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Niamah!!! in Chinese

Niamah!!! Chinese version YorMarder!!! http://niamahinchinese.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Some Wednesday funnies

Have a good laugh

There are a few really funny stories in The Star today which I'd like to share with you. Of course la, I know that a lot of you don't buy newspapers anymore because you are fed-up of one-sided reporting and all. But my maid still insists on them as she says they are good for keeping vegetables fresh in the fridge. And she is particularly fond of The Star because it has so many pages daily. She sells the old newspapers and keeps the money you see. "The other one no good, sir. Very few pages only."  Okay, okay...the funny stories.

The first funny that caught my eye was this headline,


"Customs agree to let cops continue investigating".

Agree to let cops continue investigating??? Huh???  What the F**K!!! When have our cops ever needed our permission to investigate anything? If anything, they don't even have to tell you they're investigating. For fear it willo jeopardise their investigations you see. So now, have to get Customs permission to continue their investigations into the death of a customs officer who fell to his death out of a window in the MACC building? Is this good news for rapists, murderers, snatch-thieves or what? Hahahahahahahaha.......

The 2nd story I found to be quite funny is Najib's announcement yesterday that the government hopes to woo more Malaysians working overseas by offering them an income tax rate of 15% for 5 years under the Returning Experts Programme.



Govt to cut rate to 15% for Malaysians who return


I find this funny because as the Prime Minister I would have thought that Najib would know that Malaysians fuck off to other countries because they see no future for themselves and their children in this country. Not because they pay less taxes in the country they moved to. No meh? Oh yes, Najib also said that if you come back you can buy 2 locally assembled cars tax-free! Phwaaaarrr!!! I can just imagine all those thousands of Malaysians driving cheap Holdens and Fords rushing to the Malaysian Embassies to apply for the programme. Locally-assembled cars wor. Waffor I want to drive Ford Mustangs or Hummers when I can drive Protons, Perodua and Naza and locally assembled Toyotas, Volvo's and Hyundai's. Just who feeds the prime minister all this crap to say to us?  Hahahahahahahaha.......

This next headline in today's Star made me laugh out loud the moment I read it. I didn't even bother reading the story. Just the headline was hilarious.


"Taib confident of majority as cops make postal votes today".

Now, surely that is not a headline that will make any Malaysian confident that elections held in Malaysia are fair and transparent, is it?  Hahahahahahahaha......

There's one more funny headline I want to share with you. It's on page N30 of today's Star. It reads...


"Taib's Kuching transformation" The fruits of development the chief minister sowed decades ago is for all to see with the city skyline and urban areas dotted with visible growth of sorts.

Fruits of development issit? Anyone who's visited Kuching and seen the skyline will know it ain't that much to shout about for those decades of development in the capital of the largest Malaysian state with a wealth or resources like oil, gas, timber and whatnot. And which remains one of the poorest states in the Federation. But ya...fruits of the CM's development strategies.  Hahahahahaha....

Okay, there's more funnies in the news today but I can't stop laughing long enough to type some more right now.


Niamah!!!

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

with his announcement to oversea Malaysian, i am more sadden and wish they can step down sooner than ever...
why not fix the root cause first?

Anonymous said...

Pat,

No one fed the crap to the PM for him to announce the 15% income tax incentive for returning Malaysians. It's the PM himself who concocted the idea because his own brain has gone down the drain.

Mamü Miguel Ellezda Vies said...

I know I'd like to get out of this country someday. I am a mix of Malay, Indian and Arab. So once they're done with their racial purge, I'll be next in line to be persecuted.

To hell with Bigots National.

Anonymous said...

Fu yoh !!! Custom allow Polis to investigate..you got hear wrong or not ? like this Custom bigger then Polis lor ?? correct ??

custom more terror man..!

Anonymous said...

Uncle Pat..
I miss these funnies from you.
hwar hwar

Anonymous said...

15 % !!?? does it mean IF i come back to work for bn I'll get xtra 15%
of my gaji ...for 5 years ah ????

elizabeth said...

Patrick, thanks, in these very tense moments leading to the big one on saturday, a good laugh is very helpful indeed...

Anonymous said...

And that one about him been grooming his successor for the past twenty years? A bloody slow learner no?

Anonymous said...

" .... dotted with visible growth of sorts"??

Lalang??

Anonymous said...

Kanasai! More than 80% of people in Sarawak comes from Ulu-land. Thats why Bolehland can take them for a ride!!

Anonymous said...

Regarding the tax cut, I look at it as an insult to the ones who've been working in Malaysia all their lives (unless they get more).

Government should reward those who stayed to prevent them from leaving, not reward those who return.

It's like rewarding deserters for coming back. What logic is that?

Wait, isn't that bribery by principle?

But then again, BN is so fucking retarded these days that I'll leave if I get any chance anyway. I won't give a flying fuck on whatever incentives they give unless they change the way they govern. It's the governance that's the problem. It was never about the money.

Arsekay said...

Najib's 15% incentive made you deserting MediaCorp to 'come back' to NTV7?

Your family must be eating a lot of vegetables. Good and healthy. Otherwise why you need so much 'The Star'? Perhaps you also use the paper to wipe in the toilet?

steven said...

Niamah niapa...you're so funnnny...niakong, niapoh I love them all.

Anonymous said...

The PM has a brain?

Anonymous said...

Hey Pat! After a long break, you are really on a roll! Keep chugging, old boy! LOL!

Kelvin said...

Haha, I pay almost half of my salary in taxes in Germany but I still half so much left over. Why would I wanna go back and fear for my safety at every traffic light?

Robert Leong said...

I am paid 3 times more than what I'll get for same job in Malaysia and my income tax here in Macau is 6%. Cars are also tax free, somemore got housing allowance and free airfare home twice a year plus being treated and respected as a human being, not chinese, malay or indian..you guys do the math.

LinPeh said...

What the FUCK that retard is talking about? You think they left the country in hordes to be taxed heavily in the UK for example? In the past that fler Apa Nama ? managed to coax a group of medical experts to come back. But what happened then? These experts left for private practice after being snubbed and frustrated by the bureucracy of another retarded KKM, mind you not Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia but Kementerian Kuat Makan. So what's the big deal with 15% tax incentive? This is peanut compared to what they earn overseas as a consultant. By coming back their children could not even enter international schools. They have to get permission from another educationally retarded minister for this. WTF ???

Anonymous said...

I will not come back even for 0% tax if this bunch is still in charge. I left because my family and I get more respect and kindness from my new homeland. I get more money too but that was never an issue. I am happy to pay tax on it.

I also paid for my own tertiary education - no scholarship from bolehland - although I did get a small postgraduate scholarship from my new homeland after I settled here.

Anonymous said...

do u know why sarawak is poor? it's bcos all the money from oil is taken by petronas for use in the west ... niamah ...

Anonymous said...

Najib really sohai...they think just 15% can get them back..reaLLy stupid...

Nuffnang