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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Friday, August 28, 2009

Happy Merdeka Day

Connecting to the Internet over the next few days may be touch and go so I am going to take this opportunity to wish in advance all Peninsula Malaysians....................

HAPPY MERDEKA DAY

And to all our fellow rakyat over in East Malaysia....................

HAPPY HOLIDAY!!!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Selamat Berpuasa

May I take this opportunity to wish all Malaysians of the Muslim faith,

SELAMAT BERPUASA



Patrick Teoh

Gangsters ah, we all?

What? You want to fight ah? Come la!

A couple of days ago some hooligans threw Molotov cocktails at a vehicle owned by the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC). Today, the MACC's chief commissioner issues a threat!

“Come and get us but be prepared to face the consequences.”

What kind of reaction is that from a senior government official? And someone who is currently involved in such high public profile cases? Remember, it was this fler's assistant who also recently threatened to chuck in the towel because people were making things difficult for him and his officers to do their work.

Are we becoming a nation of gangsters ah? From recent events it sure feels that way doesn't it? People chucking Molotov cocktails, people brandishing foul-mouthed banners, senior government officials stamping their feet and threatening the very people they are supposed to serve.......

NIAMAH!!!

If you fail Math/Science in English, you can work as a journalist.

On page N36 of the street version The Star today there is a photo of some members of the Ipoh City Council staff waving little Malaysian flags. Nothing wrong with that I guess. After all it is that silly period of 'forced' patriotism we go through each year. What got me were the caption and the story headline.

Ipoh City Council staf members waving the Jalur Gemilang which was given to them yesterday. They were asked to fix the flag on their vehicles.
(highlights are all mine)

How does that photo caption translate into this story headline?

Patriotic spirit flying high in Ipoh


And if you're not shaking your head by now there's more vomit-inducing stuff inside the story.

Apparently, the Ipoh mayor has directed his staff to fly the flag on their vehicles. The Ipoh city council owns 1,000 vehicles. The mayor, Roshidi also admitted that he'd signed a directive addressed to all 220,000 business premises under the council's purview to fly the flag on their premises. In other words, "You WILL be patriotic, you hear me!!!"

And then, this is really funny. Roshidi said that flying the flag will help boost the people's morale and love for the country and will thus inspire them to work harder and contribute more to the nation. This Ipoh fler thinks we're all 3 years old issit?

Hahahaha...then 'on a separate matter' Roshidi announced that he had selected 10 different mosques and surau in the city to hold his usual "turun padang" (go to the ground) programmes. He said he was doing this for two 'things' - the spirit of Ramadan and also Merdeka. Errr...Roshidi I think if you'd chucked in a couple of temples and churches in there you might have hit the target.

Ladies and gentlemen, the award for Government Bureaucrat Most Unclear Of The Concept goes to Roshidi Hashim, mayor of Ipoh.

NIAMAH!!!

p/s read a response to this post from a "newspaperman" HERE

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Holy Kazoogle!!!

Ya, ya. Da confirm da. Mesti ada...apa namanya...underworld...underground...ah tu la.

In the latest update on the NST online paper Minister in the PM's department, Nazri Aziz said,

"A Molotov cocktail thrown at a vehicle belonging to the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) branch here this morning supports the claims that certain Selangor representatives are linked to the underworld."

Phwaaaaa!!!

Holy Kamoli!!!

Good thinking, Batman!

I say, jolly good, Sherlock!

I'll bet you all never knew that Nazri in addition to being Mr. Motor-mouth of the Malaysian cabinet is also a super sleuth. Now to set him loose in the PDRM and eradicate street crime with his great investigative powers.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPER...............

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Aiyoh!!!

Of late, quite a number of people have been accused of insulting Islam. Somebody sent me the link to this photo. To see the rest go here.


So who is doing the insulting now? Really?

NIAMAH!!!

There's never been a better time to be a man. Yay!

The angry face of the "victim"

Jamaluddin Mat Isa is a 25- year old police constable. His ex-wife splashed him and his girlfriend with acid. That's the story. Now read the details and see why it is always better to be a man. In Malaysia anyway.

Jamaluddin divorced his wife in May but will only get the legal documents after Hari Raya. I suppose that meant he uttered the words of divorce which I am told is a legal way of getting rid of an unwanted wife. Paperwork can come later. So he is 'legally' divorced.

He admitted that the incident happened when he and his girlfriend were on their way 'upstairs' to bed! Errr...girlfriend.....going upstairs to bed...??? Isn't that Khalwat or something illegal? I believe they whip your ass too for things like that if you're found guilty.

But while the wife is facing the possibility of a 20 year jail term and whipping if found guilty this man is mouthing off in the media about how HE is the only victim???

Niamah!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

So what? I am not scared. Come la.

Ape? Tak boleh ke? Ha!

Deputy Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin used a military helicopter to travel to Umno division meetings in Sabah. So techinically he has mis-used government property for non-government business. And that action, technically, calls for investigation and if found guilty some form of punishment.

Unless of course, everybody now believes that Umno IS the government. Muhyiddin Yassin is not denying the allegations and has said that he is not scared of the allegations of corruption against him. Great! So, Ong Tee Keat you worry about your jet plane rides for what? Sure kao tim one.

Niamah!!!

What? Nothing wrong what.

BN's Rohaizad Othman. "I'm innocent!!! The Penang Umno chief said so."

The BN candidate in the Permatang Pasir by-election, Rohaizad Othman is, or rather was, a lawyer. It is now revealed that he was dis-barred after being found guilty of misconduct for not returning RM161,000 of his client’s money!(You can read the full report at The Malaysian Insider) Pretty serious shit don't you think? But our man Rohaizad doesn't think so. He doesn't even think it serious enough to need explaning to the people of the constituency whom he wants to vote for him. "I have been cleared by the Penang Umno chief who is also a vice president of the party. So everything is OK! I have been cleared. I am here and eligible to contest,” he told a press conference.

Proving once and for all that in Malaysia the power to decide guilt or innocence does not lie with the judiciary but with Umno 'chiefs'.

But I think there was a slight hint of desperate arrogance when Rohaizad informed anyone willing to listen that, “The voters here are not complaining. They’re not making any noise so it shows that they are not bothered by the issue.” That's the desperation bit. Now the arrogance part. Rohaizad said that to bring up his past shows that PAS and PR are running out of ideas and resorting to character assassination. And to lend some credence Rohaizat said that his reasoning is backed by none other than........................ Umno's second biggest chief, Muhyiddin Yasin. Phwaaaa!!!

I have never been to Permatang Pasir nor do I know anyone from there. But if it is true that you people are not complaining and not bothered by the issue then all I can say to you is...Good luck!

Niamah!!!

Read also these links....

For the defense................for the prosecution.

Good news headline

Us & Them

No more?


Race info might be dropped from official forms

That's the best news I've read in a Malaysian newspaper for years.

Apparently, the government is studying a proposal to drop the column in official forms that require race information. This was announced by the DPM yesterday who also said that the pros and cons would have to be fully studied before a decision can be made. Okay, fair enough. It's a step in the right direction. Now, being the pessimist that I am the only thing that worries me is the announcement that the government is "STUDYING" the proposal. From past experience we know that they study real slow.

Niamah!!!

Headline of the day

Muhyiddin Yassin.
Who could become Malaysia's next prime minister. Scared now?



Wise words. Wrong audience. Kids and students don't need Muhyiddin's 'advice'. Children are born sincere and do not see or feel differences of race or creed. Thank you, Muhyiddin. Now go practise what you preach.

NIAMAH!!!

And the show begins..........

BN's Rohaizad Othman (left) and PAS's Mohd. Salleh Man. Candidates in the Permatang Pasir by-election.

Look at the picture. Are these guys contesting a by-election or are they out on a date? LOL....

Niamah!!!

Oh-oh! Here we go again.

Ish...ish...ish. These bloggers are too much. Seditious content! Tsk tsk tsk. All that they should leave to us. We do it much better.

First, Rais Yatim says that the government intends to 'filter' the Internet. (Filter to them. Censorship to us la.)

Then Najib says re-assuringly that there will be no censorship of the Internet.

Following that of course, Rais also nods his head and says that there will NOT be filtering of the Internet.

And now Home Minister, Hishammuddin has announced that the government would put in place a mechanism to monitor and prevent seditious content from being displayed on blogs.

In other words, the government full intends to go ahead with Rais's originally plan. Call it "Filtering" or whatever you like. It is still censorship.

But see how clever, Hishammuddin thinks he is? It's like him telling Rais that his (Rais) original plan of using pornography as the key argument was wrong. Nobody minds the occasional glance at some tits and ass. But SEDITION! Now that would strike fear in those baargers! And anyway, you can't put anybody in Kamunting for wanking off in front of their laptop computer. But SEDITION! We can lock the baargers in there and throw away the keys man!

(Aei! Najib, your ma cai's all know what your plan is or not? Sounds like they all have plans of their own leh. You say this, they say that. You do this, they do something completely different. How? You better watch out also la. Or things might just blow up in your face. Ooops! Sorry ah.)

Okay, now for something completely different. Read this quote from The Star story:

"In the past we didn't have such problems but with the advent of cyberspace, such seditious postings could probably hurt the feelings of certain communities".....Hishammuddin Hussein alleging that bloggers raise issues relating to the monarchy, race and religion which could disrupt peace and harmony in the country.

If you're not laughing your guts out by now.......well, then you deserve the government you get.


NIAMAH!!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ng negating some tourism ministry credibility with Jean Todt

UPDATE

Several readers have written in to say that Little India is not in Selangor but in the Federal Territory. So the failure in doing whatever Ng Yen Yen meant is the Federal Government and not the Selangor government. And so this geography-challenged ditz is our minister of tourism. Well, I guess they had to put her somewhere to make up the quota.

(Oh by the way, I am informed by reliable sources that Ng Yen Yen has taken a few days off work to nurse her feet after shooting them herself. And also some leather burns around her mouth which I believe are from putting her foot in it and forgetting to remove her shoe first.)

Maybe the lack of sleep is making me a bit 'psycho' la, as they say. But read this quote from our Tourism Minister ..............

"The Selangor government’s failure to gazette Little India here as a tourist spot has negated the Federal Government’s efforts to promote the area and fails to recognise Indian traders' contributions to the economy".....Tourism Minister, Ng Yen Yen.

Now, read it again. Don't you just want to slap the woman. Does she know what she is saying? Does she check what her speech writer writes for her to mouth? And that last bit about the Selangor government failing to recognise Indian traders' contributions to the economy!!! I mean what the FUCK!!! Selangor, until 6 months ago was governed by Barisan Nasional. So who are the ones who failed to gazette Little India and recognise Indian traders' contributions? Really?

"...has negated the Federal Government's efforts...". Well, at least it is good to know that somebody somewhere can still negate something from the Federal Government with all its fire power. Maybe there is still hope hor?

NIAMAH!!!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Laughable quotes

Ve have veys of making you laugh.

UPDATE AT 2:30 AM

I nearly missed this. Sorry, Nazri you ain't the comedian of the day this time. That title goes to Shukri Ahmad, the investigation chief of the MACC. Shukri announced that the MACC will stop investigating politicians indefinitely! Why? Because he is fed-up. Why? He feels that he and his men were being "slammed" no matter what they did. He said public scorn was another reason. "I am frustrated. We will stop probing all politicians, across the political divide, indefinitely. I am dead serious about this," he said.

Now, this is the laughable bit...

"We have been giving it our all, working seven days a week, even during Hari Raya, but the manipulations have affected us so badly that my officers and I just cannot go on like this," Shukri lamented.

Awwwwwwwwwwww....kesiaaaaaaaaaaaan....so poor thing ah?

This must be the first time that a public servant has made a declaration like this. Talk about breaking Malaysian records man!

In the Star today there were a number of quite laughable quotes. I thought I'd share them with you.

"Of late, the opposition parties are creating all sorts of race-based issues and Umno will not compromise in this matter".........Deputy Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin.

"All parties must refrain from touching on issues concerning the royalty, religion and race during the campaigning period for the Permatang Pasir by-election".........Minister of Home Affairs, Hishamuddin Hussein

"The Selangor government’s failure to gazette Little India here as a tourist spot has negated the Federal Government’s efforts to promote the area and fails to recognise Indian traders' contributions to the economy".....Tourism Minister, Ng Yen Yen.

Only in Malaysia!

Oh, oh wait....how could I have forgotten about our consummate cabinet comedian, Nazri Abdul Aziz. But as usual his stand-up routine is much too funny and deserves more than the few sentences that I am prepared to type on the day of rest. So you can go and read it yourself here. Enjoy!

NIAMAH!!!

P/S To anybody who is not Malaysian the above probably means squat. Naer mine la. Thanks for visiting anyway.

Naer Mine I Pay!

Aei! I will pay one. Promise.


This Ong fler is in the middle of the Port Klang Free Zone controversy and has been accused of taking bribes and more recently accepting free air-plane rides from a company that is involved with the PKFZ project. The bribes part I don't know la because I never follow that story. After all, Malaysian politicians, bribes, ho hum. But this latest development about journeys on private jets is quite interesting la. They say he accepted free rides on the company's jets but today Ong announced that he fully intended to pay for the use of those jets and will honour all his payments and any obligation that is due. And all that from his personal account. Now as an ordinary tax-paying Malaysian I'd like to ask some simple questions please. And I am sure that there are some totally logical and transparent answers.

Like, if Ong was willing to pay for the use of the private jets why didn't he do so until he was accused of all these wrongdoings? I mean if you asked somebody for the use of the private jets and intended to pay for their use then you would settle the bill right after. No?

Then you say you didn't pay because the company didn't issue you an invoice. How come you didn't ask? Somebody lets you use a Lear Jet and you assume that because you didn't get an invoice that it would be free and the company did you the favor because they like you so much? That is totally presumptuous. Also, that would be considered some form of gratuity wouldn't it? And if you're a high-level officer in government that could be interpreted as corruption and you would not want that to happen. No?

Since the accusations were publicised, Ong's officers have been coming out with all sorts of reasons why things happened the way they happened. My question is why only NOW? Strange isn't it?

NIAMAH!!!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Yes you must sign. No you cannot refuse.

Did you know that there is a law in Malaysia that requires a person being interviewed by the police in relation to a case to sign a waiver giving up his/her rights to have a lawyer present when his/her statement is being recorded by the police? In other words..............

Yes, you have the right to have legal counsel present when we 'interview' you.

Yes, you are required to sign this waiver giving up that right.

Yes, you are required by law to sign this waiver.

Yes, you cannot say "No".

And you thought that the ISA was the only thing we needed to get abolished!

NIAMAH!!!

Thank you Umno Youth!

They sell pork then how?.... Lokman Adam

I woke up to some good news this morning. After my morning coffee I surfed the Net for the morning news. And read in The Malaysian Insider that "Umno Youth says PAS stands for DAP". Wah! Damn loud stuff early in the morning and proves right away that Umno Youth can't spell. Hahahaha...sorry coffee and Malaysian news has that effect on me in the morning. But I digress.

The Malaysian Insider today reported "PAS’s Pakatan Rakyat (PR) partner DAP was portrayed as the enemy of Islam and the Malays, and the Islamist party was chastised for bending to the will of the Chinese-dominated party, before a gathering of more than 1,000 mostly Malay residents (here). The vitriolic attacks against PR by Umno Youth leaders at last night’s rally here suggests the Barisan Nasional (BN) lynchpin is determined to continue its hardline racial rhetoric to create a siege mentality among the Malays to unite behind them"

Bending to the will of the Chinese-dominated party? Really? Why? Just because somebody from DAP pointed out that there was no law, yet, allowing seizure of beer from convenience stores? What else? There probably could be something else but as a Chinese fler I really don't see any big deal that PAS is bending to. Except maybe PAS is bending from the onslaught of silly "hardline racial rhetoric" from Umno in their bid to try and rally Malay support by constantly harping on racial insecurities.

Aiyoh! Why I digress so much ah? I said I woke up to some good news, right? Okay, okay...here it is.

One Umno Youth Exco member, Lokman Adam (who apparently was a founding member of PKR so he is now a froggie singing a different tune for a different master) was asking why the Shah Alam Municipal Council now controlled by PR did not revoke the license for Carlsberg brewery to operate in the district.

Why PR did not revoke the licence for the Carlsberg Brewery to operate? Why? Are you thick or what? Oh sorry, redundant question that. First, it would mean thousands would lose their jobs. Second, the state would lose millions in revenue. Third, and this is a genuine question. Islam forbids alcohol consumption for its followers. But does it impose its edicts on people of other faiths in the same community? Fourth, who was the state government when the licence was granted and why did the previous government not revoke it since you are now saying that it is so wrong to have it in the first place?

Lokman also said, "When PAS wanted to ban alcohol, they did not refer to the Quran or the Sunnah, but they referred the matter to DAP." Hey! As a thinking Malaysian I'd say Sybas! to PAS for that. Shows they are good Muslims as far as I'm concerned. They want to ban alcohol for Muslims (because it is against the religion to consume alcohol) but they also understand that the ban would have implications on others of their fellow-citizens living in the same community. So they start a dialogue to arrive at a solution that would benefit the whole community regardless of race or creed. No good meh? Then I sure won't vote for you in the next election la.

Another Umno fler also said, "Don’t think that a vote for PAS is a vote for Islam. It did not happen in Penang, or in Selangor. Instead Islam has been insulted." Hiyoh! We have heard so much about Islam being "insulted" that has become damn tiring la. Can these politicians please explain HOW Islam has been insulted by anyone recently? I really want to understand.

And finally, Selangor Umno Youth chief Suhaimi Ghazali said, "Maybe one day pork will be sold openly in Shah Alam". (Sigh. How low can these politicians sink in trying to win votes?)

Hey when that day comes we will truly have the 1Malaysia that Najib is shouting about. People of all races and creeds living in harmony with perfect understanding and acceptance. Without insulting anyone and without imposing unfairly on anyone. Without fear. Isn't that what you want too?

So you must be asking what is the good news Patrick is talking about? No meh? It's good news because if the Umno flers continue with their campaign of trying to incite fear and racial disharmony that's a sure sign they're on their way out. Isn't it?

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Aei! You all don't talk like that la. After, spoil harmony only then how?

Remember yesterday I wrote about the Cantonese saying that roughly meant 'coming up with a silly defense when everything is obviously ***ked'? Well, today Rais Yatim is still trying. He's just announced that although there will not be any censorship of the Internet, the Government will still carry on with the study to gauge the impact of its negative effects.

Errr...okay....since you're still trying to explain yourself, albeit unsuccessfully, can we tax-payers know how much this 'study' is going to cost us? Oh, while you're at it please also tell us what you and your colleagues hope to achieve with this study. Because... ah... what you said today that the study "would focus on the flow of information in the Internet involving various issues, particularly child pornography, gambling and acts of terrorism" is merely political-speak and really means jack! Okay?

Rais, in thumping his chest also said that the study does not mean that “we are censoring. The study is being conducted by the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission together with the National Security Council." And then in typical YB style he said that the report “will be completed in three months’ time and it may be made public if the suggestions are positive." Okay, read that last part that I highlighted and then decide if you want to a) kill someone, b) vomit or c) laugh your head off.

This Ng Yen Yen, the minister of Tourism is quite a gal la. Read what she had to say in this Star story.

MCA vice-president Datuk Seri Dr Ng Yen Yen said internal threats in the form of comments (...........edited............) are becoming more dangerous than external elements, as they sow the seeds of restlessness among the various races.

“Pitting one race against another seems to be a knack for a few (..........edited.............). It is irresponsible and shows that the (.......edited.........) has an immature mind.

“(......edited.........) of that nature create agitation among the people, especially the younger generation, and this will not be good for nationhood building,” she said.

Dr Ng added that (............edited..........) who come out with their own theories about an incident but are unable to substantiate them only add to the rumour mill. Thus, they pose an internal threat to the nation.

“Worse still are some (....edited.........) who link it to the issue of race and this could ignite unnecessary problems.

“We want to preserve the harmonious environment that we have been enjoying all this while,” she said.

Now, wouldn't that make you want to cheer and vote for her? Was she talking about some Y.B.'s? The Utusan Malaysia? Political jumpers?

Well, no. This is what she actually said........

...............internal threats in the form of comments via blogs are becoming more dangerous than external elements, as they sow the seeds of restlessness among the various races.

“Pitting one race against another seems to be a knack for a few bloggers. It is irresponsible and shows that the blogger has an immature mind.

Postings of that nature create agitation among the people, especially the younger generation, and this will not be good for nationhood building,” she said.

Dr Ng added that bloggers who come out with their own theories about an incident but are unable to substantiate them only add to the rumour mill. Thus, they pose an internal threat to the nation.

“Worse still are some bloggers who link it to the issue of race and this could ignite unnecessary problems.

“We want to preserve the harmonious environment that we have been enjoying all this while.......”

And now Ms. Ng Yen Yen may I also say to you.............

NIAMAH!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Hahahahahahahaha....I'm killing myself laughing!

Good morning everybody. I hope you're all ready for a day full of laughs. Lots of guffaw-inducing news in the media today. Ready? This is in no particular order although you might want to rank them and send the ranking back to me. I'll think of an appropriate prize that does not include high falls and dirty looks from old ministers.

It is now less than 17 days to Malaysia's National Day celebrations 2009. And as we locals say, "Now only want to go and find a song to sing on the padang ah?" Prime Minister has called on Malaysians to participate in the selection of the National Day theme song. Why? He wants the song to be "from the rakyat, selected by the Rakyat and for the Rakyat". Hiyoh! Can't the man even be original with something like this? What's even more funny is that Najib announced that the winning song would be announced on National Day!!! Huh!!!??? I thought that a song like that is one which he would want the nation to know and sing during the National Day celebrations. No ah? Only start learning it from National Day issit? What la! Oh by the way, these 10 songs are written by "individuals from various backgrounds". Now, what the ***K does that mean? (You can listen to the 10 songs here. This is Singapore's National Day 2009 song. Which isn't very good either but they all knew it and were singing along to it already at their recent National Day Parade. I doubt if we will ours. Cos in our PM's infinite wisdom he's made it a contest. So instead of something to gel the Rakyat together the national day song becomes a divisive tool. Again. Sigh.)


Remember how we used to gloat in defiance whenever we were criticized for anything by saying, "Hey! At least we're better than Ghana." Then Ghana got a spot in the World Cup and we couldn't use that line anymore. We were lost for a while. Don't know what to say la. But have no fear. Najib is here with a new line...... "MALAYSIANS ARE BLESSED TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT WAS NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL, BUT WELL ADMINISTERED FOR THE PAST 52 YEARS.....(AND).....THERE IS NO OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD THAT IS AS BLESSED AS MALAYSIA." It's a lot more unwieldy but ...... okay.....yay! I think. Thanks, Najib. Now whenever things fuck up we shall just tell ourselves and whoever is not laughing too hard that we are Blessed! Hallelujah....oh is that allowed? Sorry ah.

Poor Rais Yatim. I sure hope he enjoys eggs because of late he's been getting a lot of those. Right in his face. With Najib in the front line and with terrific aim too. No more Internet filtering now says Rais. We got sufficient laws to to nab (I love how our journo's and YB's use this word) people responsible for negative practices. Are any of you familiar at all with the saying in Cantonese that roughly sounds like (if I may sound even more colloquial) Teet lork dei har, chup farn jar sar. Translated very literally it is "fall on the ground also must pick up a handful of sand". In English I guess it means coming up with a silly defense when all is obviously ***ked! Sorry ah. My Engrand not so cheem (Hokkein for deep) la. And just so he leaves the scene with that sneer he's become so known for recently, Rais's parting shot when asked how immediate the crackdown on Internet abusers would be, he said rather threateningly, "You cannot imagine, maybe I can summarise by saying the task is ahead of us and we have to keep up." Well, at least the last part of his statement is true. I just hope he and his 2 colleagues, Hishammudin and Nazri have a clue and can keep up with the times.

The Star reported that The National University of Singapore’s East Asian Institute senior research fellow Dr Bo Zhiyue said the use of such Internet filtering mechanisms was healthy as it would filter out any communication which might harm the interests of others.

He said this after presenting a talk on “China’s Model of Democracy” (Huh!!!???) in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman yesterday. Asked whether the Malaysian Government’s plan to censor the Internet would be an impediment to freedom of speech, he said the move would be able to block out negative behaviour but cautioned that this must be done in moderation and not be completely restrictive.

The above is ironically funny. I think Dr. Bo is a Chinese national or used to be, and he works for the government of Singapore. Great hero-nations for freedom of speech. Yes?

Now, I am not trying to influence your rankings of today's funnies but when I read this next story I almost fell off my chair laughing. Selangor Religious Department (JAIS) is planning to summons the employees of the convenience store in Shah Alam which is in the middle of the Shah Alam beer controversy. Two Muslim employees of the convenience store were served notices for handling alcohol beverages during a raid by Selangor Religious Department (JAIS). The manager of the store, located in Section 25, would also be called to JAIS to explain why Muslim employees were handling alcoholic beverages. Under the Syariah Criminal Offences (State of Selangor) Enactment 1995 Muslims who were caught selling or offering alcoholic drinks can be fined up to RM5,000, or three years jail or both.

When I first read that I had the usual reaction of a alcohol-consuming infidel and thought "Hiyah! If they enforce the law then thousands of people will be out of work and hotels and restaurants and bars in the whole of Selangor will close shop." Then I re-read the statement and realised that it says, "......Muslims who were caught selling or offering alcoholic drinks......" So if you look at things properly none of those flers in that Shah Alam convenience store or any of the hotels, bars and restaurants are actually committing any crime. They are not selling because the business does not belong to them. They are only serving. They don't offer because they only serve when the customer requests for it. So, like some other flers in Perak said some months ago, if someone asks or offers it would be terribly rude not to acquiesce. No?

I don't know about you la. But I am laughing so hard today and it feels damn good la.

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

It is still a good day!

Why you do this la dei? That fler asked me to do it!

I told you! I'm on a roll today la. It's full of stuff that makes an ordinary Malaysian feel good la. I just read on The Malaysian Insider the Khir Toyo - Samy Velu 'battle'. It is sooooo funny.

Old Samy of course has been accused of giving the order to demolish the Padang Jawa Sri Maha Mariamman temple, the act which led to the 2007 Hindraf protests. So we all know that, right? But now Khir Toyo, who was Menteri Besar of Selangor at the time, has 'confirmed' that it was Samy Vellu who telephoned him “one night about 11pm” during the crisis and told him to pull down the temple. Now here comes the good and funny part. Khir Toyo said.....

“He (Samy Vellu) said Hindraf people were gathering at the temple and turning it into a protest. He said to pull down the temple to stop them and not to give them room." And then Khir Toyo ends with a great punchline...

“Because the leader of the community is asking, I instructed the state secretary to give the necessary instruction."

So instead of saying that he (Toyo) gave the order because the temple was illegal he said he did it because Samy asked. Doesn't that make you wonder how many things in this country are done in this way? Scary isn't it?

But anyway, thanks, Khir Toyo for shooting the two of yourselves with one bullet.


NIAMAH!!!

It's a great day!!!

This picture is appropriate for what happened in the High Court as well as Rais' "brilliant" idea. Someone might have to explain it slowly to the Utusan Malaysia management and staff though.

Today is a great day in the history of Malaysia! Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little bit but it is still a wonderful day. Woo hoo!!! I haven't felt this good as a Malaysian for quite a long time. And the reason/s for my elation? Only very simple things la.

Today, I read that Malaysia has canceled the Internet filter plan that Rais Yatim announced a few days ago and which flipped-flopped between "Yes we are" from Rais and "No we ain't" from Najib to the point of global embarrassment. But at the time I write this, nobody from the government or Rais himself has made any comment. Rais must be sulking at home. Ha!

The second reason, not that I need two, for my jubilation today is the story of the reporter from the ultra-right wing Utusan Malaysia that's recently been in the spotlight for its several racist and near-seditious articles. This reporter, Mohd. Nizam admitted in the High Court witness stand that he thought "ultra vires" meant "to insult". Basically, he doesn't really know nor understand what he is writing about la. The fler was reporting on the Karpal Singh sedition trial where the old man was, among other things, being accused of making seditious statements related to the entire Perak constitutional crisis. "Ultra Vires" actually means "beyond the powers" and in the Karpal Singh case the mistaken meaning as reported in a major mainstream newspaper could have been damaging in many ways.

And so it has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt that Utusan Malaysia is not to be taken seriously. If any intelligent, loyal Malaysian needed any further proof of that la. So, my brethren, the next time they call you a coward and want to defend your rights or whatever, they might not actually know what they are talking about. So......

I think today calls for a celebration. I might even drive all the way to visit my non-Muslim friend in Shah Alam and have some beers.

NIAMAH!!!

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Now what???!!!

I really hope they remember Rambo was just a Hollywood movie character.

Umno Youth leaders to get military-style training!


That's the headline. Stupid isn't it? At a time like this in Malaysian politics they make an announcement like that? Who's their spin doctor? I mean even if you have been sleeping the last 52 years and woke up to read that in the Bernama news release you'd be a little miffed. Wouldn't you?

Umno’s training bureau will soon organise a course for Umno Youth division chiefs based on a commando-type training module, Umno vice-President Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi said.

(Commando-type training? What does that mean? Rambo-type killing techniques? Terminator-type firepower to replace tear gas and water cannon?)

Ahmad Zahid, who is the bureau’s chairman, said the course would enhance resilience and competitiveness among Umno Youth leaders.

(Resilience? Competitiveness? What? Are we playing a game of volley-ball or something?)

He said the course would be carried out by the Umno Youth movement, National Civics Bureau (Biro Tatanegara) and the Malaysia Veteran Commandos Club.

(So would these organisations also provide the same training for MIC Youth? MCA Youth? Or is it just for Umno Youth?)

“This was the kind of course we had when Datuk Seri Najib Razak was the youth chief."

(Oh really? I see....I wonder what that was in preparation for?)

“Camaraderie needs to be instilled in today’s youths; that is why (Umno Youth Chief) Khairy Jamaluddin and his executive council members have agreed to take part in the course, to be held soon,” he said.

(Ah it's about camaraderie? That's a good thing. So when are you announcing the training for MCA, MIC, PPP, Gerakan etc. etc. etc.)

The training bureau would also provide a course with a different module for Wanita and Puteri Umno leaders, he said.

(Oh but of course. We wouldn't want all that raging hormones to be bunked in the same barracks would we? They might have their minds on camaraderie of a different sort. Anyway, Make Love Not War is sooooooooo 60's la)

NIAMAH!!!

This PM might also be asleep

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz???

The Star headline yelled, Lead the change, PM tells Umno. In the Star article Najib says the culture of looking after one’s own clique and race is no longer tenable and as such Umno should take the lead to change. Very good. Words of wisdom even. Comforting to all Malaysians to have a forward thinking Prime Minister. If only...............

His announcement had not come on the same day that Umno controlled papers, Utusan Malaysia and Berita Minggu unleashed yet another racially inflammatory attack on the very fabric of Malaysian harmony. Both papers ran editorials today suggesting that the DAP is anti-Islam and Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim is willing to betray the Malays to be prime minister. Cause for unlimited detention under ISA if from any other publications.

But then this is 1Malaysia where there are different rules for different people. 1Malaysia, 2Malaysia 3.....4Malaysia, 5Malaysia 6..........

NIAMAH!!!

Saturday, August 08, 2009

This is the man in charge of communication and culture?

You want to talk in English I have changed my mode (?). Go ahead.

If you're still optimistic about this country's immediate future watch the Malaysiakini/YouTube video

HERE.

Pay special attention to segment 2:30 to 2:45. Watch his body language. His sneer. His venom. This is the man who is our country's minister of information, communication and CULTURE. After watching the video I think he fails miserably in all 3 portfolios.

NIAMAH!!!

Harry Truman's Excellent Adventure


Most Malaysians of the so-called Y Generation might not know who Harry Truman (1884– 1972) was. Harry Truman was the 33rd president of the United States of America (1945–1953). To many Americans he was their last 'citizen-president'. A man who worked tirelessly and selflessly for his bosses. The American people.

Author Matthew Agleo has written a book about this man entitled Harry Truman's Excellent Adventure. Someone sent me a link to a page that highlighted a passage which must be part of the marketing for the book. I read it and I thought that it should be shared. So here it is...

Harry Truman
Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many important decisions regarding our nation's history as any of the other 42 Presidents. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year..

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There were no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it's not for sale."

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise."

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!

I say dig him up and clone him!!


Maybe he should have been a dentist in Malaysia.

NIAMAH!!!

Good or Not?

Jangan risau. I will come back...once in a while. Ok? Jumpa lagi ya?

If you are a resident of Rompin and voted for Jamaluddin Jarjis as your Member of Parliament to look after your interests, would you be a happy person today or would you be a pissed-off person?

Your MP has been appointed Malaysian Ambassador to Washington. Which means that he is going to be thousands of miles away and working in a big job as Malaysia's diplomatic representative in the USA. So what's happened to the man you voted in to work for YOU?

But not to worry. Prime Minister, Najib has announced that Jamaluddin will be still be able to serve as MP for the people of Rompin as he would have a strong team to assist him and he would return for Parliamentary sittings. Strong team? Return for Parliamentary sittings??

Sigh...I don't know whether to laugh or cry la. Only in Malaysia la.

NIAMAH!!!

Is anybody listening to anybody?

Oh just like that cannot la. We have to...apa namanya...study dulu la. Case by case la.

First, Rais Yatim confirms that the government is looking at putting an Internet filter to stop access to 'undesirable' (my own quotes) websites particularly pornography. Censoring la, in other words.

Then the PM denies it. “The government has no desire to implement Internet filtering,” he said.

Remember? After the anti-ISA demonstrations Najib said he will give those flers who want to demonstrate, spaces like a stadium where they can go and shout until they are hoarse.

Then a couple of days later the Deputy IGP comes out and announces that every application for such gatherings would be studied on a case-by-case basis before approval is given. Which means ...... well we all know what that means, don't we?

My question here is, does anybody know what the hell is going on in this country?

NIAMAH!!!

Huh? What???

Don't you wish they'd be this vocal defending what they should be defending?

While surfing through The Malaysian Insider today I came across this headline which almost made me choke on my vegetarian lunch.

Khairy to PAS youth: Come join us to defend Islam


Huh? I presume he meant defend Islam here in Malaysia. And I am wondering, albeit as a non-Muslim Malaysian citizen, when has Islam been under attack here? Got ah? Other than stupid, childish games played by politicians for their own benefit, Islam and all the other religions are doing just fine, thank you. No?

I wish politicians like Khairy would just shut the fuck up about defending this and that and just concentrate on defending our nation as a truly democratic and harmonious country.

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, August 07, 2009

And the award goes to....


The Optimist of the Year award goes to DAP national publicity secretary, Tony Pua who said......

"We hope that the minister will not only make this polls for show only and take this a real important feedback to ensure that ISA is abolished."

He was referring to the 2-day poll conducted on the Home Ministry's website to gauge public perception over what the opposition calls a draconian law.

Niamah!!!

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

No more!

1. Prime Minster Najib said that the Government will NOT censor the Internet. It only wants to block pornography. Oh-oh...here we go again! Remember when they said the ISA was only going to be used to combat the threat of the Communists Terrorists? Now it's used to protect "national security". Of course they do not elaborate on what they mean by national security la. As long as the Home Minister says you are a threat to national security they can arrest you under the ISA. So maybe right at the start we should DEMAND that the government clarify in utmost detail their definition of pornography. More and more I think this government thinks we Malaysian Rakyat are stupid.

2. In the latest addition to the comedy script taxi drivers who suffered loss of income during the anti-Internal Security Act (ISA) demonstration on Saturday want to sue to organiser for compensation. Apparently, every driver suffered losses of around RM150 that day.

Hmmm...do you think that the demonstration 'organisers' can sue the police for disrupting a peaceful march and thereby causing them to cause businesses and taxi drivers to lose money? Why not? Since we are playing silly childish games let's all get in on the games.

3. And how many of you read about this amazing piece of sleuthing by our deputy prime minister? "Death threat politically motivated to bring down MACC", he announced. And he's even solved the case of whodunit. It's the Opposition!

Wah! Damn terror la our Muhyiddin. Sherlock Holmes also kalah la.


Niamah!!!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Tokkok

A cock in typical talk cock stance

There's so much cock in The Star today that I think it should be re-classified as a XXX Adult tabloid.

The first piece of tokkok that caught my eye was actually part of another story. That of the MACC's latest raid on Selangor's Pakatan Rakyat officers. This time it was state exco member Rodziah Ismail’s turn.

Anyway, after the raid MACC deputy chief Commissioner Datuk Abu Kassim Mohamed expressed disappointment with the latest trend by those under investigation or by witnesses to call in the media to record or photograph the MACC officers.

“Such a practice is not only putting pressure on our officers but also on the witness. It is setting a very bad precedent. The MACC officers are carrying out their job professionally but the same cannot be said about those calling the media while we do our job,” he said.

Hello, Mr. deputy big-shot where have you been the last couple of months? In the light of what is going on in Malaysia you expect Malaysians to quietly allow you and your officers free rein in your 'investigations'??? If your officers are carrying out their job professionally as you claim what is your gripe about? Anyway, I think you have the contacts to call out the water cannon and tear gas brudders if those pesky media flers get to be too much, right? So?

The next piece of cock comes from someone who's somewhat of an expert. Home Minister Hishammuddin Tun Husseinn has ordered the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission to take stern action against those people responsible for uploading a video clip on the Internet which purportedly shows the police assaulting a detainee.

"I view the uploading of this slanderous and malicious video clip very seriously as it has tarnished the credibility and image of the police."

Aiyoh Hisham, Hisham...what cock are you talking about? First, no Malaysian who possesses even an ounce of intelligence and who watched that video will think that the uniformed personnel involved are policemen. They are not wearing the PDRM uniform! And while all of us abhor the violence and the inhumane treatment of the victim we do not (although some of us might wish we could) smear that shit on our boys in blue.

And then to put his foot further down his own throat Hisham continues his tokkok by lamenting that the use of cyberspace to spread malicious lies and slander in the country was fast getting out of hand. Wah! Actually, if the Hisham fler was a stand-up comedian he'd continue that statement by saying, "If it's malicious lies and slander you want to read buy our newspapers! Cheaper than a computer and the monthly Streamyx connection." But then being a politician and a minister he's probably able to come up with something much funnier.

I am a Perakian and proud of it. Until recently I'd always thought the best of the Perak Royal family. And Raja Nazrin.....handsome, eloquent prince charming. Right out of a fairy tale la.

But today even Raja Nazrin is talking cock. “Democracy does not mean anything goes. It certainly does not mean mob rule,” he said. Errrr.....yes we as Malaysian citizens know that. And your point is? If your reference was to the recent street demonstrations I am sure Your Royal Highness knows that at those events the 'anything goes and mob rule' bits all came from the Police.

Raja Nazrin also said that our “...... constitution spells out not only what our rights are but also what the limits to those rights are.”

“These limits ensure that decisions are not made by those who wield the most power, shout the loudest or behave in the crudest manner.”

If His Royal Highness meant to direct his speech at "those who wield the most power, shout the loudest or behave in the crudest manner", then I bow down humbly in total awe and admiration of your wisdom but if you meant to direct what you said to the Malaysian Rakyat......

I don't know la. Sigh...for you flers reading this here you go and read the report and form your own conclusions about what Tuanku said la. I am going to get a stiff drink.

NIAMAH!!!


Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Today's funny

Ve have vays of making you tok!

In a story today The Malaysian Insider referred to the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission commissioner, Ahmad Said Hamdan as the "Top anti-graft buster...". Now my Engrand is also not so good la but doesn't that mean he busts everything that is ANTI graft? Like, if you're anti-corruption I'll kick your ass. Either that or some editor at The Malaysian Insider has a sense of humour I like. Hee hee hee...and now on to something completely different....

Is it just me or does the hairstyle of the MACC chief remind you of a historical figure. Remember, I didn't say a good one or a bad one. Just a historical one. Meaning a dead one. Who do you think it reminds you of? Send in your entries now. Best one gets.......a guided tour of the MACC building including a visit to the MACC pantry. People afraid of heights need not apply.

Niamah!!!

Fantastic Facts And Fancies

Hey kawan, brudder, fellow-Malaysian, Cheers!!! Ha? Oh........sorry ah............... you sensitive issit?

Today's fantastic fact comes in the form of a nonsensical utterance from the very successful dentist, Khir Toyo. Not wanting to miss out he's also jumped on board the brewing Hassan Ali/Ronnie Liu controversy.

“I am not suggesting that the sale of alcohol be banned everywhere. Alcohol can be sold, just not in areas where there is a Muslim majority,”
he said.

Apparently, Selangor PAS wants the state government to include beer in its ban on the sale of alcohol in all Muslim-majority areas. And it seems that a state by-law already exists which bans the sale of alcohol in these areas. Did you know that? I didn't and I was quite shocked to read that, to tell you the truth. A ban on sale of alcohol in Muslim majority areas???!!!

The DAP's Ronnie Liu who is in the thick of the controversy said only 24-hour convenience outlets in Sections 1 to 24 in Shah Alam, which are Muslim majority areas, would be asked to stop the sale of beer to “respect the community.” “The matter has to be considered carefully to take into account the sensitivities of all races,” he said.

There's those standard cock talk phrases pulled out again. Respect the community. Sensitivities of all races. Proves once and for all that politicians respect no one and they are much more sensitive than any one of us tax-paying rakyat will ever get to be.

Okay, let's get back to what our rich dentist said.

"I am not suggesting that the sale of alcohol be banned everywhere. Alcohol can be sold, just not in areas where there is a Muslim majority."

So where is this going to lead? Soon there will be no pork in Muslim majority areas, no beef in Hindu majority areas. Then the Chinese areas will be the preferred places to live because there will be everything.

After more than 50 years of being an independent nation we have come to this?

NIAMAH!!!

Related stories here......here......here......here.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Major Tokkok happening here

What? You all say first what! Huh? Okay who put me in front of PAS logo???


We all know and have come to accept the fact that politicians, from both sides, BN and the Opposition, talk a lot of cock. Some more than others. But today, Deputy Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin proved beyond doubt that he is the champion of TOKKOK fler in 1Malaysia.

In response to an article in Utusan Malaysia which called the Malays cowards for not reacting appropriately to the demands made by the non-Malays.

He said, “It is the media’s right to do so, maybe because other parties have started challenging Malay supremacy, Malay rights, Malay rulers, and things that have already been enshrined in the Constitution, definitely the various statements made by those parties cannot be forgotten, and they are more dangerous, the media only responded to the situation."

And so one newspaper's blatantly racist article is given the 'seal of approval' by no less then the deputy prime minister.

What is happening to MALAYSIA???

NIAMAH!!!


Monday, August 03, 2009

Why? This is why.


Should they?


Niamah!!!

A bit over isn't it?

Last week, I lost a young friend. She died of a stroke. A couple of days ago, another friend, even younger, suffered a paralysing stroke. I am told by a reliable doctor friend that he and his colleagues are bewildered by the high number of stroke cases they are treating in recent years. I am watching my diet more closely. Going to the gym regularly. Trying to live a healthy lifestyle. I don't want to be a stroke victim.



Maybe someone should tell Rosmah to lose some weight to start because we would not want to see her set a first record of some kind. We are still trying trying to swallow this First Lady title.

NIAMAH!!!

Fantastic Facts and Fancies

It's a brand la. Ya la just like my misai and cowboy hat la. Tak faham ke?

You know how since our PM, Najib announced the latest slogan, 1Malaysia we've been asking ourselves "What the hell does that mean?" The cantakerous old fler, Mahathir also didn't quite get what Najib means and says that his Malaysia Boleh slogan is better. Actually, I think it is not his but was coined by and for some chocolatey drink. And today The Malaysian Insider reported that nearly 40 per cent of Malaysians do not know what 1Malaysia means.

So we mostly don't know what it means. Don't worry! Help is at hand. One man has the answer. He knows.

And that man is our Deputy Prime Minister, Muhyiddin Yassin.

And he must be thinking that we are all sooooooooooooo stupid la. In today's Star he claimed that 1Malaysia is set to become a very influential brand name to promote Malaysian businesses among both local and global investors. He also said that the concept was adopted to turn Malaysia into an excellent nation.

Huh? How come we dont' get that one? We must be bodoh la. But our Muhyiddin Yassin also said that 1Malaysia symbolises unity and solidarity among the races. HUH???!!!

Baarger!!! The fler stupid or he thinks we all BODOH??? But this last part of The Malaysian Insider article puts it quite nicely...

Each of our prime ministers since 1981 has followed the same template — a catchy slogan, a song, an advertisement campaign and a sackful of promises. Each of them believed that Malaysians can be won over by nice sounding rhetoric.

Each of them believed that Malaysians are more form than substance.

Are we?

NIAMAH!!!

It's just another day of business

See? I now do all my shouting in PWTC, Shangri-La ballroom...huh? Where? Padang? Keris? Chinese blood? Oh that one different. Long ago ready don't talk la.

Have you noticed that the reactions from the government and all our YB's after a particularly large and effective demonstration against them is always the same? Right? Last weekend there was chaos in the city of Kuala Lumpur. Anti-ISA and Pro-ISA demontrations. Chaos mainly because of how the Malaysian Police always choose to handle these events and not because of the events themselves being violent or even unruly. And so today, the standard press releases get pulled out.

Costly Demo!

Traffic crippled!

Traders lose millions in sales!

Police to take tough action!

Haven't we heard of those before. But today, something did make me gasp. In amazement. With the realisation that the people in government really don't think we are too bright.

"Don't join street demo" Prime Minister, Najib Razak told Malaysians that the government is willing to provide venues for people to vent anger. Apparently, Najib also said "We can provide them stadiums (stadiums? maybe someone should tell the fler that his Engrand is also slipping leh) where they can shout themselves hoarse till dawn, but don't cause disturbance in the streets." And that "it was unnecessary to inconvenience other road users..."

VENT ANGER!!!??? CAUSING INCONVENIENCE TO OTHER ROAD USERS???!!! GO AND SHOUT IN A STADIUM INSTEAD!!!???

Well, folks that is what our elected government thinks. That we are merely a bunch of irritating juveniles out for a bit of mischief on a Saturday morning. Does anybody still think they are really protecting anybody's rights and whatnot? In fact doing any good at all?

NIAMAH!!!

Nuffnang