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Thursday, April 28, 2011

Tragic funny

Errrr......teacher, teacher I very hard the misunderstanding your Engrand glamour la.

My almost 8 year old son goes to a government-type Chinese primary school. It's the only type of school that we can afford. Like other little boys of his age, he enjoys going to school. And like hundreds of thousands of other little Malaysian children he IS NOT getting the education he deserves.

While grown-ups and politicians argue about......

Who is in the sex video.
Whether it is 1Malaysia, 1Melayu, 1 Bumi.
Whether one race is supreme over another.
Whether to teach Math and Science in English, Chinese, Malay or Zwahili. son and others like him are required to grapple with problems like this in their Math in English work sheets.......

"Zaini has sell 4 electric water heater which its type is instant water heater for Monday. He has sell 1 and 3 water heater on Tuesday and Wednesday. How many electric water heaters did he sell?"
Oh ya, somebody also forgot to tell this teacher that those aren't pictures of electric water heaters, instant or otherwise, they are electric kettles! Okay, okay so kettles are water heaters too. But they sure ain't the instant type, right?


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

Wishing all Malaysians of the Christian faith


May the Lord's blessing and love be upon all

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Free email or not free email?

Yay! Free email account for all Malaysians. Only cost RM50million. 
No, no, no...I mean won't cost anything cos it is a private sector initiative.

First of all I must apologise for not following the comedy about free 1Malaysia email accounts as closely as I should have la. But I woke this morning and read the news reports about it and I got very confused leh. Okay, let me try and list what I remember about the comedy show as chronologically accurate as I can.

1.   Najib announces that as part of his grand scheme of things every Malaysian aged 18 years and above will receive a free 1Malaysia email account.

2.   All sorts of shit hit the fan. Thousands of Malaysians came online and protested. Free? We already have free email accounts. Gmail. Yahoo. Hotmail. Et cetera.  We've had them for years. So why do we need this 1Malaysia email?

3.   It's just a way of Big Brother wanting to keep track of us. What we're up to and to make sure that we don't get "urges" to support the Opposition.

4.   Then it was announced that the whole business is going to handled by a company called Tricubes Bhd. which is a GN7 (or something number la) company. Meaning that it is in danger of being de-listed by the BSM because of poor performance or something. At the time the shares of this company were worth only RM0.05 each.

5.   Another piece of turd hit the fan when they said the whole exercise was going to cost RM50million. People started screaming. Waffor? Why waste money? Free email account without internet connection or computer for what? Give la free WiFi. Or 1Malaysia laptops to every Malaysian over 18.

6.   Then garmen explain that it is not only free email but also a way of communicating with the garmen on all sorts of things. Can ask questions. Can pay bills. Can make life easy when dealing with the garmen la.

7.   Then garmen also explain that it is a private initiative and money is not coming from tax-payers.

That last statement really made me confused la.

So this company that is really in the shit house financially decides one day to do this free email and multi-tasking portal because it realised it wanted to do its duty and give Malaysians something free before they go bankrupt ah?  No. Today they explained that the company plans to generate revenue from the 1Malaysia Email project via advertising, an online marketplace, and the online delivery of government bills and notices. Oh. this is an example of the company's brilliant business strategy in the face of impending TUTUP la.

And the latest report in The Malaysian Insider discovers that Pemandu, the Performance Management and Delivery Unit, has changed details of the 1Malaysia email project on its website between the day it was announced and yesterday, and now calls it a private sector initiative when it was previously listed as a government initiative. Not something that will reverse public perception of the project nor instil much needed confidence in the garmen's transparency, right?  But here comes the best bit so far from this near to bankrupt company.

"...the government is neither funding nor underwriting this project" and it would be financing the RM50million require over 10 years by reinvesting revenue from the project.


They plan to finance the project by re-investing revenue from the project??? When the project not yet start or just started where got revenue to re-invest? Got ah?  Must be some kind of new business strategy.

I don't know about you but as a lay Malaysian all I am thinking is that the government must have said to these flers. Ok la since you in deep shit we help you out. You go invent this thing and we will announce a new BN garmen initiative and buy whatever you make la. We'll pay to connect all our payment stuff to you. All notices. All sorts of things la.

But wait...sorry, sorry it is YOUR initiative ok? Not ours. Make that clear ah! (pssst...Najib, you cocked up. Again.)


Thursday, April 14, 2011

A good Thursday funny

Hiyah, where got?  Only RM2.2billion la.

For the past few weeks our Customs flers have been under the spotlight. For the wrong reasons. The MACC flers started investigations into corruption in the department. It was reported that dose flers were responsible for causing the country to lose RM108billion in revenue. And of course there was the tragic event of the death of one of the Customs officers in the MACC building.

And so, I was just waiting for some sort of rebuttal from the Custom's big-shots. It came out in the Star today.

At a press conference yesterday Customs director-general, Khalid Yusuf announced quite proudly that losses were actually about RM2.2billion.  The reported RM108billion was losses due to illegal activities involving other government departments.

In another country the fler would have resigned in shame and maybe thrown himself out the window of a tall building.

But in Bolehland dat fler comes out smiling and says Hiyah! Only 2.2 billion la. The other one not ours one. 

Like he is announcing an achievement???!!! What the FUCK!!! Hello! Mr. director-general instead of trumpeting your failure in not losing enough why don't you go find out what happened to the RM2.2billion and explain to the taxpayers why it happened in the first place? That's what we pay you to do.


Are you an idiot?

No, I'm not perfect. It is only this big.
The lie la. What you think I was talking about? 

Did you wake up today feeling like a an idiot?  No?  Good. Because there's news in the papers today, again, about politicians who think that the Malaysian Rakyat are all blithering idiots.  I got this feeling when I read page N26 of The Star today.  A story titled History in the making. It was about the impending elections in Sarawak. As are most of the news stories the past few days. This one is about the MCA boss Chua Soi Lek and his efforts in garnering support for his bosses...errr... I mean his coalition partners to keep the state and the 2-thirds majority.

So, Patrick how does it make us feel foolish, you ask. First, I think the writer of this story, Jocelyn Tan refers to Chua as some sort of hero even calling him an "Alpha male", "Someone who doesn't pull any punches and has no qualms tackling the local Chinese sentiment". She also says that Chua has a "direct" style which startled the crowd that he spoke to.  No surprise that.  Because if you were in the audience I would think you'd be startled too is not downright pissed-off.  Just read what he said...

"This election is not only about Pa Mao but about the whole of Sarawak". Errrr... elections are always about the people who vote. The Rakyat. Get it? Duh!!!

"I know all of you are angry with Pa Mao because 30 years is a long time. No one is perfect. No party is perfect. Umno is not perfect. Even myself. I am not perfect".

Yes, I think it is obvious that Sarawakians are angry and they want change.
Yes, the people of Sarawak know that no one is perfect and that's why they want change.
Yes, the people of Sarawak know all too well that you are far from perfect. And they are probably wondering what the fuck you are doing in their state talking to them like they are idiots.

And just in case you Sarawakians don't feel stupid enough Chua Soi Lek also warned you that the DAP's alliance with PAS meant that giving more clout to DAP would only strengthen PAS' long-term goal to form an Islamic state. Strange allegations coming from the leader of a coalition partner of a party that is far more Islamic-ising in visible practice than PAS.

Sarawakians, the final insult from this fler from Semenanjung is when he was reported as telling you guys, "Hello, Taib already said he was going after the polls what. So what is your problem?"

So, all my kawan-kawan in Sarawak, this weekend you have to decide only one thing. Whether all this attention you're getting from Najib, Muhyiddin, Chua Soi Lek, Taib, Barisan Nasional, MCA is about protecting your interests, your future or their rice bowls. I hope you decide and choose well because what you do will affect us over here too. And we all brudders right? So vote wisely. Please.


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I Love Elections

Yay! Bring on more elections! 
Oi! Who put this photo here?

I just love government erect...I mean elections.  General Elections, State Elections, By-Elections. Any elections that involve Barisan Nasional and any other of the other flers.  Don't you? You should because during election time so many good things happen. Poor people get money. People get roads, community halls, schools. All sorts of good things. So what's not to like? Hai mai? Just in today's Star there are so many announcements of good things happening in Malaysia to Malaysians. And we all know that the  Sarawak state elections are this weekend. And there's been strong rumours of a snap general election for BN to get a strong mandate from the Malaysian Rakyat.

In today's papers there are so many examples of why elections are good for the people of Malaysia. First the prime minister announces:-

Current forecast is that the capital market size will more than double to RM4.5 trillion by 2020, and with greater internationalisation, this figure could increase to as much as RM5.8 trillion over the same period - Najib Razak

Phwaaarrrrr!!! RM5.8 trillion. Fantastic. Right? But I'll bet none of you reading this know what the fuck that statement means to you.

On another page, Chua Soi Lek announces that the MCA has obtained a piece of land for SJKC La Salle Chinese School in Sri Petaling. Phwaaaerrrr!!! School with a missionary name. Chinese some more. That's not all. The MCA prez also announced that he had managed to obtain RM5million allocation from the ministry of education for the construction of the school.  Yay!!! Bring on more elections I say!

And then ah...after more than a decade the Lutheran Church has managed to obtain a piece of land to build a CHURCH!!! And in Sri Hartamas somemore!!! No more shophouse worships for those flers d. And the letter of approval was presented by no less than the minister of ... (what is he minister of actually?) Raja Nong Chik. And not so long ago another minister was almost defending a bunch of flers for trying to burn down a church. See? Elections are good.

Every time there is an election the ruling government flers are all scared of losing so they come out and give Malaysians all sorts of goodies. "Vote for us and I will approve the check on Monday" kind of thing.

Actually ah...I think if we vote the current government out the one that comes in will know what to do, right? They will give us what we want and need. Or they will find themselves voted out. And the flers who were voted out will want back in so much that they will do all that we want so that we will vote them in again.

Sighhhhhhhh...what a system.  But there is one thing wrong. We are all so predictable. They give us stuff during elections and so we are lulled into thinking, "Eh? Not bad what these flers." So we vote them in for another 5 years. They screw us another six ways from Sunday. Again. And then when the next time rolls along they give us stuff again and...I guess you get the drift la. I am thinking so do they. That's why we're in this shit-house.


Some Wednesday funnies

Have a good laugh

There are a few really funny stories in The Star today which I'd like to share with you. Of course la, I know that a lot of you don't buy newspapers anymore because you are fed-up of one-sided reporting and all. But my maid still insists on them as she says they are good for keeping vegetables fresh in the fridge. And she is particularly fond of The Star because it has so many pages daily. She sells the old newspapers and keeps the money you see. "The other one no good, sir. Very few pages only."  Okay, okay...the funny stories.

The first funny that caught my eye was this headline,

"Customs agree to let cops continue investigating".

Agree to let cops continue investigating??? Huh???  What the F**K!!! When have our cops ever needed our permission to investigate anything? If anything, they don't even have to tell you they're investigating. For fear it willo jeopardise their investigations you see. So now, have to get Customs permission to continue their investigations into the death of a customs officer who fell to his death out of a window in the MACC building? Is this good news for rapists, murderers, snatch-thieves or what? Hahahahahahahaha.......

The 2nd story I found to be quite funny is Najib's announcement yesterday that the government hopes to woo more Malaysians working overseas by offering them an income tax rate of 15% for 5 years under the Returning Experts Programme.

Govt to cut rate to 15% for Malaysians who return

I find this funny because as the Prime Minister I would have thought that Najib would know that Malaysians fuck off to other countries because they see no future for themselves and their children in this country. Not because they pay less taxes in the country they moved to. No meh? Oh yes, Najib also said that if you come back you can buy 2 locally assembled cars tax-free! Phwaaaarrr!!! I can just imagine all those thousands of Malaysians driving cheap Holdens and Fords rushing to the Malaysian Embassies to apply for the programme. Locally-assembled cars wor. Waffor I want to drive Ford Mustangs or Hummers when I can drive Protons, Perodua and Naza and locally assembled Toyotas, Volvo's and Hyundai's. Just who feeds the prime minister all this crap to say to us?  Hahahahahahahaha.......

This next headline in today's Star made me laugh out loud the moment I read it. I didn't even bother reading the story. Just the headline was hilarious.

"Taib confident of majority as cops make postal votes today".

Now, surely that is not a headline that will make any Malaysian confident that elections held in Malaysia are fair and transparent, is it?  Hahahahahahahaha......

There's one more funny headline I want to share with you. It's on page N30 of today's Star. It reads...

"Taib's Kuching transformation" The fruits of development the chief minister sowed decades ago is for all to see with the city skyline and urban areas dotted with visible growth of sorts.

Fruits of development issit? Anyone who's visited Kuching and seen the skyline will know it ain't that much to shout about for those decades of development in the capital of the largest Malaysian state with a wealth or resources like oil, gas, timber and whatnot. And which remains one of the poorest states in the Federation. But ya...fruits of the CM's development strategies.  Hahahahahaha....

Okay, there's more funnies in the news today but I can't stop laughing long enough to type some more right now.


Saturday, April 09, 2011

Taking a holiday from ridiculousness

Away from the madness

Since the last update on March 23 I have received many queries as to why I have not said anything new despite the fact that so much has happened? Really? Has so much happened? To me it is just the same shit on a different day.

Sex videos? We've seen and heard it all before. It's him. No! It's not me. Call for a Royal Commission. Heard it all before? Sure you have. You even know how things are going to turn out too, I'm sure.

Suicides at the MACC building? It's happened before. Maybe it will happen again. God forbid. And what is there for me or anyone else to say anymore? How can it happen? Worse things have. The IGP says that the 2 deaths that occurred on MACC premises were 'different' and that people should not conclude that anything had gone wrong. Gone wrong???!!! Another man died for no good reason. I'd say that's something very wrong. Different???!!! Oh yes, I remember reading somewhere that the difference so often quoted by the police is that one went there as a witness and the other just went there to 'do something' voluntarily. The fact that they both died is irrelevant? Sorry la. Maybe it is some legalese that I don't understand. You faham ke?

And now we have Ibrahim Ali saying that husbands have 'urges' that have to satisfied by the wives the moment they (ths husbands) get home to prevent them from going to find satisfaction in other places.

I don't know la.  That's why I think I am going to take a few more days off from Niamah!!! I've got urges that I have to go find ways of getting some release. Maybe I shall go jerk off while dreaming of the day when the government of my country and elected parliamentarians stop taking me for a fucking idiot.