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Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday UN-funnie

This is not really the kind of funnies you're used to on Niamah!!! weekends. It's a couple of UN-funnies.

Un-funny #1

In Parliament recently the MP for Sri Gading, Mohamed Aziz, asked, "Can we not consider Ambiga (Sreenevasan) a traitor to the Yang DiPertuan Agong and sentence her to hang." Of course, the shit hit the fan when that was reported. Yesterday, the YB sort of explained that he was merely asking a rhetorical question and he even apologised to the Indians in MIC, the PPP and also the Chinese in MCA. Huh??? What's race got to do with this, YB? You insinuate that a fellow Malaysian has committed treason and called for the ultimate punishment then you apologise to Indians and Chinese but not to the person you accused. What's race got to do with this stupidity, YB? I think you need your head examined.


Today in The Sun there is a story about what can and cannot be staged at auditoriums that are government-runned. Places like Istana Budaya in KL and the P. Ramlee Auditorium in Penang. 

(The Malaysian Insider also carried the story HERE)

According to Penang state director of the Culture and Arts Ministry, Mariam Sulaiman, there is a huge difference between performance arts which involves aesthitic movements and choreography and cultural performances where religious elements were present. These religious rituals include chanting, prayers, reading verses and blessing the stage.

And so auditoriums managed by state culture and arts departments which are under the purview of the Culture and Arts Ministry cannot be used for the latter. 

HUH??? HA??? APA??? 

Performance arts are okay but cultural shows cannot???   HUH???

So Puteri Gunung Ledang - the musical can. 'Cos got choreography, music and some quite aesthetic female bodies prancing around the stage. So can show in Istana Budaya.

But then I seem to remember that there was also a show, cultural or whatnot I don't know la, about the life of Buddha that was staged there, right? So how? Somebody's head going to roll for sure now for approving that show.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

If you don't do Facebook....

Hello there kawan-kawan. You may have noticed that of late I have been more active on Facebook than here at  Some of you have told me that you don't 'do' Facebook or Tweeter. And so as an attempt to keep you all in touch with what I am up to on the Internet I am going to post relevant articles that I write on Facebook here too. Can ah?  Enjoys ok?


Today, there are quite a lot of funnies......

Funny #1

Our dear old comedian-in-residence (resident in Parliament I mean) has come out with a hooter today.
He announced that salt and bottles are dangerous substances. Dangerous enough to topple governments wor. According to the article in The Malaysian Insider, Nazri supposedly said,  

“Don’t underrate salt and bottles. If supported by the public, it can topple governments." 

Phwaaar!!! Damn powerful stuff, right? Salt and bottles can topple governments. I'll bet all those suicide bombers with their virgins up there must be thinking, "Shit! You mean I didn't have to blow myself up?"

Personally, I agree with Nazri. Salt and bottles (of pepper preferably) are powderful stuff. Especially when sprinkled on Condo Beef stakes. Yummmmm!!!

Funny #2

And did you know that the regimes in Egypt, Libya and Tunisia were toppled by HAND PHONES? It's true according to Nazri. How? Ah that one don't know la. Tell us more, YB.

Ha! Now you flers will look at your Samsungs, Nokias, iPhones, HTCs with new respect kan?

Funny #3

But our dear old Nazri must be commended when he said that the BN government "...has an open-door policy towards suggestions by international election watchdogs, even if they are invited here by the Opposition, as the Government is committed towards electoral reform...We are open to whoever that wants to assist in ensuring that elections here are fair and free.We receive them with open arms as the Government, too, wants this..."

Good on you, YB! Sigh. If only comedians can chair cabinet meetings. Oh wait! One already does. Sorry.

Funny #4

And did you hear about Health Minister Liow Tiong Lai's announcement that the government plans to gazette more public areas as NO SMOKING zones? That is great news indeed and very politically-correct too. If only....

If only it had not come so close to the WWW15 debacle. But since it has, a lot of us suspect that all the announcements about No Smoking zones are just...


Hahahahahahaha...sorry ah. 


Thursday, June 07, 2012

My shaky debut at stand-up comedy

On January 22, 2012 I made my standup comedy debut on stage together with 5 masters of the craft. I was the toddling baby of the group. I had a wonderful time. I hope you enjoy watching the video. There is very strong language used so viewer discretion is greatly advised. Material is not suitable for children. On the video my segment appears at 0:33:10. Thank you.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Tuesday funnies

"A scuffle between police personnel and rally goers on April 28"
Best Tuesday photo with inaccurate caption.Photo taken from The Malaysian Insider 05/06/12

Funny #1

How do you dig a deeper hole for yourself after you've shot yourself in the foot? Full instructions HERE

Funny #2

The last thing you would expect to hear from someone who successfully bid RM24,200 for a car registration number when asked who paid for it.......... “not sure, I have to check”
Full explanation for this great strategy HERE

Funny #3

Silliest thing to say after you've shot yourself in the foot and dug your own grave............

“numbers to me are not important what is more important is service to the people ” - Liow Tiong Lai

Funny #4

Silliest thing to say in defense of somebody who's shot himself in the foot and dug his own grave is...........
(the money just went) “from the left hand to the right hand” - Chua Soi Lek
Go here to read details of Chua's brilliance

DEEP thought of the day.............

"Some people are actually above the law and some are far below it, i.e. they don't really get the benefit or the protection of the law." 
- Dr. Mahathir Mohd.

And the final word of the day............


Friday, June 01, 2012

The sad truth about Intolerance

 Chinese drums. Intolerable noise.

This is a true but sad story.

Two school-children, aged 12 and 9, came home and told their father a rather tragic story. About intolerance. In their school environment. The school they attend is situated less than 10 meters away from a large Surau.

The kids were attending extra-curricular activities during the mid year school holidays. In this case they were practicing their Chinese drum routines in their school hall. Together with more than 20 other children. At around 2PM a Muslim lady came and chided the children's drum teacher about being insensitive about "other people's" culture and religion. And didn't they know that there were Muslims in the surau who were performing their prayers? She also said that the drum practices disturbed her afternoon naps. Minutes later a Muslim gentleman came and accosted the drum group for "tak ada otak ke?" for not being sensitive to the Muslims gathered in the surau for Friday prayers. This gent, according to the children, were much less polite than the lady. The 9 year old boy insisted that the man had used a 4-letter word although his sister said she didn't hear it. The man was very angry about having his Friday prayers disturbed by the sound of the Chinese drum class. And his tirade against the drum teacher took place in front of an audience of children aged between 8 and 12 years old. And according to the girl this man kept poking the chest of her drum teacher in his anger to make his point.

Okay, it's may be just a small case of bickering neighbours. But here is the tragically sad part.

Unprompted by any comment from her father the girl asked innocently and without malice, "Papa why are they so angry that we are practising our drums when we don't complain when their surau loudspeakers are turned on really loud and disturb our lessons?"

Where did this happen? In a rural school? In Afghanistan?

No. It happened in Bandar Utama. In the heartland of the Selangor urban middle-class.


The Ugly Singaporean

Some ugliness beneath the glitz.

My brother, Bill has lived and worked in Singapore since the 1950s. He is a Singaporean citizen and proud of it. Most of the time. Recently, an event was reported in the Singapore Straits Times that made Bill say he is ashamed to be Singaporean. Here is what he wrote on his Facebook page...
This week I am really pissed off by 2 events/issues. The 1st is the one where certain Bishan residents objected to the building of a Home for The Elderly near their flats. Their objections border on the absurd but the 1st prize for absurdity goes to the guy who said that he didn't want the "groans" from the old folks to flow into his rooms.CAN you believe THIS? The 2nd prize goes to a group of people who say they want the Govt. to pay for their extra power bills as they will have to switch on the air con all the time as the breeze will be kept out from their flats and also they stand the noise emanate from the Home. This is one time I don't want to be a Singaporean!!! What have Singaporeans BECOME??? I hope these guys will have immortality cos if and when they grow old I wonder who they will "groan" to in their families.
I don't blame him for feeling that way. If I was Singaporean I too would say LOUDLY..........
Or as Singaporeans would probably say........................
Lin Lau Boo!!!