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Monday, March 26, 2012

Monday funnies

Smart people kiss as....errr....hands.

It's the start of a new week and a new series of funnies from the MSM dailies. Mainly The Star because it is the only MSM newspaper that I buy as my source of comedy material. My maid also insists that it is the best value for money. She uses old issues for fish and vegetable wrap and The Star has the most pages of any newspaper in town.

Okay, okay...before we start with the Monday funnies I want to share a comment that I received from a Niamah!!! reader this morning. Now, we have all heard stories about our infamous cronyism scandals. The Opposition regularly come out with their expose's. The Barisan Nasional come up with equally credible (?) denials. Etc. etc. etc... but this commenter wraps it up rather nicely I think. He said...

Hishamuddin is Najib's cousin, KJ is Abdullah Badawi's son in law, Mukhriz is Mahathir's son, NFC is Sharizat's family business, Chua Tee Yong (Labis MP) is Chua VCD's son, Mokhzani (Kenchana / SIC Chairman etc) is Mahathir's son, Nasir Razak (Group Managing Director/CEO CIMB) is Najib's brother, S. Vell Paari is our Mr Samy's son... this is cronysim!!!  

Well, it could be cronyism. It could be coincidence. Or it could just be that our political leaders all have very, very talented, entrepreneurial children and relatives.

Okay, now the Monday funnies....

Funny #1

On page N10 of The Star today there is a story headlined "Police force aims high". When I read that I thought straightaway that maybe that's why the police flers always miss the target lor. Aim high ma. So miss the bullseye la. 

Sorry, that was just me trying to be funny. Unsuccessfully, my wife tells me.

(the same story online is headlined "Home safety goes to the next level with vertical policing" which is not much better and equally ambiguous.) 

Funny #2

The next funny is not a piece of news but an advertisement that appeared on page N16 of The Star today. The headline read......

"My auntie got robbed and so was my neighbor. How can we all feel safer?"

My auntie got robbed and so WAS my neighbor? What the hell kind of Engrand is that? Which moronic organisation approved that advertisement?

When I looked further down the ad page I discovered that it was an ad by RTM for one of their TV  programmes.  Then it all became clear. RTM ma. They haven't used English for years.

Funny #3

The Monday Foot In Mouth award must surely go to the MCA prez, Chua Soi Lek. when he told the people, 

"Ask yourself this - have lives been better in states with greater DAP representation since 2008?"

I wonder what answer he expected to hear? Especially speaking in Taiping. So close to Penang. Hahahahaha...sometimes I kill myself.  Sorry ah.

Funny #4

Poor Wee Ka Siong (in case you donch know the fler is deputy minister of education.) His boss makes statements about resolving Chinese teacher shortage and he gets to deal with the shit and get a punch in the face in the process. Wee was heckled and jeered by a 7,000 crowd who had gathered to protest the shortage of Chinese vernacular school teachers. An age old problem. But it was what was reported that Wee said that is so funny.

There is a shortage of Chinese vernacular school teachers so "that is why the Cabinet had formed a committee. I will continue to listen because it is my duty to listen to the community," said Wee.

The problem has been there for 40 years. I wonder now many committees have been formed and how much more listening needs to be done? Funny right? But the funniest bit about this incident comes from the online version of the Star.  The Wee fler had been jeered and boo'd at the fucntion and in the online version of the Star the story was titled, "Wee: I will resign now if it can solve Mandarin teacher issue."  What the fuck???!!! What is this? A school yard fight ah? Mr. Wee, I think you got it a bit wrong la. You and the rest of your flers should all resign because after 40 years you still CAN'T solve shit!!!

Funny #5

The final Monday funny is courtesy of our prime minister, Najib Razak.  In page 2 of The Sun today Najib was reported as saying to some Malaysians in Hulu Langat, "I should be in Sepang to watch the F1 race but Hamilton can wait, Schumacher can wait, the people of Hulu Langat are more important and should be given priority."
PHWAAR!!! Damn good, right? Except that Najib, like so many politicians just does know how to quit while he is ahead.  The prime minister continued that statement by revealing that "Furthermore, Hamilton cannot vote but all of you can vote."  Ahhhh soooo...Thank you, Mr. Prime Minister for giving us priority over those F1 flers. We are so grateful.



Anonymous said...


The Star newspaper always crack me up with their apple polishing reporting of the BN flers. But you make me fall of my chair with your highlights. Keep it up Pat!!

Anonymous said...

education is important!

security is from above!

Anonymous said...

#2 should be like this one : my auntie got robbed and so SAW (not WAS) my neighbor le !!

#4 : 40 tahun langsung tak peduli,
sikalang baru mau kerana akan
cilaka betul cilaka,
mca dan gerakan tausalah harap
dapat diundi-ed !!

2) mca BOSS tak berani pegi,
timbalan mentri makan kucing yang termati;
gilakah atau otak tak sendiri,
keluaga nya mamyak sakit hati !!

cin2tan said...

The WORLD famous inventor of PEN DRIVE is our local Chinese from Chinese Independent School who was rejected by local U so he went to Taiwan !!

He told LGE : " Guan Eng , I'll initially invest 3 million US dollars
in Penang , ok ? "

I have changed to Massimo SO ...SO...
I might shift to PP (with pat ?) .iwc

Tiger said...

I'm a Taiping voter and admittedly, the current MP is not the best one around, but he's miles better than that PPP fella or any BN candidate for that matter.
Come lah, CSL, contest in Taiping lah if you have the cojones.

cin2tan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JR said...

Hi Pat,

Just to answer Chua VCD's question about Pakatan states since I am from Penang.

1. Penang is so much cleaner now.
2. Penang is now developing nicely.
3. There is much less corruption and more accountability.

Therefore - we ARE really suffering!!! Help! I am going into a relapse!!

Anonymous said...

Pls ensure the continuous flow of funny postings in your blog Patrick. I really enjoy them. Postings from your blog are my only source of entertainment and source of vroooom power every morning. Prevents me from getting drown in the stinking shits and vomits overflowing from our local msm.

Anonymous said...

Dear Patrick,
Thanks for all those stories!

Can you please add extra click buttons ?
you have funny, interesting n cool.
Pls add a few
niamah, and speechless!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all those make my day. Can you please add a few more click button? you already have funny, interesting, n cool. Can you plese add niamah and speechless?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all those make my day. Can you please add a few more click button? you already have funny, interesting, n cool. Can you plese add niamah and speechless?

Anonymous said...

Your 2nd last paragraph should read "like so many politicians just doesn't know"

cin2tan said...

( ALL aku perlu buat is CIUM) :-

cium3...cium3 x2 , cium3 wen aku mau lu.,
in my arms wen aku mau lu & all your charm ...
whenever aku mau lu, all aku perlu buat is CIUM !

cium3 bila aku rasa biru,
in the nite & aku mau lu to hold me ketat, whenever aku mau lu , all aku perlu buat is cium !

chorus : aku can make u mine, rasa your lips of wine ...
bila2 , malam atau siang,
only trouble is Gee Whiz,
aku memminpi my life away .....!

aku need u so, that aku could mati, aku cinta lu ....
and dat is why whenever aku mau lu,
ALL aku perlu buat is C-I-U-M !!

Angah Bodot said...

The Star did not report on the frustration of the chinese community in the 325 Rally. Instead, it highlighted the heroics of WKS in telling the community to 'wait long long' as MCA is facing 'technical' issue i.e. kow-towing to the malay-first Education Minister Muyhidin's policy of marginalising chinese education.

Anonymous said...

Cannot understand why BN is intigating the malays to be scared of the Christians:

Anonymous said...

How can MCA command respect and support when you have a pornographic actor as the leader? Chua Soi Lek was caught with his pants down with a female companion and he even had the cheek to say that his biggest mistake was not using a different hotel!

Then we have Liow Tiong Lai who made a fool of himself by defending the police when they sprayed acid water at the crowd seeking shelter at Tung Shin Hospital last year during the Bersih 2.0 rally. He had forgotten that we have something called “you-tubes” and with images clearly captured, you cannot lie anymore. The whole world saw what happened on the streets of Kuala Lumpur on July 9th 2011.

Of course we also have Ng Yen Yen spending the people’s money like it was her grandfather’s. She went on many overseas trips using taxpayer’s monies on the pretext of luring more tourists to our country. Did we see more tourists in our country? Illegal immigrants, yes but foreign tourists, no.

Then recently we have Jessie Ooi marching to the front of the stage and shouting herself hoarse at Lim Guan Eng during a debate between that pornographic actor and the Chief Minister of Penang. That silly act earned her a moniker “Miss Tow Truck” and she was mercilessly grilled by thousands of Facebook users for days.

The latest fiasco saw Wee Ka Siong being booed and jeered at by a crowd of almost 10,000 protesters during a rally in Kajang yesterday. He was later chased away by the organizers and parents who were angry with him for being such an incompetent deputy education minister. The rally was held to demand a solution to the shortage of teachers in Chinese primary schools. I can imagine what a nightmare it was for this crybaby. Thousands of protesters chanted “Resign, resign” at him while Rela men were seen forming a human shield to protect him as he was struggling to leave the place.

黄衣伯 said...


敢敢改变 said...


Anonymous said...

I MAY help you ONLY if you help me first.

Anonymous said...

after the 325 rally ...aku ponder3 :-
I have seen a photo of PM 'bending his esteemed badan, tilting the kelapa...oops...kepala ', smiling & listening to , WOW! not AGONG but, the poor BOSS of cuepec, sitting & looking straight with fingers pointing at something, talking about SSM (saya sayang MONEY), the new salary scheme !!

WHY !!! WHY ??? MENGAPA !?

*pm is very3 takut to lose the soon-coming has to bow for the malay votes of the kakitangans kerajaan lor !!!*

Remember : drmm has said, " 90% of inland revenue comes from the kaum Cina !"

### Hey, CALLING all the nonbumis of mca & gerakan : PLEASE lah let's join force with the 'MORE Chinese-supported' dap (i'm NOT its member at all) that : 'PM shall bend his body & tilt his head + QUIETLY listen' to WHAT & HOW to be 'fair + adil'....OK !? tq.

Anonymous said...

Dear Patrick,
I believe "nepotism" is a better word, as compared to "cronyism", to describe all the examples above.

Anonymous said...

By the way look at the monday back page you would see the person presenting the F1 title. Thought he would give it a miss?

Anonymous said...

patrick, nurul izzah, lim guan eng, gobind singh not crony meh?