Google AdSense

Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Fantastic Facts and Funnies

Want justice or not? Doewan ah? Okay lor.

How many of you realise that Malaysia has again made it into the, or rather SOME, record book? No?

Well, we might just be the ONLY country on the planet where......

......criminal charges against people may be dropped due to overwhelming pressure from the general public.


Niamah!!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Fantastic Facts and Funnies

Just shut up and learn your lesson. Boy!

When I first read this report on The Malaysian Insider I wanted to blog my own comments and opinion about what was reported. I just couldn't find the words. So I am re-printing the complete article for you to read here. You decide. The highlights, however, are mine.

Umno Youth chief Khairy Jamaluddin, said today the Attorney General’s decision to
let two Al-Islam magazine journalists off the hook for allegedly desecrating Catholic Communion hosts should not matter so long as the magazine has “learned its lesson from this episode.”

Pakatan Rakyat (PR) leaders including the DAP’s Lim Kit Siang and PAS central committee member Dr Mujahid Yusof Rawa, however, believe the decision not to charge the two may send a negative signal that the rule of law can be undermined by politics.

Khairy told The Malaysian Insider that it would be inappropriate to speculate on the reason behind the decision by the AG’s chambers to take no further action.

He, however, argued that the decision may have been reached to “balance out” the racial and religious tension caused by the “Allah” row in a bid to prevent further unease.

The “Allah” row had triggered a nationwide uproar among conservative Muslims. The tension escalated into attacks on houses of worships of both Christians and Muslims.

The attacks also tarnished Malaysia’s moderate credentials among the international community.

“I don’t want to speculate on the reason..but there are things that you can take to court and others best to leave it to other sensible ways for solution,” Khairy said.

“But I feel that whether or not the charges are dropped is not important. What is important is that people learn from this lesson and I am sure that the magazine has learned its lesson from this episode,” he added.

The two Al-Islam journalists had pretended to be Christians and took part in a Catholic Mass to probe allegations that Muslims were being converted.

In their article, the two admitted to receiving Holy Communion — which is in the form of bread which Catholics believe changes to the body of Jesus Christ through the rite. They said they subsequently spat it out in what Catholics consider an act of desecration.

A police report was subsequently lodged against the two journalists.

The duo were then investigated under Section 298A (1) of the Penal Code for causing disharmony, disunity or feelings of enmity, hatred or ill will, or prejudicing the maintenance of harmony or unity, on grounds of religion.

It was reported yesterday that the Dang Wangi district police headquarters, through the officer in charge of the case, had sent a letter to the complainant telling him that the AG’s office would not be pressing charges.

No reason was given for the decision.

Lim said the decision not to charge the two indicate the lack of seriousness by the authorities to safeguard domestic religious harmony.

“The decision shows the AG is not serious in protecting and safeguarding religious and racial harmony in the context of a plural and multi-racial Malaysia,” he told The Malaysian Insider.

Mujahid on the other hand agreed with Khairy that it was not apt to speculate on the reason behind the decision to drop the charges.

But he regretted the possibility that politics could have been behind the decision to drop the case.

“They might have strong reasons to do so. It may be for security reasons but there has been much doubt about this (even if its true) as many of its (AG’s chambers) decision are done due to political reasons,” he told The Malaysian Insider.

The Parit Buntar MP also agreed that the decision may be connected to the “Allah” row and that it was done to prevent further tension.

But he said the authority should tackle the negative perception that it is upholding the law based on religious and political considerations.

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Stupid!

One tier for you. One tear for me.

I read in The Malaysian Insider today that the government has decided to scrap the tiered fuel subsidy system proposed to begin on May 1, 2010. And according to the report the government ...

"quietly (scrapped) the proposed tiered fuel subsidies scheduled for May 1 due to its complexity"
.

Right from the start almost every Malaysian and many foreigners watching knew that the multi-tiered system was too complicated and almost impossible to implement and police. But no they wouldn't listen these YB's who always know better than us ordinary folks.

Sure work one. Use your MY card. Register to get subsidy for one car. And then you foreigners can only buy 20 litres within 50 km of the borders. Ha!

One Singapore taxi driver told me that he drives his private car to JB to fill up. 20 litres at this station, another 20 at another. My car is small so I visit 2 or 3 petrol stations and Kao tim! No problem one la brother, he said.

NO IT WON'T WORK, we said.
YES IT WILL WORK AND WE START MAY 1, they answered.


And now with tails between their legs the YB's 'quietly' scrap the system. Actually, they never even really told us how the tiered system was going to function. Did they? I hope that the people who first came up with this hare-brained idea are feeling really stupid now. Oh wait. To feel stupid you need to be have intelligence first. Sorry.

NIAMAH!!!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Insight

Ha! You don't play play I tell you...

Here are some deep and interesting insights into your Prime Minister. Provided by someone who should know. His wife. (From the online Star)

Rosmah said although Najib was a man of few words, he should not be underestimated.

“I always tell others not to underestimate Datuk Najib. He is not easily angered but do not provoke him. If he is angry, there is no forgiveness for you.

“Datuk does not say much but he would register in his mind what is happening around him. If I make a mistake, he will reprimand me. If he stamps his feet, I will shudder.

The hightlights are mine. You read la and then decide for yourself what kind of man your Prime Minister is.

Niamah!!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

HIyah! What la!

Errr...humma acheler subachaer le

Our newspapers always never report anything in full do they? Take today's story in The Star for example.

Iraqi doctorate student charged with reckless driving

That was the headline. The report goes on to say that Hamood Sheehab Hamid, 45 from Iraq was charged with reckless driving and causing the death of a fellow student of the Universiti Sains Malaysia. The Iraqi is studying for a doctorate in electronics engineering. Okay.

But the killer fact is that
no plea was recorded because Hamood could neither understand English nor Bahasa Malaysia.

Huh???

The baarger is taking a doctorate in electronics engineering and speaks no English or Malay!!! What other language does USM teach in? That, The Star reporter or the editor didn't bother to report. Is that acceptable practise in journalism ah? Maybe that will the subject of tomorrow's edition?

Niamah!!!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Fantastic Facts and Funnies

Don't worry. No pain one and will make you better.

Some funnies from today's edition of The Malaysian Insider...

3 women were caned recently under Syariah laws on charges of engaging in “illicit sex.


Home Minister Hishammuddin disclosed this yesterday. Two of them received six strokes while another one was given four.
“The sentencing has proven that caning is not unjust, inhumane or causes injuries. This also proves that Jakim and the Prisons Department are prepared and ready to implement Syariah criminal punishment. The public and world community no longer needs to fear caning as a punishment under the Syariah because it is not cruel but instead educates the offenders. It also provides awareness and teaches the offenders to repent and not repeat the acts,” he said in a press statement today.

Wah! This fler is really something la. "caning is not unjust, inhumane or causes injuries..."

Unjust? Were the partners in this "illicit sex" caned too?
Inhumane? What? Chopping off hands for stealing next?
Causes injuries? How would he know?

"The public and world community no longer needs to fear caning as a punishment under the Syariah because it is not cruel but instead educates the offenders..."


Not cruel and educates as well! Now you can't ask for more can you?

This is also funny...

Give Najib chance to change country


Sarawakians were told this by Environment and Public Health Minister Datuk Sri Wong Soon Koh.

Okay Mr. Wong. Sure. I will. Just as soon as he can put his own party in order and not make conflicting statements from his deputy or should that be the other way around? Not that the Deputy fler gives a shit.

A chance to change the country? From what I've seen so far I am not sure Najib can change his own underwear. Sorry.

NIAMAH!!!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

GONG XI FA CAI

Damansara Village Steamboat @ Damansara Jaya
&
Damansara Village @ Imbi


wishes all Malaysians a very happy Chinese New Year.

GONG XI FA CAI

will be open for dinner on Chinese New Year's Eve (February 13) and will be closed for the holidays from February 14 - February 17 and re-open on February 18.

Damansara Village @ Imbi

will be OPEN throughout the Chinese New Year holidays.

Come and join us for your new year feasting. From new year's eve dinner to holiday lunch and dinner.

Feast on our very own 100% Organic Chicken or Cho Kai. The best-tasting chicken on the planet.

Usher in good fortune and prosperity with our Wild Sang Yue. Steamed to perfection for a taste that is second to none.

And of course, Low Sang or toss to the year of the Tiger with our special Village Yee Sang.

Print out and bring along this flyer to receive an order of our
Village Special Steamed Clams

FREE
!!!


Damansara Village @ Imbi
32&34, Jalan Utara
off Jalan Imbi
(opposite Pasar Rakyat)
55100 Kuala Lumpur.

GPS coordinates
Latitude: 3°08'40.91"N
Longitude 101°43'01.70"E

For reservations call +603 2141 1678

---o0o---


Damansara Village Steamboat
1067, Jalan Jenjarum, Kg. Sg. Kayu Ara, off Jalan SS23/10, 47400 Petaling Jaya.

GPS coordinates
Latitude: 3° 7'26.64"N
Longitude: 101°36'46.71"E

For reservations call +603 7803 1832.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

This is actually quite funny!

The Malaysian submarine that cannot dive. It's okay la. Won't affect its operation one.

The Malaysian Insider today reported ......

A technical fault in the nation’s first submarine, the KD Tunku Abdul Rahman, that prevents it from diving is a minor hitch that will not interfere with its operations and can be rectified by its builders.
Are you laughing already? No? Read it again. A submarine that cannot dive. But it will not interfere with its operations.

HUH???!!! So what is its operations? As a sailboat ferrying tourists to watch fireflies?

But then this is Malaysia ma. So don't worry because............

Defence Minister Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi said: “We have a warranty on the sub and we are confident the builders can fix it.”

We are confident that the builders can fix it!!!


Well, all I can say after reading that is ...........

WHAT THE FUCK???!!!


Come on! Everybody join in. Say it out loud...........

NIAMAH!!!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Eh? Gone other side ah?

In God's name I quit! Wah! Damn garang using somebody else's name innit?

Politicians jumping from one party to another occur so often in Malaysia that I for one have stopped taking any notice. So when I read that Zahrain Hashim, the PKR MP for Bayan Baru had announced that he was quitting PKR and becoming an independent I hardly took notice. That is until I read his statement as reported in The Malaysian Insider. I am sure it was translated from the Malay but the English version read, "In the name of God, I would like to announce my resignation from PKR.”

In the name of God I quit the party? Wah I think this is really too much man. He quits the party when it was as the party candidate that the people of Bayan baru voted him. Without so much as a by your leave. And now he says God is in on it too. Frankly, I don't think He gives a fuck! Except that He's probably pissed off at you for using his name in vain. So I'd be careful when you step out in a thunderstorm. At least Flip Wilson had the decency to blame the bad guy when he said, "The Devil made me do it!"

This is yet another piece of proof that Malaysian politicians do things for themselves. The rakyat's votes are merely to satisfy a technicality. And one day even that won't be necessary anymore.

Now this next bit is really funny. Zahrain also slammed the DAP’s Middle Malaysia calling it a narrow racial agenda. Now, I myself am not sure what the DAP's Middle Malaysia is about but calling one party's (that is part of an Opposition that won 5 states in the last G.E.) agenda a narrow racial one in the midst of what's been happening in Malaysia the past few months involving the ruling coalition is a bit cockeyed I think.

Wait, got some more. He also said that because of that agenda “The Malay Muslim community continues to be marginalised.”

Huh???!!!

Exactly!

NIAMAH!!!

Monday, February 08, 2010

Can I apply please?

Kelantan is demanding that the Federal government pay them royalties for the oil that's been pumped out of the seabed off their shores.

I think the whole world should be paying Malaysia royalties for the comedy that they have been enjoying and continue to enjoy at our expense. I mean which television channel or network in the USA or UK or Singapore or any other country can boast of providing non-stop comedy that explodes the ratings on a daily basis? If things continue this way I think Phua Chu Kang had better hang up his yellow Wellingtons for good man!

Okay! Sekarang saya mahu check.

Today the online Star reports ......

Don't take off your undies, urges anti-Valentine group


I've not been following this story too closely but apparently, there is a non-governmental group who are against the celebration of Valentine's Day by Malaysians (or Muslim Malaysians or even more specifically students in some college or university in Shah Alam. Seriously, the place should be re-named Stupid Controversies Central la.) and the alleged suggestion by some unknown party that female students in higher learning institutes in Shah Alam were being persuaded not to wear panties on Valentine’s Day as an expression of true love for their boyfriends. Hahahahahaha...sorry...couldn't help it.

I can just see the long queues in front of the offices of JAKIM or JAIS, or whatever those snooping peeping-toms are called, with RELA rejects hoping to volunteer as panty-checkers in Sham Alam institutions of higher learning. If God had created me totally insane I might stand in those queues too. I mean...how else are they going to determine who's wearing and who's not wearing. What a job man!

And by the way this NGO is called Secretariat Against Social Ills Penang. Their Malay acronym is UNGGAS (sounds like something for relief of flatulence doesn't it?) Their co-ordinator Nurfitri Amir Muhammad said that the group would deploy a team of about 500 volunteers from the organisations to distribute posters and VCDs, and would later conduct talks in night markets and other public places.

“On Valentine’s night, we will conduct a preventive operation called Operasi Sayang Remaja at Queensbay Mall in Gurney Drive and along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road stretch. Since, we do not have enforcement powers like Jakim officers, we will concentrate on counselling and advising couples against committing adultery,” he said.

Don't you just love their choice of name? Operasi Sayang Remaja. To keep in line with the theme of love on Valentine's Day I suppose. Hey! But what about checking on those panties?

And now for something completely different...........

So who's keeping an eye on Malaysia now?

When they brought in that big ferris wheel and named it The Eye On Malaysia, it was launched with great fanfare and to the irritation of the residents around Titiwangsa. A great many YAB's, YB's, Tunku's etc attended the opening. Statistics were then published on how many millions had visited during its stay in Titiwangsa. How wonderful it was that we had something like that in Bolehland. You know la all the usual trumpet-blowing cacophony whenever we needed to divert attention away from something our YB's wanted to keep under wraps for a while. Then the contract ended or something happened and the big wheel (they call it an observation wheel these days) was moved...sold...rented...don't know la...to Malacca!

Malaysia's most historic city had it's own Observation Wheel! Wah!!! I am sure that Hang Tuah, Jebat, D'Albuerque, Francis Xavier and Hang Li Po would have done a turn too. In their GRAVES! Anyway, it was installed there and everyone enjoyed the fireworks, the YAB's, the YB's the Tunku's and the announcements of how great we are and how great Malacca is for acquiring this great example of 21st century technology for themselves. Yay!

But now we find out that some hanky-panky had been going on. But frankly, are we surprised? Anyway...it turns out that the 2 companies that brought the wheel to Malaysia had not paid the Belgian owners the rental amounting to RM17million nor the freight charges for bringing the darn thing over. Now, why the Belgian flers would ship something like that over here without someone paying anything upfront and the freight charges is beyond me. But then I am not Belgian.

Of course all this while I am sure you all have read about many millions in tickets had been sold to visitors to The Eye Of Malaysia both when it was in Titiwangsa and in Malacca. So where's the money? Now, if we all were given the answer to that question, Malaysia would lose out on all that royalty for global comedy that we are set to collect soon. And that must not happen. After all the world is keeping its Eye On Malaysia. For laughs la.

NIAMAH!!!

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Thank you for your support!!!

The Dine For Haiti Fundraiser at Damansara Village Steamboat last night was a YUMMILICIOUSLY ROARING SUCCESS.

Thanks to all of you generous people who turned up fighting the Friday evening rain and traffic jams to contribute to the earthquake victims in Haiti. All our guests had a great time enjoying the fresh seafood steamboat, meeting our celebrity guests and taking photos and also participating in a couple of celebrity item auctions conducted by Amber Chia and Andrea Fonseka.

The gorgeous Andrea Fonseka and her lovely assistant, May were the first to arrive. Ahead of Patrick Teoh, the organiser!!!

Yasmin and Patrick trying for the James Cameron AVATAR look without the James Cameron budget.

Amber Chia brought a beautiful pair of Ferragamo sunglasses for auction and managed to raise RM600 from the auction.

Andrea donated her limited edition Adidas limited edition Missy Elliot tote and got a top bid of RM350.

Guests who came to dine checked in RM15,715 and in addition donated generously when Amber and Andrea went round the tables to offer photo ops.

Andrea and Amber raised an additional RM4,140!

This generous gent is a big fan of Andrea. I wish I'd gotten his name. He made a donation of RM700! Thank you, sir!

The celebrity guests putting their contribution into the collection box. From l-r Andrea Fonseka, Carleef, Ben Ibrahim, Patrick Teoh (holding the box), Amber Chia, Nottee Seng (asst to Amber. Seated: Yasmin Yusuff.

We collected a total of RM19,855.

But that's not all Harith Iskander and Kuah Jenhan came over after their comedy show "This Is It?" in the PJLA Theatre and pledged their personal earnings from Thursday night's show.

Other celebrities who came in support of Dine For Haiti included actor/director Gavin Yap, comedian Douglas Lim, cabaret star Joanne Kam Po Po, actor-director Joanna Bessey, radio legend Yasmin Yusuff, host and columnist Xandria Ooi and TV personality Ben Ibrahim.

The blogosphere was very well represented. Led by the inimitable Bernard Khoo (Zorro Unmasked) the bloggers made up 3 tables of happy, generous diners.

All the money collected from last night will be sent to AVAAZ to fund their efforts in Haiti. We shall keep you informed of the process when we send the money and receive AVAAZ's receipt for your contributions. Watch for details on this blog.

More photos of the event coming soon!

From all of us at Damansara Village Steamboat - thank you for your support and generousity.

God Bless All Of You.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

What the F**K!!!

I was very takut (scared) lor so I take off my clothes and wear a towel lor.

A friend and colleague just alerted me to this report in The Malaysian Insider. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it. It actually is completely mystifying. You judge for yourself.

Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan, who took the stand at the High Court as the prosecution’s first witness, testified that when he first met Anwar at a condominium in Damansara Heights in 2008, the PKR de facto leader had asked him: “Can I **** you today?”

Wah! Anwar must have really been horny that day. Meeting a stranger and right away, "Can I FUCK you today?"

Saiful’s use of the profanity was greeted by sniggers and murmurs from those in the public gallery.

Well at least some people in the courtroom have a sense of humour or more likely they were tickled at hearing the word FUCK which is so often misused and misunderstood. And banned.

When asked by the prosecution about his immediate reaction to the request by Anwar, Saiful replied that at that point of time he felt “angry and scared.”

Okay, quite natural to feel that way. Of course, if somebody you met for the first time asked to fuck your ass wouldn't you get angry?

“I was angry and scared.. I refused to do so, to which Anwar became angry,” said Saiful.

Very good.

The complainant also alleged that the former deputy prime minister had offered him money in exchange for the sexual act, to which he also “refused”.

Good. Any God-fearing man would have done the same. Well done!



“I repeated what I had said and told him that I cannot bear to do it.”

Okay, okay we get the point. Thank you.

Anwar had then “ordered” him to proceed to the guest room where Saiful then stripped and donned a towel before the opposition leader hugged him.

Huh? Hahahahaha...you got to be kidding me. Right? After being angry and scared and refusing payment from the man you then proceed to the bedroom and strip down to a towel? Man! How scared were you? Not enough to protect your ass I guess.

But thanks for the laugh of the day la. Terima Kasih.

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

It's alright he's just immature?

He's a hero I tell you!

Apa? U ingat I budak kecik ke?

Yesterday it was reported that Nasir Safar, some special pegawai to the Prime Minister, allegedly called non-Malays “pendatang” (immigrants) and said that “....Indians came to Malaysia as beggars and Chinese especially the women came to sell their bodies”.

Surprise!Surprise! Today it is reported that the president of the right-wing Perkasa, Ibrahim Ali has come to Nasir's defense.

Nothing wrong with that I guess. We're a democratic country. Alright, alright...stop laughing please....anyway ya nothing wrong with that. Except the way the Ibrahim fler was quoted in The Malaysian Insider report today.

“I understand why Nasir said that, I can symphatise with him, I want to say the same things but I have to control myself, I am more mature now,” said Ibrahim.


Meaning what ah? That the Nasir fler is an immature chap ah? Then what the hell is he doing working as a 'special officer' in the PM's department? Thanks for admitting that you were not so mature yourself. Errr...when did you start growing up?

Ibrahim also said, “Maybe Nasir is still young, perhaps he has been reading some offensive blog postings, and Facebook messages which resulted in his outburst."

Sorry la but I laughed when I read that quote. Okay la so there might be something lost in translation la. But still damn funny lo. But this last quote from Ibrahim is the best la...

"People like Nasir are fighters so maybe he felt he had to say it"

There! Another instant Malaysian HERO! At least no need to spend millions on the Russians this time lor.

NIAMAH!!!

This is really funny!


The Star's street edition today features a very funny headline. Did you see it?

SODOMY STARTS

Hahahahaha....that is sooooo funny. I am really glad that there are some mainstream media editors who still have a sense of humour.

Sodomy starts? I thought we'd been f**ked up the ass from 25 years ago. No ah? :-)

Now for something really funny but GOOD funny go get details HERE.

Niamah!!!

This Is It? Harith Iskander's Brand New Stand-up Comedy Show

Harith Iskander's brand new stand-up comedy opens TONIGHT at the PJLA Theatre, Jaya One, PJ. The show runs from February 3 to February 7.

Enquiries and bookings at +6012 6832099 and +603 7960 0439


Harith has generously agreed to donate 100% of his personal take from the show on Thursday, February 4 to the Dine For Haiti Fundraiser at Damansara Village Steamboat (February 5).


UPDATE!

KUAH JENHAN, MEMBER OF THE MACC (MALAYSIAN ASSOCIATION OF CHINESE COMEDIANS) WILL DONATE HIS SHARE OF TONIGHT'S SHOW TO THE DINE FOR HAITI FUNDRAISER @ DAMANSARA VILLAGE STEAMBOAT (FEBRUARY 5)

Book your tickets now at PJLA Theatre. Have a good laugh and contribute to a people crying out for help.

Harith says he will come by to Damansara Village Steamboat after his show on Friday night.

Other celebrities at the fundraiser include Yasmin Yusuff, Hans Isaac, Andrea Fonseka, Xandria Ooi and Daphne Iking

ALL proceeds go to the Haiti earthquake victims. The night's collection from donations and guests dinner checks will be channelled to AVAAZ. Read about AVAAZ work and efforts for Haiti HERE.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Damansara Village @ Imbi NOW OPEN!!!


32&34 Jalan Utara off Jalan Imbi 55100 Kuala Lumpur (opp. Pasar Rakyat)

Tel.2141-1678

GPS 3°08'41.08" N 101°43'01.84" E

Nuffnang