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Monday, February 08, 2010

Can I apply please?

Kelantan is demanding that the Federal government pay them royalties for the oil that's been pumped out of the seabed off their shores.

I think the whole world should be paying Malaysia royalties for the comedy that they have been enjoying and continue to enjoy at our expense. I mean which television channel or network in the USA or UK or Singapore or any other country can boast of providing non-stop comedy that explodes the ratings on a daily basis? If things continue this way I think Phua Chu Kang had better hang up his yellow Wellingtons for good man!

Okay! Sekarang saya mahu check.

Today the online Star reports ......

Don't take off your undies, urges anti-Valentine group

I've not been following this story too closely but apparently, there is a non-governmental group who are against the celebration of Valentine's Day by Malaysians (or Muslim Malaysians or even more specifically students in some college or university in Shah Alam. Seriously, the place should be re-named Stupid Controversies Central la.) and the alleged suggestion by some unknown party that female students in higher learning institutes in Shah Alam were being persuaded not to wear panties on Valentine’s Day as an expression of true love for their boyfriends. Hahahahahaha...sorry...couldn't help it.

I can just see the long queues in front of the offices of JAKIM or JAIS, or whatever those snooping peeping-toms are called, with RELA rejects hoping to volunteer as panty-checkers in Sham Alam institutions of higher learning. If God had created me totally insane I might stand in those queues too. I else are they going to determine who's wearing and who's not wearing. What a job man!

And by the way this NGO is called Secretariat Against Social Ills Penang. Their Malay acronym is UNGGAS (sounds like something for relief of flatulence doesn't it?) Their co-ordinator Nurfitri Amir Muhammad said that the group would deploy a team of about 500 volunteers from the organisations to distribute posters and VCDs, and would later conduct talks in night markets and other public places.

“On Valentine’s night, we will conduct a preventive operation called Operasi Sayang Remaja at Queensbay Mall in Gurney Drive and along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road stretch. Since, we do not have enforcement powers like Jakim officers, we will concentrate on counselling and advising couples against committing adultery,” he said.

Don't you just love their choice of name? Operasi Sayang Remaja. To keep in line with the theme of love on Valentine's Day I suppose. Hey! But what about checking on those panties?

And now for something completely different...........

So who's keeping an eye on Malaysia now?

When they brought in that big ferris wheel and named it The Eye On Malaysia, it was launched with great fanfare and to the irritation of the residents around Titiwangsa. A great many YAB's, YB's, Tunku's etc attended the opening. Statistics were then published on how many millions had visited during its stay in Titiwangsa. How wonderful it was that we had something like that in Bolehland. You know la all the usual trumpet-blowing cacophony whenever we needed to divert attention away from something our YB's wanted to keep under wraps for a while. Then the contract ended or something happened and the big wheel (they call it an observation wheel these days) was moved...sold...rented...don't know Malacca!

Malaysia's most historic city had it's own Observation Wheel! Wah!!! I am sure that Hang Tuah, Jebat, D'Albuerque, Francis Xavier and Hang Li Po would have done a turn too. In their GRAVES! Anyway, it was installed there and everyone enjoyed the fireworks, the YAB's, the YB's the Tunku's and the announcements of how great we are and how great Malacca is for acquiring this great example of 21st century technology for themselves. Yay!

But now we find out that some hanky-panky had been going on. But frankly, are we surprised? turns out that the 2 companies that brought the wheel to Malaysia had not paid the Belgian owners the rental amounting to RM17million nor the freight charges for bringing the darn thing over. Now, why the Belgian flers would ship something like that over here without someone paying anything upfront and the freight charges is beyond me. But then I am not Belgian.

Of course all this while I am sure you all have read about many millions in tickets had been sold to visitors to The Eye Of Malaysia both when it was in Titiwangsa and in Malacca. So where's the money? Now, if we all were given the answer to that question, Malaysia would lose out on all that royalty for global comedy that we are set to collect soon. And that must not happen. After all the world is keeping its Eye On Malaysia. For laughs la.



Anonymous said...

same comedy, different actors.

remember Le Tour Langkawi?

End fo the day, Rakyat sponsor la.

We are afterall, SATU MALAYSIA!


Anonymous said...


anything good going on in malaysia.......all this bad stuff about ourselves is getting me down!

How about some good old fashioned humour....

cheers - jo

Anonymous said...

sammo wanna ask where all the money gone to? Stupid question lah.... ask Pua Chu Kang , he knows the answer!!! NIAMAH KAHAIIII!!!


Anonymous said...

humour at its best

hey you

i wanna check said...

Wow! I love Malaysia, man! I volunteer to check! Here, here, pick me!

Chan said...

Patrick, I am from Penang. Queensbay Mall is not at Gurney Drive; Gurney Plaza is. That aside please tell me how I can register as a volunteer to check panties on Valentine's Day. I also have another 100 over friends (mostly more than 60 years old) who are waiting to volunteer too. They are also ever ready to pay to volunteer. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Malaysia boleh,Malaysia boleh,Malaysia boleh.

Satu malaysia,Satu Malingsia......HANTU Malaysia.

Laugh everyone while you can for tomorrow Malaysia cries.

donplaypuks® said...

Now if only these UN GAS people would let fly a few powerful blasts of air at those with no underwear during Valentine's Day - SHOWTIME!!

We are all of 1 race, the Human Race

evie said...

Mr Teoh - your take on this was simply hilarious :)

foo wy len said...

Check these Fantastic Facts & Fancy from the UNESCO/World Heritage City of Malacca:
1. The Melaka govt spent 8 million to build a through road to connect to The eye on Malaysia just end of last year. Guess that will be THE spot for love sick couples for their nightly rendezvous, so kind & thoughtful of our CM. By the way we no longer have any sea front in Malacca!
2. A telecommunication tower that goes by the name of Menara Taming Sari that seems to lose RM50-60k per month since its inception.
3. That Malacca River is actually no longer a river but a stinking & polluted LAKE! yes a lake no kidding!
4. Melaka govt spent millions (god knows how many millions) to beautify the so that a private company can operate the Melaka River/Lake Cruise
5. At the end of River/Lake there is a concrete bridge that comes out of nowhere and leading to nowhere
6. A monorail (that is being built along the Malacca River at the moment) where only PART of the rail rests on the concrete beams!
And we also have a marina bay............... guess that will be another story another day....

mamak meverick said...

Malaysia full of jokes these days, anf rakyat have grown wiser to diffrentiate the foolishness of our politicians.

Let's remind them in next election

Anonymous said...

Phua Chu Kang is appreciated more in Malaysia than in Spore.

Patrick Teoh more appreciated in Spore than in Msia (judging from more TV roles at TCS than RTM/MediaPrima).

this is called cultural exchange,

wandererAUS said...

Pat, you mean "Born Free"

No need to check lah....just stand underneath a wooden staircase with gaps in between steeps!

Anonymous said...

Uncle Patrick,

Me, Me, Me, please tell me where I can volunteer to be the panties checker. Ok, it looks like you and I won't be selected because of our "kulitfications".

But then Uncle Pat, why don't we start our own NGO and we will do better than UNGGAS. We shall call our NGO "GOTGAS" and we will outdo UNGGAS by checking for panties EVERY day and not just on Valentine's Day. Please Uncle Pat, set up your "GOTGAS" NGO now and tell me which Damansara Village Restaurant to sign up as volunteer.

Please Uncle Pat........

Anonymous said...


CIFU for wat !?

niakong said...

Gee... I do hope that no kilt-wearing Scottish bag-pipers are here in Malaysia on that day!

Anonymous said...

HeHe...the comedy is really killing a lot of people.
I think you should apply a laugh track to your blog.
A lot of people didn't know about the no-panties valentine "tradition" (???) until these flers come along and said something like that.
Maybe these people are panties manufactures themselves cause I remember people give gifts of flowers made of silk panties for valentine. They are afraid that their sales may drop and so they remind us to remember to wear panties on that day. They are insulting the intelligence of bolehlanders lah.
Is it really true about the wheel (eye of Malaysia) ah?
Malu only. Somebody is out there to destroy our image. Come to think of it we don't have an image in the first place lah.
What the heck!

Anonymous said...

So funny....!
That's what we get for the brainless that got left behind...!

It's Malaysians shaming "own" Malaysians!!
At present..., everything for the WRONG reasons. Don't u think so?

"WHY" always targetting the girls?????????????
What about the BOYS...???????

Any female species wanna volunteer to check the boy's undies...???

Be prepared to unzip the pants!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Pat,
One best way to tell whether a lady is wearing panties or not is 'To look for dandruffs on the floor below !!!!!"
He..He...He.. Cheers man!

Mou Ngan Tai said...

Niamah!this is Bolehland. So any lanciau pun bolih can happen.Morality is not just earned overnight.It goes much deeper than your religious teaching!

Anonymous said...

Perak is lost. NIAMAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

acedultraman said...

wow.. thats how you sell a surat khabar... pick a provocative title... i cant believe even patrick teoh can misunderstood this campaign... wearing panties or not is not the subject of what they going to do.. please.. be smart.. read carefully before you make any statement on any issue...

do read or this

Thank you. :-)

niakong said...

Hmmm... The Eye On Malaysia.

Frankly, we don't need that coz we've already got so many Eyes On Malaysia, but all for the wrong reasons of course!

Anonymous said...

CNY must wear Red Panties only got luck ar!!

Anonymous said...

#17 by ADAM YONG IBNI ABDULLAH on Tuesday, 14 August 2007 - 5:28 pm

"dear fellow bloggers/ writers.






same parallel with the barisan nasional government./opposition party.

why blame lim kit siang who is a chinese.?
why blame karpal singh who is a sikh.?
why blame najib who is a malay .?
why blame samy vellu who is an indian.?
why blame kitingan who is a kadazan?


BECAUSE MALAYSIANS ARE EASILY TEMPTED AND GULLIBLE BY MATERIAL INDUCEMENT . eg by election in machap and ijok. by removing the ht tower, by donation of money to chinese school, by repairing the roads- Barisan nasional had the day.

OPPOSITION will fail if it does not see the bigger picture.


but unfortunately, this will not change in this coming election,but at least get the point across, that a credible opposition in numbers are ABLE to check and balance any abuse of the system.

even private university hired foreign lecturers. BUT, their selection criteria is good. any foreign lecturers of asian nationalities in limkokwing university ?

lim kit siang can do a check."

hey dumbfucks, guess who this adam yong abdullah is? he's the brainchild behind this "wheel of misfortune" and as pasted above, he looks to me like someone aligned to uncle lim kit siang...

LOL. you guys are fuckin hilarious.

patrick's a bitch.

1 Malay-sia(L) said...

seriously, pat...
i'll ask my boss if you truly want to know the answer. he is belgian.

Mat Sempoi said...

1) CIFU will be a more popular 1malaysia phrase than Niamah in time to come.

2) The DuckTour in Malacca also gulung tikar already.

3) It is a Malaysian culture to borrow money but never return - graduates of certain kind given money by government to study but choose not to return the money after graduated. Not surprised that moeny owed on 'Eye of Malaysia' (what a @#$% name) is still not paid. It is a SOP in Malaysia. That's why we need Ah Long to get rid of such mentality.

4) Have they established the KPI for underwear checking?

Anonymous said...

These people really got nothing better to do, may be just want to show in their KPI that so many and so many talks been conducted. So if they went around talking, people going to put back the panties immediately and crime rate is going to come down, izzit? If they don't conduct the talks, more people are going to take down their panties and more crime rate, izzit? Stupid Fool! Baka! Jia sai gu!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the "hantam"(always make my day)

...will support your Damansara VILLAGE CHICKEN>>> Hope it taste like a REAL CHICKEN (most M'sian chicken taste like just a CLUMP of meat)

Anonymous said...

What's happening to leaders of bolehland? Always going for unproductive stuff - legal matters on perak mb, printing of A, sodomy, racist remarks,etc. Who are actually looking into the economy of the country? When someone is doing the job by turning from financial deficit to surplus in the state, we hv people, ordinary rakyat and YBs, protest here protest there for personal agenda. How can we be productive as a nation?

Anonymous said...

Malacca CM should ask Shah Rukh Khan to help pay for the Eye of Malaysia (Malacca) in return for his Datukship.

Anonymous said...

Guy don't wear underwear can or not? Can girl wear panty with hole?...I am sure next the JAIS or JARRR will come knocking on all shops in Malaysia selling panty and check every single pair got hole or not. What if the oil used in manufacturing condom contain how?

artchan said...

How would they go around checking for "no panties" Have a road block and ask the ladies to lift their kebayas, sarongs etc? This is not Malaysia Boleh...this is Malaysia Bodoh!!!

Muhammad said...

Bung Mokhtar & Tutup Mata Said could EASILY pick out, without checking, SOME of the girls who aren't wearing panties - the ones who're having their monthly "bocor". I wonder if Zizie Ezette has stopped bocor-ing now.

ahoo said...

With crooks everywhere, where to hide our Malaysian face now ? We are known as a nation of bolih and to get something free from a Belgian (besides chocolate) is not too difficult for such " pro's " anywhere.

Fighter engines can be stolen from our defense force, so what so great of a ferry wheel stolen (taking without paying is stealing, mah) from oversea to make money funding some poor politician ?

Wishing you & family a very blessed CNY !

Anonymous said...

Dont play play u know! Malacca MB wants to keep the EOM in the state at all cost!He says it is very popular n making money! He is stupid or what? Huh? You mean people will give u the EOM for free? To a 'sub kow' (cantonese wet cock)state from the capital?
Tiu na seng!!!!

Chan said...

I have not been wearing underwear for 20 years oledi ... so how-ah?

Anonymous said...

There is a solution to the Chinese New Year and Valentine day underwear solution by wearing crotchless panties/underwear.

Anonymous 3:05 PM said...
CNY must wear Red Panties only got luck ar!!
Anonymous 10:37 PM said...
Can girl wear panty with hole?...I

Still wearing except the crotch got big hole so everything can still see. So, still salah or not?

Anonymous said...

Because its nonsensical

Anonymous said...

I have fear when barisan najis lose the general election, all the bastard police and army will be released to beat all the rakyat to submit.

online fashions said...

To look sexy and seductive the ladies should wear something flimsy. Now you see it now you dont.

So G string boleh ka? Still wearing something mah.

Anonymous said...

Something about looking up some girl undies doesnt smell right. Niamah !!!!!

Damn bodoh this people in authorities


Hang Muda said...

Now that our TLDM submarine cannot dive, maybe it should be placed in the tebing selat Melaka as a tourist attraction to see how it float....

rahim chick said...

Why go to melaka when you can enjoy more fun in Singapore Sentosa's Universal Studio and casino?

Anonymous said...

Is it true that Khairy has got a stake in Carlsberg operation in Malaysia?

Anonymous said...

Is it true that Khairy has got a stake in Carlsberg operation in Malaysia?