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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Some light-hearted Sunday funnies

No need to worry la. We all won't be speaking any English in a few years from now.

Actually, the Deputy Minister of Education (see post below) has absolutely nothing to worry about. Malaysian students and Malaysian youth have not spoken English in decades. That is going from what they are being taught in Malaysian schools and colleges. I heard from a reliable source today some 'sample' questions that were part of an English language exam paper for a certain Malaysian university. Don't laugh too hard okay?

Objective test.

Question: What does it mean when a person has a 'sixth sense'?

Required answer: The person has the ability to see ghosts.

Question: Which country welcomes its visitors with a garland or "lei"?

Required answer: Hawaii. (but Hawaii isn't a country!)

Question: If you cut open an apple and find the centre resembling the word for God (original word in the test substituted to protect sensitivities and to avoid legal battles about who can use the name) what is that?

Required answer: A blessing in disguise.

There were more examples but by that time I was laughing so hard I couldn't hold on to the phone. Hope you had an enjoyable and productive Sunday. Smile.

NIAMAH!!!

62 comments:

SANSIRO said...

Go on this way and soon we will produce tons of graduates with highest quality. I give up!!

Chan said...

And such dumbos get to set questions at a university level examination? We are lost! God Help US! Please!!

Anonymous said...

Q : why are we scared of darkness ?
A : because we have 6th sense ma !

Q : which country has garland of slippers ?
A : .......(guess) !

Q : why are we poor ?
A : because we are NOT rich laa !

Q : wat do men do without women ?
A : they'll ask GOD 4 the woe !

Anonymous said...

I am a local graduate and attending english lessons those days is like being in "Mind Your Language Class",... guess they have not improved till now. On the bright side,. perhaps its just thier way to make campus life jolly good, make fun & marry-making. Isn't it Mr. Brown ??..

RodaRodaKota said...

"Inggeris" not important in the future of Malaysia lah. China & India will be the economic superpowers like the imperial British in last century, so our Ministers has the foresight now to keep vernacular schools (Prof KKK wake up now) so that all Malaysians (bumi as well) learn Bahasa Malaysia & Mandarin or Tamil to berkomunikasi with Mainland China people.
Do u know that many Mat Sallehs now learning Mandarin, or at least pick up some local slants (eg Niamah) to be able to berkomunikasi ?
The world is dominated by Economy Giant. Europe is decaying (morally for a start), so Prof KKK in his heart should know which language can bring us forward. btw, we use Bahasa to communicate among Msians but we need another superpower language to have the means to grow in dunia globalisasi, which will soon be dominasi oleh the Middle Kingdom (not Utd Kingdom).

Anonymous said...

lol.
I laughed hard at RodaRodaKota's comments.
Btw, it is communicate not "berkomunikasi". There is a difference between language for social usage and language for formal (business) usage. Talking nonsense might not require good command of English, in fact, you can use gibberish as long as your friend can understand you. On the other hand, such a language(or mixture of) will not be sufficient for, example - law.

I was a University student in Malaysia. However, prior to that, I was a student in Singapore. With the different perspective, the horrible usage of English even within campus is mind-boggling. I fail to understand how these students (my peers) will be able to compete on an international level without some 'upgrading' on their own.

Referring to the person who commented that classes are like "mind your language" is totally true. However, I fail to see the comedy part of this whole charade, knowing that the movie series is an exaggeration, and that we as Malaysian have made the exaggeration a reality. Malaysia boleh indeed. Sign one up for the Guiness World Record please?

Heng Eam said...

I think language is very important. Singapore chose to advance English instead of BM (which is their national language). See where they are (without natural resources ect) and where Malaysia is now. But then again, Malaysia is different as it is not as "clean" as Singapore. I think Hong Kong had also suffered because they opted to advance cantonese after 1997 instead of English or Mandarin. They cannot now side with the Chinese or British. But then again, it's all good, English speaking Malaysian will have access to more opportunities so I couldn't heck care of the BM policy as long as my children knows English.

puzzled 2 said...

Do you know how surprised I am when a UTM degree graduate applying for job in my office is not able fill in the Application Form in English? He showned me his thesis and Projects that was written in English.....wow such good vocabulary and gramma....so did you do this yourselve? He said no, the lecturer helped him.

Another guy has a 1A in written English, but could not even communicate in verbally!

Strange but it's true.

Anonymous said...

Patrick, hope u r not joking. I can't imagine it is happening. This is getting too bizzare ...

Anonymous said...

Hello Patrick No problem wat! Most countries will have to learn BM in order to have trade with Malaysia by 2020 mah! Because by then,highly developed country.Dont play play ok?

Anonymous said...

Wanna talk about our future generation..??

Even current Ministers, especially in the education department,can't master the English language...!!!!

And.... they "are" suppose to be representing Malaysia in all aspect.

What a good example they are for our future generation & the world...!!

Sei 4 lor....!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hai yah just imagine, India has close to 15 million workers, who have jobs just answering phones in English, CALL CENTRES, One day when Indonesia becomes a superpower, maybe than the Malaysians can do the same mah, berborak borak on the phone, But unfortunatly Indonesia has also a simmillar problem with the M'sian locals, too much duit kopi, so how to become super power lah woi. DASHED DREAMS for our local yokels, dream job of being paid to talk on the phone. But on the other hand they will loose that contract also quite fast, you know why?, because they don't like to answer phones, notice how long it takes to answer the phone if you call govt office. LOL that oso will be screwed up as usual, NATO.

Anonymous said...

'thousand apologies' to all mat satays ....oops ,sori ....sallehs !

nstman said...

My neighbour's kid scored 1A1 for two English subjects. But he cant write a word of english to save his life. I could write a 100 times better when I was in standard five during the sixties. How low can we go? We have already reached a bottomless pit. From the look of things, we can go down to another level of pit. In the meantime, be happy and always go to Niamah's site when you want to have a good laugh or find a cure for constipation. Tiuniamah ka sifat.

Anonymous said...

HaHa The answer for the question, what does it mean when a person has a sixth sense, should be like what is happening to Malaysia we have lost the other five.

ktteokt said...

That is why some kids these days do not know what English is! I once had a pupil who read the word "orange" as "ORANG E"!

Weird Dan said...

WTF... this is so darn crappy. If this is really the English Test for uni... I rest my case.

I see very good scholars in the coming future.

kadtelai said...

if japan can why cant we.if china can why cant we.

Salim Bachik said...

najib went to USA but Obama could not meet him because Obama could not speak BM. Terror!

S Bachik said...

najib went to USA but Obama could not meet him because Obama could not speak BM. Terror!

aawilliam said...

This have been happening decades ago.HAHAHAH no surprise at all.

American said...

To S Bachik, I do like contradict you here. As a 2~3 years old Obama, his mother remarried & Obama's step father is an Indonesian Barry Soetoro where Obama has learned and studied his Primary school in Indonesia attending the Assisi Primary School, Obama later was enrolled at SDN Menteng 1, an Indonesian public school. Surely this education is enough for him to now speak, read & write.

Anonymous said...

HAHAhhahahHAhahHHAhahahHAHhahhahHahAhha......wait! let me catch my breath! HAHAhhahahHAHAhaHahHAHAhHhahahaHHAHahHahh ....... pleease! spare me! HAHAHAhahahahHAHAHAhaHAHhaahHahHAHHAHAhHAH!

What do you expect from a "Cuck dan main" or " Kayu riang" and "Barang keras" gahmen laaaa? you need to cut the gahmen some crap from now and then laaa ......nobody is perfect remember? Just that some are 'stupider' than others HAHAHAhahahahHAHAHAhaHAHhaahHahHAHHAHAhHAH HAHAHAhahahahHAHAHAhaHAHhaahHahHAHHAHAhHAH!

devious17

Anonymous said...

lucky i didn't go to that university. questions damn hard. got all wrong. cannot make it.

Anonymous said...

advice to obama : pls learn our BM if u want to deal with bolehland, ok ?

Anonymous said...

when I was in UK studying using all my hardearned saving and have to work PT in a takeaway to supplement my finance, I have this Bumi who stayed with me, was fully sponsored by government plus allowance, can't even write a proper sentence...and wanted me to write the thesis for him, he said he will pay me for it...Guess what?.. even I needed the money, I FFFFF him left, right, centre....How on earth he could get the scholarship, well he is somebody son! Malaysia really boleh long ago...these F grade scholar are now probably working in the government holding high post now...I am glad I work in SIngapore..NAJIBEH!!!

B1NIVirus said...

Najib went to New York, and our TV showed he's been greeted by his own CIMB brother (who kissed his hand). Sad bcoz our minister cannot lobby this time (poor English) to get him to White House. Msia is not in the radar of USA, but Singapore is as the latter gets latest F15s based in Idaho.

KRUbrothers said...

Having learnt the current state of English, our FINAS can get local pruducers to make own version of "MIND YOUR LANGUAGE". There's no shortage of scripts and actors.

David Teo of Metrowealth, r u listewning ?

RodaRodaKota2 said...

UMNO cronies can earn money and benefit people at same time (win-win) by building more libraries and stocking them with books/magazines like Singapore does so that more people get educated.
Imagine how many state-of-art PERPUSTAKAN that can be built with Petronas Ringgit instead of wasting them on Angkasawan prgram burning RM in Russian air space.

MyIngris said...

Some parents think that it is good enough for their children to be able to speak like Phua Chua Kang. Don't play play ...

Anonymous said...

Q : who do u call ?
A : Balalah !!
Q : why ?
A : a ghost-buster !!

Anonymous said...

I am least surprise as many staff of McDonald's spoke BM instead of English ! Good way to go for 1Malaysia ! We are very patriotic !

For once, no 1Niamah !!!

crackdefellaskull said...

Hi Patrick!
This Puad guy expressed concern over lack of good command of Bahasa Malaysia today in today's Star paper page N23.

You know how he knows this? You would have thought that he would have referred to statistics from UPSR or SPM results from his Education Ministry but NO!

He knows so because quote "When I see messages on my Facebook account, it's obvious that the younger generation today is losing their command of Bahasa Malaysia."

This dumbass's friends on his Facebook account does not represent the Malaysian populace.

One advice for him: next time don't add friends that can't type in Bahasa..then the national statistics will improve!

Anonymous said...

What hawaii is not a country is singapore is an island.

MyMaid said...

Malaysia's next export: Maid.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/44439-malaysia-next-export-maids

Mat Buku said...

Bangsa Membace
Bangsa Berjaya

Baca komik?
Gila-gila?

Wake-You-UP said...

Dear Readers,
I travelled a lot in China, and most striking memory is the passions of China to grasp good English. If you have the chance to be at Shanghai or Schenzhen (their economic zones), do take time to visit their state bookstores. U get to see young chinese reading books, and some even at English sections. China's government also have massive libraries so that people continues to learn (eg English).
I think it's high time our RAKYAT demands government to invest in libraries and not white elephant mega projects. No point going for English tuition. Spend the time reading English newspapers, go n watch English plays (Pat speaks good English on stage), listen to radio (BBC World Service etc) n your children can pick up faster.
Our children in future do not compete locally for scarce jobs, but need good command to earn a living in overseas (don'y laugh coz this is a reality).
Go merealisasikan kenyataan ini.

DebatPerdana said...

Wee KS to challenge Prof Kooo KK for a debate after the latter spoke ill of vernacular education. The former is trying to gain community support with such "heroic act" to safegurard his minitry education portfolio.

But i think this is for acting only, not relevant, as both of them do not represent the masses.

Prof Khoo is overhill and outdated with his narrow non-globalised otak while Wee KS is a crying baby.

1Patrot said...

you peple think Singapore so good meh ?
I think so. 1 S$ more than two times 1 Ringgit in exchane value.

Singaporean can come Buy Buy Buy in JB/Melaka and create business for me so that I can earn more to send my children for education overseas.

I am patriotic because in future my children earn more in Indonesia / Vietnam to send $ for our economy.

Orton said...

Wee KS tried to redeem himself in front of Chinese community to take on the fall guy Triple K (should be AKK - Abdulah KK) the self-proclaimed nusantara expert who despise Chinese education.

Anyway, The Star reported that 15000 Johor pupils are studying in Singapore. Maybe Iskandar can open branches of Singapore school to prevent outflow of ringgit. Should be Ok since Iskandar has already has one Singapore hospital (Regency Specialist Hospital) in Bandar Seri Alam.

limmunfah said...

Broken English & Poor Chinese :

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/opinion/breaking-views/44464-broken-english-and-poor-chinese--lim-mun-fah

P1Wimax said...

MCA's Wanita Chew should check if Prof KKK Sudah Potong!

malaya said...

aiyoh, u orang think so negative.

language is just a means to get things across.

i don't care as long as i got my "subsidi" to survive in kampongs, especially during by or normal election period.

who cares about Beyonce or "Mata Hitam Kacang" ? i got birds singing in natural environment & i don't pay a single sen it (no need to download music for a fee), Only u "sophiticated" urban folks.

what inflation ? what GST taxes ? i still get my ubi kentang same size same value from my own kebun not from Giant or Carrefour or Tesco.

why lompat macam katak sini & there. I love simplicity of life regardless of how advance the world has becomes ..........

beach boy said...

saya budak pantai tak kesah ini semua asalkan saya dapat suft di dunia fantasi bapa moyang saya. Tak faham inggeris tak apa sebab i tegok wayang ada subtitle. i tengok Man U main bukan nak dengar apa itu commentator cakap. i dengar Clapton tarik gitar pun bukan suka sangat lirik (suka Layla sama Cocaine). i tak cakap inggeris pun boleh dapat awek sebab dia pun tak kisah. jom heboh!!!

Mat Donald said...

P Ramlee still the best filmmaker, and so is Ramlee burgers in Msia. agree ?

Anonymous said...

2012:
Malaysia passes boundary of net oil exporter to net oil importer. Budget deficit jumps to double digits

2013:
Fearful of opposition, Malaysia bans all political parties except Barisan Nasional. Elections banned, with Deputy Info Minister Zainuddin Maidin saying no need for erections. Ruling government declares itself 'Sole Guardian And Protector Of Nation'. Internet is banned, making Malaysia laughingstock of the world. Since we now cannot go online, we don't feel the shame.

2014:
Foreign & domestic investors pull out. Following in the wake are thousands of Malaysian professionals... Malays, Chinese, Indians, mixed, etc. Vast industrial regions & financial buildings lie abandoned, with lalang reclaiming the land.

2015:
Due to high crime, armed security companies do brisk business. Premier Najib declares self Grand Generalissmo Of The Federation Of Malaysia For Life. A second campaign of Wang Malaysia, oops, One Malaysia is initiated: One Mind = One Malaysia.

2016:
To cut costs Utusan, NST, Star, Berita Harian fires all staff and replaces them with 1,000,000 monkeys with typewriters. Readers don't notice the difference.

2017:
Interior Minister Datuk Seri Profesor Madya Dr. (H) Khir Toyo declares a new race class called 'BNPutra'. He defends the move saying some Bumiputera are more Bumiputera than others

2019:
Malaysian maids start appearing in upper-middle class homes in Jakarta. Remittances become major income source to nation.

2020:
Wawasan 2020 is celebrated with multimillion dollar parades. Inflation reaches 100% in March. Oil runs out, petrol is RM45.25/liter (incl inflation)

2021:
Fedup with high crime rate, government launches multimillion ringgit campaign: 'Snatch thiefs... its a fact of life. Deal with it! Semuanya OK!'

2022:
Malaysian construction workers, road sweepers, general workers seen in Bangkok, Bombay, Bandung, Beijing. English speaking ones get higher pay. Remittances now #1 income source. South Africans move to Malaysia to work in security sector, experience with rifles being in high demand.

2023:
Malaysia on World News for two things: 1)Top 20 in Most Corrupted Index, 2)tragic sinking of boat with 400 Malaysian immigrants en route to Manila.

2026:
Food shortage due to farmland converted to housing estates & megaprojects that are undersold and underused. Extremely low value of Malaysian Ringgit hinders food imports from Thailand & Indonesia. 1 Euro = 12,000 Rupiah = RM50,000

Anonymous said...

2029:
"Greetings to u! I nephew former Malaysian Prime Minister Khairy Jamaludin! My uncle has U$1,000,000,000 in bank. I as benificiery want transfer money to foreign account. Pls reply my email with account number and help me in good faith. If success, I give you U$5,000,000 as reward. This not scam like Nigeria email. Tank you n god bless"

2031:
Malaysia print RM500,000,000,000,000 banknote. Finance Minister celebrates this occasion, declares 'every Malaysian now a billionare!' Price of 1 packet of magee mee is RM650,000,000,000,000.

2032:
Sign on toilet in Hat Yai (translated from Thai): 'Use Toilet Paper only! No Newspaper, no banana leaf, no Malaysian Ringgits'

2035:
Factionalism in UMNO-BN turns ugly. Various BN warlords split, each employing own army of mercenaries. Arms traders do good business selling surplus tanks, AK47s, pickup truck with machineguns, and attack helicopters.

2037:
Piracy becomes major problem in Straits of Malacca, like in 1600. Global shipping harassed by Malaysian pirates. World navies intervene...

2041:
Factionalism in UMNO-BN turns really ugly. Warlordism rampant, with People's Front of Malaysia vs. Malaysia Peoples Front. Nationalist Justice Morality Force of Pahang attacks Johor Power Militia. Sabah & Sarawak says F.U. and leaves Federation.

2043:
A new world record for Malaysia! Tallest pile of stones in the world! Built from former Petronas Twin Towers, now destroyed by various warring militias. Malaysia is now playground for proxy wars for foreign nations.

2045:
LONDON: De-facto Prime Minister Tan Sri Datuk Doktor Profesor Angkasawan Mahmud bin Mukhriz Mahathir bets on horses using Malaysia as leverage. He loses...

rakyatmalaysia said...

heya,

very funny la.. aiyah show proof la.. go get the exam paper and scan it please...plus it would show that you got proof :)

go go go get ur proof PLZ!!

nazi said...

bolehland got no more FDIs. why ahhh?? simple lah. it's becos those flers dont know how to speak melayu!!! so cannot compete & that's why they go invest elsewhere.
u wanna do business here, u speak my lingo okie. dont main main ahh.
next....

Jestmelah said...

KADTELAI WROTE "if japan can why cant we.if china can why cant we."

Both countries have huge populations & so it is economical to translate foeign books into their respective languages. Secondly, there selection & promotion of professors are based on merit & not on reigion or race. Thirdly, the best students get to the best universities - there are no double standards.

That's why Malaysia is rotting.

McGST said...

I am happy that the government is introducing GST to tax consumption.

International Monetary Fund (IMF) Malaysia's narrow tax base as being unviable in the longer term, given that only a tenth (or an estimated one million-odd workers) pay income tax and the nation's overdependence on oil earnings, which contribute more than 40 per cent of federal revenue.

Now those flers who have been getting government subsidy should realise that they have been getting their aid/subsidy from tax payers like me via the agent called government.

Upin said...

Prof Samsul Amri Baharuddin of UKM (in Nov 19 The Sun interview) acknowleges that the income gap between Malays are wider than that between Malays & Non-Malays.
We r heading towards 2 extreme classes of Malays, one that have reasonably ok command of English (to be involved in "projects") while the other just happy go lucky types. I am not being racist here. It's a fact that no point denying. I am a middle-ground Malay actually.

Dynas Glamour said...

Patrick

have you read the headline of th etop page of NST page 3 (Nov 25)?

Anonymous said...

Prof 'Sudah Potong' Khoo KK and Ridhuan Tee got no balls to have debate with Wee Ka Siong?

Both should drop their Chinese surname.

Sakari said...

I don't understand the apple joke can someone enlighten me, my engrish not terror enough :P

1malaysiakini said...

Malaysia has squandered an estimated RM100 billion on financial scandals under the 22-year rule of Dr Mahathir Mohamad, according to a new book about the former prime minister.

nstman said...

To make Malay into a language to be reckoned with, we must first of all have an army of translators who can translate important data into malay. In Malaysia, we have the only translator in town called Dewan Pustaka. This dewan sleeps most of the time. This dewan gives Rip Van Winkle a run for his money. This dewan has been sleeping since god knows when. This dewan apparently translates one book a year. This dewan takes the easy way out by adding english words to enrich Bahasa. This dewan is clueless. This dewan is probably the main reason why Bahasa malaysia is in the doldrums and on the verge of becoming a Malay version of the english language. And the saddest thing of all, this dewan plays politics. Need I add more? Tiuniamah ka sifat.

Thomas C B Chua said...

Pat, do u want to laugh some more? Read our Deputy Education Minister's blog. Teachers in schools could use it for exercises in correction of errors, Niamah (Learning to cuss like u)

Upin said...

Prof Samsul Amri Baharuddin of UKM (in Nov 19 The Sun interview) acknowleges that the income gap between Malays are wider than that between Malays & Non-Malays.
We r heading towards 2 extreme classes of Malays, one that have reasonably ok command of English (to be involved in "projects") while the other just happy go lucky types. I am not being racist here. It's a fact that no point denying. I am a middle-ground Malay actually.

Ho ho ho said...

My mother who was uneducated put us in English schools so that we can have a better life. She was very far sighted. Honestly, I don't care a damn about chinese schools butI think it is selfish of the ultra chinese educationists to not willing to look beyond chinese education. The fact is that there are far more chinese school dropouts than those who make it except that only the successful ones are being focused. Those drop outs are neither good in Chinese, BM or English. They are good at tiu here and there. Maybe due to their survival instinct they are able to survive eventhough they are dropouts. They do not get free handouts.

Anonymous said...

Ayoh! So how ar? We got bunch of immature, mentally below average politicians and leaders. Now you tell me we got idiots in our higher education!! Where is my bloody sampan, I think want to join the bunch of 300,000 or so Malaysians who had already left last year. ...and I know some of our politicians would be happy to let people like me leave...maybe can get some subsidy form govt to leave one le?

Anonymous said...

"aiyoh, u orang think so negative.

language is just a means to get things across."

unfortunately, English=Knowledge. That's a fact in today's life. Most knowledge is in English. What do you get in BM books? Mastika, Mangga and yang sama waktu dengannya.

I can't even begin to tell you how much "ketinggalan" our malays are because of the very limited knowledge resources in Malay language. At least Indonesians do have translations of all kinds of knowledge. So does the chinese. And other races. But malay malaysians? Almost ALL malays ive encountered in my life get SHOCKED when they learn that I LOVE TO READ. I, on the other hand, get shocked why they HATE to read. What is life if you don't read??! How do you progress? And I can say that Malay newspaper is so much nonsense than english local newspaper (eventhough english local newspaper is bias and all that but it DOES have interesting information that does not involve politics or individuals. but malay newspapers mostly talk about individuals, artists, outdated information, "benda-benda pelik di dunia" "senyum-senyum kambing" politic garbage stuff- basically its like listening to kedai kopi talks. anyway, people (malays) ask me how I know so many things (they said lah, not me) and I answered (and I'm amused myself with their amusement),"I know from reading??"

anyway I can ramble on I promise you... but my point is Encik, English IS important if you want to be a highly successful and effective person. Heck, I even read the Quran translation in English because unfortunately, Malay language is not accurate enough to translate the Arabic language. For example, malay don't have a "he" or a "she". Malay language has no past, present or future tense- all of which are present in Arabic language. English translation is much much MUCH more accurate, that much I can say. So this MAY be an answer for all those always confused and threatened Malays whenever the "Allah" word issue is raised. Get educated in English! (and don't even let me start on how Malays who only know Malay language; are sooo seriously in dire need of a second language education (may I suggest English) because they cannot even COMPREHEND that Allah is JUST arabic for the word God or IN MALAY, Tuhan)

Nuffnang