Talk Cock Award

 Alle! These new flers don't know how to do la. Ask me to come back la, bodoh.

And today's Talk Cock Award goes to Dr. Mahathir Mohd., former prime minister of Malaysia and current talk cock champion. And how did he deserve the award today? For this...

Today’s democracy is not democratic. Today’s democracy may be seen as being ruled by the minority and not by majority. We will not accept this. — Mahathir

 Hello doc, for more than 50 years our democracy has been ruled by a minority. And we don't need to detail to you what and who that minority was. And now you're telling us this crap?
Sorry we will not accept this -- patrick teoh, Malaysian

And this..........

A little democracy would be good. Today the minority is so powerful that the majority gives in. They don’t like to do certain things but they are afraid of the minority which can be very violent.

 A "little" democracy is good? What the fuck does that mean? 

"Give the baargers some elections activities, make them believe that we are a practicing democracy. They will be happy and we can continue to screw them." Is that the logic? 

Phwaar! Whatever we may say about you ah, you are one damn good tokkok-er la.

And this too......

"Before, when we were strong, there were not that many challenges. But when people perceive us to be weak, they will make all sorts of demands. This requires more deft handling as compared to before."

More "deft" handling? You mean like Ops Lallang to go along with water cannon and tear gas? You sure must miss the ISA, doc.  Well, I guess you just miss being Prime Minister.

 

NIAMAH!!!

Tuesday funnies

 Funny #1

There is a very funny story in the front page of The Sun today. Did you see it? It says that among the Terms Of Reference (TOR) decided by the independent panel headed by Hanif Omar is the hope that it will establish, among 9 other things, whether allegations of police brutality towards the public and the media are true.

What???!!! Are they blind? Or are they not Internet savvy enough to be able to watch YouTube videos of the event? Establish allegations of police brutality towards the public? Okay la, if the fler had said that they were going to investigate WHY the police acted the way they did I'd buy that. But 'establish allegations' ah? So that means we Malaysian citizens are again accused of being bloody liars la...... hiyoh damn farnieee  la.

Funny #2

The front page of The Sun also carried the story that the Sultan of Johor had paid RM520,000 for the car registration number WWW1. The story also revealed that Health Minister, Liow Tiong Lai paid RM24,200 for WWW15. I don't know about you but I find that rather distasteful. At a time when most Malaysians have been told to tighten belts and whatnot our so-called "leaders" more than show us, and rub our faces in it, that they have money to burn. As a tax-paying citizen it kind of makes you damn TOO LAN (pissed off), right?

Funny #3

When I was in Desaru yesterday there was this Lamborghini parked in the hotel driveway. Being a typical Malaysian I went over to kay-po and look it over. One thing caught my eye. The road tax sticker. It said the road tax on the vehicle was RM0.00!!!
How can ah? What category of Malaysian does not have to pay road tax? Only Royalty, right? But Royalty also do not have to have a car registration number right? But this Lambo had. WWS1***. Maybe it is a car that belongs to Royalty but it was not an "official" royal vehicle. In which case it would have to pay road tax. No? Damn confusing la, this Them and Us system.


NIAMAH!!!

Thursday Funnies

 Petty? What car you drive? 

Don't knock it, okay?

Funny #1

Hahahahaha...this is a damn good one from Najib. For the longest time his detractors have been hammering him about all sorts of things. Not least of which is this thing called FDI or Foreign Direct Investments. FDI fleeing the country la. FDI not coming in anymore la. So yesterday Najib came up with the announcement that Malaysia is "in search of quality FDI" only. He was quoted as saying that Malaysia was looking for "not just any FDI but 'quality' FDI".
Ah soooo...that's why la we don't see a rush of FDI into Malaysia. That's because we pick and choose. Ok now I understand.
Damn! his spin is improving. Full Star story HERE. 

Funny #2

This next funny must surely win the award for Most Tragically Hilarious Statement By A Policitian. 
It was reported today that Sarawak Chief Minister, Taib Mahmud said that he will step down when "the time comes". Don't you find that funny? No? I suppose it isn't that funny if you are Sarawakian la. Sorry ah. Story HERE.

Funny #3

It appears that the man leading the proposed pasar malam protest in front of Amibiga Sreenevasan's home by Jalan TAR petty traders claiming loss of business due to disruptions caused by Bersih 3.0 is not such a 'petty' businessman himself. Jamal Md. Yunus is the owner of a chain of successful restaurants as well as a luxury car dealership.  Just goes to prove that in Malaysia you can go very far by being 'petty'. By the way, Yunus claims that he still owns a stall permit for Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. Roots ma. Read Jamal's 'inspiring' story HERE and be inspired or otherwise.

Funny #4

Oh I almost forgot about this funny from our ever-dependent comedian in the prime ministers department, Nazri Aziz who said, "We are the generation of the sons of the previous leaders. Our thinking is different"

Errr....how? Maybe we should stop having 'sons' of previous leaders in government and try some "new" talent?

NIAMAH!!!

 Guilty! Go directly to JAIL. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200

There is a piece of very scary news on the front page of The Sun today. It is titled "Presumed guilty" and is about the recent amendment (No.2) to the Evidence Act. Doesn't mean anything to you? Not worth bothering about? You could be in for a rude shock. If you have a blog, use Facebook or just have a broadband WiFi account you could land in big trouble.

If "someone posts content said to be offensive on your Facebook wall, or if someone piggybacks your WiFi account and uploads a controversial document, you will be immediately deemed the publisher of the content and subject to prosecution under the relevant laws such as the Sedition Act."

So, say you post an essay of your personal experience at Bersih 3.0 then someone who claims to support you comments in your post that he/she/they think that Najib Razak is a bumbling, corrupt asshole. They can technically come and haul YOUR ass to jail!!! Until you can prove to them that you are innocent of the 'wrongdoing'.

Scared now? You should be.

A) How did they pass this amendment in Parliament without debate? 

B) How did it miss the attention of The Bar Council?

C) How come the Opposition MP's did not protest such a draconian amendment?

A) = Remember that day when Parliament sat right through the night until 3AM? And passed 8 (I think) laws in one day? This amendment was one of them.

B) = They were probably asleep.

C) = -ditto-

And you've been thinking that the Barisan Nasional government has been putting efforts into some sort of 'liberalising' of life in Malaysia? Freedom of expression in Malaysia now has a different meaning. Sure. They can freely say that you are guilty of a crime. Until YOU can prove your innocence. Innocent until proven guilty? Nope. This is not American television. This is life in Malaysia la.

Remember those days when, at mamak stalls discussing or just plain belly-aching about life in Malaysia, you would look over your shoulder first and lower your voice before you mention the name Mahathir? Life could return to those "good" old days. Unless......

You make your voices heard NOW. Call your Member of Parliament and complain. Write in Najib's blog, Facebook page, Twitter page. Write in your Blog, Facebook page, Twitter account that as a Malaysian you, as a Malaysian, are NOT happy about the amendment to the Evidence Act.

Tell them............

NIAMAH!!! 

I'm mad as Hell and I won't take it anymore!!!  - Network (1976)

Tuesday Funny

We've all heard and read about those burger-selling protestors who staged a demonstration (no, not burger flipping) in front of the home of Ambiga Srineevasan, the co-chairperson of Bersih 3.0

Today, Malaysians awoke to read about another tragically hilarious demonstration in front of Ambiga's home.  This time by a group of retired soldiers or veterans as they would like to be known. This group of veterans chose a rather unique way of protesting against who they claim was someone who had smeared the nation's good name .  They brought along a few manila cards with some protest or other written in Malay. But their main thrust was to perform some sort of buttocks exercise. With butts facing Ambiga's house of course.

I don't know about you but I think this has to be the most sorry-assed (sorry!) demonstration of childishness I have seen so far since the reactions to Bersih 3.0 began.

NIAMAH!!!

If it didn't work try it again somewhere else...

 Got meh? Gerakan and BN took away Penang's Free Port status in the first place meh? 

I dinch know osso.

Remember Najib's famous 'you help me, I help you' speech in Sibu? That was when he offered RM5million to resolve the flood problems of Rajang Park. And of course we all know what happened after he made that speech. I think Najib is still trying to wipe that egg off his face. And you would think that the speech-writers in Barisan Nasional would have learned a lesson. But it is quite apparent they and their masters have not learned anything at all.   I have cut and pasted an article from The Star today which illustrates this point of BN's seemingly mindless arrogance. You read and decide if that's true.

GEORGE TOWN: Barisan Nasional wants to restore Penang's free port status as part of a “comprehensive development framework” to make the services industry an engine of growth for the state.

State Barisan chief Teng Chang Yeow said it was part of a detailed “alternative blue print” for the state's future development.

“Our plan is to narrow the development gap between the island and mainland.The services sector will be the new engine of growth for the island, which should be developed as an international tourism hub in the fields of medicine, entertainment, sports and education. This will result in more job opportunities and higher incomes. To do this, we need to be a free port and if Barisan forms the state government we will work towards restoring the status,” he said at a press conference here yesterday.

Teng said Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak was “positive and ready to look into it”.

He said Barisan also planned to develop the mainland into an international monetary centre, innovation dynamo park and modern aquaculture centre. He said the proposed “people-centric” plan included infrastructure and public amenity projects. Denying that the development plan was announced to fish for votes with the general election looming, Teng said it was no different from Pakatan Rakyat tabling the Local Government Elections (Penang Island and Province Wellesley) 2012 Bill four years after coming into power.

“Of course, we cannot do this (implement the plan) overnight because there are various technical and legal aspects to be considered and we need to see whether we have the people's support. To implement such a development, we need to be the state government and we will need federal backing,” he added.

(The highlights are mine and the rest of the Star article is HERE)

Niamah!!!

Monday funny

 

What offence? If you want to sit in front of her house without disrupting other people there is no offence - Deputy Inspector-General of Police. Ya the fler in the photo there.

This has to be the best Funny of the day. It kinda rounds off the first day of the week quite nicely. Enjoys!.....................

Now 500 traders claiming to belong to the Malaysia Small and Medium Entrepreneurs Alliance (Ikhlas) plan to have 500 traders demonstrate outside Ambiga's house. They claim that Bersih 3.0 had disrupted their business.

And the Deputy Inspector-General of Police says that the police will not take action against the group that demonstrated on Thursday and I suppose also the group that plans to demonstrate on May 24. Why? Because those flers have committed no offence it seems.

“What offence If you want to sit in front of her house without disrupting other people there is no offence “As long as they don’t commit any offence such as trespassing on private property we will not take action ”

Hello Tan Sri, Datuk, Sergeant, Corporal or whatever you are......What if they all set up stalls to sell burgers and air bandung and jagung. Can or not? 500 flers wor. That would constitute a pasar malam (or pasar siang whichever the case may be) wouldn't it? Then they have to get permit right?

Then as if to make sure that all Malaysians regardless of race or creed felt his Deputy IGP kick to their collective balls, this police baarger said that under the recently-enforced Peaceful Assembly Act all parties should be allowed to conduct peaceful gatherings.

Pain or not that kick in the balls?
Oh in case you want to know the name of this latest addition to the Malaysian comedy troupe his name is Khalid Abu Bakar. He is the Deputy Inspector-General of Police. Now that's another kick to your balls. Pain?

NIAMAH!!!

 (full Malaysian Insider story HERE)

And the award goes to......

 Ha! See? They will hold your balls like this. Just like Francis and Alphonso. We all BN ah? We all sikit lembut a bit. Better.

And the "So What? Proves I Know My History" award goes to...Nor Mohd Yakop, the minister in the PM's department for saying,

"Malaysia will revert to 1511 if Opposition wins"

He also said that the country will return to the times of Francis Light and Alphonso de Albuquergue as the Opposition did not have the capability to pursue the Bumiputra agenda.

Phwaaaaaar!!! See how smart the YB is? Lead off with 1511 the year of the Portugese invasion of Malacca. Then, since Penang is under the Opposition slip in the name of Francis Light, the English fler who colonised Pinang. Damn good la this fler.  And then he signs off with one terror statement about the Malays in Penang being neglected. After all, he is the MP for Tasek Glugor.

By the way, for the benefit of us non-Bumi's what IS the Bumiputra agenda? At the expense of non-Bumiputras? Can please tell us? Thank you.

NIAMAH!!!

Another funny

Last night, Friday 11 May, 2012 2 big events took place. Comedian, Russel Peters performed to a sell-out audience in one stadium. And Umno celebrated its 66th Anniversary with a huge rally at another stadium.

I was not at either but I am sure Russel Peters made his audience do the one thing that they attended the show for. Laugh. But over at the Umno rally, our prime minister, Najib Razak performed some good stand-up comedy too. At least according to this report in The Star today.

You read the section of the report and then decide who is funnier. Peters or our prime minister. Highlights are mine la.


The party president offered seven reasons why people should support Barisan in the election.

Among the reasons were that Barisan could be trusted and had delivered on its promises, only the coalition could promise that tomorrow would be better than today and it respected the Constitution, rule of law, sanctity of Islam, Malay rulers and the rights of all races.

Most of all, Barisan can guarantee unity and harmony in the country.

Hahahahahah...and how much did you flers pay to watch Russel Peters?  I had this comedy free on TV.

Have a nice weekend.

NIAMAH!!!

Okay I found the Bernama story which lists all the 7 reasons. A word of caution. This could spoil your Sunday. Reader discretion is advised.

Najib Lays Out Seven Principles To Guide The People In Making Their Choice
In The 13th General Election

May 12, 2012 01:21 AM

KUALA LUMPUR, May 12 (Bernama) -- Prime Minister Datuk
Seri Najib Tun Razak layed out seven principles to guide the people in
making their assessment and consideration for the coming 13th general
election (GE).

Najib, who is also Umno president, said the principles
were formulated based on the almost seven decades of Umno's contributions to
the country.

"I want to lay out seven principles which can help us to
make an assessment and consideration. Firstly, between the Barisan Nasional
(BN) and the opposition, which has the leadership that is trustworthy and
keeps its promises? Who does everything? Barisan Nasional!"

"Besides that, of the 22 promises made by the
opposition...most of them are not fulfilled in Selangor. Who failed to
manage the water issue. There is a whole lot more where they failed.

"Secondly, we have to determine that tomorrow will be
better than today. Between BN and the opposition, who one can assure that
Malaysians will be much much better off tomorrow than today," he said at
Umno's 66th anniversary celebration at the at the National Stadium in Bukit
Jalil here Friday night.

Najib said the people should also be able to evaluate
which side was capable of preserving the supremacy of the constitution, the
sovereignty of the country, laws, the sanctity of Islam and the Malay
rulers, as welL as the rights of other races in the country.

The fourth principle, he said, was the people should be
able to make a choice, between the BN and the opposition, of the party which
was capable of managing the country's economy.

"The fifth, who can preserve harmony in the country. The
sixth, who can bring systematic changes and reforms? Who brings about the
country's transformation?," he said.

The last principle, said the prime minister, was that the
people should be able to choose the party which could preserve the country's
harmony to enable Malaysia to achieve the status of a high income country.

With the people gripped by election fever, Najib quipped
that he wanted to seek an audience with the Yang di-Pertuan Agong tomorrow.
Najib added that tonight's gathering was proof of the increasing support of
the Malays for Umno and BN.

"On this fateful and historic night, let this stadium be
the witness to our gathering of the high-spirited and confident Malays. Who
said the support of the Malays for Umno has dwindled.

"Today, we bear witness to the increasing support. I want
to know, if the constitutional rights of the Malays and Islam are
threatened, institution of the state undermined...who comes forward to
defend if not Umno," he said.

The prime minister further urged the people to preserve
the harmony in the country and not to allow it to be destroyed.

-- BERNAMA 

Friday funnies

 Malaysia is very safe. Millions of Indonesians can't be wrong.

This weekend is turning out to be a really hilarious one. So many laughs in the media that it makes the PJLA's Laugh Fest look like a wake. Personally, I am having a tough time deciding which story takes the top spot as the most ridiculously Funny of the week. You judge for yourself. The front-runners are these first two...

Funny #1

The Malaysian Insider headline:-

Rais denies Malaysia unsafe, says millions of Indonesians happy.


Okay la. It turns out that Rais was defending our country when Indonesian human rights activists had alleged that Malaysia is the "most unsafe" destination for their migrant workers. He even tweeted this...

"Malaysia not safe say Irene Fernandez n some Indonesian NGOs but millions are here happy n thousands still coming"

Damn funny right? Especially in the light of what's been happening lately. The abduction of the Nayati boy. The alleged police brutality during Bersih 3.0 and the rising feeling among many Malaysians that they do not feel so safe.  But Rais great insights have to battle with another story for the spot of Best Funny of the Week.

Funny #2

Former IGP to head Bersih 3.0 independent panel

It was reported by The Malaysian Insider on Wednesday that former Inspector-General of Police, Hanif Omar had been appointed chairman of an INDEPENDENT panel to investigate allegations of police violence against journalists and other participants of last month’s Bersih 3.0 rally. Of course, it is common knowledge that this "independent" chairman of the panel had earlier disclosed that he thinks Communist elements had infiltrated Bersih 3.0 And that the Bersih 3.0 rally's aim was to topple the government. But there is more. As if in an effort to clinch the award of Niamah!!! funny man of the week title, Hanif also later said he will be fair and impartial in heading Putrajaya’s independent panel.

Damn funny, right?

And then there are some contenders bringing up the rear end of this week's race for the top Funny la.

Funny #3

Najib: Selangor's success by BN, not Pakatan

Our prime minister said that all the success that the Selangor state government has been so proudly trumpeting is the result of Barisan Nasional's work in the past. "How can so much success take place in the short time the state has been ruled by Pakatan. Tak boleh! We did all the work and now they take the credit pula. Tak baik." Or something to that effect la.

But if Selangor under BN was so good then why did the people vote BN out? Selangor has been ruled by BN for so many years so the people should be very happy with all the success the prime minister is talking about, right? Okay, sir. I will be waiting to hear, sooner or later, someone telling us Selangor flers to be patient and give BN a chance and that sort of stuff. Ho-hum!

Funny #4

Umno vice-president Datuk Seri Dr Ahmad Zahid Hamidi said religion should not be made a tool to ensure the people would continue to support the leadership of a political party.

Huh???!!! An Umno vice-president and Barisan Nasional cabinet minister telling us that? Don't know about you but I am feeling great pain in my balls la.

NIAMAH!!!