Thursday funnies

Taaaa Daaaa! And the stupid award goes to....

When I turned to Pg 2 of today's Star I burst out laughing. The story was headlined:

"PM: Indians warming up to BN".

Phwaar!!! At first I thought, "What PM giving some more goodies ah?" But no wor. Then I saw the sub-title of the story and it read:

"Attendance at MIC's Deepavali celebration reflects 'tremendous response'

No wonder Najib is having so much trouble getting his head around things if he is getting this type of analysis from his people.  There's been so much talk about MIC (along with other parties) losing relevance in today's politics and the support of the Indian community and all. So how does 'Attendance at MIC's Deepavali celebration reflect(s) 'tremendous response'??? Okay, maybe some Indians are again supporting MIC (or just getting a free meal since it's their sweat and toil that's made the Deepavali possible) but that cannot translate into "Indians warming up to BN" except in politic-speak.

On page 12 of The Star is the regular Rub Salt in the Wound story.......

MACC opens 36 cases

Commission investigates issues raised in A-G's report

As you know the A-G's annual report just came out. And as usual there are numerous reports of obvious corruption and inefficiencies in various ministries, government departments and agencies. And as Malaysians we are quite used to this annual circus side-show. Announcements are made. Audible gasps are heard from tired, frustrated Malaysian tax-payers. Then?  We wait for next year's Auditor-General Report. But today the MACC rubs salt in our wound by announcing the above. Aiyoh! Too much la.

Also on page 12 one minister at least has the balls to admit that he screwed up. The Youth & Sports Minister Ahmad Shabery Cheek admitted that the "local authorities did not have the expertise to handle horses resulting in many of them being underutilised" which in turn resulted in the RM56million spent on buying the horses becoming basically money down the drain.  Okay Shabery, it's very nice of you to admit your ministry's mistake. Now, can we also have your head on a plate, please?

On page 14 of The Star there is a really hilarious story about the Auditor-General "pointing out" a pension mistake. A misplaced decimal point resulted in some pensioner being paid RM21,433 a month instead of RM214.33! Sadly, the story did not say if the baarger returned the money la. Would you have returned it? I am sure you would. Right!

On page 16 today the headline story just made me laugh and skip the story altogether.

DPM: Learn from Singapore

M'sia keen on republic's tourism and education models

Yes, Muhyiddin we should have started learning from those baargers decades ago. About public housing, public transport, country management, finance management etc. etc. etc.  Now only want to learn from them issit? And somemore about tourism and education! I thought Ng Yen Yen was doing such a good job? Maybe we should teach them about how to make tourism displays more prominent by using RM1,500 display racks. And education? I thought you already announced that Math and Science is to be taught in BM. No argument! Those SG flers will tell you it won't work. Then how?

And finally, the award for the If-I-Don't-Know-What-The-Fuck-I'm-Saying-I-Should-Shut-The-Fuck-Up-Award goes to ex-Inspector-General Rahim Noor for his fantastically incomprehensible statement....

"Every century has its own wave and this could not be avoided. Previously, it was the wave of communism and Marxism, and now it is the human rights wave."

NIAMAH!!!

Same old Same old

Even Najib finds the AG's Report hilarious. 

Maybe we should do like Najib and read the AG's Report upside down to make some sense of it.

It must be frustrating being the Auditor-General of Malaysia. Every year you're required to roll out the same old production. Which is to highlight the excesses and obvious inefficiencies of government ministries, departments and agencies. Frustrating because you, and every Malaysian, knows that nothing will be done to correct the mistakes and that next year you will be required to do the same old thing again.  As a Malaysian I'd rather have the A-G tell us about what has been done about the previous year's fuck-ups instead of just revealing more cock-and-bull. Otherwise, what is the point? We already know that there is corruption in the system and high-level inefficiencies. But what is being done about it?

This years 'revelations' include a failed cattle-rearing project which involves a company run by the family of a working minister in the current administration. In another country perhaps, this alone would cause a furore by tax-paying citizens. But this is Malaysia. And it is just another chapter in the latest Auditor-General's report.

The AG also revealed that 9 ministries had overspent their allocated budgets by RM3.73 billion!!! That is a lot of money. If it was not in the budget where did it come from? This is just from the latest AG's report so don't expect any answers okay?

The AG also discovered that a MARA subsidiary bought equipment at highly inflated prices. Like paying RM1600 for each high-speed sewing machines and ovens only to discover they cannot be used because the area they were to be used in had no electricity!

And the feisty Ng Yen Yen's ministry of tourism reportedly spent a million + to buy some brochure/pamphlet display racks!!!

Then as if to divert attention to all this bureaucratic excesses and fuck-ups PAS decides to announce that the planned Elton John concert in Genting Highlands "would have a negative effect on the younger generation..." and therefore should not be allowed to proceed. Elton John is gay you see. Thanks PAS you guys are sure doing the cause a BIG favour.

So, depending on how you feel at the time the annual Auditor-General's Report can either make you laugh until your sides ache. Or it can make you scream with frustration and want to go out and kill yourself a politician or a government bureaucrat. But like every year, things will quieten down after a couple of days. And we will go back to being blissfully about what happens to our money and our country. Same old, same old la. Tiu!!!


NIAMAH!!!

HAPPY DEEPAVALI

TO ALL MALAYSIANS OF THE HINDU FAITH

HAPPY DEEPAVALI

Enjoy!

Cyber troopers are having a ball at http://www.niamah.com/2011/10/people-unclear-on-concept.html

:-) cyber troopers need a sense of achievement too.


Niamah!!!

People unclear on the concept

As you probably know I am currently acting in a musical concert In Perfect Harmony. The concert is produced by the Dama Orchestra and is commissioned by The Star to celebrate their 40th anniversary. I play the role of the narrator who takes the audience on a journey of the musical landscape of Malaysia across the last 4 decades.

On October 16, which was my birthday, my family and the cast and crew of the concert, together with some members of The Star team decided to surprise me with a birthday party after the show. And The Star made a mock front page with my photo on it and presented it to me as a present. We had loads of cake to eat, laughed, had a good time.

That was it.

But there were people quite unclear on the concept. As evidenced by this comment I received after The Star published a story about the event in the Metro section the following day.

Comment on niamah.com   ................ 

Ha ha. The most niamah story of the week was featured on The Star yesterday where Patrick & family is in perfect harmony with The Star to receive 'The Voice' award despite the paper being the source of niamah topics. How ironic. Maybe Patrick succumbed to the money (or the framed award)dangling in front of him by MCA via The Star? It goes to prove that everyone has a price in Bolehland. Truly Niamah! The readers have been taken for a ride!

NIAMAH!!!


p/s and so it goes on. Niamah has been online for years and there are still people who don't know what it is about....
Comment:


The Star has degenerated into political machinery and your association by accepting the framed picture indirectly means you have succumbed to them and have appeared to be hypocrite now a laughing stock among some of your readers.

HELP!!!

I need help deciphering this one as well. Really one. Anyone understand please explain okay?

I think he or she is trying to tell you something .

Probably you was once his icon in broadcasting . You may have been once a well balance person in your outlooks . Now you have turned into a person who disregard the reality . As you have aged you have transformed to be a mind blowing chauvinist . Your chauvinistic consciousness has reflected in your musical play recently .

I felt the same way too . Though the musical concert was in perfect harmony musically but the plot had the undertones which were irritating and perhaps unnecessary to be in the plot lines .

The musical journey you mentioned was a journey to remember our differences , to laugh together , to learn our mistakes and to celebrate our diversity . For many , It is a painful journey to remember and how much we try to learn to live together with our differences there are always some who try to rock it .

Our dream and vision of a land of harmony , understanding and laughter are just the dreams of a dreamer . 


NIAMAH!!!

HUH???

Can someone try and see if this can be deciphered into something that makes some sense?  I sure don't understand what the writer is trying to say. He's trying to say something. But WHAT???!!!

This is a comment I received to the blogpost "A Malaysian Musical Journey"......


' A perfect harmony ' hoop ! , a musical journey of ups and downs fantasizing of ' our dream and vision of a land of harmony ' hoop again ! 


Since the day of the second wave of immigrants stepped foot in the ' glorious land we call home , Malaysia ' as claimed , Malaysia has never been in the state of mind to ' celebrate our diversity ' and differences . It has always been the connotation of acceptance , tolerance and wisdom that superficially cultured that make us vaguely apparent ; nevertheless , a water tight and segmented society .


Yes we have the ' ability to laugh at ourselves , laugh with brethren ' and be self-criticism and be open minded to ourselves ' through the musical landscape of our country ' but throwing constructed words and thoughts in our head was an erratic bearing and an arbitration to the inevitably sensitive environment . 


No doubt , there is such configuration of democracy in theater , thus liberty of the audience prevails . But democracy and liberty are not absolute . It has to come with the sense of articulation . It is a responsibility to be articulated . 


Since it is a musical concert , it is musically and heavenly excellence but the some contents are ' sumbang' in its harmony . 


NIAMAH!!!

A Malaysian Musical Journey

Harmony is just what you think it should be.

In Perfect Harmony is a musical concert produced by the Dama Orchestra. It is a musical journey which takes the audience through the musical landscape of our country during the past four decades.  On the journey we remember our differences and celebrate our diversity. We remember our dream and vision of a land of harmony, understanding and laughter. We applaud our achievements and learn from our mistakes. And we never lose the ability to laugh at ourselves. Laugh with our brethren. Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan, Dusun and all the other more than 100 ethnic groups that make up this glorious land we all call home. Malaysia.

But at the end of the day In Perfect Harmony is a musical concert. A show. And we all take away from it what we wish to. Such is the democracy of theatre. And the liberty of the audience.

I would like to share one audience member's take of the show that he/she saw at the Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPAC) last night. But just to make things clear. The bunch of marauding bullies who attacked the Chinese man and his daughter were ALL Chinese! :-) Here, read this and think...

Not so perfect a harmony as depicted by the chauvinist Chinese!

I met an old friend at the pres club he works for a big corporation and asked me if I want to go see a musical titled "A Malaysian Musical Journey" (AMMJ) at the Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPAC). So he gave me five complimentary tickets!
He said it was going to be good when the Solianos will start the night with my favourite Malay songs!
Well, it turned out AMMJ was not what it claimed to be. AMMJ should have been dubbed A Malaysian-Chinese Musical Journey, just one of those pathetic sad old story of how Chinese in this country struggled. No one else struggled just the Chinese.
But that is fine with me, they did help built the country, but please do not portray it at the expense of Malays, who were portrayed as a bunch of a marauding bullies attacking a Chinese man and his little daughter out to make a living.
When that scene was shown I bet you that crippled Chinese narrator was laughing so hard he would exclaimed "Niamah Melayu served you right!"
I was soooo looking forward to enjoying the show which I did, until that crippled Chinese narrator was jibing and making allusive and deprecatory remark on our prime minister by hinting the PM should, like Richard Nixon, resign because of being involved in an "explosive" in an unnecessary innuendo making reference to an alleged involvement of PM and the dead Mongolian woman.
Then this crippled Ciuniama Chinese made an unnecessary political remark about Mahathir Mohamad and Maggi Mee, very degrading indeed!
In the final analysis the musical was indeed very Chinese in essence, laced with a sprinkle of P.Ramlee and few Malay songs I did not stay to watch the second half of the musical I was disgusted.
Why can't a musical be a true depiction of a the essence of the journey it depicts, why must a frustrated crippled Chinaman destroyed my evening with an unnecessary political statement and innuendos?
Postscript:
To people like crippled Patrik Teo the narrator of the musical, with a good government do not for once that you think you can stage a musical anywhere in this country.
In the morning when you switch on the light of you fancy apartment or a house you live in or turning on a tap to take a shower there is government there, with a good stable government you will smell like a pig turd because in countries like Iraq, Egypt and Libya everyone smell, not as bad as you though, because they have no water and electricity.

Another award goes to....

Ha! Dish us somemore la. No tax rebate for you.

Hiyah! I totally forgot to hand out this award last week.

The Can-you-please-explain-because-we-sure-don't-understand-what-the-fuck-you're-saying-or-were-you-misquoted Award goes to......

FINAS director-general, Mohd Naguib Razak for saying, that the film Nasi Lemak 2.0 did not receive the 20% tax rebate enjoyed by most Malaysian films because it did not qualify for the Wajib Tayang (mandatory cinema screening) status due to "prejudiced views" against director-actor, Namewee. The FINAS fler also said that Namewee had sparked a controversy before and so the film which wanted to promote unity and foster the 1Malaysia spirit suffered.

Huh???!!! What???!!! Can you all please read that statement again and see if you can find the logic or reasoning behind the Finas fler's decision? I also remember that not that long ago another film, Ah Niu's Ice Kacang Puppy Love had similiar problems. It couldn't get the tax rebate then because it was considered NOT a Malaysian film because the actors in a story set in a Chinese community spoke Chinese!

Errrr....wait a minute.....I think I am finally beginning to discover what 1Malaysia really means.


NIAMAH!!!

And the award goes to.......

The Istana Budaya, our multi-million Ringgit national theatre. I wonder how many world class artistes it has given birth to? 

My apologies for not updating this blog as regularly as I would like. Making a living is one of the main reasons for this lapse in regularity. Actually, why am I having to explain this ah? I do because I care about you all lor. You are kind enough to come visit and share your thoughts sometimes. So I guess I have a certain responsibility to keep up this source of entertainment for you.  I received this comment to niamah.com today...

Niamah on another round of hibernation again?

When you wake up, Najib could be returned to power already.
Please do your national duty, please.

Okay, so now it is MY national duty to update Niamah!!! so that...actually so that what ah? Aiyoh!

Anyway, naemine. Today's update is not about the Budget. It is not about anything earth-shattering la. I just want to announce an award la.

And the award for Politician Most Unclear of The Concept goes to...

Abdul Ghani Othman, Menteri Besar of Johor for announcing to the world that Johor needs bigger theatre to breed world-class artistes.

When are we ever going to learn that big buildings don't breed anything except cobwebs and wastage of public money. Artistes are not bred by buildings but by tradition, nurturing culture and the education system. Our current education system has little or no emphasis on the arts. And so suddenly you  build a theatre and Kaboom! you're going to breed a generation of world class performing artists. How?

Update:  Someone sent me this suggestion on Twitter.  If we follow the Johor Menteri Besar's logic we should build a bigger and better Parliament House. Then the building will give birth to world-class politicians. That's one project I wouldn't mind my tax money being spent on.

NIAMAH!!!

Weekend funnies.

This was banned in government offices in 1985

This morning I drove past this nice Indian bloke with a big smile standing by the bus stop selling newspapers. I stopped and got a copy of The Star. Because the fler selling it seemed like such an affable chap. And also because we were running low on fish wrap at home. Not much inside but I did find a couple of laughable stories. I shall try and share some of the laughs with you the best I can in this sick-as-a-dog condition I'm in right now.  

Page N2


".....Najib said the Government would not abolish quotas for the bumiputra but had instead asked that they not be too dependent on the authorities."  

Huh??? How does that work? Go ahead. Read it again. Is there some sense to this rather incredible way of saying nothing?

There's more from the fler at the same function.  When asked about the controversial UndiLah video Najib said, "There is no ban on the video. I haven't seen it but we don't ban things like that."

Huh??? If he hasn't seen it how does he know it belongs to the 'things like that' category?

Then summor the fler added that it was up to the television stations to air the clip. 

Ya, right! The fact that most of the TV stations belong to us and would not dare do anything that we don't approve of is a small point only la.

Page N16

An example of how much our country has changed appears on this page which unfortunately is not available on the online Star.  The headline reads "Order goes out? Don't cover faces"  On March 12, 1985 it was reported that then Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Khalil Yaacob had ordered civil servants not to wear clothes covering their faces while at work. The story was accompanied by the drawing of a woman in a purdah.

If the same thing had happened in today's Malaysia I think there would be demonstrations and calls for blood. Actually, is the rule still valid ah? I know tudungs are the norm today but are civil servants allowed to wear the full face cover for religious reasons?


Niamah!!!