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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Let's forget the other thing and talk some SEX!

Since the latest Malaysian sex video scandal hit the media a few days ago I've been deluged, well almost, by requests to blog about it on Niamah!!! Some concerned readers also asked after my health and liberty seeing that I'd been quiet so long inspite of the "hot" topics available to Niamah!!! about.

Thank you all for your concern. I am well. And free.  The reason why I have not blogged about the latest sex scandal to hit Malaysian politics is simply because, as a Malaysian I am just so totally sick to my stomach that I cannot think of anything remotely humourous to write about. That concerns the sex video thing.

Isn't possession, much less viewing and inviting others to view pornography a crime?

If this Datuk T is sure that the man in the video is the Opposition leader and therefore not fit to lead the nation then why doesn't he (Datuk T) just come out and say so and hand the video to the police for investigation?

Why does this Datuk T use the video to threaten this Opposition leader and by default threaten all Malaysians?

Why does Anwar have to defend himself the way he does?  It was never reported in the press that it was him. At least not by name? Doesn't he have better things to do?

How come this sex scandal revelation is so timely one?  Just before elections in Sarawak?

Sorry, I've just done what I said I would not do.  Sorry ah.  A friend just reminded me about something.

"Patrick, you really stupid or just pretending? Just think about it. What was the biggest issue before this?  The BM Bibles fiasco, right?  And it happened in Sarawak which is a votes goldmine for BN/Umno. Right? Not a good thing for BN/Umno, right? So, since the sex video scandal hit the media how much have you thought about the Bibles issue?  Not much right? Nothing in the press, right? Not much online either, right?"

Errrr....enuf said la, I think.


Friday, March 11, 2011

Friday funnies

The man. The ex-prime minister. The comedian.
Dr. Mahathir Mohd, Malaysia's longest-serving prime minister, is much loved and much hated  by Malaysians. Depending on who you speak to. Some say he was the great architect of Malaysia's march into global recognition. Others say he is responsible for the terminal afflictions of cronyism and corruption. But love him or hate him you must admit that Dr.Mahathir is a very funny man. Next to him Harith Iskander sounds as funny as a George W. Bush making sense. 

The Star's June Wong compiled a series of excerpts from Dr. Mahathir's autobiography Doctor In The House.  In today's second and final installment there is some laugh-out-loud comedy which I would like to share with you.

Chapter 3: I Am A Malay
" Prime Minister, I made a mistake or an unpopular decision, people were ready with their “dim-witted Malay” slurs. But when I made good decisions, it was always because I had Indian blood. I wanted to prove otherwise: that Malays were more than capable of thinking, progressing and leading......"
Errr......"I wanted to prove......Malays were more than capable of thinking, progressing and leading?"  How did you do that?  When you made good decisions (or bad) you were still an Indian making them, right? You've said many times before that Malays are a constitutional race only.  Good or bad, your brain still Indian ma. No ah? Faarniiiie la you. 

Chapter 14: The Bitter Thrill of Politics

"I listened carefully at first, but I got tired of his style of delivery. He adopted the didactic tone of a know-all schoolmaster, telling us all what we should do and pointing out all the “mistakes” we were making"......"his manner of addressing the Malaysian Parliament when he was a member, was to lecture his listeners about what was right and what was wrong"

Ya lor. Always like that what! Baarger!  Oh.....oh you were talking about Lee Kuan Yew. I thought you were talking about yourself.  Sorry ah. Faarniiiiiieeee la you.

Chapter 53: Anwar’s Challenge

"Whenever my name is mentioned in a book or article, I am described as the Prime Minister who threw his deputy into jail. The fact that he was properly charged and tried in court is never mentioned."

Huh? Properly charged and tried ah? Oh...oh of course the prime minister and home minister can decide what is proper and all, right?  Correct, correct, correct.  So faaaaniiiiieee la you.

Chapter 51: Putrajaya

"Putrajaya is a beautiful, functional city. When I visited the Versailles Palace outside Paris I heard the guide proudly extol its beauty."

Stop! Stop! Stop! Please doctor. Please stop. You're making me laugh so hard I might get a coronary.  You so FAAAAAAAAAAAARNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE la you!

And finally, for all you baargers who have been saying that the doc has been and still is a corrupt mofo just read this next bit and then shaddap. Okay?

Chapter 28: Bersih, Cekap, Amanah

"I practised the values we promoted

 and resisted any attempts to corrupt me. It involved controlling greed. As Prime Minister I was already receiving an adequate salary but the Government also provided me with comfortable accommodation, paid my electricity and water bills, gave me cars and aircraft for my trips and allowances for my travels.
I had everything and I did not need anything more. 

But of course my detractors still considered me corrupt. However, my conscience is clear."


Thursday, March 03, 2011

Almost the weekend stuff

This morning I woke up to some great news and some not so great news and some really shitty news in the newspapers which I still buy cos my domestic helper insists that they are great for keeping green vegetables fresh and crisp and she can also sell them to the "Old newspaper" man for a bit of pocket money.  Wah! Damn long sentence right?  Still grammatically correct or not, sir?

First the great news.  Marina Mahathir and Sisters In Islam's leader Zainah Anwar have been listed among the 100 most inspiring people in the world!  Yay!!! Congratulations, Marina and Zainah. We are so proud of you both.  According to The Star article Marina was listed at #57 and Zainah was placed 7th.  But of course being a Malaysian newspaper The Star is a bit short on correct details. It was an ALPHABETICAL list. Duh!

Now the not-so-great news.  I read that Apple is about to launch the iPad2!!! My iPad is not even 3 months old.  Baarger!!!

Okay, okay I am sure all you masochists out there are waiting to read what I have as the shitty stuff, right? Be warned though. It might make you throw up your lunch or breakfast. Or maybe not if you belong to the group of Malaysians who are always game for a good bargain. In whatever form.

On the front page of The Star and The Sun  today it was announced that traffic offenders who have outstanding summonses have been given another extension by no less than the Minister of Home Affairs himself.  The YB even announced that it was a CABINET decision! And you thought they would have much more important issues to discuss at cabinet meetings, right? Anyway, all those fuckers who got summonsed and didn't pay their fines are now going to get another grace period AND still be able to get a 50% discount!  As you know, there are still 17.3 million of these summonses with people who broke the law and are getting away with it. And with a present some more.  What pisses me off even more are some of the quotes from people interviewed by The Star.

One fler from Kepong said that he is very glad to have more time to pay his summonses which amounted to more than RM1,000! Another chappie said he paid RM800 to settle summonses 2 months ago and settled another RM800 worth before the deadline. But the fler who is most terror, revealed that he cannot afford to pay off all his summonses at once because they amounted to more than RM3,000 which was much more than his salary. Nobody, at any time, said anything about how the experience would make them pay closer attention to obeying traffic rules and laws in future. After all, why worry? Drive as fast as you like la. Park anywhere also can what. Red light ah? Just go through lor.  Summons?  Hiyah. Wait a while la. They sure give discount one. And so the rot keeps growing. And our YB's are telling us that their actions are because they are a people-friendly government. People First. Discounts Now!  What happened to YOU BREAK THE LAW, YOU PAY THE PRICE. IN FULL!

Also ah, all this extension of payment period for traffic summonses also make me wonder if our government is RUNNING OUT OF MONEY!!! Scary isn't it? More scary is the question of what all this is teaching younger Malaysians. That it is alright to break the law?

Even more scary is the thought that maybe somebody is setting the system in place for those flers involved in the Teoh Beng Hock case, the PKFZ scandal, the Aminulrasyid shooting, Altantuya.......etc. etc. etc.

Okay, okay...with all that shitty stuff there is also something that is quite funny in The Star today. The story can be found on page N4 under the headline 'Kerdau growth 'not to win votes'. Development programmes take place all year round, says Liow"

Pahang MCA chief Liow Tiong Lai said that goodies are not handouts by BN to win votes.  Okay. But then this is later reiterated by former MCA deputy prez Lim Ah Lek who said that the Chinese in Kerdau still remember the government's contribution to the community when it solved a problem involving a temple built on government land. Phwaaaar!  Good innit? When did that contribution take place? 1983!!! So hilarious la.  Maybe some loss in translation la.  But it made me laugh. I wonder if the Chinese flers in Kerdau laugh or not? Well, to be fair, Liow said 'all year round' but he didn't mention WHICH year ma.


Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Wednesday Funnies

Did you read any of the MSM papers today?  There are a couple of funnies today.

Malaysian traffic-offenders queuing for their 50% discount at Ikano Pos Malaysia office. Some had been there since 8am. Got discount, some more no need to work. Life is good in Bolehland!

1.       There are apparently 17 million Malaysian motorists who have not settled their overdue traffic summonses!!!  And of course we all know about the government's efforts in getting these flers to pay up which are quite laughable.  These traffic offenders get discounts if they settle their summonses!!!  I don't remember when the rules changed but it used to be that when you commit an offence, when you do something bad you get PUNISHED!  These days you get a slap on the wrist and a discount!  Will the day come when a rapist would get a free supply of condoms if he owns up?


Bapa Malaysia - the musical?  Naaah!

2.       Somebody out there must have something against Tunku Abdul Rahman, our first Prime Minister and Bapa Malaysia.  They've made a musical about Ismail. A musical about Mahathir and now I read that there is going to be a movie about Razak and Ismail together! It's supposedly about the two gents's efforts in bringing peace and stability to the country after the May 13, 1969 racial conflict. For all he's done the poor Tunku must be feeling a little left out in his grave. But of course, I am not saying he'd be happy with Tunku, The Musical either.


Why now? Just coincidence only ma. Cannot ah? Lei chooi ah? 
(ask your Cantonese-speaking friends)

3.  And of course we all know about the song-and-dance whenever there are elections. The government flers travel to the election areas and start dishing out money and other 'presents' like it was Christmas come early. Ok, or Hari Raya or Deepavali in case there are sensitive people around. I read in the papers today that the BN government has announced a RM9.25million allocation to upgrade a water treatment plant in Kerdau. That the by-elections just happen to be in Kerdau too is just coincidental. Right?  We don't believe crap like that but we hear it so often that I, for one am becoming quite de-sensitised to it.But it is still ultra-irritating and even infuriating to hear more crap from the Deputy Minister of Women, Family and Community Development, Heng Seai Kie.  She said that efforts (by the government) to help the needy during elections must not be politicised!  "(Do) we haev to stop giving out aid although we know there are people in election areas who need help, just because others may say it is 'election candy'?"  So, YB you mean to say that the poor people in the area were not poor and didn't need help before the by-elections were announced?  How come you didn't announce millions of Ringgit of grants, allocations and upgrades before this? Oh just coincidence issit?  Give us a fucking break la, YB.  We may have been apathetic, lazy bums before but we're not stupid.


Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Penang. A different planet?

The bridge to a different ONEMalaysia?

Whenever I cross the Causeway into Singapore I get the feeling that, "Wow! This is like a totally different planet, man!"

Or when crossing the other way, "What the fuck! Baarger! This is like a totally different planet, man!"

I am sure you know what I mean, right?

And if you say, "Ale! So good meh?" going one way and "Where got?" coming the other, then you are:-
a) so blindly patriotic you deserve a medal
b) you've been paid to say "Where got?"
c) you really don't care one way or the other and are awaiting your PR approval from Australia.

Last week I spent a couple of days in Penang. You know, the island up north that is managed by those Opposition flers? I knew something was wrong the minute I crossed over the messy, Federal-funded and built Penang Bridge.

Eh? How come the Rapid Penang buses all so clean one?

Eh? Aren't those low-cost council flats? How come look so clean and fresh one? With new coat of paint some more.

How can man? These Opposition flers just know how to complain about Federal government not giving them enough money to do things, right? Also they are supposedly marginalising some communities by holding back development and business opportunities right?

Then how come everybody here looks so happy one? Okay, so 2 days isn't enough to make a survey worth shit la but I must still admit that I was impressed man!

Okay, so I shall wait impatiently for some comments to come in after this telling me, "If you like it so much, move there la. Blaardy pendatang!"  But then it's different from being yelled at to go to another country. Penang IS in my country. Isn't it? Then how come it looks and feels so different one? Didn't all the YB's say that those Opposition flers can't do shit and not to vote for them?

Ah! And then I read in the newspapers that the Penang flers who live on the mainland are getting free bus rides to work. Some more can park their cars for RM1.00 the whole day and ride bus to work. Free!  Can do like that meh? Opposition government wor.

Ah! And then ah I also heard the Chief Minister make a speech to an audience of about 200 people at a book store.  Wah! I really tabik the Lim fler la.  Damn best speech I've heard from a politician in years la. He spoke about Penang and the people's collective efforts in building a great place to live and work and bring up family all. And he never once highlighted any one particular community for praise.  All are Penangites and all contribute and share. I tell you ah, after listening to him and enjoying Penang for 2 days I really felt like moving there to live la. Friendly, happy people. Malays, Chinese, Indians, Dll's. Clean environment. Efficient administration. Sun, sea and surf. What's there not to like? Well, maybe just one thing la. The property prices there quite terror la. Don't know if can afford. But then in a place like Penang the rule can always be "If you're prepared to work hard the rewards are there to be shared". So maybe can.  Somemore no need to apply visa all.