badrul Hisham Abdullah who had quit PKR, saying that he had lost faith in the party's leadership. This after his "boss" MB Khalid Ibrahim recommended to the PKR supreme council that Badrul Hisham resign from his seat for non-performance. And so this PKR fler leaves but not before he signed off with this pose for the cameras......

Did he leave in 'peace' but got directions reversed or was he saying to his boss,

"Fuck you too!"?


Fantastic Facts And Fancies

The banner belongs to TM one of if the biggest Malaysia companies

Just yesterday I posted about the deputy minister of education, Puad claiming that it was 'weird' for Malaysians to speak English because it was harmful to the nation's culture and identity. Today, I drove past this building in downtown Kuala Lumpur which displayed on its side a huge banner that proclaimed.................


Culture and identity my ass!

Somebody sure didn't clear that copy with that Yang Berhormat Timbalan Menteri Pendidikan moron!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

We are always right. We are the police.

The second award for the most moronic statement of the day goes to the Inspector-General of Police, Musa Hassan who said...

"......those who questioned police action in shooting suspects
should consider whether they wanted to support those who upheld the
law or the criminals."

In other words what the police do is always right. So shut the fuck up already!


Fantastic Facts And Fancies

"We are polluting our own culture and identity as a nation"
Sorry, YB we accomplished that a long time ago already.

The award for most Shockingly moronic statement of the day goes to our Deputy Minister of Education Mohd Puad Zarkashi who said .......

Speaking English in the workplace is "weird" and harmful to the nation's culture and identity.

Malaysiakini wrote that the NST report also said, "......
employees in the private sector used English 99 percent of the time and should switch to Bahasa Malaysia in order to show pride in the national language."

As though that wasn't enough he further stated that "................This also occurs in government-linked companies where we have this weird culture of people speaking to each other in English instead of the national language. We are polluting our own culture and identity as a nation"....and that "It would be difficult to strengthen the position of Bahasa Malaysia if this culture continued."

After 52 years of independence why we still so scared and insecure about ourselves and what and who we are?


This just sounds so wrong. And funny osso!

No, no. We won't be volunteering for the tests. It's for the Rakyat.

Did you all see the headline story on page 2 of The Star yesterday? I only read it this morning before the maid tore it up to wrap the morning's marketing. The headline read ......

"Eyeing M'sia for trials"

And what were they talking about? Apparently, pharmaceutical giants are viewing Malaysia as an ideal location to carry out diagnostic and clinical trials for the global market! Don't you find that chilling news? I shuddered when I read that. Before I broke into hysterical laughter. I mean whoever edited that story must have a terrific sense of humour or was taking the piss out of the whole thing. Just read the story yourself. Everything is so wrong...

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said priority could be given to such value-added trials as Malaysia’s multi-ethnic composition represented a big portion of the global population.

“This also augurs well for Malaysia that aspires to be a successful global biotechnology hub,” he said, adding that the country had the competitive edge as it had the necessary resources.
The Prime Minister also said a powerhouse research centre would be established in Malaysia to promote research and development.

Najib said Malaysia has attracted 135 Bio Nexus companies with a total investment of RM1.51bil.

“These companies had recorded revenues in the excess of RM700mil,’’ he said, adding that they had also created more than 2,260 knowledged workers. (It's always about money, isn't it? - PT)

Bio nexus programme is a key element of the National Biotechnology Policy. (Did you know we had such a policy? - PT)

University of Aberdeen Institute of Medical Science lecturer Professor Anne Glover said Malaysia could serve as a one-stop centre for clinical trials due to its multi-ethnic population. (Yes our guinea-pigs are much more versatile than yours. - PT)
Alexandre F. Jetzer-Chung of Novartis International AG said Malaysia had a bigger potential as it had impressive information technology and medical facilities.

Oh thank you, Mr. Jetzer-Chung. I was beginning to think that you were only interested in us cos we have so many specimens for you to test with. Phew!

Oh by the way, aren't guinea pigs HARAM? Pigs ma.


Monday, November 16, 2009

We are very fair one!

I was re-reading the last post I wrote here, "Only in Malaysia." Suddenly, I realised that we are actually living in a country where everything is fair and square. You don't think so? Really one la. Just think about it as you look at the photo of our Deputy Prime Minister riding pillion on a motorcycle without wearing a safety helmet. There's the proof. It's fair.




Friday, November 13, 2009

Only in Malaysia!!!

I am sure that most of you have seen this already. But just in case some of you Niamah!!! visitors missed it I thought I should post it here.

Only in Malaysia will you find a major newspaper printing on its front page a headline story with the Prime Minister warning Indonesian workers not to break Malaysian laws.

"We welcome you but don't flout the law......." - Najib Razak, Prime Minister.

And then on the same page publish a full colour photo of the Deputy Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin and other Malaysians happily breaking the law by not wearing helmets while riding motorcycles!!!

"Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin hitching a ride as he tours flood-hit areas..."says the caption.
Helmet ah? No need la.

(the photo did however show a few law-abiding Malaysians in the entourage)

Only in 1Malaysia!


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Something good II

Well, if we thought that the Indonesians were on the right track, we are perhaps starting to walk the talk too.

Islamic groups ejected from Allah suit

That was the headline in The MalaysianInsider today. Read the full report here.


Errrr......and then again maybe not. Read this today.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Something good

Mosque and LOUDspeakers

Some days good things come along in rather unexpected ways. I was bored and going through other people's Tweet messages and came across this link which brought a smile to my face and some hope in my heart. The link is The Jakarta Post. Read it for yourself and have a nice day...

The South Kalimantan’s chapter of Indonesian Ulema Council has proposed an edict that bans the use of loudspeakers if it is considered to be disturbing other people, even though they are used to broadcast the call to prayer five times a day or a sermon.

Council member Muhammad Noor, who is a lecturer at Antasari State Islamic Institute in the provincial capital of Banjarmasin, told Antara state news agency Monday that a group of ulema attending a discussion in Tabalong regency recently concluded that deafening loudspeakers, albeit for good purposes, could spark disagreement among Muslims and non-Muslims due to the noise and discomfort caused.

Noor said the ulema suggested that Muslims exercise their freedom of religion without sacrificing the rights of other people.

Participants of the discussion agreed that the use of loudspeakers was aimed at propagating Islam, but its excessive application might be counterproductive.

Can we even begin to imagine something like that happening in our country? And they send us their people to work as our maids? I feel ashamed.



Ha! This looks like a good place to put them la.

This is funny. Just a few days ago the Federal Territories minister announced plans to "re-locate" chicken and pork sellers in the Pudu market to an 'enclosed site'. Today, I read in The Star that the Malacca Chief Minister has plans to relocate Malaysia's thespians (the Star's choice of name and not mine) and musicians to an Artistes Village in Alor Gajah. CM, Ali Rustam announced that a 25.5 hectare site will be developed. 217 lots for homes, a 1.8ha open air stage, training and film studio and an auditorium. I don't know about you but I shuddered when I read about that.

Pork sellers in that enclosed site.
TV actors over there.
Film directors over here. No here la. Under the producers' reservation. Yes!
Stage actors next to the irrigation drain there where there is proper drainage and hygiene.

The Star article reports that so far 'thespians' who have showed interest in this reservation include Jins Shamsuddin and Aziz Satar. So maybe this proposed 'enclosed site' is only meant for putting old flers out to pasture.

One day maybe they will also have 'an enclosed site' for Barisan Nasional politicians past their use-by date.

Acting only ma. We do it all the time. Cannot ah?

I am copying this from The Malaysian Insider. This one paragraph is a death knell for Malaysian comedians hoping to make fun of the socio-political situation in this country. My bet is that the comedians have no chance in Hell of topping real life in Bolehland which is far funnier than anything any Malaysian comedian can dream up. Ready? At your own risk ya? You laugh til you die. Not my problem okay?

Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz said “judiciary fixer” V.K. Lingam had been let off the hook “because he had broken no law”.

Nazri also suggested that Lingam breached no laws as he might “have just acted to fix the appointment of judges as if he was brokering the appointment of senior judges to impress people”.

“I am not denying that it was Lingam in the tape. But I am also saying that there are a lot of conmen in this world. Who knows he might have just acted when he was calling the so-called judges to impress,” said Nazri in his ministerial winding-up speech on the 2010 Budget debate.

Some people in the government are so disdainful of the Rakyat that they can throw this shit in our faces and not think anything of it. You still want to believe that Malaysia is soooo wonderful because the food is good here?


Friday, November 06, 2009

Fix it and make it better. Or worse.

The Pudu Market. The latest tool for protecting 'sensitivities'.

I read in the papers today that they are planning to renovate the 60-year old Pudu Market. The Pudu market is an iconic landmark (albeit a smelly one too). And it was good that the Federal Territory Ministry is planning to preserve the location and update the old market into the present day.

The Star's Metro reported that Federal Territories and Urban Wellbeing (I think they are fast running out of ideas of how to cut the cake for ravenous coalition gluttons. What kind of fucked-up portfolio is that?) Minister Datuk Raja Nong Chik Zainal Abidin said the makeover would include paving the roadside of the market site and relocating the chicken and pork sellers to a more hygienic and conducive environment.

Okay, paving the roadside. That is good.

Re-locating the chicken and pork sellers to a more hygienic and conducive environment.

Errr...okay ya that is a good thing too. After all hygiene is important so that the products won't be contaminated and make people ill or worse. But then I read the next bit where the minister says......

“We need to respect the sensitivity of the all traders operating there and the relocation of these traders to an enclosed site with better drainage and piping is a move requested and endorsed by the Pudu Market Association,” Nong Chik said.

You may be forgiven for thinking that I am making this into a racist thing. That is not my intention of course. But if the above is exactly what the minister said then I fear for the worse. That something such as the simple updating of a wet market that has served the people of Kuala Lumpur for 60 years is at risk of becoming a racial, divisive exercise. Another wedge in splitting Malaysians even further.

Read the statement again. "We need to respect the sensitivity of the all traders operating there..............." I must wonder which traders and what sensitivities he was referring to. "......the relocation of these traders to an enclosed site with better drainage and piping is a move requested and endorsed by the Pudu Market Association." An 'enclosed' site? For chicken and pork sellers. Very soon we may have 'enclosed' sites for beef butchers too since we constantly have to be 'sensitive' to this, that and the other.

All these announcements and actions by the government just serve to remind us that we are a divided nation and the notion of 1Malaysia is just a pipe dream or a politician's public relations gimmick.


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wah! Pals again wor

Waffor fight? We all fren-fren ma.
Eh? How come you wear black? Want to be different issit? Baarger!

When I saw this photo on the front page of The Star today I was like Huh??? Look at all the MCA flers in it. There's treasurer-general Tee Hock Seng, Chua Soi Lek, Ong Tee Keat, secretary-general Wong Foon Meng, vice-president Kong Cho Ha and central committee member Donald Lim Siang Chai posing.

I must admit that I was never following the MCA recent crises very closely but I do seem to remember that not too long ago some of the flers in the photo smiling and holding hands were at each other's throats! Weren't they calling each other names? Threatening each other's lives? Swearing never to be in the same room together? Then suddenly I read that everything is hunky dory again. Apparently, they're all doing it for the party and for the Chinese community in Malaysia wor. Now, as a Chinese Malaysian I find that a little hard on the imagination. You believe ah? One day fight like hell then the next day bury the hatchet. All for the sake of the people wor. Yes meh?

Oh yes, the other day I saw a herd of flying pigs also la. True one!


Monday, November 02, 2009

I'm gonna make your day

No First Or Second Class Citizens In Malaysia. Only 1st and Economy Class?

Yesterday I read about Muhyiddin Yassin, Deputy Prime Minister calling some Malays traitors.

He said, in the 52 years Umno had been leading the nation, the party had never forsaken the interest of the Malays but in fact had always and would continue to champion them. Muhyiddin added that what was also more worrying now was that there are some non-Malay quarters who were openly questioning Malay rights and privileges. "And what was even more disappointing," he said, "was that there was a small number of Malays who were acting as a thorn in the flesh". He urged the Malays to be firmly united against these traitors as they were obstacles to the progress of the Malays.

The DPM was criticised for making such blatantly racist remarks by the local media and pro-Opposition publications.

But our wise DPM also said that there are no first or second class citizens in Malaysia. He said Malaysia also did not have people who were marginalised or were purposely marginalised and in fact unity was the underlying theme of the 1Malaysia concept. Yes, I know. At first I thought he was talking about some other country but he did mention Malaysia wor.

Today, I read in the papers that our Prime Minister has come out and condemned 'certain leaders' for their racist remarks.

"Umno is not a racist party," he said. "Racist comments from “one or two Umno leaders” should be ignored because the majority of members in the party are not racists."

Najib reiterated that his mission as Prime Minister was to lead all Malaysians.

If this wasn't Bolehland, I'd be rejoicing in that statement. But since it is I am not sure I can believe it.

Oh well, it's only Monday. So I am sure there will be more 'surprises' as the week goes on.

Wait...wait...wait...I am not all that cruel la. To spoil your Monday like that so I'd like to draw your attention to something that will make you laugh. Might even be hysterical guffaws so please take care not to choke on your nasi lemak.......

Terengganu and the state government is coming up with innovative ways to improve sexual relations

Apparently, body odour, humdrum sex and boring pyjamas have been blamed for the high divorce rate in Terengganu. Authorities there are looking for ways to introduce exotic and sensuous fragrances among other things, that can arouse sexual desire.

Hiyah! Waffor want to be so difficult. Just stage a couple of Beyonce concerts in KT lor. Kao tim for sure one. You dinch know meh? Even those PAS Youth flers think that watching Beyonce perform will stir up the most inactive groins.

Welcome to the start of a 'normal' week in 1Malaysia.


Welcome to 1Malaysia

Just in case some of you missed this...

Have a good start to the week, folks!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Some comic relief from my home state, Perak

Oi! Saya boleh kira tahu!

For years now I have wondered what qualifies a person to be a member of the Malaysian police force. Intelligence? Muscles? A razor sharp mind? A Sherlock Holmes sense of deduction? Today I found out that it is none of the above. So what is it?

The inability to count or tell time.

Watch this Malaysiakini video. The day is May 27, 2009.

"Eight Perak Pakatan Rakyat elected representatives and six others were arrested by the Ipoh police about 11.25am for alleged illegal assembly. They were arrested while walking in a procession from the DAP headquarters to the High Court to observe a suit being filed against the BN state government over the sacking of elected village heads."

Forward to the 03:40 of the video and listen to the policeman with the loud hailer.

"Ok, saya bagi 3 minit untuk bersurai. Kalau kamu tidak mendengar ini merupakan perhimpunan tanpa sebarang permit. Saya akan tangkap. Okay, satu-dua-tiga...TANGKAP!"

Remember, he said 3 minit ya? Now you count for yourself la. Satu...dua...tiga...did that take 3 minutes? But to a Malaysian policeman that IS 3 minutes or tiga minit. Maybe their time goes by faster than ours.

Oh my goodness! This is f**king hilarious!


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sign language 101

Thumbs up.
Very good.
Number One.

Fuck you!

Here's a finger up your ass!

Perhaps someone should do them a favour and explain the signs to Najib, Rosmah and the rest of those politicians who these days constantly want to stick their fingers up our collective asses.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy Deepavalli

Here's wishing all Malaysians of the Hindu faith