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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Some Thursday funnies

The pavilion with the leaky roof

A national civics bureau senior officer allegedly called Chinese and Indian Malaysians SiSepet and SiBotol when he spoke at a recent function. The Federal Territory assistant bureau director, Hamim Husin was speaking at a Puteri Umno closed-door briefing in Kuala Lumpur when he allegedly made those racist remarks. Of course, when it was reported the shit hit the fan. And so the cabinet in an example of uncharacteristic speed-of-action ordered a probe. And of course, when a probe is ordered by the government some things tend to go awry.

For example, the Human Resource minister, Subramaniam although announcing that the cabinet was 'disappointed' with the remarks attributed to the Hamim fler, hastened to add that "We need not to look at it from a racial point of view.......If it happens to any particular race, the situation would also be the same." (remember now, Subramaniam is a Malaysian cabinet minister and that, of course means he is often out of touch with real-life)

Of course, with every probe ordered there must be a disclaimer. This one is no different. The minister was quick to remind anyone who bothered to listen that Hamim had attended the function as a guest speaker and the views and comments expressed were made in his personal capacity, and not the official views and comments of the bureau and were not with any motive to insult."

See? With just one political-speak styled statement....KAO DIM.

Malaysia Apapun Boleh!!!

Oh yes there is one more laughable statement by the YB Minister of Human Resources. He made sure to tell everybody that reports of the incident only came about because reporters had "slipped" into the closed-door event without permission. Huh? Like errrrr....we're not talking about the same thing here, YB. (full story in The Sun today)

The other funny worth a laugh today is Ng Yen Yen, minister of tourism, who DENIED that the roof of the Malaysian pavilion in the Shanghai World Expo leaked. How does she know that for a fact? She has yet to receive a REPORT on the matter!!! Then she accused all her accusers by saying, " Why don't you visit the pavilion and see for yourself. How would you know if you haven't seen?" How? We learn from you ma, Why Bee. We received a report that it leaked so it's true lor. No meh? Oh ya. The LCD screens also not working hor. But Yen Yen (what a cutesy name) not to be outdone came back with this gem. When she was shown a photo of a bucket used to collected the leakage she retorted, "I think it (leakage) happens when there is heavy rain, water will be coming in." Wah! You don't say. I didn't know that wor. Really meh? Thank you ah. (full story in The Sun today)


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

No respect for the law

The Royal Malaysian Police or Polis DiRaja Malaysia claim they have brought down crime rates, solved multiple-murders and even occasionally outrun and arrested some Mat Rempits. But there is one problem they have never been able to solve.


How to respect like dat?


Thursday, September 30. 10:17 AM

I just received this comment from a Niamah!!! visitor. There are some mind-boggling revelations here. See if you can spot them...

cannot be like that la Pat.
if the parking space were not enough, people have no other choice than an illegal parking. usually at a packed business center or even at 1home-1park apartment.

when we got saman at a place like that, we argue that the police have no sense, tak ade hati perut coz we have no other choice because of the apartment's law and everything..

the root of the problem is, that place dont have enough parking space. so dont blame the civilian because there's no parking spot left. and dont blame the cops too much because they lessen the saman's burden.

and also Pat, illegal parking is in the Majlis Daerah/Perbandaran/Bandaraya responsibility not the police..


Monday, September 27, 2010

Respect for the law

Oi! Respek sikit ok?

The new Inspector-General of Police, Ismail Omar says that young Malaysians today have no respect for the police.

“We are witnessing the emergence of a new trend, the younger generation are showing disrespect and they could not care less about the law...", he said.

Wah! He really can see the trend la. But my dear IGP, that trend I think has been around for quite a number of years la. No? Okay, let's take these examples...

When a Malaysian drives past a police road block what do you think is the first thing to cross their mind?

Is it "Wah the PDRM flers doing a great job ensuring our safety."

Or is it "Nah! Cari makan again la. Hari Raya/Chinese New Year/Deepavali coming ma."

If you say it's the first reaction then I'd like to meet you and tell you about this wonderful bottle of liquid which can wash black paper into US$. Come la.

Instead of making these silly statements which impress nobody I think the IGP should try and find out why things have gotten this way and how he can rectify the situation.

Oh and En. Ismail I think you should wear your IGP uniform la. Your trying to be casual doesn't work la. Not for me la.


Oh dear!


Thank you to Pamela Lim for sharing this video with us.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

If It's a Problem, Don't Recognise It! By Kee Thuan Chye

Idris Jala was interviewed on BFM 89.9 this morning. During the time of the interview I twitted that people who heard the interview should read an article by Kee Thuan Chye before they make up their minds about what Idris Jala said. But for some reason people who wanted to read it could not access the Facebook page. So here it is re-produced. If you missed the BFM interview you might be able to get it as a podcast eventually at For some reason it wasn't there when I looked just now.

If It's a Problem, Don't Recognise It!

By Kee Thuan Chye

Idris Jala is a good speaker. If you listen to him and you don't watch it, he will sell you an idea.

That's what he did - or tried to do - when he gave the keynote address at the “We Are Malaysia” event hosted by UCSI University on Malaysia Day.

He spoke of 1Malaysia and its aims, and how national unity can be achieved. One of the central aims of 1Malaysia is upgrading the diverse population's attitude towards one another from tolerance to acceptance and, eventually, the celebration of diversity. And one of the central strategies of achieving that is the recognition that, in Idris' own words, “in life, there are only two types of issues”.

Sounds rather pat, as if coming from a self-enrichment guru. But as I said, Idris Jala (left) is a seller of ideas.

What are these two types of issues?

Problems and polarities. A problem, expounded Idris, is something that can be solved. A polarity is something that cannot be solved but must be managed. The examples of polarities he gave are old and young, urban and rural, good and evil, rich and poor. Like the North and South Poles, they cannot be removed; therefore a balance must be struck between them.

To illustrate further, he gave the example of his wife and him. She is fastidious in wanting him to place his socks in a proper basket for washing, but he is used to leaving them all over the house. Despite her repeated attempts to get him to conform, he is incorrigible. She on her part takes an inordinate amount of time to get ready when they have a function to attend. It annoys him that because she can't decide on what to wear, they often turn up late.

“That's the situation,” said Idris, “but if we tried to solve it, we could end up in divorce.”

Extending the idea to a wider realm, Idris said race and religion are also polarities, which means they cannot be solved.

“If you try to solve them,” he said, “you could get something like Hitler's Final Solution and the ethnic cleansing in Bosnia.”

On that UCSI occasion, Idris got away with not having to answer questions from the floor as there is usually no provision for such in a keynote address. But if there had been, the key question would be: Isn't this all just a game of semantics? How do you decide what is a problem and what is a polarity? Or is there really no difference between the two?

Let's look at the issue of race in the present context. Let's bring in Perkasa, which insists that the 30 percent equity for bumiputeras must be upheld in the New Economic Model (NEM). For want of an opposing camp, let's bring in the MCA, which recently called for the 30 percent to be gradually reduced.

Is this situation of two opposing viewpoints over a racial issue a problem or a polarity? What does it translate into when from this dispute, policy has to be made?

Policy is policy. It provides a guideline for operations to be performed and actions to be taken. It provides a clear-cut solution. It does not merely manage. So how will it solve this Perkasa-MCA dispute?

If Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak decides to listen to Perkasa and includes the 30 percent in his NEM, the MCA might have something to say. Not to mention other groups opposed to Perkasa as well. But since the MCA is a Barisan Nasional partner, Najib or his deputy, Muhyiddin Yassin, can ask its party leaders to shut up and toe the coalition line, and chances are they will obey. Is that managing the issue or solving it?

While we mull over this, let's consider another point - for an issue to be resolved, it calls for negotiation and sometimes arbitration. There was negotiation between the two differing groups over the ge tai issue in Penang last week and the outcome was satisfactory to both sides. Do we say they found a solution to the issue or that they merely managed it? Does it matter what we call it?

It's all semantics. And semantics are of no practical use. Sometimes, semantics create further problems. In any case, the fact that you enter into a negotiation shows that you want to find a solution. If after negotiating, you still can't find it, you may seek an arbiter.

For racial disputes, there is already an arbiter. And that, plain and simple, is the constitution. So how we solve or manage - whichever word you want to use - racial disputes should be guided by that arbiter.

Article 153 of the constitution is the bone of contention. But as lawyer Azzat Kamaluddin (left), who also spoke at the “We Are Malaysia” event, astutely pointed out, there is no mention in that article of special rights for the Malays.

Clause 1 of Article 153 states: “It shall be the responsibility of the Yang di-Pertuan Agong to safeguard the special position of the Malays and natives of any of the states of Sabah and Sarawak and the legitimate interests of other communities in accordance with the provisions of this Article.”

Note that there is only mention of “special position”. And the second part says, significantly, that the Agong shall also be responsible for safeguarding “the legitimate interests of other communities”. It's not all one-sided.

Azzat pointed out that “everyone stops at Clause 1”. But if they were to look at Clause 2, they would see clearly that the special provisions for Malays and natives of Sabah and Sarawak pertain only to positions in the public service; scholarships, exhibitions and other similar educational or training privileges or special facilities; and permits and licences for the operation of any trade or business.

And in these areas, the provisions have to be “of such proportion as [the Agong] may deem reasonable”. In other words, it's not carte blanche.

Look also at Clause 5, which states that Article 153 “does not derogate from the provisions of Article 136”.

What does Article 136 say?

It says: “All persons of whatever race in the same grade in the service of the federation shall, subject to the terms and conditions of their employment, be treated impartially.” This is another limit to the scope of Article 153.

If the government follows the rule of law and interprets the constitution as it should be interpreted, we wouldn't have a racial problem. Yes, problem. Let's call a spade a spade. The racial problem we have now is mostly the result of what the government has done and not done.

It has not followed the rule of law. It has not told Perkasa to grasp the proper provisions of Article 153. Instead, it has been affirming that Perkasa's doing the right thing - only a few days ago, Deputy Education Minister Puad Zarkashi said Perkasa was championing the people's rights as spelt out in the constitution. Perhaps Puad hasn't read beyond Clause 1. Perhaps he doesn't understand it fully.

In terms of what the government has done, it has chosen to take sides to formulate policies that are contrary to the spirit of the constitution. For instance, is the discount for bumiputeras purchasing property constitutional? If so, where is it written in that sacred document?

The government favours one race and marginalises the other races. With regard to the civil service, it has not upheld Article 136 of the constitution, which calls for impartial treatment for civil servants of all races. Over the past four decades, the promotion of civil servants to the highest positions has been almost totally confined to those of one particular race. Is that impartial treatment?

As for religion, it is again the government that has created problems. Just to name two, one is its action to deny Christians the right to use the word “Allah”; the other, and more far-reaching, action is declaring Malaysia an Islamic state, as Najib did in 2007 when he was Deputy Prime Minister.

“Islam is the official religion and we are an Islamic state,” he said.

He must surely have read Article 3 of the constitution but chose to ignore what it says: “Islam is the religion of the federation; but other religions may be practised in peace and harmony in any part of the federation.”

Nowhere is it stated that Malaysia is an Islamic state.

But by his declaration, Najib caused fresh anxieties to surface and made the issue of religion more contentious. In extreme situations, the provisions of Article 3 have been disrespected. A recent example is Perkasa's lodging of a police report against a church in Shah Alam for planning to stage a Christian play during Ramadan on the grounds that it was seditious and insulting to the sultan.

That police report became a problem to the church. How would it be solved? In an ideal Malaysian setting, the government would have stepped in and told Perkasa to respect Article 3. But of course, it did not. For the church and other Christian groups, these problems will continue to crop up in future and there will be no solution in sight if the government stays silent.

Is the government silent because it now believes it can call such a problem a polarity? And with a polarity, which cannot be solved, the less said about it, the better? Similarly, in the case of the Johor school principal who allegedly made racist remarks, it is better to let the issue be until the public forgets about it?

If so, 1Malaysia is not about taking a radically honest approach towards national unity and the celebration of diversity. It seems to shy away from calling a problem a problem and solving it. Calling it a polarity merely adds a new twist to the propaganda.

So, if Idris Jala comes to your neighbourhood and tries to sell you that idea, be sure to ask him some difficult questions. He's a good speaker and can easily mesmerise his audience. His words may sound pretty until you probe them for substance. If you do, you might find that they amount to nothing more than public relations prattle.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Please lend a hand

Today I'd like to tell you about a courageous young lady. Chetz is the founder of CEKAP (Citizens Empowering K9 And People). In her own words "I love dogs and I'm always learning to give my dogs a happier, healthier and longer life."

Read about Chetz' plans for her canine charges and how you can help here.

Go. Help out a brave young lady doing a great deed. Thank you.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

2-3 weeks more of this

I am hoping the contractor who built this condo didn't have anything to do with Malaysian stadiums or Malaysian court houses.
(Sorry if I misled you guys. This is NOT a photo of my ceiling.)

Yes I know. This is not usual Niamah!!! material but it has become so much a part of my everyday life for the past month. And I am told that it will be this way for another 2 to 3 weeks more. So being the nice fler I am I must share with you lor. So please turn up the volume on your speakers and be a good friend and neighbour and suffer with me here. Can ah? A hairline crack has appeared on the ceiling right above my head and is spreading which prompted a fellow-tweep to comment, "Remember to smile when it all comes crumbling down! Your epitaph will read that you went doing what you did best, in the middle of a joke and with a smile. That'll be so fitting."

Ya! That's what makes us Malaysians special. We laugh in the face of danger. We taunt adversity. We sit right under where the cracks are appearing....Eh? Wait a minute....Errr...I better get out of here. Now.


Thursday, September 09, 2010

Selamat Hari Raya

Wishing ALL Malaysians


Have a safe and happy balik kampung journey and wonderful time with friends and family.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Wednesday Funnies


Found some really funny and laughable stories in The Star today which I thought I'd share with you here.

#1 Malaysia Day Musical in Kota Kinabalu

A grand musical is to be staged in KK this year to mark the first time Malaysia Day is celebrated as a national holiday. According to the report the musical is going to be "...conducted on three stages which would merge as one to symbolise the merger of Sabah, Sarawak and the peninsula for the formation of Malaysia". According to the State Tourism Culture and Environment Minister, Masidi Manjun, the event to be staged in the Padang Merdeka in Kota Kinabalu will cost RM1.5 million and feature a cast of 470.

What's the highlight of this million Ringgit musical on 3 stages?

The highlight is the signing of a special gold-coated commemorative book!!!

Don't know about you folks in KK but I sure won't be standing in line for tickets to that musical.

#2 UM drops from top 200 list of world ranking

The Star reports that Universiti Malaya has dropped from the top 200 of the prestigious 2010 QS World University Rankings - slipping to 207 this year compared to 180 in 2009. But the minister of Higher Education says, "We do not want to be obsessive about world rankings." Huh? Where's he been the last 20 years? We practically started the obsession with records trend. Remember the biggest songkok, the longest ketupat, the most number of people washing their hair in a shopping mall etc. etc. etc.? The YB also said in his wisdom that "We also cannot be 'ranked' against other universities whose 'conditions' and 'environments' are different from ours. It is like comparing apples with oranges".

Aiyoh! YB just say that we fucked up and will try our best to improve la. Like the Chinese saying goes you're like the man who's fallen on his face but still want to grab a handful of sand on your way back to your feet. And one more thing, even though UM is now #207 in the world rankings we're not ALL stupid enough to believe you.

#3 MAHB to probe how Wong boarded plane with snakes

This funny is actually not about the headline story but rather what's reported as part of the story. Anson Wong, the world famous wildife trafficker who was sentenced to jail for trying to smuggle snakes out of the country allegedly also owns 2 Bengal tigers which according to the report will eventually be housed in a reptile garden. I couldn't help smiling when I read that. Tigers in a reptile garden. That must be a first for Malaysia too.

#4 Ministry of WHAT???

Did you know that we have an Energy, Green Technology and Water Ministry? I didn't. Until today. Kementerian Tenaga, Technogi Hijau dan Air. Now there's a clumsy and potentially useless ministry if ever there was one. Some crony had to be given a job I guess.

#5 DVD charges deferred

Someone must have video'ed the PR flers holding their state assembly meeting under that famous tree in Ipoh (last year?). DAP fler Ong Boon Piow was caught with copies of the video in his possession. And the DVD videos did not have approval from the Film Censorship Board. Strange isn't it? Like Ong's counsel Kulasegaran said, "Does it mean that producing and distributing video's of ones wedding is also an offence?" Well, maybe if you got married in Ipoh, Perak it will be.

And the You Think We Are All Bloody Fools Ah? Award must surely go the Selangor PR's Teng Chang Khim. This Selangor Speaker has put his name on the benches and equipment of public parks in his constituency. That everything was Sumbangan Daripada Teng Chang Khim. His reason? He wanted the public to know that he was doing his part. He forgot that the facilities are paid for by the people and it is his sworn duty to serve his constituents. It is not his duty to tell his constituents, "Hey! This is from me ya?" Well, one thing that he did do I'm sure was to ensure that people don't vote for the guy they put their backsides on everyday.


Monday, September 06, 2010

To swear or not to swear

No prize for guessing who is about to get fucked!

Here's something a little less stressful and blood pressure-raising. I was browsing through The Nutgraph and came across this comment to the article they wrote about me "Patrick Teoh: A still un-fulfilled Merdeka wish"...

But why I find Patrick disturbing is his profound penchant for vulgarities and profanities. Go to his blog. This we must condemn or at least distance ourselves from. You may want to argue it’s his right of freedom to speak as such but even in the west profanities are frown upon as a public value. We should not condone such value and behaviour.

You can read HERE what precipitated this comment.



I have just learned from a friend's Facebook page that this Hari Raya commercial has been pulled off the air as it was deemed offensive to certain "sensitivities". You watch for yourself and decide if you're offended or even if you have such "sensitivities". This will make Malaysians miss Yasmin Ahmad's festival commercials so much more during this season of love, understanding and forgiveness. Sigh...

Here is a report in The Malaysian Mirror about the reasons for the ban. You can also read from the Internet reactions from Muslims and others that resulted in the commercial being banned HERE.

And there is a comment on Harith Iskander's Facebook page on the reason/s why it was banned ....

Dzulhelmi Jumat you guys should look more detail, google the net why they all pissed off..there are very quick scene where one show quran page upside down..that part touch religion, not race..