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Saturday, October 01, 2011

Weekend funnies.

This was banned in government offices in 1985

This morning I drove past this nice Indian bloke with a big smile standing by the bus stop selling newspapers. I stopped and got a copy of The Star. Because the fler selling it seemed like such an affable chap. And also because we were running low on fish wrap at home. Not much inside but I did find a couple of laughable stories. I shall try and share some of the laughs with you the best I can in this sick-as-a-dog condition I'm in right now.  

Page N2

".....Najib said the Government would not abolish quotas for the bumiputra but had instead asked that they not be too dependent on the authorities."  

Huh??? How does that work? Go ahead. Read it again. Is there some sense to this rather incredible way of saying nothing?

There's more from the fler at the same function.  When asked about the controversial UndiLah video Najib said, "There is no ban on the video. I haven't seen it but we don't ban things like that."

Huh??? If he hasn't seen it how does he know it belongs to the 'things like that' category?

Then summor the fler added that it was up to the television stations to air the clip. 

Ya, right! The fact that most of the TV stations belong to us and would not dare do anything that we don't approve of is a small point only la.

Page N16

An example of how much our country has changed appears on this page which unfortunately is not available on the online Star.  The headline reads "Order goes out? Don't cover faces"  On March 12, 1985 it was reported that then Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Khalil Yaacob had ordered civil servants not to wear clothes covering their faces while at work. The story was accompanied by the drawing of a woman in a purdah.

If the same thing had happened in today's Malaysia I think there would be demonstrations and calls for blood. Actually, is the rule still valid ah? I know tudungs are the norm today but are civil servants allowed to wear the full face cover for religious reasons?



Anonymous said...

Time change, people change.
Who knows, nudity may be the norm 30 years from now.

Anonymous said...

i dont have much things to say about purdah...but sadly our feared ruling govt banned women from wearing tudung like ustazah (big tudung) except for ustazah...hmmm...our govt fear too much on everything...especially when the color of tudung is green

Anonymous said...

you losing your sense of humour? these stories are not funny lah....

patrickteoh said...

Anonymous 10:01PM, sometimes I think I am. Hahaha...but when you think about it such stories are always funny.
Laughingly funny
Tragically funny
Ironically funny
Frighteningly funny......

Thanks for visiting.

najib manaukau said...

If Najib's promises can be believed is amounting to one can eat his shit for meals !
Najib is becoming a big joker and just look at all the promises he has made since he took over as P.M.. Not one single promise he has made to date is honored or shall I say fulfilled. This is the kind of transformation he is talking about, varsities or in reality high school scholarships for all non Malay students were promised by him. At the end only the Malay students were sent abroad and the non Malay students were only offered to be enrolled in the near empty rural high schools in Malaysia. To begin with these 'varsities' are not even good enough for the Malay students but they are good enough for the non Malay students.
He also failed to review how many of these scholarships were rejected.
It was just a publicity propaganda to get the non Malay votes. and the kind of P.M. he is, so anyone who can believe on what he promises can also have his shits for meals.
Plus in his transformation program he hijacked the NEP (Never Enough Privileges) which was set up by his late father to become
NEM (Never Enough Money) how appropriately named.
NEP was originally set up to help the poor Malays and it was hijacked by the grand son of the untouchable pariah from Kerala, the shenanigan Mahathir to enrich himself, his children, his proxies and his cronies to become mutt millionaires or billionaires in the name of the Malays. That was and never is the aim of NEP to help the already very rich Malays to become multi millionaires or billionaires. The shenanigan was only using it as an excuse to keep robbing the nation plus just to keep pretending to help the poor Malays. As a result he even had the audacity to claim he never managed to achieve the 30% of the nations wealth's that NEP was aiming to do so.
When the truth is between himself, his children, his proxies and his cronies the 30% was more than achieved in his early years as P.M..How could he failed to achieve the 30% especially with all the pro Malay policies he implemented. May be for a change he was telling the truth as he and the all half breeds are not really Malays. They are at best, Umno made Malays and not Allah made or born Malays, no men can transform other men to become somebody else regardless of what they do. In short the half breeds in Umno, in order to protect themselves and to have the right to rob the nation blind in the name of the Malay they passed legislations on how to become Malay. You don't become a Malay just because of the clothes you wear, the food you eat or even the religion you embrace.
You are either born a Malay or a Chinese !
The shenanigan Mahathir and his gang did just that so they will get the support for whatever their are doing in the name of Malays. But at the end the poor Malays remain poor and never got anything except crumbs and pittances and that is why the shenanigan is able to claim the NEP failed to achieve the 30% it was set up for.
What else must be done for the Malays to wake up and realize the shenanigan Mahathir has been taking you for a ride in the name of a Malay when he is not a Malay.

Anonymous said...

"...but are civil servants allowed to wear the full face cover for religious reasons?"

I'm a Muslim , tell me which part of religion says to wear purdah? Definitely not in Quran.

If a civil servant wants to dress as a clown because he thinks he is funny, is that OK?

Dylan said...

Dear Mr Patrick Teoh,

I always read and like your website of given us the jokes but i just got a small request, can you change your background colour to white?
As because after reading your website for 5mins, my vision of seeing other things bcome a bit blur as your as like starring to a spotlight.


Halil said...

Yes, tragically funny to see all those bn flers engaging in character assasination on Pakatan people.

BN has to resort to this as they have run out of ideas and the results of KPIs are not convincing at all.

nurulein said...

The hudud issue is aco actually a great strategy by Pakatan.

Young generation who are internet-savvy are fully aware that Hudud law can never be implemented because of our constitution. PAS cannot get enough support in parliment for that matter.

PAS Hudud issue to win for Pakatan the votes of rural conservative malays who have only access to pro-bn mainstream media. It is OK to sacrifice some elderly Chinese votes to MCA as this is just a minority compared to the large hinterland votes of rural malays.

Again, the young urban generation and educated people have already made up their mind to vote out BN as Hudud is no issue to them.

Salena said...

Singer Yuna is making money with her range of 'modern tudung' that does not cover the face and ears.

nga said...

蔡细历(CSL)在马华大会晚宴说若马华大选惨败不入阁,马华代表只好吃咸菜配白粥,但若大胜马华赚大钱就会用龙虾招待。嘿,从前有人说马华是专门cari makan 的政党我有点不相信,现在是深信不疑了。

Anonymous said...

There is NO 40% or whatever percentage enshrined in Article 153 of the constitution. It is the same for the socalled ‘social contract’ that is being bandied about by the ketuanan melayu UMNOputras. In fact the rent seeking and beggar mentality was brought about by the evil Mamakthir Mohamad Kutty who decided to throw crumbs to the Malays in perpetual dilemma so that he can loot the kitty with impunity.

The Pee M’s speech to the Malay businessmen and NGOs shows the hollowness of his 1Malaysia. 1Malaysia and its slogan ‘ People first…….’ is nothing but a great con job, hoodwinking the gullible uneducated Malaysians and a great public relations exercise to win over international support.

Sad to say, not everyone is deceived. Even the warlords like his deputy is not buying into his 1Malaysia. Mooheedin has declared openly that he is a Malay first. In other words, he is a leader of the Malays only. He does not represent the other Malaysians in the country.

Anyway it is no use paying too much importance to whatever the Pee M says. He is just playing to the gallery. He might just contradict whatever he says the next day and claim that he was misquoted by the media.

He might turn out to be worse than the sleepy head exPM and the evil Toon put together.

Ah Deng said...


Read this if you cannot get The Star:

MCA is using GROs to court young voters? Getting desperate?

Sam said...

Government flers from town council officers right up to the top including the PM have almost mastered the art of manipulation to to get things done their way. These contradictory "double-talk" is the result of their manipulative tendency...not surprising to hear such gibberish from the chief manipulator.

Anonymous said...


Please forgive our beloved PM fella for "he knows not what he says" (UNNO Money Book, chapter 1, verse 1).

Anonymous said...

Dear Patrick,
I think it is most tragically funny that there are still readers who still do not know the meaning of being satirically funny after so many years of 'independence'from 'colonialism'.


Malaysianjustice said...

They are tragically funny!
Tragic because either we have a govt who think its people are stupid enough to buy some of these crap stories in the Newspaper or tragic because we actually do have people in this country who are stupid enough to buy these crap stories in the newspaper.

Anonymous said...

hi patrick,

can you help us spread this message in your blog.!/groups/PENSmember/

those who wants english school please join this group and vote.

Anonymous said...

agree with 7.02 .during the next 30 yrs with advancement in plastic surgery ,no one will have any hang up being in the nude -male or can be as big as smooth as long as round as thick as you one.! i am looking forward to out length our famous porn star !

joining me pat.?.oops sorry for you .plastic surgery not enough by then. mechanical technology has to be incorporated too..hydraulics system?..hee..hee


Anonymous said...

Uncle Patz,

You sure you wanna wrap your fish with The Star papers? Wouldn't they spoil twice as fast? =P

Anyway, I do find those headlines sarcastically funny. Malaysians really need to make a difference come GE. But I am skeptical too... it's not exactly that PAS and PKR are saints themselves...


monsterball said...

One cannot laugh like Pat if one does not understand.
It is really funny....because Najib have a brain..out of this world.

Anonymous said...

let us all wear tudung green colour ,in march for passing gomen!

what the crap! we all wear bikini inside mah?


Anonymous said...

Some mornings I dono whether to laugh or to cry lo!Our "beloved" gomen ah, always say things that sound damn terror wan....but sound bytes only woh??!!

Because the very next minute, u hear of some video or movie or person/s being dissed by this our very loving and caring gomen.

On wan hand ah, you are our beloved citizen woh..well taken care of by our 1Msia gomen woh. Then ah, you are breaking the law woh for speaking out wat is inside your coconut mah.Some stupid notion abt dis hooman rite dis & dat woh. Cannot leh! You no grateful to our beloved gomen leh.

You should be like good children mah...
1.)Be seen & not heard
2.) Shaddup when your betters r talking down to U!!
3.)All citizens are equal but some are more equal than others.

Follow the 3 big golden msian gomen rules and I tell u ah...u sure no problem wan. Unless you so good life like dat namewee boy ah, endorsed by minister wan. But too bad lah uncle, u & me too bladdy old to be mistaken for young'uns shooting f...king mouth off!!!


Anonymous said...

I remember the statement by Dr M then.
He also said sarban are not suitable for Malaysian climate or needes.
He went on to say in desert climes , the sarban was untied to 'filter' water from oasis etc and served a purpose.
Similarly he said 'Keeping beards' is not islamic , nor required by the tenets of Islam.
But he added as the the prophet Mohamad kept a beard ,many like to emulate him.
And another thing Dr M said was that "Melayu senang lupa" .In this instance the old fox was dead right

Anonymous said...

Mr.Kris and Mr.Clown sitting on the press table...talking and jokking ..


Trevor said...

To summarise: I would not stop shouting 'niamah' but had been asked not to be too dependent on it.

This is because there is no ban on it, and we don't ban things like that.

Anonymous said...

to 11.55am.. i have been fucking some. they told me what's the point of wearing underwear inside ..but shaving botak is a must...

after that i prefer the tropical jungle of babi girl!

i seriously doubt most of their religious conviction...licky me i was not born into it...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PaiSeh said...

thing about tudung or purdah etc..
The arabs don them for simple practical reason, to protect themselves from the harsh desert environment. They don't don them to protect themselves from the men nor to prevent men from getting too excited about women.

Tudung provide protection to the women from head to toe, kept their hair clean and gentle face from sand abrasion etc.
But somehow, the garment was related to religion and in Malaysia, it is absolutely impractical.

I apologize but wearing purdah will not reduce the sex-related crimes.

Anonymous said...

Nobody answer you about the tudung, so let me answer.

Under the sunni sect which is practice by the more then 95% of muslim in malaysia. Covering the face is "not compulsary".

That is why the minister in question issue the order.

Puppy said...

1. I want the best people to govern us.

2. I want a good education system so that our children do not have to emigrate.

3. I want a good and fair civil service to manage our country well.

4. I want a good and fair police force.

5. I want a good and fair judiciary.

6. I want an effective MACC that does its job in going after the really big fish (such as the dentist who lives in a RM6 million house) without concern for the political position or affiliation of the suspects.

7. I want the new government to stop giving out large concessions and contracts without open tenders so that we can get cheaper rates for essential services such as water, electricity, highway tolls etc

8. I want the new government to investigate the purchase of the two Scorpene submarines that was made a joke of for allegedly failing to submerge, the RM500 million in commissions paid for the purchase, and the related murder of Atlantuya, the Mongolian translator.

9. I want all Malaysians to vote wisely so that changes can take place in our government to ensure that all these concerns are taken care of.

10. I want Patrick Teoh to update is blog more regularly.

Karipap 2.0 said...


Halimah said...

Our condoclence should be extended to the family of Baba Chee, who died of heart attack at age 66.

We should watch his last performance in Nasi Lemak 2.0.
He was fabulous in the movie.

Anonymous said...

If Soiled Leg Chua can be compared to America’s Franklin Roosevelt (so said The Star), then Jibby the Hutt can be compared to Genghiz Khan (who conquered the biggest empire in history). So now you can see why Altantoo was kabooomed.

Clean Clean said...

- Implement the 8 Demands Before GE13

This is a page for Malaysians around the world to show their support to Bersih 2.0's “Tunaikan 8 Tuntutan, Barulah PRU-13”
(Implement the 8 Demands Before GE-13) campaign, by way of creatively showing picture of people holding the sign.

You can also make/draw your own Bersih 8 demands sign.

Download the poster from:

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhh uhhhh ohhhh yeahhh... regina baby....

Forget about all this bullshit with politics.. just enjoy your life instead of helping PAS to succeed with the Islamic theocratic state

marduk said...

Dear Pat,

I heard the Trax FM's evening news round-up saying "BN claimed PR copied the 2012 budget from them" The budget will only be announced tomorrow by BN. How come PR can copy wan? Funny isit?

marduk said...

Dear Pat,

I heard the Trax FM's evening news round-up saying "BN claimed PR copied the 2012 budget from them" The budget will only be announced tomorrow by BN. How come PR can copy wan? Funny isit?

Anonymous said...

Most politician are good at double talk. The second talk cancel out the first talk. Anyway we should not listen to dirty politician on their way out. It is a waste of our time.

Victor said...

The controversial Pasir Mas member of parliament Ibrahim Ali, who is also the president of the extremist Malay rights group, Perkasa was seen sleeping so soundly during the parliamentary session.

Looks like Ibrahim is not serious at all in the parliamentary sitting. He failed to fulfill his duties and responsibilities as a member of parliament to serve the people and to provide feedback from the people nor having any interests in participating in the parliamentary debate.

We hope the people would soon realize how ineffective this Ibrahim is.

See picture here:

Umno Insider said...

Jibby the Hutt is continuing to pump out as many bullets as he can to garner enought support to win GE-13 with as big a majority as he possibly can. Yes, Jibby has good reason to call for snap polls before the December Umno general assembly. He is a prime minister without a public mandate, succeeding Pak Lah by virtue of his ascension to the Umno presidency in 2009. If Jibby was to secure a people’s mandate before the December Umno general assembly, then replacing him as the Umno president will be a tougher task.

There is also much speculation that the Umno supreme council wants him to detail a succession plan with a time line to hand over to Muhshitdin. Jibby is not ecpected to complete 2012 as PM even if the BN manages to stave off the resurgent Pakatan in GE-13. Thus, getting his mandate from the people is again crucial if Jibby is to have any bargaining power at all in the top echelons of Umno.

As for Mahathir, the talk at coffee-shops around the nation is that one, he is buying time till the party’s election due to be held by October 2012, where Najib is expected to face a stiff challenge from his deputy, Muhyiddin Yassin. Alternatively, Mahathir wants a succession plan to be knocked out when party delegates meet in the first week of December this year. To Mahathir, winning GE-13 is everyting. Better to lose an individual than to suffer a crushing defeat at the hands of the Pakatan Rakyat led by his most hated enemy, Anwar Ibrahim.

Anonymous said...

jibby knew give a few buck can kau tim those backward people...

porcupine said...


Why no comment on the feel-good budget from Najib?

Are you frustrated because you cannot qualify for the RM500 goodies since you already command RM5000 for one show?

Anonymous said...

Perangai Niamah dalam cerita ini:

Al hijab said...

Niamah on another round of hibernation again?

When you wake up, Najib could be returned to power already.

Please do your national duty, please.

蔡姨 said...




Anonymous said...


JAIS has the right to raid churches?

It is obvious that the Sultan is helping UMNO to bring down the Pakatan Government in Selangor.

Now UMNO will go at the jugular of Khalid for apologizing to the public when JAIS has the right to raid churches.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 2:03,

You dont get it do you? The Sultan gave the decree based on what PAS,PKR has given to the Sultan, not UMNO. Be wise to remember that Selangor is still with Pakatan, and previously Khalid mention about respecting whatever Sultan's decree.. but what you dont realise is that Pakatan is hiding behind the Sultan. This is normal with islamist party like PAS.. just look at what happen to Egypt? after Mubarak has fallen the army repressed, and murdered hundreds of Christians.. and Muslim Brotherhood, and the Salafist is close to IIT which is linked to our Mr Anwar Ibrahim. :) go figure.. if you think that voting DAP is good, then you are supporting PAS for theocratic state.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Al hijab for waking up Niamah!