I read in the Sunday papers today that the Sultan of Kelantan has been awarded the Darjah Kerabat Kedah by His Royal Highness the Sultan of Kedah.
Errr....why ah? For what ah? Is the Darjah Kerabat Kedah one of those awards that the royals give to each other just for fun?
First Penang Chief Minister, Lim Guan Eng announces that his people have declared their assets. So as to keep everything transparent and whatnot la. And now today we read that the Chief Justice has announced that soon all judges will also declare their assets to ensure judicial integrity. Okay...but somehow as a Malaysian I am not really so impressed la. Declare la. But I am waiting for people like the Prime Minister, Deputy Prime Minister, that kind of level, to declare their assets for all to see. That would really be a red letter day in our history. I think when that day comes we shall all be convinced that all our politicians' wive, children, relatives etc. are ultra-smart entrepreneurs and are all capable of making billions in profits from their business ventures. What you think? Anyway, like one of the comment-ers said, "You think what? We never heard of proxies ah? Niamah!!!"
The prime minister has announced that he has ordered the DPM and the minister of agriculture to find the best solution for the National Feedlot Centre. Best solution for the NFC? I thought we were more interested in finding out where the RM250millions have gone. No ah? Solution for what? The business has failed. Big time. And now there is suspicion that its failure might have been due to corruption. Come on guys! PRIORITISE LA, OI!
I came across a tweet from Nurul Izzah today which said that she was somewhere handing out Chinese New Year hampers. And of course over the past week there have been so many stories about politicians handing out goodies all over the country. Some ang pows here, some hampers there and some grants at the other place.
Does this sort of thing happen in other countries? Or is it just our Malaysian way of doing things? And if politicians and governments hand out goodies in the run up to elections doesn't that tell the electorate something suspicious about these politicians and governments?
Same rule, I suppose, applies to visits to your hometown by people like the prime minister. Today I read that Najib went on a walkabout, did some exercise routine and had breakfast with the people of Taiping. Phwaaaar!!!
It's Saturday and for want of something better to do I thought I'd look for something funny to post here for your weekend entertainment. Found some good ones too. Enjoy!
Did anyone read the front page of The Sun yesterday? On the right hand column the story was titled:
Sharizat takes leave to let MACC probe.
Hahahaha...I had a good laugh when I read that headline. But I think we're taking this love for sex scandals a little bit far already. No ah? :-) Takes leave to let MACC probe. MACC got big enough...errr...balls or not?
p/s strangely the same story in the online version of The Sun does not carry this headline. I wonder why? Funny what.
It always bemuses me to read about Malaysian royals bestowing awards on their own family or relatives. Like a sultan giving an award to his teenage son. Or some ruler giving a Datuk Sri award to his cousin/sister/uncle/ or to another ruler. Royal or otherwise. What are all these titles and awards for? I am sure that as a Malaysian you have often asked the questions, "Why?" Or if you're really pissed about it, "WAFFOR?" Like can you tell me why one sultan bestows another sultan with an award? The baarger already has all those letters of the alphabet behind his name. 6 or 10 more is going to make his name and title take up almost half the page of the official letterhead.
If you're like me you would probably let out a curse whenever you read those congratulatory advertisements in the newspapers taken out for the latest Datuk Sri or Tan Sri or whatever. It would not be so bad if we, the ordinary tax-paying slobs, get to know what these fuckers are being awarded for. Okay...the fler is a world sports champion. Great. That baarger performed this distinctive service for his community. Wonderful. This latest dato saved a village from the verge of starvation. Or something la. But do we ever get information like that? No! All we read about are these multi-millionaires, contractors, CEOs of MNC's getting awards from this Sultan and that Yang DiPertua etc. Doesn't it piss you off? Come on! And when you read about beer company directors getting datukships, and car marketing company CEO's getting titles from royalty your mind starts to make up its own mind about corruption and things that aren't so royally kosher. Doesn't it? So can we, as ordinary members of the rakyat ask a favour or our royalty and heads of state? When you give out awards to these people can you also spend some time and money on some press statements to tell us what they are being rewarded for? May not even cost you money. Just spread the word online la because as much as Ng Yen Yen might not agree it actually will cost you nothing. It will make us happier to wake up in the morning and discover that we have another couple of dozen dato's and what-nots in our lob-sided sociey. Can Tuanku? Thank you.
Set to become condom king screamed the page 3 headline in The Star today.
Yes Malaysia is set to enter the record books as being the world's biggest manufacturer of condoms. JAIS? JAKIM? How? Can ah?
Look into my eyesssss....trussssssssst me.....trussssssssssst meeeeeeee
Good morning, Malaysia. It's Thursday. And why should a Thursday be any different from any other day here in Malaysia? No reason. It's as comical as any other day.
I'll bet you didn't know the real reason why our Lee Chong Wei could defeat his nemesis Lin Dan in the Korean Open right? Determination? No. Training? Nope. Luck? Nah. Lee Chong Wei's victory over the arrogant Chinese fler was due to.....
I had a good laugh when I read the story in today's Star. (Highlights are mine.)
"The Prime Minister's wife had given some advice to Lee which helped him win the Korea Open on Sunday. Rosmah who spoke to Lee over the phone before the big game against his nemesis Lin Dan, told the 29-year old not to look at Lin's face during the game."
PhwaaaR!!! Another hidden talent of the FLOM.
Recently, some dumb fuckers had used Zakat funds to settle their own legal fees. Today, one of the fuckers came out to say that it is actually quite okay one. Why? Because their actions were taken to "defend the sovereignty and honour of an Islamic institution."
When I read that I also don't know whether to laugh or to cry la. Okay you read the full report from The Malaysian Insider here and then you decide also. Whether to laugh or cry at the whole ridiculousness level our nation has reached.
You must have read about the raids conducted by the Selangor Islamic Affairs Department, JAIS over the New Year weekend that ended with the arrests and charging of a number of Muslim Malaysians for offences related to alcohol consumption and khalwat. And if you are like me, a non-Muslim Malaysian you would have heaved a sigh of resignation and carried on. Such has life in Malaysia developed to be lor. But this morning I almost choked on a piece of my breakfast when I read the news story about the raids. The state executive councillor, Dr. Hasan Ali, in defending the JAIS raids said that 10 people would be charged in the Syariah Court for consuming alchohol. Okay. Muslims must not drink, I know that.
Then he went on to say that 46 others would have to undergo counselling for being present at an outlet that served alcohol!!!
WHAT THE FUCK???!!!
Is he serious? Being present in an outlet that served alcohol osso cannot ah? Then how man? What about the hard-working Muslim Malaysian flers with honest jobs in hotel bars, restaurants, our national airline, golf clubs etc. to earn a decent living for themselves and their families? Must resign is it? Or all request for transfer to the car park pondok? Eh? Wait a minute. Car park osso part of the outlet that serves alcohol what. Which reminds me. Chinese New Year is coming. And we Chinese flers do drink. Especially when the hypermarkets are selling crates of beer at laughingly low prices. Just the other day I went and stocked up on beers for the Chinese New Year and I am quite sure that the young lady at the check-out counter was Muslim. She wore a tudung even. She didn't seem to have a problem being in an outlet that sold alcohol. After all she isn't going to drink it. Okay la. Maybe she is not there anymore. Attending counselling sessions maybe?
I am very glad that I was not born a Muslim Malaysian. Otherwise I sure damn confuse one man.
Got smoke, water, rain all. Damn hard to see, boss.
I was scouring the newspapers for something appropriately funny to use as my first blogpost of 2012. There wasn't anything particularly funny the first couple of days. Then of course, my friend dropped a bombshell about joining Umno. Because he believed in Najib's transformation programmes or something like that. And so I took another day to calm my frazzled nerves and waited until today to share some funnies with you. Just two la actually.
In the Star today is the funniest story of the year. So far. It was reported that the Minister of Home Affairs, Hishammuddin Hussein had said that the organisers of the 901 - Free Anwar Campaign must guarantee that the rally will be peaceful. The police flers have also been very vocal in the media, both trad and alternative, warning people about attending the rally and that they (the police flers) will crack down hard on people attending ... blah blah blah.
Don't you think it's damn funny. The police threatening harsh action against demonstrators and the Home Minister wanting a guarantee from the organisers of the rally?
Things might have changed since I last went to sleep last night but isn't keeping the peace the role of the police? Why is it assumed that demonstrators will be violent? Damn funny kan?
Wait, wait, wait...actually Hishammuddin Hussein must take 2nd place for today's funnies la. His boys in blue are funnier! In The Star it was reported that some police fler in the ongoing investigation into the tear-gas and water cannon shooting incident at Tung Shin Hospital during Bersih 2.0 said that he didn't know that the building his men aimed the water cannon at was a hospital!!! HUH???
To reinforce his own defence Inspector Nor Hisham Razali, the officer in charge of the water cannon truck, also said that the 4 policemen controlling the water cannon truck were from Ipoh! If they are that clueless and from Ipoh how did they find their way to the hospital in the first place? Maybe got GPS in the water cannon truck lor. Then the Nor Hisham fler go and say that their vision in the truck was limited due to the rainy weather and water on the windscreen. Cannot see properly wor.Baarger! Don't have windscreen wipers one meh?