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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Thursday funnies

I think the light bulb finally came on......errr......hello!......HELLO! Knock knock......


Finally, after years of pissing us law-abiding citizens off by offering discounts for late payment of summonses the bloody ministry and the police flers finally get it right. I hope!

The minister of transport, Kong Cho Har announced that with effect from March 1, 2011 the cabinet has agreed to restructure the system for paying traffic summonses based on the principle that 'the more you delay, the more you pay'.

Well, it's about bloody time I say. Bloody time that the transport minister, police and members of the cabinet show that they have some grey matter upstairs. Cabinet agreement indeed.  I mean it is not rocket science to punish only those who deserve punishment right? When it seems that it has always been the system to reward the crooks.  Oh wait a minute......isn't that how things are done here?  Ah so...good move forward then. Good, good, good.  Thank you ah.

---o0o---

What is faith?

1.   Sitting at a bus stop waiting for a bus in KL/PJ.

2.   The PR state government listening to a Federally-appointed State Secretary taking an oath of secrecy.

3.   Hearing a recorded message telling you for the 87th time, "your call is important to us."

4.   Believing Mahathir's claim that he did not have anything to do with Ops Lalang.

Any more?


NIAMAH!!!

Teohlogy review in the NST

62 comments:

Anonymous said...

faith is...... kowing that sooner or later BN has to fall in accord with the laws of nature, the law of gravity and the laws of the new Egyptians.

I hope to see my faith.

Didi said...

Uncle Pat,

Not sure if you have come across this article but have a read. I think it's entertaining. From our comedian PM.

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-cautions-power-of-social-media-reaffirms-democracy/

Chap Goh Mei said...

NST gave your book positive review in a desperate attempt to win back readership?

I rather save my RM1.20 on kacang putih.

Anonymous said...

Police is more powerful than Che Det.

1. Police also stopped da mamak from abolishing the nep

2. Police also tried to stop him from resigning after 22 years as pm

3. Police also tried to prevent him from implementing the teaching of science and maths in english

4. Police also stopped him from invading singapore and brunei.

5. Police also stopped him from taking a 2nd wife

6. Police also stopped saifool from seducing him.

7. Police also stopped Anwar from sodding him.

8. You name it, the police stopped it

9. The police also stopped him when he tried to save Kogan from being bashed up in prison.

10. The police also stopped him when he tried to prevent TBH from falling out of the macc window.

11. The police also stopped him when he tried to stop them from shooting Aminulrashid.

12. The police also stopped him when he tried to prevent the Americans from nuking Japan in 1945.

13. The police also stopped him when he tried to prevent the Germans from invading Poland in 1939.

14. The police also stopped him when he tried to save the underaged girl from the melaka thambi.

Anonymous said...

Faith:

Taking the express bus, and arriving safely at your destination.

VP said...

5. Yes we believe in your 1Malaysia...seriously even after the cow head protest,church burning,Allah copyright by UMNO,Turning national schools into Islamic propaganda schools,pork sausage eating (yummy!)naughty dayak boy,snatching dead bodies from grieving families,Ini Tanah Melayu take it or F off to Aust,Interlok better than intercourse at valentines day,TERAJU to increase bumi crony bz,Mata sepet kaki botol pariah your daughters are prostitutes are all talk talk only we still 1Malaysia......THIS IS WHAT WE CALL FAITH IN 1MSIA....Tiu niah mah!

Stupid University said...

As usual Mahathir mudah lupa and twisted the facts to his whims and fancies!

Anonymous said...

Easy way out for them ma. No need to crack the brain on how to improve the whole system but just let the $$$ do the work.

Why not the other way round ?

Shud they (Those Fat Pay buggers) be summomed and penalised for not being able to monitor the root cause of crime , accident rate , corruption , malpractice and bla bla...

Shud we ask the incompetent or impotent leader to pay ?

Sorrry , stupid question. After all these money comes from you and me lah. Hahaha now you pay tru your nose and if you make more noise then you have to pay tru your ass.

Hot potato

Anonymous said...

Wanted to stop the 10% kickback but but BUT cops stopped dia !!

Anonymous said...

Faith is........
Believing in:
1) 1Malaysia (LOL)
2) Najib and his racist government (ROTFL)
3) we non malays have a place in Tanah Persekutuan Melayu as defined by carTun Doc. Mohd (still ROTFL)
4) carTun Doc. Mohd becoming PM of Tanah Persekutuan Melayu with Ibrahim "3 x Shit" Ali as his Ketuanan Deputy PM (RDL - Really Die Laughing).

Anonymous said...

What is faith?



明天可能会稍微好一点点吗?

Anonymous said...

Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka should translate Teohlogy into BM's Teohloji to replace the controversial Interlok.

Anonymous said...

Che Det uses the ISA as one of his lethal weapons when he faces adversaries, but now he says he intended to abolish the ISA. What a joke. Operasi Lalang was in 1987, after that he was in power until 2003. If he was serious about abolishing the ISA, he had plenty of time, and power, to do.

Never ever trust a snake like him.

Anonymous said...

Patrick

You grumpy look is more handsome than that minister Kong, but less humsup than CSL.

Anyway, the refusal to set up Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) the strongest proof of continuing lack of political will to eradicate police abuses and corruption

Home Minister Hishammuddin’s reiteration that the government still has no plans of forming an IPCMC is the strongest proof of continuing lack of political will to eradicate police abuses and corruption.

Anonymous said...

Patrick, why cannot find you book in Popular bookstore?

Anonymous said...

Faith is..
Letting BN to further run the country.

Ooopss.. thats wrong. That's plain stupid!

Anonymous said...

to anon. 9.57

cannot find pat.'s book in popular book store ?

Why ? because it is not yet popular mah..

from. mohd kau fing fing

Anonymous said...

Faith is....

Assuming all Malaysian (my father in-law from Johor included) knows (the story behind) that toll operators are going to have a windfall (instantaneous cash of advance payment) with the announcement of toll charges being reduced.

First boy said...

Hey bro Pat ! You seem to know how to tickle me by putting up funny photos ! I don't know who that chap is but he looks much like the last boy in my class every year I was in high school. Can anyone confirm that ?

What is faith ?! : Faith is irrational belief.

Anonymous said...

To put it into perspective, I went to settle a "summon ekor" within two weeks, as stated in the notice. You know what, they say "Belum boleh bayar sebab tak ada record lagi. Mungkin belum key-in". It was 2 months later before I receive the letter from the traffic police. I hope the transport ministry get their act together too because they also play a part in some cases of delayed payment.

Anonymous said...

Uncle Patrick..I see ur face on singapore tv again. Channel 5!

Anonymous said...

Patrick,

This Kong fella looks a kinda thick with his light bulbs burnt out. He should get hold of Rosmah's plastic surgeon for a few botox shots, not for his face but for his brain. The botox will certainly not make him any more intelligent but it will certainly make his brain go to sleep and stop him from talking more nonsense.

Anonymous said...

Faith??? In God..yes!!. In family....yes! In good friends....yes!. In everything else in Malaysia......A Resounding HELL NO like I lost my 'virginity' 50 odds year ago! WINGNUTS!

Anonymous said...

Fyi : ONLY 'popular' books macam xxx are to be sold in POPULAR BOOKstores !!

Khun Pana aka johanssm said...

The traffic summon business is big business in Malaysia ( at least for the bn ).
In order to fill up the kitty, big discounts are offered to traffic offenders to entice them to pay up within 2-3weeks.
It beats the Malaysia Mega Sale each time.

As for Tun Dr.Kutty , he will even say to the extend that he actually wanted to let Chin Peng return to Malaysia but the police shitted on him.
But to be fair, the Tun Dr. Kutty did actually say that the Tongkat Melayu aka NEP will ends soon and the Malays must be prepared for that day.
Later on he joined Perkosa and changes tunes , melodies and lyrics of his entire song.

Probably he will even say that he actually wanted to return some powers to the Malay traditional rulers but somebody shitted on him.

Verdict:Nasi Kandar is delicious to eat but never trust a Mamak when it comes to calculating the bill

NiaMah

Janet said...

Patrick

Can I bring my "off the edge' magazine for you to sign on the 'Teohlogy page' at you book signing ceremony at Penang Gurney Plaza Popular book store?

I got all the magazines and there is no need to buy the book.

I last saw you at the promotional tour of Sumo-lah in Penang but the organiser did not allow me to get your autograph.

I suggest you come up with your 'comedy CD album' to showcase you talent in comedy in your talented voice.

Anonymous said...

Faith is leaving our fate and fortune at the hands of politicians from both divide. It's also abit desperate like trying to get rid of pregnancy with face cream

Anonymous said...

TALK ABOUT POLICE

MALAYSIAN POLICE CANNOT SPEAK ENGRAND.

MALAYSIAN POLICE DUNNO USE MICLOSOF

MALAYSIAN POLICE DUNNO USE GEEPEEASS

PATRICK IS DUMB, MAHATHIR IS DUMBER POLICE IS DUMBEST !!!!!

UNCLE LIM

Anonymous said...

ACCORDING TO THE POLICE HEAD I DON'T KNOW WHO AND NOT BOTHERED WITH KAMPUNG PEOPLE,

THE RATE OF RAPING
HAS DROPPED,
THE GAMBLING RATE HAS DROPPED,
THE WATHEVER FUCK THE POLICE DID HAS MADE IT DROP.

PANTS ALSO WANT TO DROP

Tiger said...

http://bkho.blogspot.com/2011/02/parliament-passes-malaysians-with-no.html

Anonymous said...

Patrick

Will you appear in the new season of 'The Noose' (mediaCorp)?

Anonymous said...

Najib's 1Malaysia is facing critical test when more and more warnings are made inside and outside the country that race and religious relations in Malaysia are at their worst since he became Prime Minister two years ago

Political scientist Farish Noor told the forum on public governance by the Perdana Leadership Foundation and the National Professors’ Council that Malaysia is dangerously close to absolutely breaking down if racial politics is not kept in check.

Anonymous said...

I went to pay my police summon a week later after receiving it and was told by the police personnel manning the counter that the details of the summon was not entered into their computer system yet. As such the police department cannot accept my payment and was told to come back a week later and try my luck. Therefore even if you try to pay promptly to enjoy the discount, you will still end up paying full rate if the police department do not improve their efficiency.

Anonymous Says said...

Faith is 54 years and counting ...

Anonymous said...

Dua penamaan dlm tempoh 24 jam di UTHM. Sistem demokrasi kampus dikerandakan. Siswa kritik perjalanan p’raya kampus UTHM http://www.malaysiakini.com

Anonymous said...

In Qatar, traffic fines are damn bloody high to deter traffic violation. For example, cutting traffic red light will be fined up to about RM6,000 per offence. And yet, in Bolehland, our transport minister and the traffic police are so kind to reduce the rates of traffic penalty plus incentives some more. I am not sure whether they are attempting to encourage traffic offences or to create impression of BN-friendliness?

This is NIAMAH of the highest order! Expect more road accidents in this Bolohland!!

Anonymous said...

Chan Kong Choy..y u so damn fucking fugly one? Like my alsation's black arsehole...

Anonymous said...

Jakim is the agency that has been on a crusade against Valentine’s Day and issued the guidelines that Hardev Kaur enforced when she “recommended” that crosses be removed before the prime minister came to the Catholic archbishop’s Christmas Day open house.

Those guidelines even said that Muslims should not attend events where people wear “red costumes like Santa Claus or other garments that reflect religion”.

That is the first time I have heard that a Santa Claus suit is a religious garment.

As for Valentine’s Day, Jakim’s head Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz (right) said that it “is associated with elements of Christianity”, and “we just cannot get involved with other religions’ worshipping rituals”.

Here’s a message for Wan Mohamed: When I give my wife chocolate and roses on Valentine’s Day, it’s about my wife, not Jesus.

When Jakim – an arm of the Malaysian government and part of the Prime Minister’s Department – displays this level of ignorance, it casts doubt on their ability to provide guidance and educate Muslims about other peoples’ religions.

It also demonstrates the need for a genuine interfaith dialogue in Malaysia.

When he attended the Interfaith Council gathering, Najib said its discussions should be kept private because they are too sensitive for public debate.

Perhaps what is needed is the opposite. If religion is a sensitive issue, then why are people like Siti Nor Bahyah allowed on the TV to disparage other religions? Why does Wan Mohamed utter the words “Christianity and vice activities” in the same sentence?

Is it not possible to conduct an informed interfaith dialogue in public in order to strengthen understanding and reduce religious tensions in Malaysia?

Does Najib really believe that Islam is superior to all other religions? Would he really be offended if he entered a room where a crucifix is displayed?

Anonymous said...

Hi Uncle Patz,

I tried out the damansara steamboat... but it wasn't a good experience after all... Namely:

1) There were 8 of us, but the portion given to us was really underwhelming. More suitable for 4-5 people. I mean... it cost MYR300++ but even cheap stuff like Yee mee/mee hun is given one person's portion.

2) People smoking all over the place. I think this should be communicated to the patrons. As the smoke is really ruining the dining experience. Perhaps you could prepare a seperate smoking env for them?

3) I know the restaurant prides for its freshness, but the pricing is really overwhelming... exact opposite of the portion. At least compensate with additional cheap stuff like eggs, mee hun, yee mee... etc.

Hope there's improvement soon, would consider a 2nd visit.

Thanks Uncle Patz

Nat--

patrickteoh said...

Dear Nat,

May I know which Damansara Village outlet you are referring to? I am really shocked at what you experienced and still think it highly unlikely that the meal you claimed you had cost RM300++. I would really appreciate it if you would send me a copy of your receipt so that I can investigate further. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Uncle Patz,

Thanks for replying. But alas, I was not the one handling the bill that night. The organizer (A once in a while meet up friend) is holding on to the receipt.

I recall our meal was ordered from a 'package' can't remember which. And it cost MYR 300 around there.

The branch I went to was at Damansara Jaya (Near Parkson Atria).

Thanks Uncle Patz,

Nat--

Justin Choo said...

Patrick,
I don't know whether you are aware of this "Dali" who had met you during his school days. He has written a good review of your book.

You may like to meet him here: http://malaysiafinance.blogspot.com/2011/02/best-in-us-teohlogy-and-junior.html

patrickteoh said...

Hi Nat. Thank you for your reply. Okay let me try to get to the bottom of this. If your friend ordered a set menu that was 'around' RM300 you would have gotten Package D which has:-

Fresh fish (choice of pomfret, snapper or Ma Yau)
500g Giant Clams
500g Tiger prawns
3 flower crabs
Abalone slices
Straw mushrooms
Fish maw
and 5 sets of steamboat items like fishballs, fish noodles wonton, crab stick etc.

Do you remember if that was what you had? I do believe that if your friend had ordered the above set it would have been more than adequate for a group of 8 persons.
Please let me know or ask your friend to contact me at mortimer53@gmail.com

I appreciate your patience and understanding, Nat and I hope we shall be able serve you and yoru friends again at Damansara Village.

Anonymous said...

Go get your free 1Malaysia goodies bag from this RM2 company:

http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/156230

patrickteoh said...

Nat, I forgot to mention that the Package D that I wrote above costs only RM239+

So I would really like to know what your friend ordered. I hope he will let me know.

Anonymous said...

Hi Uncle Patz,

The next time if I come across the package details again will let you know. My friend's gone off to the overseas already. haha.

I will definitely make another visit when new promotions come up.

Thanks so much for your sincerity and determiniation in responding to my feedback.

Nat--

Anonymous said...

niamah.! cari makan susah nowadays.non paying friend also want to complain .if paying friend complaint ..die lah!!!!!!



from.yang bernever complain squirrel.

Anonymous said...

aiya MCA punya taiko,

how about drugs and empat ekor? no?

just ask yourself lor about your family.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 9.33pm.

There is a difference between complaining and providing feedback.

Get those right.

Nat--

patrickteoh said...

Nat is right la, Anonymous 9.33. I appreciate feedback from customers. That is the only way we can stay focussed and improve. Thank you both for your support.

Anonymous said...

After celebrity Patrick's visit to Penang, we can look foward to a free concert by Ning Baizura on March 12 at PISA, Penang at 8pm, courtesy of Penang government in celebrating Penang’s success in attracting the most investment in the country.

Sure Jom Heboh!

Anonymous said...

Well.. Pat.I am not polishing you here for a free steam boat or something ..it's just some people are just plain cheapskate .(not neccessary refering to the Nat person)

To me , I always believe if you want to eat out ,let people untung otherwise cook yourself ..I often told this to my guest or got invited for eat-out ! Most of them quite agreed to it .(my belief..)

Anonymous said...

NEP has failed to lift the general malay populace, economically. It only succeeded in sending a small number of them skywards. The BTN course, which was designed to prop up them up psychologically, too is not producing the desired result. Now umno is using a more direct approach. Interlok. Through formal school teachings, umno tells malay kids that indians are pariahs and chinese are useless for they sell their daughters. Umno’s grand design here is to depress the position of the rest of us. A depression of the surrounding would certainly have an elevating effect on one’s position. That is relative. And that too is deceitful for it is totally unreal.

But would our fellow malay malaysians be duped? That is the question. No. Not those who are educated. Not those who are properly informed. Not those who like the rest of us who have the ability to reason out issues. Lets hope they help themselves and the country by reaching out to those village-folks and exposing them to the devils in umno.

Anwar Al-Juburi said...

another faith- Kelantan MB does not know that Jakun is a tribe of orang asli in Malaysia..Stupid bastard, lol

Anonymous said...

The value of a law degree or Ph.D. from Monash Univeristy is about to take a nosedive when Najib Razak is awarded an honorary degree of laws and deliver a keynote address on March 4th. One wonders what are the qualifications for an honorary degree these days. It would hardly be a surprise to see Hosni Mubarak or Muammar Gaddafi around campus as well, perhaps getting awards for their great contributions to human rights or peace and security. Najib would be in good company.

Bloody Pig said...

Is this the photo of the Alan fellow from Monash ? Looks pretty silly to me. The white man is not very clever if he can be conned by a silly brown man.

A PhD for Najib ? Now I believe pigs can really fly or being down under, pigs are actually dropping from the earth into the sky !

NNNIIAAaaammmaaAAHHHHHHHHH

Anonymous said...

The lesson from Tripoli is clear. Political power does not come from the barrel of a gun. Those exercising such awesome political power, anywhere in the world, must legitimise that power with policies which can benefit the people collectively.

The temptation of using political power for self-enrichment is tempting for anybody who wields the power of life and death over an entire people. Greed for money and power is still the root of all evil in Tripoli, as well as in Malaysia.

Fortunately in Malaysia, we have the mechanism to change our government through peaceful means, through voting, even though much injustice is left uncorrected, thanks to our unsatisfactory voting laws.

But as long as the framework of democracy remains in Malaysia (hopefully), we can change the government of the day through the ballot box, and we do not have to resort to violence and bloody revolution as in the Arab world.

Sang Kancil Guru said...

Foolishness:

6. Having faith that Anwar Ibrahim will do things differently than UMNO if he ever became PM

Wisdom:

7. Replace the damn useless baggage-ridden Opposition Leader!

Anonymous said...

can anyone share some info. on muslim malay tycoon in bolehland donated part of their personal wealth to charity .?

Anonymous said...

Gadafi ?Is that the guy who was accused of bommbing the TWA airline out of the sky ,long long time ago?
And then brat openly about it until the American sent a couple of F15 to his oil field to shut him out ! ( after that stay..very quiet for many many years..)

If it is true ,ok lah..but if it is not his doing ,what a soh- hai really ??

You get alot of this guys in the Middle East.eg.Sadam Hussein also brat abot his non -existent WMD.!
And see what happen to him ?

Anonymous said...

faith - is believing in najib's championing of washeye 1malaysia while waiting for the next event of cow head parading or church burning event to happen

Anonymous said...

Faith is believing that our PM is really creating a 1Malaysia approach towards each citizen !

1Niamah !

Nuffnang