Google AdSense

Friday, March 16, 2012

Friday Funnies

Integrity is our culture, okay? I am anti-corruption. I am part of the 99%

Some of you regular visitors to Niamah!!! have been complaining about my irregular updates of the blog. I must apologise for the tardiness.  It is not that I have become less active in providing some humour in this otherwise fun-less place. It's just that of late I have been more active on Facebook and Twitter. I find them more immediate and more proactive than the blog which is not to say I am going to abandon it la.  Today I thought that since some of your might not bother with FB and/or Twitter that I might copy some of the funnies that I have posted up today for your reading pleasure. Let me know what you think.

Funny #1

Only 1% of Malaysian police personnel involved in corruption says MACC. PHWAAAR!! Damn terror, right? I am sure that thousands of Malaysians must be wondering how and why they always meet this 1% flers! Baarger! 

Funny #2

Tourism Minister, Ng Yen Yen announced that reckless driving and bad attitudes of taxi drivers were the main complaints from tourists. NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!! Really one ah? Maybe it proves that the last time the YB used a taxi was when they were still horse-drawn eh? 

"The problem needs to be addressed," she said. Phwaar! Really meh? Actually, you're not the first minister of tourism who has made that announcement. For want of something to say in the run up to elections. So how is the YB going to resolve the problem with taxi drivers? She announced that they were going to be given a 1-day training program to improve their image and to turn them into tourism ambassadors!!! Of course, the taxi flers will be paid RM100 to attend the program and also be paid RM100 a month as their 'ambassador' pay. Personally, I think there are other more effective ways of improving our taxi services.

1. Improve the traffic conditions so that taxis (and the rest of us) don't have to be stuck in traffic jams. With meters running.

2. Increase the number of NGV filling stations so that the taxi drivers don't have to waste half their rental hours queuing up for gas fill-ups.

3. Break the crony taxi permit monopolies so that taxi owners can make a better living.

4. Set some better standards to govern vehicle quality and meter fares.

I am sure we could go on with suggestions but you won't be listening, YB. So go on. Give us more announcements about what we already know. Terima Kasih, YB!

Funny #3

Maybe I stupid la but this is the way I think things work in any civilised place la. 

I want to get a garbage collection and disposal contract from state government. When there is an opening I tender for the contract. As a garbage collector. This assumes that I have the means and the expertise to perform the job I am tendering for and that if my tender is the lowest then I get the contract. Right? Apparently, not. 
I just read that the Selangor state government is buying 50 trash compactor trucks to rent out to its garbage collecting contractors. Got like that one ah? I give you contract to collect rubbish. You tell me thank you but don't have equipment. Then I buy equipment and rent to you at cheaper than what is available on the market. Everything kao tim. Everybody happy. Yes? Phwaar!!! Like that I osso want. Abaden! Maybe the fler was misquoted la. 



Anonymous said...

mb : " welcome hijau2 improve business in kuantan...i may open a cendol stall ...hahahaha !"

mb : ...stupid...bodol...stupid reporting in chinese papers dat i said burying lynas waste in xxx....stupid STUPID3 ...!

Anonymous said...

Funny lah, yesterday I was just complaining to my neighbour about how long we have not seen MBI (Majlis Berbandaran Ipoh or something like that) clearing clogged drains which we used to have when PKR was around and he said that they never come since the black metallic "took over" as MB.
My neighbour said he went to MBI to complain and they said cannot be because they have awarded the contract to "someone". Which someone they cannot tell us because its none of our business.
We pay for our assessment every year and its none of our business because they didn't clean our drain.

Anonymous said...

The other 99% got contract to collect garbage while driving it with their new garbage vehicles to show the tourist around.


Anonymous said...

The other 99% got contract to collect garbage while driving it with their new garbage vehicles to show the tourist around.


Tiger said...

Er, actually what should be the case is that there should be ZERO PERCENT corrupted cops, right?

Anonymous said...

Dear Patrick,
Funny #3
You open a restaurant and hire a chef. The chef DOES NOT bring his equipment. YOU get all the equipment ready. If the chef cannot perform or damages your equipment, he gets the sack.
If, however, you and the chef conspire to do external catering using the restaurant's resources and pocket the profits without informing the other shareholders, then it is an abuse of the principle.

Thank you.


Anonymous said...

Dear Patrick,

Funny #4

Deputy Information, Communications and Culture Minister Joseph Salang told Dewan Rakyat broadbrand penetration rate in Sarawak has reached 48 percent with subscribership numbering 345,627 users.

Population of Sarawak in 2010 was 2,399,839.

345,627 of 2,399,839 is only 14.4percent calculated using my calculator.

Perhaps the Minister could tell us how he arrived at 48 percent.
Thank you.


Anonymous said...

mbi, hey tell metallic xxx to clean up ipoh garden longkang ... !

Anonymous said...

Keep it coming brother Pat, as many of us do not use or believe in FB.

Do you know that our EC did not study local geography, anyhow change voters address to other states?

I hope to see you act in local chinese movies. You are wasting your talent on those senseless local malay movies that wasted cinema resources with its waji tayang 2 movies a week.

Voter Registration in Spore said...

Voter Registration in Singapore FIVE!
新加坡选民登记~ 5

时间:11am - 3pm
地点:中峇鲁 (Tiong Bahru)

网上预约截至日期为3月24, 如有疑问请电邮



1. 请到 预约, 地点及您的登记时段会在3月23日 (星期五) 电邮通知您。

2. 当天,请携带您的身份证及复印本,准时前来。记得在复印本上划线并写上 “For Voter Registration Only” .

3. 登记前,您可要求注册官出示证件以确定他的身份。确认后,请出示您的身份证,注册官会把您的资料填进Borang A。

4. 请检查并确保Borang A上的资料正确无误,然后签名。注册官也会在Borang A上签名当您的见证人。您会得到一份碳纸拷贝作为收条存底。

5. 注册官随后会把Borang A呈交给选举委员会(SPR)。在您的收条上会印有该注册官的联络电话和选举委员会的网址,您可致电或上网查询。请记得重新检查您网上所有资料以确保无误。一般需等三到六个月(但也有例外)。大选将至,请尽早上网检查。谢谢!

Anonymous said...

the stupid fellow dont how to play the boleh land tender. just quote 10x or even 50x .get a 'contact' to approach the smelly fish head to work a deal ..half half or something.....then after private meeting together go sembayang ..every ok...job ..pergi beli mercedes or audi ....

requirement:all must bumi ok. ! cina babi and keling ..cannot ok.?

Rakyat said...

Damn reporters, misquote gov again! It should read "Only 1% of corrupt police personnel convicted".

Anonymous said...

The retarded Ng Yen Yen paid the big nose Jean Todt to be Tourism Ambassidor for Malaysia .

What have the big Nose done to promote Malaysia after he paid millions ringgit ???

That is really NIAMAH

Anonymous said...

Please share with your reader about sexual desire arouse.

Anonymous said...

freemalaysiakini2 , Delivers The Latest Breaking News And Information For Free....

Anonymous said...

Pleassssssse contintue to post here as I don't use FB or Tw.

Anonymous said...

Tak nak BN!

ABU all the way!

Anonymous said...

It is actually.....`Saya NANTI Rasuah'