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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Some comic relief from my home state, Perak

Oi! Saya boleh kira tahu!

For years now I have wondered what qualifies a person to be a member of the Malaysian police force. Intelligence? Muscles? A razor sharp mind? A Sherlock Holmes sense of deduction? Today I found out that it is none of the above. So what is it?

The inability to count or tell time.

Watch this Malaysiakini video. The day is May 27, 2009.

"Eight Perak Pakatan Rakyat elected representatives and six others were arrested by the Ipoh police about 11.25am for alleged illegal assembly. They were arrested while walking in a procession from the DAP headquarters to the High Court to observe a suit being filed against the BN state government over the sacking of elected village heads."

Forward to the 03:40 of the video and listen to the policeman with the loud hailer.



"Ok, saya bagi 3 minit untuk bersurai. Kalau kamu tidak mendengar ini merupakan perhimpunan tanpa sebarang permit. Saya akan tangkap. Okay, satu-dua-tiga...TANGKAP!"


Remember, he said 3 minit ya? Now you count for yourself la. Satu...dua...tiga...did that take 3 minutes? But to a Malaysian policeman that IS 3 minutes or tiga minit. Maybe their time goes by faster than ours.

Oh my goodness! This is f**king hilarious!

NIAMAH!!!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sign language 101


Thumbs up.
Very good.
Number One.
One.


Fuck you!


Here's a finger up your ass!

Perhaps someone should do them a favour and explain the signs to Najib, Rosmah and the rest of those politicians who these days constantly want to stick their fingers up our collective asses.


Niamah!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Happy Deepavalli


Here's wishing all Malaysians of the Hindu faith

HAPPY DEEPAVALLI/DIWALLI

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Oh-oh

See? We just below Dominican Republic and Brazil. Good what.

Years ago when Jit Murad was a performing member of The Instant Cafe Theatre Company's political satire shows he coined the saying that Malaysia was at least ..."better than Ghana" when rebutting all the stories of Malaysian silliness that he was telling. And the phrase became the standard answer whenever anybody said something bad or pointed out some shortcoming about Bolehland. Then Ghana made it into the World Cup of football while Malaysian soccer became the butt of jokes among local fans of the sport and was totally ignored by everybody else. So we became NOT AS GOOD AS GHANA instead.

Then a few days ago a United Nations survey told us that our GDP per capita was lower than that of Botswana!

And yesterday, at the 1e-Government Conference 2009 at Putrajaya (yes everything is "1" these days. And yes while we're at it, will someone tell me what the fuck e-Government means?) it was announced that Malaysia's ranking worldwide in the implementation of e-government is below that of the Dominican Republic and Brazil!

That announcement was made by none other than the Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department, Koh Tsu Koon. Otherwise known as the-guy-who-lost-so-now-we-have-to-find-someplace-to-put-him.

And to think that our country was at one time one of the Asian Tigers. Those days are long gone. And while some of the other tigers are now on their way to recovering and morphing into at least Tabby Cats if not Tigers we seem to be bent on achieving the title of top Asian pussy.

Oh well, at least we still have the monicker "1Malaysia". We can hang on to that for some time I guess because I don't see any other country in a hurry to attach a number to their name just yet.

NIAMAH!!!

Monday, October 12, 2009

The picture of a thousand words

When I came home from a long day of work on Saturday night I turned on the television and the news was on. It was about Najib Razak officiating the launch of Malaysia's newest and of course, race-based political party, Makkal Sakti.

The Prime Minister was in fine form reading off the tele-prompter (I think) and dressed in batik and draped with and electric yellow sash. There was a lot of hand waving, pointing and other speech-making type gestures. But what Najib was saying was basically what a wonderful bunch of people the Indian community is. How much the Indian community has contributed to the development of Malaysia. How the Indian community must and always will be part and parcel of any development plans for the country.

Then the president of the new party, R.S.Thanenthirran was shown making his speech. And he starts to say how another party is needed to represent the country's Indian population. How the new party would work closely with the Barisan Nasional. How he sees the Barisan Nasional being the only workable coalition to bring prosperity to the Indian community.

Okay la, so I paraphrase very badly but I am sure that was the gist of the 2 speeches la. This type of speeches are quite normal in this country of ours. And we are so used to hearing our politicians mouthing off these things with such regularity.

Then the next day I opened the New Sunday Times and saw this photo of a thousand words...................


Look at the expression on the PM's face: "Heh...heh...heh...Ya right! These fools will believe anything. I am so clever I scare myself!"

His right arm is held up as if to stop someone from coming through: "Eh...eh...eh...just remember your position ya, Thamby? 3 steps behind please. Thank you. Jeez! Some people! Really!"

And the Makkal Sakti fler? Look at his expression. And his hunched shoulders and downcast eyes. As if in total submission. "Yes sir. We know where we stand. Thank you, sir."

1Malaysia?

NIAMAH!!!


Well, I did say that I got the idea for this post late at night after a long, tiring day. I might have been hallucinating.

Friday, October 09, 2009

The New MACC

The new MACC

'Bribe' the young lady at the box office with RM33.88 and get "investigated" by the new MACC!

The new MACC

where you don't JUST die but die LAUGHING!

More details at www.ticketcharge.com.my and +603 22419999

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Don't like ah?

Malaysia. You don't like ah? Then fuck off la!

Malaysia is now ranked as the 3rd best country in ASEAN to live. And we're only behind Singapore and Brunei. And globally we are ranked 66th out of 182 countries. This is according to United Nations data released this week. Phwaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Damn good eh? But if you bother to read the rest of the press release you will also discover that Malaysia’s GDP per capita in 2007 was US$13,518 (RM46,495), compared to Botswana’s US$13,604. We're not as good as Botswana???!!! Anyway, we are the 3rd most desirable country to live in, in ASEAN.

Remember that well people. Sometime in the future you might be reading headlines that say,

"Critics of Barisan Nasional told to leave the country if they don't like it"


What? Don't like ah? Go la! Lots of people want to come and live in the 3rd most desirable ASEAN country, you know.

Niamah!!!

Yay!!! We are soooo civilised la...

(Poster by obefriend)
A friend of mine sent me this poster which I thought I'd share with all of you. Says a lot about us......


Niamah!!!

Friday, October 02, 2009

Wacky Bar

Wacky Bar, a comedy written by Maya Tan Abdullah and directed by Joanna Bessey.

Wacky Bar is the first production of the new PJ Living Arts Theatre (PJLA Theatre) which is located in the Jaya One mall on the corner of Jalan Universiti and Jalan 13/6. Nett proceeds from the ticket sales of the play will go towards the Passionately You campaign a cervical and breast cancer awareness programme initiated by the iconic Assunta Hospital.

Malaysia's supermodel, Amber Chia who is the ambassador for Passionately You plays a guest role in Wacky Bar. Amber 'works' in Wacky Bar only October 1 - 3.

The stella cast of Wacky Bar include Daphne Iking, Joanne Kam Po Po, Rashid Salleh, Gavin Yap, Elaine Pedley, Junji Delfino, Na'a Murad, Ida Mariana and Patrick Teoh.


Wacky Bar opens tonight with a charity premiere and runs to October 11. Nightly shows start at 8.30pm. Matinees at 3pm.

For ticket details go to:-

1. ticketcharge
2.
cltay@pjla.com.my
3.
+60322419999

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Now, look who's laughing.

The symbol of the new party?

We used to make jokes about them. Now it is their turn because we give them so much fodder. I received this from a Singaporean friend this morning......

In the face of continuing problems within their parties, MCA and MIC, Ong Tee Keat and Samy Velu have decided to quit the parties and jointly set up the new

Liberated Association of National Chinese-Indian Alliance Union

or

LANCIAU.

Niamah!!!

Nuffnang