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Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Wednesday Funnies


Found some really funny and laughable stories in The Star today which I thought I'd share with you here.

#1 Malaysia Day Musical in Kota Kinabalu

A grand musical is to be staged in KK this year to mark the first time Malaysia Day is celebrated as a national holiday. According to the report the musical is going to be "...conducted on three stages which would merge as one to symbolise the merger of Sabah, Sarawak and the peninsula for the formation of Malaysia". According to the State Tourism Culture and Environment Minister, Masidi Manjun, the event to be staged in the Padang Merdeka in Kota Kinabalu will cost RM1.5 million and feature a cast of 470.

What's the highlight of this million Ringgit musical on 3 stages?

The highlight is the signing of a special gold-coated commemorative book!!!

Don't know about you folks in KK but I sure won't be standing in line for tickets to that musical.

#2 UM drops from top 200 list of world ranking

The Star reports that Universiti Malaya has dropped from the top 200 of the prestigious 2010 QS World University Rankings - slipping to 207 this year compared to 180 in 2009. But the minister of Higher Education says, "We do not want to be obsessive about world rankings." Huh? Where's he been the last 20 years? We practically started the obsession with records trend. Remember the biggest songkok, the longest ketupat, the most number of people washing their hair in a shopping mall etc. etc. etc.? The YB also said in his wisdom that "We also cannot be 'ranked' against other universities whose 'conditions' and 'environments' are different from ours. It is like comparing apples with oranges".

Aiyoh! YB just say that we fucked up and will try our best to improve la. Like the Chinese saying goes you're like the man who's fallen on his face but still want to grab a handful of sand on your way back to your feet. And one more thing, even though UM is now #207 in the world rankings we're not ALL stupid enough to believe you.

#3 MAHB to probe how Wong boarded plane with snakes

This funny is actually not about the headline story but rather what's reported as part of the story. Anson Wong, the world famous wildife trafficker who was sentenced to jail for trying to smuggle snakes out of the country allegedly also owns 2 Bengal tigers which according to the report will eventually be housed in a reptile garden. I couldn't help smiling when I read that. Tigers in a reptile garden. That must be a first for Malaysia too.

#4 Ministry of WHAT???

Did you know that we have an Energy, Green Technology and Water Ministry? I didn't. Until today. Kementerian Tenaga, Technogi Hijau dan Air. Now there's a clumsy and potentially useless ministry if ever there was one. Some crony had to be given a job I guess.

#5 DVD charges deferred

Someone must have video'ed the PR flers holding their state assembly meeting under that famous tree in Ipoh (last year?). DAP fler Ong Boon Piow was caught with copies of the video in his possession. And the DVD videos did not have approval from the Film Censorship Board. Strange isn't it? Like Ong's counsel Kulasegaran said, "Does it mean that producing and distributing video's of ones wedding is also an offence?" Well, maybe if you got married in Ipoh, Perak it will be.

And the You Think We Are All Bloody Fools Ah? Award must surely go the Selangor PR's Teng Chang Khim. This Selangor Speaker has put his name on the benches and equipment of public parks in his constituency. That everything was Sumbangan Daripada Teng Chang Khim. His reason? He wanted the public to know that he was doing his part. He forgot that the facilities are paid for by the people and it is his sworn duty to serve his constituents. It is not his duty to tell his constituents, "Hey! This is from me ya?" Well, one thing that he did do I'm sure was to ensure that people don't vote for the guy they put their backsides on everyday.



Anonymous said...

As always Uncle Pat your observations are so appreciated. Truly all 5 observations can and will only happen in Malaysia. Truly the best Niaaaaaammmmahhhhh!!!!

haris said...

#1 sounds like something North Korea would do...

Anonymous said...

Patrick, you are EXCELLENT!!!!! i LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE all your posts and admire our wisdom!!!!

marduk said...

Hi Pat,

I stopped reading NST long time ago for the same reason most of us do. I too do not like the mca's star but can't resist to read it for free, just for a good laugh! everytime...It look like it serves the same purpose for you too?

Anonymous said...

Uncle Patrick,
You are so cool. Like your observations. What a laugh

Anonymous said...

Quote "Hey! This is from me(Patrick) ya?" Well, one thing that he did do I'm sure was to ensure that people don't vote for the guy they put their backsides on everyday.Unquote. Yes, I agree with this statement. No body should vote for anyone who likes people butts to be on them. He is a real asshole.

Zaini said...

Patrick, it was damn syiok to hear your priceless voice on radio again the other day of BFM. Come on man, get back on air la please.

I grew up listening to you on radio. Nostalgia aside, we could do with a smart proper English talking fella like you on radio. Am tired of listening to DJs who can't speak English well with their childishantics.

Aiya....I'm also getting older I guess...

Diveman69 said...

Hi Uncle Pat,
Malaysia truly has come a long way after 53 years!!! Truly embarrassing!!!! Keep it up sir, I like 'marduk' I have given up on the main stream media. Don't even bother to watch TV3 News as well. You have just further proven what a waste of time it is for true Malaysians NOT to continue reading or listening to the Main Stream Media!!!!

Anonymous said...

"Malaysia Boleh" sums it up!!
Have a great holiday Pat.

Anonymous said...

The Star is full of local jokes, not bad if you want to brighten up your day. It could be a mca's strategy for The Star to drive up its dwindling readership? Anyway, I still do not want to waste my RM1.20. Let Patrick tells the story, more fun when it is free.

For Story #3, that YB reinforces the belief that we aspire to be Jaguh Kampung only.

Media Corp's Talent Scout said...

no wonder Star circulation (sales) has dropped so significantly while Niamah! readership hits 3996499 as of now !

Anonymous said...

Spot On !

There are so many things that happened in Malaysia that attracted a lot of attention from the spectators from all over the world ! Our neighbour, Singapore must have thought their own creation of Phua Chu Kang need help from our counterpart to add some flavour into their episodes and which they did ! They had Afdlin Shauki !

Probably they can hire some of our talented YBs' when they lose in the next GE ! Probably, someone will create another project in Johor to make another " film making industry " ! Apamacam ? Bagus !

1Niamah !

Anonymous said...

YB in Story 3 implies that local graduates are only valuable in civil service. Beyond that, no value.

For LKS's sake said...

Malaysian universities have again fallen out of the top 200 universities in the latest QS World University Rankings 2010, with University of Malaya falling from last year’s ranking of 180 to 207.

This is the latest proof that Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak’s New Economic Model are just empty words lacking the political will and leadership necessary to effect Malaysia’s economic transformation to escape the decades-long “middle-income trap” to become a inclusive and sustainable high-income developed country by 2020.

Anonymous said...

With Musa's allegations against the Home Ministry, all Hishammuddin could do was come with a feeble statement denying any interference. Hisham is his boss and should recommend that the IGP be disciplined for his foul mouth. But Hisham is not the man he is, or he cannot afford Musa to spill the beans if any action is taken.

They can take away Musa's one-year extension, but they can't muzzle him. Maybe to buy his silence, they would probably give him a big golden handshake.

Anonymous said...

tigers ah ? aiyah , suck-suck sui lah
chinese saying : snakes can swallow elephants, NAH !

Anonymous said...

Lets get educated in Malaysia, hai....................losers.

Dheep said...

The Ministry should have been combined with these 2:

Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment

Ministry of Science, Technology and Innovation

Seems like to be an overlapping of duties.

Anonymous said...

Story #2 - For that reason, I came across some companies seeking graduates from foreign universities to fill up job vacancies.

TULAN said...

On #2, this is the case of 'could not get to eat the grape and say the grape is sour'.well,if they just want to be jaguh kampung,let it be.Niamah1
On #4, so the one in charge of fire,will be called fire ministry,in charge of longkang will be called longkang ministry,in charge of minyak will be called minyak ministry......
Niamah2 !

niakong said...

Ha! Ha! Ha!

All these news in MSM are funnier than Cartoonkini!

Hmmm.... will they also be facing the axe soon?

Anonymous said...

Perkasa (read Ibrahim Ali) says that it doesn't need Umno support. Ibrahim Ali is getting thick-headed. He thinks he is all mighty. And he can criticise everyone from Pakatan Rakyat, MCA chief, Umno Youth chief to the PM himself. He thinks he is right and everyone else is wrong.

Come the next general election, he says that he doesn't need the support from BN. PAS will surely not support him. Do you think he can retain his MP post? God helps us if he does! His head will then be bigger than a pumpkin.

Anonymous said...


why only intellectually challenged UMNOputras be appointed ministers? tiu, no wonder large part of graduates are unemployable.
i interviewed one candidate from UPM and I told myself this chap must have been from timbuktu.

Anonymous said...

Whoever the higher education Minister (a blessing that I don't even know his name!), he/she is simply UNQUALIFIED. Where is Malaysia heading, produce university graduates that can't perform to the same level as high school graduates in job market! Najib, how? how to become high income economy? You may dream on, but many will abondon your dream.

Raghaven said...

Very sad that the misfortune in our country are becoming sources of amusement.

At least our worldwide ranking in self-humour will go up?

Koka tulan said...


I use to strut like a cock bcos I was in UM . Today I hide my face with my tail between my legs. I even feel shameful to look at my degree though I earned it in the days of meritocracy.


Anonymous said...

To stop the degradation of UMNO/BN, the PM must stand firm on policies that truly benefits the people. What should be more rewarding and appealing to this country than the sacrfices of a few demented and selfish personalities?

The truth that the malays has never been marginalised and their special position has never been brought into question, the PM should fear nobody or any obstruction placed by racist and bigots. However, if you choose to succumb to the threats of your own and those with vested interest, then the demise of UMNO/BN is very real.

Truly, if the performance of PR in their respective states are governing and functioning well with their policies and most importantly, the people are happy, what is so wrong if the federal government study and adopt them, all for the sake of the people?
We don't need to keep quarrelling and undermining each other.

Ipin said...

The main problem with UMNO is the inability of the UMNO leadership to prevail over Perkasa with an alternative story to tell Malays, UMNO people and ultimately the Malaysian rakyat. The inability is telling on the quality of our leadership. Let me be more direct- our leadership is stupid, scared or doesn't know what's happening. Therefore it cannot give answers to the message Perkasa is bringing.

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous Koka tulan said...


I use to strut like a cock bcos I was in UM . Today I hide my face with my tail between my legs. I even feel shameful to look at my degree though I earned it in the days of meritocracy.


its not anyone's fault that you have a shriveled ....NIAMAH to you too.
Get a self esteem and grow a pair...fbo

Anonymous said...

"We also cannot be 'ranked' against other universities whose 'conditions' and 'environments' are different from ours. It is like comparing apples with oranges".
Is he telling the whole world our local universities and its graduates are of a lower standard than others!!! And is he telling the Multi-National Companies to employ our local grads, paid them graduates' salary scale... but don't compare their standard and performance to US or Australian grads!!!

Matt Salleh said...

Park bench: At least he didn't install the coin operated benches with steel spikes that pop thru the seat when the tim expires like in Yantai Park, Shangdong China.

DVDs: Perhaps an offense if the video's were on one's wedding NIGHT.

Koka Tulan said...

To Anonymous 1.21am

Where the hell did you get the impression I have a pair of shriveled balls. I can only presume you are a latter product from UM if that is your incomprehensible presumption. I can assure you I can match you and beat you in anything you choose to debate on except stupidity. That is why I spit on the reputation of UM where any Ahmad, Ali or Atan can crawl in and crawl out with an utterly useless piece of paper which you would call a degree. These days I curse the day I decided to enroll in UM. I never imagined there would be people so unashamedly glorified and so myopic that they would be prepared to fuck up their leading institutions to go against nature and try to turn congenital idiots into geniuses. Even you, with your poor understanding of English would know that all that is "yellow" is not gold,- it could be shit !

As to self esteem I can assure you I move in very high powered circles. Not the typical types you would find in UM which I would consider sub-standard. There are of course a few exceptions, a very small minority who are very good, but of course they are often not given the recognition they deserve and bypassed by the less gifted. But again this is Malaysia, an impending failed state, a state with fingers pointed at everyone except itself for all its self created failings.

NNiiaammaahhHH UM ...(Useless Ma... _ please fill in the blank.)

Anonymous said...

Energy and water is useless? not good enough to have a ministry??
What world you living in lah old man

niamah yourself la tiuu