Niamah!!!

GONG XI FA CAI

2012-01-21T18:27:00.000+08:00

(Dragon made by Mama Min at mamamin.com)

WISHING EVERYONE

GONG XI FA CAI

HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR OF THE DRAGON

STAY SAFE, BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY.

AND PROSPERITY FOR ALL!

Sunday funnies

2012-01-15T14:29:00.002+08:00

Funny #1

I read in the Sunday papers today that the Sultan of Kelantan has been awarded the Darjah Kerabat Kedah by His Royal Highness the Sultan of Kedah.

Errr....why ah? For what ah? Is the Darjah Kerabat Kedah one of those awards that the royals give to each other just for fun?

Funny #2

First Penang Chief Minister, Lim Guan Eng announces that his people have declared their assets. So as to keep everything transparent and whatnot la. And now today we read that the Chief Justice has announced that soon all judges will also declare their assets to ensure judicial integrity. Okay...but somehow as a Malaysian I am not really so impressed la. Declare la. But I am waiting for people like the Prime Minister, Deputy Prime Minister, that kind of level, to declare their assets for all to see. That would really be a red letter day in our history. I think when that day comes we shall all be convinced that all our politicians' wive, children, relatives etc. are ultra-smart entrepreneurs and are all capable of making billions in profits from their business ventures. What you think? Anyway, like one of the comment-ers said, "You think what? We never heard of proxies ah? Niamah!!!"

Funny #3

The prime minister has announced that he has ordered the DPM and the minister of agriculture to find the best solution for the National Feedlot Centre. Best solution for the NFC? I thought we were more interested in finding out where the RM250millions have gone. No ah? Solution for what? The business has failed. Big time. And now there is suspicion that its failure might have been due to corruption. Come on guys! PRIORITISE LA, OI!

Funny #4

I came across a tweet from Nurul Izzah today which said that she was somewhere handing out Chinese New Year hampers. And of course over the past week there have been so many stories about politicians handing out goodies all over the country. Some ang pows here, some hampers there and some grants at the other place.

Does this sort of thing happen in other countries? Or is it just our Malaysian way of doing things? And if politicians and governments hand out goodies in the run up to elections doesn't that tell the electorate something suspicious about these politicians and governments?

Same rule, I suppose, applies to visits to your hometown by people like the prime minister. Today I read that Najib went on a walkabout, did some exercise routine and had breakfast with the people of Taiping. Phwaaaar!!!

NIAMAH!!!

Happy Ponggal

2012-01-15T13:33:00.002+08:00

To all our Tamil friends in Malaysia and all over the world...

HAPPY PONGGAL!!!

Titles anyone?

2012-01-14T15:50:00.002+08:00

Want to probe issit? You big enough you come la!

It's Saturday and for want of something better to do I thought I'd look for something funny to post here for your weekend entertainment. Found some good ones too. Enjoy!

Funny #1

Did anyone read the front page of The Sun yesterday? On the right hand column the story was titled:

Sharizat takes leave to let MACC probe.

Hahahaha...I had a good laugh when I read that headline. But I think we're taking this love for sex scandals a little bit far already. No ah? :-) Takes leave to let MACC probe. MACC got big enough...errr...balls or not?

p/s strangely the same story in the online version of The Sun does not carry this headline. I wonder why? Funny what.

Funny#2

It always bemuses me to read about Malaysian royals bestowing awards on their own family or relatives. Like a sultan giving an award to his teenage son. Or some ruler giving a Datuk Sri award to his cousin/sister/uncle/ or to another ruler. Royal or otherwise. What are all these titles and awards for? I am sure that as a Malaysian you have often asked the questions, "Why?" Or if you're really pissed about it, "WAFFOR?" Like can you tell me why one sultan bestows another sultan with an award? The baarger already has all those letters of the alphabet behind his name. 6 or 10 more is going to make his name and title take up almost half the page of the official letterhead.

If you're like me you would probably let out a curse whenever you read those congratulatory advertisements in the newspapers taken out for the latest Datuk Sri or Tan Sri or whatever. It would not be so bad if we, the ordinary tax-paying slobs, get to know what these fuckers are being awarded for. Okay...the fler is a world sports champion. Great. That baarger performed this distinctive service for his community. Wonderful. This latest dato saved a village from the verge of starvation. Or something la. But do we ever get information like that? No! All we read about are these multi-millionaires, contractors, CEOs of MNC's getting awards from this Sultan and that Yang DiPertua etc. Doesn't it piss you off? Come on! And when you read about beer company directors getting datukships, and car marketing company CEO's getting titles from royalty your mind starts to make up its own mind about corruption and things that aren't so royally kosher. Doesn't it? So can we, as ordinary members of the rakyat ask a favour or our royalty and heads of state? When you give out awards to these people can you also spend some time and money on some press statements to tell us what they are being rewarded for? May not even cost you money. Just spread the word online la because as much as Ng Yen Yen might not agree it actually will cost you nothing. It will make us happier to wake up in the morning and discover that we have another couple of dozen dato's and what-nots in our lob-sided sociey. Can Tuanku? Thank you.

Funny#3

Set to become condom king screamed the page 3 headline in The Star today.

Yes Malaysia is set to enter the record books as being the world's biggest manufacturer of condoms. JAIS? JAKIM? How? Can ah?

Have a good weekend.

NIAMAH!!!

Thursday Funnies

2012-01-12T11:52:00.000+08:00

Look into my eyesssss....trussssssssst me.....trussssssssssst meeeeeeee

Good morning, Malaysia. It's Thursday. And why should a Thursday be any different from any other day here in Malaysia? No reason. It's as comical as any other day.

Funny#1

I'll bet you didn't know the real reason why our Lee Chong Wei could defeat his nemesis Lin Dan in the Korean Open right? Determination? No. Training? Nope. Luck? Nah. Lee Chong Wei's victory over the arrogant Chinese fler was due to.....

Rosmah Mansor!!!

I had a good laugh when I read the story in today's Star. (Highlights are mine.)

"The Prime Minister's wife had given some advice to Lee which helped him win the Korea Open on Sunday. Rosmah who spoke to Lee over the phone before the big game against his nemesis Lin Dan, told the 29-year old not to look at Lin's face during the game."

PhwaaaR!!! Another hidden talent of the FLOM.

Funny#2

Recently, some dumb fuckers had used Zakat funds to settle their own legal fees. Today, one of the fuckers came out to say that it is actually quite okay one. Why? Because their actions were taken to "defend the sovereignty and honour of an Islamic institution."

When I read that I also don't know whether to laugh or to cry la. Okay you read the full report from The Malaysian Insider here and then you decide also. Whether to laugh or cry at the whole ridiculousness level our nation has reached.

NIAMAH!!!

Job Vacancy Advert

2012-01-09T13:45:00.002+08:00

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Huh? Say What???!!!

2012-01-06T12:19:00.002+08:00

Root beer ah? Hmmm...I think osso cannot la. Beer haram kan?

You must have read about the raids conducted by the Selangor Islamic Affairs Department, JAIS over the New Year weekend that ended with the arrests and charging of a number of Muslim Malaysians for offences related to alcohol consumption and khalwat. And if you are like me, a non-Muslim Malaysian you would have heaved a sigh of resignation and carried on. Such has life in Malaysia developed to be lor. But this morning I almost choked on a piece of my breakfast when I read the news story about the raids. The state executive councillor, Dr. Hasan Ali, in defending the JAIS raids said that 10 people would be charged in the Syariah Court for consuming alchohol. Okay. Muslims must not drink, I know that.

Then he went on to say that 46 others would have to undergo counselling for being present at an outlet that served alcohol!!!

WHAT THE FUCK???!!!

Is he serious? Being present in an outlet that served alcohol osso cannot ah? Then how man? What about the hard-working Muslim Malaysian flers with honest jobs in hotel bars, restaurants, our national airline, golf clubs etc. to earn a decent living for themselves and their families? Must resign is it? Or all request for transfer to the car park pondok? Eh? Wait a minute. Car park osso part of the outlet that serves alcohol what. Which reminds me. Chinese New Year is coming. And we Chinese flers do drink. Especially when the hypermarkets are selling crates of beer at laughingly low prices. Just the other day I went and stocked up on beers for the Chinese New Year and I am quite sure that the young lady at the check-out counter was Muslim. She wore a tudung even. She didn't seem to have a problem being in an outlet that sold alcohol. After all she isn't going to drink it. Okay la. Maybe she is not there anymore. Attending counselling sessions maybe?

I am very glad that I was not born a Muslim Malaysian. Otherwise I sure damn confuse one man.

NIAMAH!!!

On the 4th day of New Year my garmen gave to me...

2012-01-04T21:47:00.001+08:00

Got smoke, water, rain all. Damn hard to see, boss.

I was scouring the newspapers for something appropriately funny to use as my first blogpost of 2012. There wasn't anything particularly funny the first couple of days. Then of course, my friend dropped a bombshell about joining Umno. Because he believed in Najib's transformation programmes or something like that. And so I took another day to calm my frazzled nerves and waited until today to share some funnies with you. Just two la actually.

In the Star today is the funniest story of the year. So far. It was reported that the Minister of Home Affairs, Hishammuddin Hussein had said that the organisers of the 901 - Free Anwar Campaign must guarantee that the rally will be peaceful. The police flers have also been very vocal in the media, both trad and alternative, warning people about attending the rally and that they (the police flers) will crack down hard on people attending ... blah blah blah.

Don't you think it's damn funny. The police threatening harsh action against demonstrators and the Home Minister wanting a guarantee from the organisers of the rally?

Things might have changed since I last went to sleep last night but isn't keeping the peace the role of the police? Why is it assumed that demonstrators will be violent? Damn funny kan?

Wait, wait, wait...actually Hishammuddin Hussein must take 2nd place for today's funnies la. His boys in blue are funnier! In The Star it was reported that some police fler in the ongoing investigation into the tear-gas and water cannon shooting incident at Tung Shin Hospital during Bersih 2.0 said that he didn't know that the building his men aimed the water cannon at was a hospital!!! HUH???

To reinforce his own defence Inspector Nor Hisham Razali, the officer in charge of the water cannon truck, also said that the 4 policemen controlling the water cannon truck were from Ipoh! If they are that clueless and from Ipoh how did they find their way to the hospital in the first place? Maybe got GPS in the water cannon truck lor. Then the Nor Hisham fler go and say that their vision in the truck was limited due to the rainy weather and water on the windscreen. Cannot see properly wor. Baarger! Don't have windscreen wipers one meh?

I tell you ah, these flers damn funny la.

NIAMAH!!!

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T11:56:00.001+08:00

Here's wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!!

Have a safe, happy, productive, healthy and prosperous
2012

Sick And Twisted - a stand up comedy event. Coming soon!

2011-12-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

January 12, 2012. 8PM

Black Box, Publika MAP KL,

Solaris Dutamas

Tickets RM25.00

Bookings: http//eshop.mongooseasia.com

MamaMin Pineapple Tarts

2011-12-22T15:07:00.000+08:00

Delicious MamaMin PINEAPPLE TARTS now available.

RM28 per box.

Free taste available at:-

MamaMin Bake Studio

PL32, Perdana Shopping Mall,

Jalan PJU8/1,

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Tel: 03-77286262

www.mamamin.com

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2011-12-21T15:02:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

HAVE A BLESSED, SAFE HOLIDAY

AND MAY BLESSINGS OF A MILLION PRAYERS SHOWER UPON YOU AND YOURS

(Niamah!!! will be in hibernation until 2012. Well, unless something really Niamah!!! happens along.)

How much more control?

2011-12-13T15:18:00.000+08:00

We want to control......everything.

Ya! Kami sapu everything la. Terima kasih.

For years we have been listening to BN politicians sowing the seeds of fear among Malaysians about how Malays need to maintain control in order to safeguard the rights and privileges of the Malays and Bumiputras. The Malays, on bad days, go ape-shit when they hear stuff like that. Or at least that is what the mainstream media would have them believe whenever they report on BN electioneering. I think we all should take a deep breath and educate ourselves about what the situation really is.

I found this essay by Zaid Ibrahim online. Okay, okay so a lot of you are going to say, "What???!!! Zaid Ibrahim? Isn't he the guy who ... (add your own impressions of the man here)" Whatever you may think of the man's politics I think this article contains some very relevant information for ALL Malaysians to think about. Read it.

When Khir Toyo gave his undivided support for the 1 Melayu 1 Bumi idea, he asked what was wrong with it. Many things are wrong with it. Firstly, if the idea is that we need a movement to “unify” all Malays and Bumiputera under one political party (which is UMNO, presumably) it will not happen; not now, not ever. Malays are not sheep that will follow the likes of Ibrahim Ali and Khir Toyo without thinking.
There have been Malay leaders in UMNO who have tried since Merdeka to get this kind of narrow racial unity going, but to no avail. Indeed, they came up with their idea of “unity” not because they genuinely cared about the welfare of the Malays; but to sustain their race-based party which is the only political model they know. They are not prepared to change. They are not prepared to meet thechanging world with honest courage. They are not brave enough to admit that their model of “unity” does not work. So, when the Malays support or join other parties,these politicians will cry wolf and create fear with race and religion. In the words of Khir Toyo: “For the Malay people themselves, the voting pattern of the Chinese and the policy of the DAP, which seems to be anti-everything that involves the interests of the Bumiputera and the religion of Islam, are clear indicators that there already is a wave that wants to empower the Chinese race in politics after they have taken control of the economy.”
What control? What power?

What leaders like Khir Toyo and Ibrahim Ali fail to understand is that political power is not everything. Even without this recent “unity call”, the Malays are already in complete political control. More than two-thirds of the Cabinet is Malay. Even the Barisan Nasional is just a coalition in name, and the way the Government does things shows that UMNO is not “first amongst equals” but, simply, “first”. And this happens not just in the Federal Government: more than two-thirds of Parliamentarians are Malay or Bumiputera. The Sultans are Malay. All except one of the Menteri Besar and Chief Ministers are Malay-Bumiputera. Eighty-five percent of the Civil Service are Malay, including the diplomatic corps and the educational and judicial services. The Armed Forces and Police are composed primarily of Malays. Rela members are mostly Malay.

And what about the claim that the Chinese are in sole control of the economy? Have Khir Toyo and Ibrahim Ali forgotten about Government-Linked Companies (GLCs) such as Maybank, PETRONAS, Telekom Malaysia, TNB, Khazanah Nasional, PNB, Media Prima, Felda, Sime Darby, and many others, the vast majority of which are owned by the Government and managed by Malay-Bumiputera? The G-20 group of largest listed GLCs alone possess RM353 billion (around half) of the market capitalisation of the entire Bursa Malaysia and owned by GLCs controlled by UMNOputra. NEP asked for 30 %
Are we to believe that, despite all this, the Malays and Bumiputera are still not in power? What more control do people like Khir Toyo want?
We Malays do not need to control more than what we already have. Instead, we need to have a competitive spirit coupled with the right work attitudes and values. Individuals, not corporations, need more capital and know-how. We need to harness our entrepreneurial spirit. We need to have the right educational options so that we understand the history of our nation properly—so we understand the meaning of democracy, rights and freedom. Then, and only then,will we learn to be at peace with others in the country and face the changes taking place around us.
None of these things requires us to have more control over anything other than our own abilities. In fact, the kind of “control” that Khir Toyo wants is partly the cause of the dependency syndrome amongst the Malays, which encourages us to feel that we are entitled to special treatment all the time.
To look at it from the another perspective: if people like Khir Toyo and Ibrahim Ali were right, and control is indeed central to the advancement of the Malays, then surely the Malays would have grown very advanced in education technology and finance after all these years of control. So, if Malays remain poor and uncompetitive today—if we still lack capital and business opportunities—then it is the duty of responsible political leaders to identify the real root causes of these deficiencies.

Can Khir Toyo and others like him explain to the Malays what can be achieved in this regard if, say, PAS joined UMNO? What benefits will Malay political unity bring to the education system? What reforms will it bring for a better administration of the country?Will there be less corruption if there is more Malay control than there already is?
No, because the lack of Malay unity and political control is not the root cause of these problems. It is not even remotely related to these problems at all. In fact, if there were more of the control that Khir Toyo and his kind want, there will be more of the dependency syndrome, more insecurity, more feelings of entitlement without having to strive for anything through education and honest work.
These so-called “leaders” must stop crying wolf and start looking at ways to help improve what is clearly a terrible situation. They must help the Malays and Bumiputera identify opportunities and make best use of them according to their abilities, and if these abilities are not enough, then these leaders must help improve them. They must help students get a better education and skills through better teachers and lecturers.
It is straightforward, but it requires hard work and not empty rhetoric. The call for “control” and “unity” does nothing except sweep the need for real work under the carpet.
The real enemies of the Malays are ignorance and lack of knowledge. Those leaders who demand “unity” and “control” should look in the mirror and ask: “Is this really the best I can do for my people?”
Zaid Ibrahim

Racism?

2011-12-02T14:04:00.003+08:00

Prime Minister, Najib Razak has categorically denied that Umno is not racist. Well, maybe that is not 100% true la. The following document is very long and is definitely racist. So reader discretion is strongly advised.

(The document was prepared for briefing at: US House Committee on Foreign Affairs, US State Department, Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission. There is a link to a mention of this paper on the website of the Centre for Policy Initiatives HERE)

(CPI Asia, the body that presented the brief is formed locally by Dr. Lim Teck Ghee, the office is located in 1, Jalan Maharajalela, 50150 Kuala Lumpur - Kim Tan on FB)

Also, it comes with my apologies that it was cut and pasted from a pdf document I received (I don't know how to do it a better way) so the formatting is a little screwed up.

Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia

Institutional racism is the process by which people from ethnic minorities are systematically discriminated against by a range of public and private bodies. If the result or outcome of established laws, customs or practices is racially discriminatory, then institutional racism can be said to have occurred.
Dr.Benjamin Bowling
(Professor of Criminology & Criminal Justice and Director of Criminological studies in the School of Law, King's College London.)
In this paper we postulate that Malaysia has all the hallmarks of a racist and religious extreme state on the following foundation;
a) The Federal Constitution basically establishes 2 classes of citizens, vide Article 153, the root of the racist system.
b) The State sanctions racist and religious extreme laws and policies
c) The State controls the Government Administration through one racial and religious group
d) The State channels most funds for economic/education/social development programs and licenses, permits etc., to one race
e) The State controls Religious freedom to the disadvantage of non-Muslims, imposes of Muslim religious laws on non- Muslims and extends the jurisdiction of the Syaria Courts onto non-Muslims.
f) The State sponsors violence and threats of violence both directly and indirectly (outsourced) on the citizens to create fear among the non-Malay non-Muslims.
g) The State sanctions draconian, punitive laws and gives blank cheques to the Police to make arbitrary arrests of dissenters.
h) The State explicitly and implicitly declares that the Malays are the masters (Malay Supremacy) and the sons of soil.
Ethnic composition of Malaysia : Malays 53.3%, Chinese 26.0%, indigenous 11.8%, Indians 7.7%, others 1.2%. Religions: Islam (60.4%), Buddhism (19.2%), Christianity (9.1%), Hinduism (6.3%), other/none (5.0%). - US Department of State 2011
In the Federal Constitution of Malaysia, a Malay is one who is defined as one who is a Muslim, speaks the Malay language and habitually practices Malay culture, customs and traditions.
In reality as long as a person is a Muslim he can be a Malay, even an illegal immigrant and a foreigner who is a Muslim can be Malay.
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
2
Non-Muslims represent approximately 40 % of the population ¡V approximately 12.5 million people and include Buddhists, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs and nature worshipping communities. The Indian population and other non-Malay and native races are clearly a minority community.
The treatment received by the minorities in Malaysia relating to public and private bodies clearly establishes that Institutional racism is occurring in Malaysia.
Malaysia is not that bubbling, bustling melting pot of races. In reality it is a country based on a subtle, pervasive and increasingly aggressive form of racism1.
The conflict that lies just below the artificial calm, is so well concealed, that someone with not more than a cursory knowledge Malaysia will find it hard to believe that there exists anything significant otherwise . The current discourse holds that even what is termed racism here is no more than an outcome of a failing and incompetent bureaucracy. Everything else is just affirmative action.
The various state policies have been creatively crafted and carved into a jigsaw of a reinforcing racist system.The state system operates with the protection of official secrecy and a tight hold on the various apparatus of the state that whosoever dares to cross the line runs the risk of detention and malicious prosecution. This effectively renders the phenomenon of racism in Malaysia opaque and gives racism in Malaysia its uniquely Malaysian flavor.
The Malay supremacy or Malay dominance narrative holds that the Malay people are the tuan (masters) of Malaysia and the Chinese and the Indians, who form a significant minority are beholden to them for granting them citizenship. In return for which the special position of the Malays as set out in Article 153 of the Malaysian Constitution is freely interpreted to mean special privileges ¡V no holds barred. The Article was initially intended to be reviewed 15 years after independence (1957), however it has become a permanent feature. In subsequent amendments to the Constitutions, Article 153 was entrenched further which requires the consent of the Malay Rulers before it could be amended. Article 153 is a deep-rooted racist provision in the Constitution which sanctions implementation of all racist policies in Malaysia to the disadvantage of the minority non-Malay/Muslim population. Questioning any matter, rights, status, privilege etc of Article 153 is considered a challenge to the Malay Supremacy, insulting the Royal Institution and Islam. It is also deemed a threat to National Security, an offence under the Internal Security Act which gives powers of arrest for unlimited period without trial and under the Sedition Act which provides for imprisonment between 3-5 years. The current Prime Minister and Cabinet Ministers have on previous occasions openly threatened non-Malays with violence (blood) should this provision be questioned.
The rise of Malay "ultras " who advocated a one-party government led by UMNO, and an increased emphasis on the Malays being the "definitive people"
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
3
of Malaysia ¡X i.e. only a Malay could be a true Malaysian became more apparent after the race riots in 1969.
The riots caused a major change in the government's approach to racial issues, and led to the introduction of an aggressive affirmative action policy strongly favoring the Malays, the New Economic Policy (NEP).
The Malaysian New Economic Policy (NEP or DEB for Dasar Ekonomi Baru in Malay), was a determined and divisive socio-economic restructuring affirmative action program launched by the Malaysian government in 1971 under the then Prime Minister Tun Abdul Razak. In practice it was a social engineering project to enrich a particular race ¡V the Malay Muslims. Though the NEP ended in 1990, it effectively continued as the National Development Policy in 1991. The NEP has reduced non-Malays and natives of Peninsula Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak to the status of second-class citizens through the ketuanan Melayu (Malay supremacist) policies. The non-Malay/Muslim minority will never be able to call themselves Malaysians in equality and would remain a permanently colonized people.
The entire range of government administrative policies, annual budgets, economic programs, education, job opportunities in public sector, grant of land, business opportunities, permits or licenses for any business or trade are tilted to favor Malay Muslims and are meant to segregate just like the apartheid system in South Africa and In effect to implement a divide and rule policy to maintain the UMNO led political party hegemony.
This paper establishes the facts and joins the dots and hopes to clarify the reality of this institutionalized racism and religious extremism. The phenomenon will be established by laying out the experience of the minorities. In this paper we try to give as many facts and as much data as are available to us to corroborate our claims. It continues to be an uphill battle getting necessary and reliable statistics from the Government as it does not put out such statistics as this is part of their scheme to keep under wraps the numerical representation of the uncomfortable facts.
We will segment the various experience as follows:
1. Treatment in State Policies
2. Treatment by the Malaysian Police
3. Treatment in and by the State Administration
4. Treatment by the Judicial System
5. Treatment by the Media
6. Treatment in the Education system
1. Treatment in Government Policies
The New Economic Policy (NEP) of the Malaysian Government from the 1970s had the stated objective of eradicating poverty irrespective of race and of eliminating identification of race with occupation. However in reality NEP and its subsequent economic programs have seen the channeling of hundreds of
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
4
billions (the exact figure remains a state secret) to enrich and uplift the Malay Muslims.
Article 153 of the Malaysian Federal Constitution states that:
153. (1) It shall be the responsibility of the Yang di-Pertuan Agong (the Malaysian King) to safeguard the special position of the Malays and natives of any of the States of Sabah and Sarawak and the legitimate interests of other communities in accordance with the provisions of this Article.
The phrase special position has been interpreted to mean special privileges and the entire government policy frame has been hijacked in favor of the Malays and the innate racist tendency of the Constitution was given a fillip by Dr.Mahathir from the 1980s. This hijacking has been made possible by the muzzling of any and all dissenting views by the various draconian laws of which the Internal Security Act of 1960 is the most notorious. The Sedition Act (1969), the Printing Presses and Publications Act 1984, and the Official Secrets Act 1972 are some of the other acts.
The above two factors ¡V the NEP driven by the distorted interpretation of Article 153 and the muzzling of dissension of Government policy has in effect made NEP the policy vehicle for the institutionalization of the racism. The NEP accelerated the formation of the largely Malay Administration which for its part then worked hand in glove with the dominant Malay political party ¡V UMNO and the other key institutions and consolidated the institutionalization in the ways described above to become what it has become.
Outsource of UMNO policy implementation to NGO¡¦s and the Para-Military underworld.
Since the Democratic uprising of Indians led by Hindraf in 2007 and the subsequent loss of its 2/3 Parliamentary mandate in the March 2008 elections, UMNO has outsourced its overt racist agenda to NGO¡¦s in particular PERKASA. This is an NGO led by a Pro UMNO Parliamentarian who promotes the Malay supremacy agenda and has the explicit support of top UMNO leadership including the former Prime Ministers, ex Army officials and ex Inspector General of Police.
PERKASA works intimately with a more militant group known as Pekida2 and another underworld Para- military group known as 3 LINE. Together they perpetuate racial hatred and cause fear among the non-Malays.
3 LINE is believed to have existed from after the 1969 racial riots and its members pledge their loyalty to the serving UMNO Prime Minister. It is said they have sworn to protect the Malay UMNO hegemony at any cost and believed to be armed and work closely with the Police and Armed forces. Many Malaysians know the existence of 3 LINE but dare not speak about this underworld movement for the obvious reasons.
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
5
3 LINE members are mainly former and current members of the Royal Police force and Armed forces. They move freely and are not subjected to Law and often their threat of violence is given tacit approval by the government.
We have reliable information that the 3 LINE para-military members were involved in the Kg Medan Racial attack in 2001 where hundreds of ethnic Indians were attacked unprovoked and 5 killed.
All 3 groups are sanctioned to perpetuate racial / religious hatred and fear towards the Non-Malays.
Government budgetary allocations
Government budgetary allocations have largely been slanted towards Malay Muslims in the following areas as a matter of unashamed policy. Various arms of the Government act in support:
1. All Government projects are primarily given to Malay Muslim individuals and organizations. All government procurement requires involvement of or outright Malay equity participation in the supplying organization.
2. All Government contractors have to be licensed by the Finance Ministry before being given any Government projects. The Finance ministry ensures that only Malay contractors are licensed such.
3. Malays have been promoted in the Civil service to assure that the highest policy-making positions will be filled by Malays regardless of objective performance standards. Almost all Secretaries-General of ministries and Directors-General of professional departments are Malays. The same is true of their deputies. And it cannot escape notice that virtually all senior officials in public universities, from school deans upwards to Chancellors are Malays.
4. Thus, the Malay to non-Malay recruitment ratio of 4:1 for the elite Malayan civil service (MCS) was instituted3, which ensured that ¡§at least 80 per cent of the service will be filled by Malays, far above their proportion in the total population¡¨4.
5. As of June 2005, more than 85% of the Civil Servants were Malay 5.: This was an increase of close to 25% from 1971.
Malay
Chinese
Indian
Others
1971
60.80%
20.20%
17.40%
1.60%
Jun-05
77.04%
9.37%
5.12%
8.47%
6. Development programs such as Entrepreneur, Technoprenuer development programs, Land development Programs, Small and Medium Industry development Programs, Financial Aid programs, Womb to Tomb business development programs are almost entirely for the Malays.
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
6
The FELDA Scheme ¡V Federal Land development Authority
What started as a modest land development agency in 1956 today has become a giant scheme which manages an area of 2 million acres and encompasses more than 530,000 people. FELDA's main role is to open up new land areas for agriculture and relocation of low income and landless rural inhabitants. This program has become an almost entirely Malay Muslim development program. There is a systematic and wholesale exclusion of Non-Malays from this program. Indian plantation workers who were being actively displaced at the time of the growth of this FELDA scheme in the 1970s and 1980s were not considered part of the target group, because they were not categorized as being from the rural community. This was convenient way to exclude. An estimated 800,000 Indian plantation workers have been displaced from plantations without any alternative programs/compensation.
FELDA, FELCRA, PERDA, KEDA, KETENGAH, KESEDAR, KEJORA and a host of other development agencies use procedural techniques of one form or another such as this to entirely exclude the deserving Indians and other non-Malays from any form of participation in these schemes. What is guaranteed in the constitution is made totally inconsequential by the introduction of arbitrary rules by the administration. This is the subtlety inherent in the uniquely Malaysian form of racism.
This is very clearly basic UMNO policy. It helps it take care of its core constituency, the rural Malays. It becomes a platform for patronage that has been developed and honed and fine tuned over the last 50 plus years, and provides the necessary opportunities for accumulation of wealth for the growing appetites of the Malay elites. The 2009 results of FELDA show a total turnover of RM 11.8 Billion. The profits before tax alone are RM804 million6 . See the scale of things ¡V enormous.
Take this one initiative by FELDA - a RM 120 million residential school for FELDA children - a Maktab Rendah Sains Mara (MRSM) in Trolak, Perak. Compare this with the recent promise of an allocation of RM100 million by the Prime Minister for 523 Tamil schools in the country, for which there is no evidence of disbursement anyway. There are 42 MRSM schools like the one above in the country.
Felda has launched a new generation skills training program and has put out over 24,000 Malay Muslim graduates since 2005.They have a budget of RM50 million annually for this program.
In 1980, the World Bank raised concerns over the ethnic bias in FELDA settler selection by pointing out that if the government was serious ¡§about increasing the non-Malay share in agriculture, some increase in the non-Malay share of settlers was warranted.¡¨ It was especially concerned about Indian plantation workers who faced increasing under-employment following the estates¡¦ conversion from rubber to oil palm and who in normal circumstances ¡§would be good candidates for land development schemes.¡¨ 7
The World Bank¡¦s concerns went unheeded by UMNO.
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The TEKUN Program
The Tekun Nasional scheme is a scheme to provide micro credit and to develop entrepreneurs. The specific objectives of the scheme are:
„h ¡P Provide business funding which is easily available and quickly disbursed.
„h ¡P Provide information on entrepreneurs and business opportunities
„h ¡P Offer training and support to entrepreneurs participating in Tekun programs.
„h ¡P Create a community of Tekun entrepreneurs who will form a hard driving, innovative and progressive business network.
„h ¡P Nurture a culture of entrepreneurship within the Malaysian people.
„h ¡P Encourage and foster a culture of prudence in the Tekun community
To give you an idea of the scale of discrimination:
This was statement from Datuk Abdul Rahman Hassan, the Managing Director of Tekun ¡¦ From 1998 till 31 December 2007 , TEKUN Nasional has disbursed loans totaling RM 772.0 million to 139,000 entrepreneurs. For the year 2008 alone TEKUN Nasional has provided RM 182 million as loans to 19,000 entrepreuners.¡¦7 That is close to RM1 Billion -not to mention almost all those loans went to Malay Muslim entrepreneurs. Participation in the Tekun program of Indians is miniscule - a total of 93 Indian entrepreneurs received loans amounting to RM761,000 on July 24, 2009 in a ceremony.9 That is less than 0.1% of that disbursed to the Malay Muslim entrepreneurs.
The collusion of the various arms of the Government to keep dissent in check
Various arms of the Government work in tandem to operationalize the racist agenda of the Government Policies
Some of the key ones are :
1. Government Linked Companies
2. Government Investment Companies
3. Economic Planning Unit
4. The Federal Cabinet of Ministers
5. The various Ministries
6. The Royal Malaysian Police
7. The Attorney general¡¦s Office
8. The Judiciary
9. The Government Administrative Services
10. The Government owned Banks
11. The Government controlled media
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The repressive laws that facilitate the development of racism
The Government has used suppressive laws like the Internal Security Act, the Official Secrets Act, Printing Presses and Publications Act, the Seditions Act during this period to implement these terribly racially lopsided development plans while allowing the racist system to grow. This very clearly reminds one of similar laws employed by Apartheid South Africa.
The ISA took effect on August 1 1960 with the solemn promise that it would only be used ¡§solely against communists. Tun Abdul Razak Hussein the former Prime Minister who had tabled the Bill had also assured the House during heated debates that the law was for two purposes ¡X to counter subversion and to enable measures to be taken to counter terrorism. Despite their promises the Alliance government and its successor BN have over the years been using the oppressive act for political reasons ¡X to silence dissenting voices that criticized the government and to prevent the people from exercising their right to free speech. Since the ISA was enacted in 1960 some 10 670 people have experienced what it is like to be imprisoned on mere suspicion without given the right to a trial.
Just in September 2011 The Prime minister who has been under tremendous pressure on these counts announced that the ISA would be repealed. This has however to be passed in Parliament before it will take effect.
2. Treatment by the Malaysian Police
Given the need to maintain a racist regime, the Police have become a primary instrument of control for the majority Malay party in Government ¡VUMNO. Police violence, abuse of power and human rights abuses occur very regularly.
Cases of death in custody, partial handling of criminal disturbances, violent dispersal of peaceful protestors and other form of human rights violation continue. This has created a climate of impunity and normalization of violence, abuse of power and violation of human rights in Malaysia.
The socio-economic marginalization of the Indian minority has resulted in the formation of a significant underclass among the Indians. The numbers of Indians involved in crime has risen alarmingly.
The number of individuals detained just under preventive laws for crime of violence at the Simpang Renggam Rehabilitation Centre in Johor in 2003 is 702 of which 316 are Indians compared to 111 Chinese and 111 Malays.10 This is about half of total inmates. For a population which makes up less than 10% of the total population the percentage of Indian inmates is disproportionately high. More than 45% of the crimes reported in Malaysia are committed by Indians10.
This fact coupled with the impunity of the police force has resulted in the brutal treatment of Indians in custody. This convergence of unbridled police power, a regime based on racism and the politically and economically weak Indian community has resulted in some of of the worst forms of Human Rights violations in Malaysia.
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Death in custody
Further the treatment meted out to Indians remanded by the police or in its unofficial shoot to kill policy clearly indicates a systematic institutional intent to physically hurt, and to psychologically damage and is invariably harsh. The testimony to that are the rampant cases of death of Indian suspects beaten to death.
Occasionally we get a glimpse of this in the public. Kugan¡¦s death while in custody on the 20th of Jan 2009 is a very well known example of Police Brutality against Indian crime suspects. In the October 2003 parliamentary sitting, Deputy Home Minister Zainal Abidin Zin revealed the numbers of alleged criminals shot to death by the police. (This is a rare occasion when the government Minister comes out with some statistics like this)
2000 - 33 deaths;
2001 - 14 deaths;
2002 - 54 deaths;
2003 to date - 27 deaths12
In another written parliamentary reply to Michael Jeyakumar Devaraj (PSM-Sungai Siput) on 28 June 2010, Home Minister Hishammuddin revealed that police shot dead 82 suspects in 2008 and 88 in 2009.
We know from newspaper reports alone that there were 11 police caused killings in 2009 and 10 out of those were Indians. Most of those killed thus are of Indian origin. Reliable statistics are difficult to come by to corroborate. But from samples available this is what we get.
DATA ABOUT SOME OF THE SUSPECTED CRIMINALS KILLED BY
THE POLICE IN 2003. 60% OF THE SAMPLE.(Indian victims in blue)
Name
Age
Date of death
Place of detention
Syed Fadzil Syed Ibrahim
21
9 January 2003
Jasin Police Station, Melaka
Hasrizal Hamzah
27
9 February2003
Kajang Police Station, Selangor Prakash Moses 23 18 February 2003 Hang Tuah Police Station, Kuala Lumpur Kannan Kanthan 45 1 March 2003 Batu Pahat Police Station, Johor
Ahmad Salleh
42
7 June 2003
Kuala Krai Police Station, Kelantan Ulaganathan Muniandy 19 19 21 July 2003 Kajang Police Station, Selangor
Ho Kwai See
28
5 August 2003
Sungai Buloh Prison, Kota Damansara Police Station (died in prison) Ravichandran Ramayah 38 21 October 2003 Penang Prison, North East Police Station Veerasamy Gopal 52 28 November 2003 Ampang Police Station, Selangor L. Yoges Rao 22 11 December 2003 Sitiawan Police Station, Perak.
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Here is an example of a typical occurrence quoted from the Suaram Report of 2003
V. Viknes, 19-year-old school boy was fatally gunned down by the police in October 2002. Viknes parents disputed the police¡¦s claim that their son was a wanted criminal and "marksman and weapons expert."
The account presented by police was disputed by Viknes's family, who claimed that the youth was nothing more than an innocent schoolboy who still lives with his family. They raised suspicion of foul play. Where are the witnesses? Where are the police cars that should be riddled with shots? Where are the wounded policemen?" asked his distraught father G. Vesvanathan at a press conference. He also accused Federal Criminal Investigation Department director Salleh Mat Som of being a ¡§liar¡¨ for claiming that his son was a "marksman and weapons expert." Vikines¡¦s uncle, Silva Govindasamy, questioned the police¡¦s claim that his nephew was involved in about 20 criminal cases.
"If he was a suspect in so many cases, why didn¡¦t the police approach the school or family? The boy has never been arrested, never harassed, he doesn..t even have a (criminal) record!" The family also alleged that the police instructed the Tengku Ampuan Rahimah Hospital in Klang not to conduct a second post-mortem on Vikines¡¦s body nor cooperate with them.
Selective enforcement of the law and intervention by the Police
On the 28th of August 2009 a protest march was held by a group of Malay Muslims in the township of Petaling jaya against the location of a Hindu temple in the vicinity of their residence. The protestors carried a severed cow¡¦s head to rub salt into their overt disregard for the sensitivity of the Indian Hindus. Ten days after the incident the Police took no action against the Malay Muslim offenders. Yet 16 Indian Hindus were arrested for holding a peaceful candle light march at Dataran Merdeka to protest the desecration of a sacred Hindu symbol.
For 15 days from the 8th of March 2001 to the 23rd of March 2001 killings and slashing of Indians in Kampung Medan were allowed to occur under the very nose of the Police.
5 Indians were killed and more than 100 Indians were seriously wounded in these racially motivated criminal acts . The Police were ¡§unable to control the situation¡¨ in spite of the fact that all these incidents happened within an area of 10 sq. kilometers and a Police cordon of the area. Inspite of loud calls by several members of civil society there has been no impartial inquiry into this incident nor any move to bring to book the perpetrators of this crime..
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3. Treatment in and by the State Administration
More than 77% of the Government administration members are of Malay ethnicity. About 20% the Indian members and about 60% of the Chinese members of the Government administration are teachers in the Government schools. If they are excluded from the numbers employed by the Government administration, the picture that emerges is about an overall participation of 85% Malays in the administration. Also the proportion of Malays increases as we go higher in the ranks of the administration clearly indicating the control of the Government apparatus by the Malays.
Source: Government of Malaysia, Dec 2005
In the State of Johor alone with a total population of almost 3.17 million made up of 54 percent Malays, 33 percent Chinese and 6 percent Indians the ethnic composition of the Civil service is13 :
Malays
Chinese
Indians
Others
8,244 (98.47%)
10 (0.12%)
116 (1.39%)
2 (0.02%)
The large Malay representation of a bloated administration in addition creates a substantial basis for race based benefits to be given out to the Malays in the cover of the generous benefit and welfare and economic programs of the Government ¡V Government Medical and Health programs single out administration employees for favored treatment, there are special treatment in various other areas as scholarships, admissions into higher educational programs, pension schemes, discounted travel fares for retired administration employees, discounted hotel charges in government run hotels and so on. This yet another subtle way by which the uniquely Malaysian racism operates.
The racist indoctrination program Biro Tata Negara BTN. (National Civics Bureau)
The Malay employees of the administration go through special programs of training called Biro Tata Negara where they are all educated on how to keep
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12
¡§the wealth of the family within the family¡¨ in short how to operationalise the racist policies of the Government. This is a much criticized activity, but the Government continues with impunity as it is a key approach in recreating that racist bureaucracy.
A central feature of the Malaysian system is also the categorization into the racial categories of Malays, Chinese, Indians and Others from birth to death. Everywhere one goes, one has to declare Bangsa(race), Ugama (religion) ¡V at birth, at school registration, in the applications for ID cards, driver¡¦s licence, bank accounts, passports, marriages, deaths and burials and in many more situations in dealing with the government agencies and Government linked agencies and businesses. This identification by race becomes the determining criteria in the award of any benefits from these institutions.
One interesting point to note about Government statistics is that even though ethnicity data is picked up in almost all the data collection, the reports from the Governments seldom provides the ethnic categorization of the data to the public, unless it is to justify some Government position. This will be immediately evident if one just visits the Malaysian government statistics department¡¦s website www.statistics.gov.my
Access to Government aid programs, information of all kinds relating to the many development programs, information of government awards, contracts, special opportunities are all made easy for majority Malays but kept well out of reach for the Non-Malay minorities by this ethnic identification and the wall of a monolithic Malay Administration. This is aggravated for the Indian minority by the fact that a sizeable portion of the Indian populace is semi-literate or illiterate, which makes them ignorant of their rights, the laws or the procedures.
There are an estimated 150,000 ¡V 200,000 Indian children who are stateless due to the States¡¦ reluctance to recognize them as Malaysians. This is operationalized by the racist state bureaucracy. As result they are not admitted in Schools, enjoy health care and other benefits a child enjoys.
4. Treatment by the Judicial System of the State
Alongside the racially lopsided developments on the economic front, the Islamists have been steadily gaining influence over the judicial system in the 1990s. (The Federal Constitution was amended in 1988 to give recognition to Sharia Laws). This is visible in the steady ascendancy of the Sharia Legal system over the Civil Legal System which is enshrined in the Malaysian Federal Constitution. The Syaria courts are clearly inferior to the Civil Courts in the Federal Constitution ¡V but in practice the Judges in the Civil courts do not want to rule on matters involving non-Muslims who are entangled between the two systems.
It is estimated more than 90% of the judiciary is filled with Malay-Muslim Judges.
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5. Treatment by the Media
The Mainstream media blocks out, demonizes and distorts information of any organization that speaks out against this racist system in a coordinated fashion. The Government uses the Printing Presses and Publications Act and limiting ownership to known allies to control the Media to do this.
The Malay pro-Government Media is given a free hand to speak for the racist policies of the government. The leading Malay language newspaper, Utusan Melayu, is as described by the Opposition Leader Lim Kit Siang, ¡§provides a daily staple of falsehoods that stoke racial hatred¡¨. The other leading media group ¡VPrima Media, is firmly in the control of the Malay elite and whose Chairman of the Board is a former chief editor of Utusan Malaysia. It owns 4 TV stations, 3 major newspapers, 3 Radio stations, and a slew of other related companies.
Reporting on minority issues and problems are either selectively done or is slanted or is just plainly blacked out. There is a clear racist slant and scheme to the projections. The slant is that the Malay elite is the Tuan (Master) and the Non-Malay is always the recipient of his largesse.
6. Treatment in the Education system.
Article 12 of the Federal Constitution guarantees that there shall be no discrimination against any citizen on grounds of religion, race, descent, or place of birth.
The racial bias in the educational system is the area where racism is most blatant ¡V all the way from pre-school and primary education up to Tertiary levels. One of the major features of the colonial rule was the identification of race with vocation. Separate communities developed around their places of work. The Malays in the villages, the Indians largely in the plantations and the Chinese largely in the urban areas. This served British colonial rule very well, keeping the people apart while extracting the most out of them in the service of British capital.
What has however happened in the post colonial period is the institutionalization of this communal division into a bifurcation in the education system all the way from Primary to the Tertiary level.
The Government budgetary allocations worth billions for education went largely into promoting education for the Malays, at the expense of allocations for the Chinese, the Indians and the rest. At the Primary school level, we have a fully aided stream and a partially aided stream. The partially aided schools are termed such as they essentially only have the salaries of the teachers paid. All other expenses have to be self-funded by the schools.
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Primary Schools
For the Chinese community they, saw an opportunity in this and went ahead with community financing, built up an education system that essentially runs without establishment interference. For the Indian community it is working out to be a disaster as this has resulted in the crumbling of the foundation for the future of the Indian child. Because of the economic position of the Indian community, the partially aided schools are under-funded, under-resourced and in the process produces under achieving children. A national study done in 1973 by the Government concluded that these children from the plantation environment were underachievers and early leavers. This was the time the New Economic Policy was being implemented and the results of the study were ignored because of the racially slanted imperatives of the Malay elite. And so it remains. 371 out of 523 Tamil schools are partially aided. Many of these schools are no more than where the British had left them off at. Half the Indian children go to such schools. Inspite of the chronic nature of the problem and the deleterious effects it is having on the Indian community, the Government continues to ignore this condition .
Secondary Schools
There are 42 fully residential elite Maktab Rendah Sains Mara (MRSM) (Mara junior Science College) (NST 5/4/08) with 12,440 places also in the fully residential schools (BH 21/11/09 at page 7). These schools have been almost exclusively for Malay Muslim students. Most of the non-Malay school pupils who easily qualify for entrance to these schools are summarily denied admissions. A few get in as a token. Each of the MRSM schools cost around RM100 million to build.
Indians and non-Malays are also almost 100% excluded in other elite schools like the Royal Military College, Aminuddin Baki Institution, Matriculation courses and the Malay College Kuala Kangsar.
80% Indian pupils had (been forced) stopped schooling after 5th Form (O¡¦ Levels) because of performance and because of their socio-economic status14.
Pre-University
There are two streams for entry into the Public Universities. One is through the Matriculation 12 month program specifically tailored for the Malay students and the other is through the 18 month and much more stringent STPM program. Of course the matriculation is especially reserved for the Malays. University entrance criteria are based on meritocracy the country is told. S0 4As in one is equated to 4 As in the other. But the awful truth of this is that 4Cs in one will probably equal 4As in the other. Again this is the working of the unique Malaysian racist system. What is guaranteed in the constitution is made totally inconsequential by the introduction of arbitrary methods, mechanisms and criteria.
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Tertiary Education
Of course coming out of matriculation, will be ¡§many more better performing students¡¨ who not only will be on the top of the lists for the Public universities, but they will also very likely get the scholarships, the courses of their choice and the loans for study.
Admissions into public Universities is more than 80% reserved for the Malays Malay Muslims. One university with a student population of 170,000 in 2011(UiTM) is for Malay Muslims only. The other 19 public Universities with about 170,000 enrolments in all have a 60% Malay Muslimsstudents making it 80% for Malay Muslims in all Public Universities. This does not even talk about the composition in the various courses offered.
Only a handful of seats in Medical Faculties of the Malaysian Government Universities are made available to Indians and non-Malays. Exact statistics are not available but it is estimated to be around 5% percent of the places. An estimated 90% of deserving Indian and non Malay students are denied places in the 20 Government run Universities in Malaysia.
There are 62,000 diploma places and 60,000 degree places for 2010 at 27 Polytechnics in Malaysia15. Our estimate is a very small number of these places will be allocated for non Malay students no matter their qualifications. Most of the places are allocated to Malay-Muslim students.
8,132 Phd graduates produced from the 20 government Universities 16. Our estimate is again a very small number will be Indians and non-Malays.
There are 163,779 students studying at the 19 other Public Universities nationwide at an annual expenditure cost of RM 2.6 Billion17. Our estimate is a mere 5 % of this expenditure will accrue to non-Malay students.
The former prime Minister, the architect of this racist system Mahathir decided to restrict the number of students studying medicine in various universities in Russia after a visit in 2003. Most of the Malaysians there were from Indian families, many of whom had scraped the bottom of the barrel to put their children through a medical education. There just were not enough places for them In Malaysian universities because of the Governments discriminatory practices, Russia, Romania, Indonesia provided affordable alternatives. But the Government decided to reduce those alternatives. Several of the Universities were derecognized by the Malaysian Government from 2006 onwards despite there being a shortage of doctors in Malaysia by 50%18 .
RM 2.8 Billion is allocated for the 2010 National Budget for students assistance19 scholarships but only an estimated 5% may reach the non-Malay students. Most of the funds go for scholarships to Malay Muslim Students.
1,266,671 students have benefited from the government PTPTN (Government Higher Education Loan Fund) study loans till 2009. 147,441 such loans were approved at RM 17.0 Billion20
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But thousands of private Indian medical students studying in Russia, Ukraine, Romania, India and Indonesia have been denied these loans. Similarly Non-Malay students studying at private Universities and Institutions of Higher Learning have also been denied these study loans.
Ms Syamala Devi
Ms M Syamala Devi¡¦s a 28-year-old final year medical student has returned home from Romania because she cannot afford to continue her education.
She had taken a RM20,000 loan to finance the final two years of her study for which she now has to pay RM2,000 in interest every month. She is a student with the University of Medical Pharmacy of GRT Popa in Romania said she needs another RM40,000 to complete her degree. Syamala said after completing her STPM examination, she had applied in vain for a place to do medicine in the 20 local universities. She has also applied for scores of scholarships and education loans, including the Public Service Department (PSD) scholarship and Higher Education Loan Fund (PTPTN), but was rejected in each of these applications..
Contrast that with the following scheme for Malay Muslim students going abroad to do Medicine. Kolej Teknologi Timur in Sepang,which has graduated its 4th batch of students on what is called the Kursus Intensif Timur Tengah (Middle East Intensive Course). This is a 3 month program preparing MARA sponsored students selected to do medicine in the Alexandria University in Cairo. This is a 100pct Malay Muslim program and it is 100pct funded by the Government.
All allocation of the National resource has been slanted in favor of the majority ethnic group and away from minorities as a matter of overt policy.
FREEDOM OF RELIGION
Article 11 of the Federal Constitution provides for religious freedom, which includes the right to establish and maintain places of worships and own and acquire property.
Article 12(2) among others provides that no person shall be forced to receive instruction in or to take part in any ceremony of act of worship of a religion other than his own.
Article 12(4) provides his parent or guardian shall decide the religion of a person below the age of 18 years.
The constitution provides for freedom of religion; however, the constitution and the government placed restrictions on this right. The constitution defines all ethnic Malays as Muslims at birth and stipulates that Islam is the "religion of the Federation."
In 1988 Article 121 of The Federal Constitution was amended to make provisions for the recognition of Islamic Syaria Courts/Laws. It was intended to adjudicate upon Muslim marriage and personal law. However this provision has
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been the manipulated by the authorities to implement and impose syariah Laws on non-Muslims. The Judiciary abdicated its powers to the inferior Syaria courts whenever there is a dispute between a Muslim and non-Muslim.
The government significantly restricted the practice of Islamic beliefs other than Sunni Islam. Article 11 of the constitution states, "Every person has the right to profess and practice his religion," but it also gives state and federal governments the power to "control or restrict the propagation of any religious doctrine or belief among persons professing the religion of Islam."
Civil courts continued to concede jurisdiction to Shari'a courts on cases concerning conversion from Islam and certain areas of family law involving disputes between Muslims and non-Muslims.
The syaria laws, does not permit Muslims, born into Islam, to convert to another religion. Shari'a courts does not allow renunciation from the Islamic faith.
The law strictly prohibits non-Muslims from proselytizing Muslims; proselytizing of non-Muslims faced no legal obstacles.
Forced religious conversions and religious intolerance are evidence of creeping Islamization in Malaysia. Whenever there is a conflict between Muslim and non-Muslims , the tendency is for Muslim Laws to prevail over the non-Muslim issues regardless of the merits of the case. This can be seen in the several cases of non-Muslims who have found themselves or their children forcibly converted and are not able to reverse the process. This is an area where clearly minority rights are being deliberately overdrawn by the majority Malay Muslims over minority non-Muslims.
The decision of the Court of Appeal on 21st August 2010 in the case of Maniam Moorthy is a disturbing trend in the role of the Judiciary which has abdicated its powers to the inferior Shariah Courts which was meant to serve the Muslims only on matters (personal) pertaining to marriage, divorce, property distribution etc.
Lina Joy, 42, who was born to a Malay Muslim couple, became a Christian when she was 26. She lost her final round of appeal when the Federal Court dismissed her appeal on 30th May 2007 against a ruling that the National Registration Department was right not to allow her to remove the word "Islam" from her identity card.
This decision by the apex court removed an individual¡¦s constitutional freedom to choose one¡¦s religion as well the right to private married life , especially for those who want to renounce Islam and for people who convert to Islam but later want to revert to their former religion.
In August 2010 The newspaper of the Catholic Church in Malaysia, The Herald, filed a legal suit at following warnings that its permit could be revoked if it did not cease use of the word "Allah" in the Malay language section of its newspaper. The paper has a circulation of around 12,000 and writes in four languages.
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Several Malaysian churches have been attacked and fire bombed, leaving at least one badly damaged, in an escalating dispute over the use of the word "Allah" by Christians. Muslim groups with the tacit support of the government held protests and threatened violence publicly for an alleged act of challenging the superiority of Islam.
A religious edict (fatwa) by a Muslim cleric in the state of Sabah caused the Sabah state government to cancel the construction of a 108 feet Goddess of Sea Mazu statue by the Taoist in 2008. The construction was approved by the Local authorities but cancelled by State Government on grounds it would offend the Muslims.
In August 2011 The Selangor Religious Department raided a Church dinner function organised by an NGO on allegation of Christian proselytizing campaign.
The Selangor Ruler who heads the State Islamic faith conveniently relied upon the biased investigations conducted by the raiding authority instead of forming an independent investigation committee and warned the Christians not to influence and distort the understanding and belief of Muslims towards Islam.
According to the government, it allocated 428 million ringgit (approximately $125.9 million) to build Islamic places of worship and 8.1 million ringgit ($2.4 million) to build Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, and other minority religions' places of worship between 2005 and the end of 2008.
Examples of forced conversion:
Rani, 56, has been struggling for the past thirty years to get her Muslim name and religious status changed to Hindu. Rani was only a sixteen-day-old baby when she was given away by her Muslim biological mother to a Hindu neighbour family due to extreme poverty. Rani¡¦s Hindu adopted father brought her up as a Hindu. Her marriage registration application was rejected and her Hindu husband was forcefully taken away, circumcised and converted.
He agreed to the conversion after he was threatened with jail sentence if he refused to convert to Islam. As a consequence, Rani¡¦s children as well as her grandchildren have all been denied their Birth Certificates even after thirty years of struggling as they are all practising Hinduism. In an interview with HRP, Rani¡¦s famiy threatened to commit suicide.
A mother of two, S Banggarma was unknowingly converted to Islam by state religious authorities as a child at the age of 7 while at a welfare home in Penang against the provisions of Article 12(4) of the Federal Constitution. She discovered this when seeking to register her marriage in 2000.
Due to her Muslim name, she could not register her marriage to Sockalingam, which was conducted according to Hindu rites. She was also unable to register her husband's name as the father in her children's birth certificates. The civil courts will not hear her case and the decision of the Syaria Court is a foregone conclusion
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Indira Gandhi¡¦s 3 children were converted without her consent and knowledge and her 11 month baby girl abducted by her husband who had converted to Islam just to spite her because of marital problems (see NST 28/4/09 at page 4). The Islamic authorities and the police had refused to secure her baby from her estranged husband despite a High Court Order in favor of applicant. (The star Apr 24 2009).
She would not obtain justice as the highest Federal Court are most likely to rule that the conversion of her children is within the jurisdiction of Syariah Court. It is highly likely her children would soon be removed from her custody and placed with the Islamic authorities.
Raimah Bibi is a practicing Hindu. She was once adopted by a Indian-Muslim family when she was a child. Her National Identity card had never indicated that she was a Muslim until when she applied for her new Identity card when her name was changed to Rahimah Bibi bt Noordin and identified as a Muslim. On 2nd April, 2007, seven officers from JAIS arrested her and told her husband that his wife of 21 years was a Muslim and that she and the six children must be placed in a rehabilitation centre. She is still forcibly separated from her family by order of the Islamic Shariah Court.
State Sanctioned Destruction of Hindu Places of Worship
Throughout the years since Malaysian independence in 1957, the government has been disregardful of the systematic destruction of Hindu places of worship, which previously stood on estates and state owned estates and land. An estimate of about 10,000 Hindu places of worship have been demolished.
The government justifies the demolition of the places of worship on the grounds that they were illegally constructed or were occupying government land.
„h Most of the places of worship and graveyards/crematoriums demolished by the state were built during the colonial era and therefore existed up to 200 years ago.
„h The Indian migrant workers transported under the indentured labour system were assigned to clear large acres of thick jungle areas and prepare land to plant rubber tress; these lands later referred to as rubber plantation estates. The workers who were encouraged by their colonial employers to reside on the plantations were given permission to build their places of worship on the plantation land, which survives to date.
„h Upon independence, the government of Malaysia failed to observe its responsibilities under the Federal Constitution specified above and issue land rights to the Hindu places of worships, whereas existing mosques built before independence were granted land titles to legitimize them
„h A study by Centre for Public Policy studies shows that since the 1970¡¦s whilst in the process of acquiring thousands of plantation estates under the Land Acquisition Act for development purpose the government has been directly responsible for displacing 300,000 ethnic Indians from the plantations. A further 300,000 were at risk in year 2000. Displacement came with destruction of places of worship without relocation program on the basis that temples sited on government land were without permit
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
20
„h The rights of the poor Indians are seldom acknowledged or respected in those situations and the State Governments tend to use their full might of State power and the media to manipulate public opinion, corruption and ¡¥Mandorism¡¦ to evict the marginalized Indians who, unaware of their entitlement, are denied their legal ownership of land in majority of cases. Their historical occupation of the land in the many cases appears not to count for much and any offer of compensation seldom matches their loss.
„h Although we are without an exact figure on the number of places of worship destroyed since 1957, witness statements available from community leaders, estate workers, temple committees, union leaders and residents clearly demonstrate that the number of such places destroyed by the state runs into thousands.
HRF, Malaysia estimates that a high proportion of the existing number of temples estimated at 10,000 currently based on plantation land risk being demolished due to the government¡¦s unwillingness to grant land rights and to legitimize their existence.
Conclusion
The Malaysian minorities long to live with dignity and freedom but are denied dignity and freedom by a racist regime that has developed over the last 50 years in the name of affirmative action for the majority. The endless extensions of the affirmative action policies have now led to serious Human Rights violations of the minorities in the country. This is inconsistent with developments around the world and with the aspirations of the minorities of Malaysia. It is time for the international community to hold the Malaysian government accountable for this performance. The world has to wake up to these developments in Malaysia, for the future of all of this is being told many times over now, in the many tragedies that are happening around the world even as we pen this report.
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
21
References
1. John R. Mallot, US Ambassador to Malaysia from 1995-1998. Feb 8th 2011 - The Wall Street Journal, , ¡§The Price of Malaysia's Racism¡¨
2. Malaysia Today , January 15th 2011 -October 1987 revisited
3.Khoo Boo Teik : December 2005 ¡§Ethnic Structure, Inequality and Governance in the Public Sector, Malaysian Experiences, , Democracy, Governance and Human Rights¡¨Programme Paper Number 20, pp29. United Nations Research Institute for Social Development.
4. Puthucheary, Mavis. 1978. The Politics of Administration: The Malaysian Experience. Pp58. Oxford University Press, Kuala Lumpur.
5. Norman Fernandez: Jul 5, 2011 ¡§Media whitewash on non-Malays in civil service¡¨ - www.malaysiakini.com
6. Felda official website http://www.feldaholdings.com 5 Year Financial Highlight,Group Performance 2005-2009 (year ended December 31)
7. World Bank Report, 1980, pg 70-71: David Glover and Lim Teck Ghee ¡V Contract Farming In Southeast Asia, 1992 Pg 84.
8. Welcoming speech by the Managing Director and CEO of Tekun from the official Portal of tekun Nasional. http://www.tekun.gov.my
9. Bernama Nationa News Agency - 24 July 2009
10. ACP Amar Singh Sidhu: ¡§The Rise Of Crime In Malaysia An academic and statistical analysis¡¨ - Journal of the Kuala Lumpur Royal Malaysia Police College, No. 4, 2005
11. Deputy President of MIC, S Subramanian, April 26th 2011, Tamil Nesan
12. SUARAM monitoring
13. Norman Fernandez: Jul 5, 2011 ¡§Media whitewash on non-Malays in civil service¡¨ - www.malaysiakini.com
14. Malaysiakini/10/07/11-Lim Teck Ghee, Asli
15. New Straits Times 22/11/09 at page 25
16. The Star 2/12/09 at page 20
17. Utusan Malaysia 8/10/09 at page 29
Institutional Racism and Religious freedom in Malaysia
22
18. Utusan Malaysia 25/3/08 at page 31
19. Ministry of Higher Education 2007
20. Ministry of Higher Education 2007

Thank you,Sir!

2011-12-01T13:41:00.001+08:00

I tell you WE ARE NOT RACIST. AND WE WILL CONVINCE YOU OF THIS EVEN IF WE HAVE TO RAM IT DOWN YOUR THROATS!!!

In today's edition of The Malaysian Insider there is a report headlined ......

Umno not racist, says Najib

Very good. As it should not be. Then in the report TMI also mentions that Najib, our Prime Minister said,

“Umno was willing even back then (in 1955 during the country's 1st election before Independence) to vote candidates not from their own race, for a bigger purpose for winning elections forming a government and then independence ”

Reading that just made me want to stand up to attention, bow and say, "Thank you, Sir. For the kindness shown to us pendatangs. Thank you, Sir. You are soooooo NOT racist."

---ooo0ooo---

And on another completely unrelated note have you ever noticed that, except for a very few, all our political leaders SCREAM when they speak before a big crowd? As if they did not need a P.A. system and were trying to project and reach the last row 500 meters away. I noticed that a lot, when I was helping out at the DAP fund raising dinner at Pandamaran, Kelang last week. Every speaker, from Ronnie Liu to Gobind Singh Deo to Uncle Lim Kit Siang, they all screamed at the top of their voices. For 20 whole minutes each. And seemed none the worse for it. Except that they completed lost my attention after the first 3 minutes. I mean there is just so much screaming one can take, right? The past couple of days looking at photos of the speakers at the Umno General Assembly screaming does seem to be the norm at political events. Najib's grimaces in screaming pain, Khairy gestures in ultra-high decibel rhetoric and of course Sharizat continues to scream down every accusation. And she does have a very loud voice. Maybe somebody should tell politicians that the Rakyat want to hear HEART not THROAT. You know what I mean? Hiyah! Never mind.

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday funnies

2011-11-30T14:03:00.000+08:00

AIYOH! Can laugh until die la.

Comedy worthy of a Oxford graduate......

"Thievery in Kelantan amputation of the hand. In Kuala Lumpur jail. In Penang we’ll wait for what Caliph Lim Guan Eng has to say......Such is the reality that faces us if we let the opposition take over. The administrative system will be left in disarray, in tatters without direction"- Khairy Jamaluddin.

Then what about thievery in Putrajaya?
And we have seen the reality of keeping Barisan Nasional in power. We've seen it for more than 50 years. Thank you.

---o0o---

Umno guarantees Malay rule, says Khairy

When I read that headline I almost choked on my Chinese tea! After 54 years we still don't get it, do we? There are still Malays who demand Malay rule? Only Malay rule.

Should we not be demanding GOOD, PROSPEROUS, HARMONIUS rule?

Who the fuck cares if great work in government is done by Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan, Iban or migrant African! Who the fuck cares? Well, apparently Umno seems to think a lot of people do.

---o0o---

You think that Umno politicians are the only ones who are hilarious during this time? In a fucked-up kind of way? Well, PKR is right in there among the best. Listen to this...

"To ensure that the last Malay stronghold that is political power is not traded away by Umno we challenge Umno to amend the federal constitution to insert conditions and guarantees that the prime minister must be Malay" - Shamsul Iskandar Mat Akin, PKR Youth chief.

The "last Malay stronghold that is political power"???

The prime minister MUST be Malay???

---o0o---

I am sure that you, like me, have been waiting to hear what Umno Wanita chief and cabinet minister, Sharizat Abdul Jalil had threatened to say a couple of days ago. About the whole NFC/Cow Condo fiasco, right? But when she did yesterday at the Umno conference it was quite disappointing la.

All she said was "...my husband is involved in NFC. He does his work and I do mine I have nothing to do with it the fiasco. Why ask me to resign?"

Ha? YB, like that osso dunno ah? Why you got no honor one ah? No integrity ah?

Then she added just a pinch of the venom that she promised by saying (and I paraphrase here ok?) ......

Eh leh! My husband do, you ask ME to resign? Then ask Wan Azizah to resign osso la! Her husband standing trial for buggery what!

Well, YB, as a Malaysian citizen who doesn't find this really that funny I would like you to consider a friendly suggestion. If you think Wan Azizah should do the honorable thing and resign for what her husband is accused of doing and she does not, then why don't you take the lead la and show us what you're made of.

Ya! See? My husband fucks up, I resign. Her husband fucks...sorry...messes up she does not resign. Ha! See la, she cannot be trusted one. So vote for me in GE, k?

But the funniest comedy today comes from the Master......

"When they heard I was going to wind up debates they knew I would have substance in my argument. That’s why they fled they boycotted I would have torn them to pieces anything they raised I would have made them look stupid They were worried they were scared" - Nazri Aziz commenting on the Opposition walkout in Parliament yesterday during the Peaceful Assembly Bill debate (the word is used loosely of course)

Well, pardon me all over the fucking place, Yang Berhormat! If you have relevant information, this "substance" you're talking about shouldn't you also share it with us, the Rakyat? Unless the substance you were referring to is something you snort in between talking cock.

Here are a couple more gems from the YB...

"You give notice within 10 days and the cops must respond within five days If they do not respond you can proceed with the assembly"

"We need to seek notice for non-gazetted areas For example if you want to hold an assembly outside Anwar’s house Don’t you think he has the right to say okay or not And we need that notice period to seek his permission"
(so now when Khairy decides to demonstrate in front of the U.S. Embassy the American flers can say, "Errrr...no thanks man. We prefer that you don't. Now fuck off!" Issit?)

Have a nice day, my fellow Malaysians.

NIAMAH!!!

Monday funnies

2011-11-28T18:11:00.002+08:00

Itu boo toot, boo toot bukan gua punya pasal. Guarantee punya!

This story from The Malaysian Insider is so funny it doesn't need to have any input from me la to bring on the laughs. I have cut and pasted some of the lines from the article. You make up your own mind as to when and at which part you want to laugh the loudest. Here you are...

Faced with increasing public pressure Datuk Seri Shahrizat Jalil said today she will address the National Feedlot Centre NFC controversy during Umno’s general assembly this week even though it has "nothing to do with me "

(Okay la, in case you've been sleeping the past couple of months, the National Feedlot Centre is managed by her husband and family)

"I am being patient as a woman I have to be calm... they (PR) are doing this because they are afraid of Wanita Umno’s strength"

---o0o---

The good old doc is at it again. Confusing the shit out of everyone. His latest pontifications reported by The Malaysian Insider today...

"Too much freedom will destroy society"

"Dr Mahathir said in Malaysia there were increasing calls for “freedom of sex” citing this as a kind of “abuse of freedom” which could destroy society..."

(Got meh? Have you heard any recent calls for freedom of sex? What is freedom of sex. Do you know?)

"Society becomes primitive backwards if there is too much freedom A good amount is good but too much freedom no"

"I think this government is listening to the people very quickly, in my time I don’t respond at all. You can interpret it as giving in or you can interpret it as being sensitive ”

---o0o---

Hiyoh! Tak bolih tahan already la. If laugh some more sure burst a gut la. Happy Monday, fellow-Malaysians.

NIAMAH!!!

Kill Bill!!!

2011-11-28T14:17:00.000+08:00

What tokking you?

2011-11-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

Eh..eh..Malaysia Boleh!

Let's see if it is just me or other people too find this very amusing and incomprehensible. The chief secretary to the government, Sidek Hassan said for the country to be a top performer the private sector needed to grow in tandem with its civil service “Our country can become more competitive by having the public sector 20 to 50 years ahead and bring it to today and have the corporate sector 50 years ahead and bring it to today Then our country Malaysia can indeed be Number 1”

So...okay...what you are saying is that if Malaysia is today what it would be like in 50 years time then we will be No. 1 in everything la. Correct? Oh I see...thank you ah, Tan Sri. You are so smart la. Any of you out there as smart as the Tan Sri ah? Cos I don't know what the fuck he's talking about wor. Sorry ah.

NIAMAH!!!

Done in super quick time 2

2011-11-25T14:32:00.000+08:00

Trust me. This Bill is very good for you one.

Something terrifying is happening in our country right now which many of us may not quite realise. Those BN flers are in a big hurry to push through this Peaceful Assembly Bill which they hope will make Malaysians believe that they are listening to the Rakyat's demands and fulfilling the Prime Minister's boast of wanting Malaysia to be a world-class democracy. But all it is is just another big round of side-shows to hood-wink the uninformed and disinterested. On Malaysia Day this year, Najib had announced plans to repeal the Internal Security Act. Do away with the need to have a police permit for demonstrations and other peaceful assemblies. No need to renew printing and publishing licence annually. Phwaar! But the more cynical of us knew that there was a catch. And there sure was. Part of it is called the Peaceful Assembly Bill. If you have not yet read about how ridiculous this Bill is then you better go online, Google it and read. Or the nightmare may come true for all Malaysians. Very soon.

Here is a copy of the article by the President of the Malaysian Bar, Lim Chee Wee taken from The Malaysian Mirror which will give you something to get worried about. Like your future.

By Lim Chee Wee, President, Malaysian Bar via Malaysian Mirror

The Peaceful Assembly Bill (“Bill”) was tabled in Parliament for its first reading on 22 November 2011, which we believe was the same day that Members of Parliament first received copies of the Bill. It must be noted that advance notice was not given, save for speculation in the media that the Bill would be tabled on 24 November 2011.

In addition, the second reading of the Bill began in Parliament today, merely two days after the first reading.

There appears to be unseemly haste in introducing this far-reaching and crucial legislation, without sufficient time for Members of Parliament themselves to review the Bill fully, and without adequate public consultation.

The Bill, in replacing the present legislative provision in section 27 of the Police Act 1967, introduced several controversial and objectionable provisions. For instance:

(1) Prohibition of street protests (defined widely as “open air assembly which begins with a meeting at a specified place and consists of walking in a mass march or rally for the purpose of objecting to or advancing a particular cause or causes”);

(2) Prohibition of organisation of assemblies by persons below the age of twenty one years;

(3) Prohibition of participation in peaceful assemblies of children below the age of fifteen years;

(4) Unduly onerous responsibilities and restrictions on organisers and assemblies; and

(5) Excessive fines for non-compliance of the Bill.

These restrictive provisions in the Bill effectively render meaningless our constitutional guarantee, by constraining assembly to very limited circumstances.

This stands in stark contrast to the words of the Prime Minister in his speech on the eve of Malaysia Day 2011. That speech was widely applauded by the Malaysian Bar, and by Malaysians in general, in their honest belief that there would be real and genuine reforms.

The Prime Minister had stated:

I often opine that long gone is the era in which the government knows everything and claims monopoly over wisdom. . . .

The Government will also review section 27 of the Police Act 1967, taking into consideration Article 10 of the Federal Constitution regarding freedom of assembly and so as to be in line with international norms on the same matter. . . . (emphasis added)

Be confident that it is a strength and not a weakness for us to place our trust in the Malaysian people’s intelligence to make decisions that will shape the path of their own future. . . .

It is absolutely clear that the steps I just announced are none other than early initiatives of an organised and graceful political transformation. It stands as a crucial and much needed complement to the initiatives of economic transformation and public presentation which the government has outlined and implemented for over two years in the effort to pioneer a modern and progressive nation. . . .

In closing, I wish to emphasise that free of any suspicion and doubt, the Malaysia that we all dream of and are in the process of creating is a Malaysia that practices [sic] a functional and inclusive democracy where public peace and prosperity is preserved in accordance with the supremacy of the Constitution, rule of law and respect for basic human rights and individual rights.

The Malaysian Bar recommends that the Bill be referred to a Parliamentary Select Committee, which would engage in a public consultation process consistent with the Prime Minister’s promise of “a Malaysia that practices [sic] a functional and inclusive democracy”.

Further, the Malaysian Bar is now wary as to the form and substance of the two proposed pieces of legislation that will replace the Internal Security Act 1960, given this disappointing experience. We urge the Prime Minister to hold steadfast – with courage and determination – to his laudable Malaysia Day pledges, and fulfil the rakyat’s expectations.

Niamah!!!

And here is MCLM President, Haris Ibrahim's not-so-polite take on the whole circus...

http://malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/letterssurat/45212-mclm-press-statement-on-the-qpeaceful-assembly-bill-2011q

Done in super quick time!

2011-11-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

I went to renew my passport this morning. As a cynical Malaysian when it comes to dealing with government departments I posted on Twitter and Facebook the day before asking for advice and suggestions as to which Immigration office I should go to for the most efficient and painless service. As usual I received a whole bunch of suggestions. Thank you.

I decided to go the new Immigration office in Kelana Jaya (actually it is in Plaza Glomac) since it was the one closest to my home. I had budgeted 3 hours for the process after reading the stories from the other Malaysians who have had experience with passport renewal in recent months.

I arrived at the location at about 11.15AM. There is a convenient public car-park right in the next block. And as I was walking to the Immigration office I passed a little photo shop which offered instant passport photo taking services for RM10. Took my photo and proceeded to the Immigration office which is located right next door to a mamak restaurant. Nice.

This is the Immigration office that moved from Subang Terminal 2

It being a Malaysian government department the first thing that greeted me was this hand-written A4 paper sign on the door...

Ah...how can a government office not have something or other ROSAK at any one time? Right? When I entered I was struck by the design of the place. Who is the daft architect who designs Immigration Department facilities? Why are facilities required to cater to large crowds always designed WIDE but not LONG. It's about 16 ft. from counter to door!!! How come ah? How to accommodate queues la? Queues = LENGTH. Not Width!!! Idiots! The result of this poor design...

I was advised by this kindly-looking pakcik pegawai to use the passport renewal machine. The machine was located in a tiny room on one side of the lobby...

...not too bad actually. They only allowed one person in at a time and the average time each required to use the machine with the assistance of an Immigration officer was 4 minutes. Impressive. And the pegawai was bi-lingual. Impressive!!!

I had budgeted 3 hours but the whole process took me less than 9 minutes from the moment I arrived!!! IMPRESSIVE!!!

But then...

Sorry, encik. Mesin memproses rosak la. So you have to come back on Friday to collect your passport. Maaf ya?

It wouldn't be a Malaysian government department if there was nothing ROSAK kan? But still I was thankful that it was a relatively painless process to renew my passport at the Jabatan Imigresen Cawangan Kelana Jaya. Terima Kasih.

And while there I met 3 fans. One, the kindly pakcik at the reception counter who thought my name was Robert. Another remembered me from the days of Radio 4 which meant that he was at least as old as I am. And the 3rd was a fan of this blog. Nice to have met you all.

Niamah!!!

p/s the photos look shitty because they are taken with my Samsung Galaxy 1 phone camera. But it's cheaper than the Samsung Galaxy S2. I'll live with the shitty photos.

p/s 2 Another thing I learned today. Imigresen is spelt with 1 M.

Sarawak, a different country...I mean state. Or do I?

2011-11-14T17:23:00.000+08:00

It's a very different looking bird, ain't it?

Everytime I visit Sarawak I feel like I am in a different country. Things there are just somehow.....different. In so many positive ways. People were friendlier. Places were cleaner. People were more...together. And at times I felt more Malaysian there than I have ever done over here on the peninsula. And that I think is by the gracious sufferance of the Sarawakians and not because I hold a Malaysian passport. I could never really put my finger on why and how exactly things were different over there. They just ...... were!

I may have found the reason today. In the front page of The Sun. I tried looking for the same story in The Star but couldn't find it. Maybe they didn't think it worth printing. NST? No my maid still prefers The Star for fish wrap so I don't buy the NST. What about the Sun's front page story? I shall copy it here in its entirety as I found it in the online edition. I am not going to comment on it. You read it and see if you can't find your own reasons for thinking why things are so different over there. For now. I am beginning to understand why I need a passport to go there.

Comment later if you like and share your thoughts with us. By the way, the highlights are mine.

Sarawak won't adopt anti-apostasy law

Posted on 13 November 2011 - 01:55pm
Last updated on 14 November 2011 - 07:53am

Sulok Tawie
newsdesk@thesundaily.com

KUCHING (Nov 13, 2011): The state government does not intend to adopt anti-apostasy law because Sarawak practises religious freedom where each and every individual can choose the religion of his or her choice.

However, Assistant Minister of Islamic Affairs Datuk Daud Abdul Rahman said, this does not mean that the State Islamic Department was encouraging all those who had converted to Islam to leave the religion.

“We do not encourage converts to leave the religion neither do we have an iron grip on them. We can only advice them,” said Daud yesterday, reiterating that the state upholds the rights of individuals where religion is concerned.

Daud was commenting on a recent statement by Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Jamil Khir Baharom that it was up to the individual states to propose an anti-apostasy law.

Speaking to reporters after attending a graduation and award presentation ceremony at Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan (SMK) Matang, Daud said Muslims in the state are not the majority and it would create bad feelings among the non-Muslims if the Anti-Apostasy Act was to be implemented.

Daud said the state, unlike West Malaysia, looks at religion from a different point of view and if converts really want to leave the religion after being advised against it, there is nothing much that the State Religious Department can do.

“However, we have set up a committee called ‘Akidah Committee’ headed by the State Mufti to help the new converts and to counsel them on religious matters,” he said.

Daud explained that a convert who wanted to leave the religion would normally inform the State Religious Department about it and he (the convert) would be given counselling sessions by officers from the department for up to a year before he (the convert) makes a final decision.

The Assistant Minister said that he had personally received requests from several individuals regarding the matter, and his solution was always to let the individuals decide what was best for them.

Most converts, he said, converted to Islam for the sake of marrying a Muslim man or woman and they had almost zero knowledge about Islam.

“Even their Muslim partner may have very little knowledge of Islam and they tend to lead a non-Islamic way of life after conversion, leading them to think that there is no difference if they go back to their old beliefs.

“Another problem is that those who want to leave the religion have to deal with the National Registration Department in deleting the ‘bin’ or ‘binti’ from their name as displayed in the identification card,” he said.

NIAMAH!!!

It's 11-11-11. So?

2011-11-11T14:15:00.000+08:00

When in doubt, hit the button!

11-11-11

For some unexplained reason lots of people are excited about today's date.
Auspicious! Unique! Won't come again for long time! But for the other more jaded Malaysians it is just the 11th of November, 2011. But the people at the Star obviously thought it a big enough deal to help them sell some more newspapers. And so they put up on the front page a really funny story to mark the auspicious 11-11-11 date. The story is headlined

"11 reasons why no 2011 polls."

Reason #5 caught my eye and made me laugh.

Reason #5 - Najib and Muhyiddin are going on holiday in December.

Number 8 is quite funny too...

Reason #8 - The Budget goodies will only kick in next year so it would be better to wait.

If you're waiting for me to explain why I find stuff like the above amusing, then you wait in vain because I am not going to explain. If you can't see the comedy then I guess you ... can't.

---o0o---

I just found out from reading The Malaysian Insider that Najib is more popular than Anwar among Malaysians. Yeah, I'll bet that brought a quizzical frown to your face. And the survey was conducted not by some Barisan Nasional or Umno machine. It was done by a PKR internal poll! Bet that shocked you huh? Thank you PKR. Not that I, as a Malaysian voter ever liked Anwar that much myself. Do you think that there will ever be a day when Malaysians will vote for good policies and governance rather than give a fuck who the president of the party is?

---o0o---

MCA's Chua Soi Lek says that Malaysians living overseas should not have the right to vote because they are out of touch with the state of affairs in Malaysia. Phwaaar!!! I love it when politicians so bravely show everyone that they are so out of touch with the state of affairs regarding their electorate. Don't you? The Chua fler believes that, because he says that Malaysians overseas only read and receive information from "questionable" sources which may not reflect the “true situation” ongoing in the country. Is Mr. Chua saying that Malaysians who are IN the country receive news and information from sources that do reflect the "true situation"? And what are these sources? RTM? TV3? NTV7? 8TV? TV9? Bernama? The NST? The Star? Utusan Malaysia?

But I do tabik Mr. Chua for one thing. Balls. Well, two things actually. Balls and a thick skin. Well, maybe three things...oh never mind la.

---o0o---

And if you think your elected representatives in Parliament are in the august house discussing things that are good for your life and future. Think again. Part of what was discussed yesterday was whether Saiful had an affair with DPP Farah Azlina! Think about that the next time you receive your TNB bill. Or when your kids come back from school totally confused with whether it is BM or English for Math and Science.

---o0o---

And the funny of the day has got to be the Attorney-General, Gani Patail telling the parliamentary select committee on electoral reforms that the Federal Constitution does not allow the authorities to force a voter to be marked with permanent ink. Oh really ah? Then shouldn't somebody tell so many of our blaardyYB's that the Federal Constitution also does not allow random interpretation of the so-called Social Contract?

---o0o---

Buried in a side column on page 12 of today's Star is a story headlined "Projects not completed but they are working". This is a follow-up to yesterday's story about 20 flood mitigation projects around the country which were ongoing but none of which have been completed. Don't you wonder what that means? Not completed? Did someone screw up? Did we just discover when the monsoons arrive in our country each year?
But today's story did say that although the projects were not completed they have been able to reduce flooding. Phwaar! Good or not? When elaborating on The Star report yesterday, Drainage and Irrigation Department's Lim Chow Hock said "the projects, which were in various stages of completion, were able to mitigate flooding...and that it would be misleading to say that the projects were not ready, when the ongoing projects were showing positive results." Sheeesh! All that means is that this Lim fler sure has the potential to be a damn good politician.

---o0o---

On page 22 of The Star today MCA's Chua Tee Yong called Anwar a chameleon who changes his stand when facing different crowds. I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. Chua. After all, Anwar is a politician and a damn good one. So he adapts when speaking to different crowds. A talent that Najib has also mastered in the short time he's been PM. Or have you forgotten your boss's achievements, YB?

---o0o---

Over at the Selangor State Assembly show. Satim Diman, the BN fler for Seri Serdang took the PKNS to task for allegedly paying its General Manager RM1.4mil over a 2 year period. Good question, YB. Thanks for asking it. We wait for some good answers from the state government. And they better have some. In the meantime do you know how a dentist can buy a RM6mil house too? Serious question, YB. You know or not?
(I couldn't find this story in the online edition of The Star)

---o0o---

And finally, I would like to leave you with this perplexing question.

How do politicians always sire children and have families who are brilliant at business and able to amass huge fortunes? Mahathir, Badawi, Hussein Onn...Sharizat etc. etc. etc.

So far all the reasons given have been BULL SHIT!
And there will be more of the same I guess when 12-12-12 swings by in a year's time.
Have a nice weekend, folks. :-)
NIAMAH!!!

A nightmare in the morning

2011-11-05T14:27:00.001+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Waking up this morning was like confronting a nightmare while awake. When I opened the Star this morning I read about a country that had gone absolutely bananas. The front page story was about Muhyiddin Yassin's latest ding-dong when he announced that Math and Science would be taught in English for students who started learning the subjects in English blah...blah...and bloody blah. Politicians never admit it when they fuck up. Instead they make statements......
"I am not interested in the PPSMI debate and I hope parents understand that the government is responsive" - Muhyiddin Yassin, education minister.

The government is responsive??? For months parents have been imploring you to not revert to BM for the 2 subjects. You actually told us to shut the fuck up and that the decision to teach the subjects in BM is final. And now suddenly you reverse your decision and tell us that is your way of being responsive? Well, pardon me all over the fucking place, Muhyiddin.

The minister also said that "...research had shown that most schools were already teaching both subjects in Bahasa Malaysia" and that "...less than 5% of 7,495 primary schools use English to teach the subjects, and for secondary schools, less than 9% out of 2,192 use English."

Isn't it amazing that a minister of education, who is also the deputy prime minister of our country, still cannot understand that it is not about percentages but the quality of our education and the kind of "graduates" we eventually produce? Scary isn't it?

Muhyiddin is fast becoming the back-pedaling/passing-the-buck champion of Malaysia. Just a few days ago he arrogantly announced that his decision on the matter was final and that no more discussion would be welcome. Now he is saying that Najib was also in on it. The DPM claims that the PM was consulted on the announcements and decisions and that as Education Minister he (Muhyiddin) had no authority to make the decision alone. Did you get that impression when you read the news about the PPSMI dismissal a few days ago?

On another page of The Star today the headline story made me really upset.

"It's never too late to revert to English" - Mahathir Mohd.

To me, it was Dr. M who started the whole fucking mess in the name of nationalism all those years ago. Now he is back to talk some more cock? What the fuck! English is the language of the colonial masters! We must defend our national language! And so, after masterfully destroying a system that had worked for decades we now maybe have come to realise that we've fucked ourselves in the backside. Or the more sinister view is that our politicians have succeeded beyond their dreams in dumbing down the rakyat so they can continue to plunder the coffers.

On page 12 of today's Star...

"Hisham: Activities will affect nation's stability"

Our Home Minister says that Seksualiti Merdeka will affect the stability of the nation as most people are against it. Most people? Who are these "most people"? No really I want to know. Oh wait a minute, at the end of the article there is mention of some of these "most people". They include Perkasa, Suara Anak-Anak Malaysia and Penang's Body for Anti-Liberism of Religion (HUH???!!!) Right! Most people. Yes.

And in the same story there is a bit with Mahathir throwing in another of his 2 sen of cock.

"There must be a limit to freedom!"

"We don't need this sexuality thing."

"We don't need men marrying men, women marrying women and blatant exhibitionists."

"What will happen to us when people decide to walk naked on the streets? We can't stop them. If they decide as seen in some countries to have sex in public, what will happen to us?"

What will happen? Dr. M, I am surprised that you need to ask. What will happen? We (the government) will water-cannon them, tear-gas them and haul their naked asses into jail and bring back the ISA. Oh, sorry it's still here isn't it? The ISA I mean.

And so on that cheery note, have a wonderful weekend.

NIAMAH!!!

Weekend funnies

2011-11-04T15:27:00.001+08:00

Hi! I could be your local Y.B.

Today is one day that I am so glad I bought a copy of The Star. There is so much comedy between the pages that at RM1.20 it is almost better value than buying a RM200 ticket to watch Harith Iskander and the Kings and Queens of Comedy Asia!

I am sure that you, like me, are thinking about or discussing the ban on Sexualiti Merdeka and the hilarious "reasons" given for the ban.

"...the event creates uneasiness among the vast majority of the population, it may result in disharmony, enmity and threaten public order" - Khalid Abu Bakar, Deputy Inspector-General.

Phwaaaar!!! Damn terror words, right? Creates uneasiness among the VAST MAJORITY of the population some more. I don't know about you but Sexuality Merdeka has been held since 2008. I have never felt uneasy about it? Have you? Nobody I've met or sat next to at the mamak stall has mentioned it. Even the major newspapers gave the events coverage. As just another event happening in the city. No big deal. Now suddenly the event might "threaten public order" some more. Come on la Mr. Deputy IGP give us ordinary Malaysians some credit la. We're not as gullible as your political masters think us to be la. And please try not to end every press statement by kicking us Malaysians in the balls as a parting gift by saying things like, "We are not against the people's right to freedom of speech or human rights" and then ban this and ban that and shoot water cannon and tear gas all. That really make me damn 'too lan' (pissed off) with you la.

But Mr. Deputy IGP you're really not in the same league as your deputy boss la. It was reported in the Herald Sun when commenting on Sexualiti Merdeka, our deputy prime minister was quoted as saying "Any activity that does not benefit the majority of Malaysians should not be carried out. It's a waste of time, although they can say it's their own right and freedom. That's why to me, it (the festival) is totally unsuitable and I don't know it's benefits. I don't understand why they carry out such promotions. Is there any political agenda behind it?"

Political agenda???!!! Personally, I think they are running out of things to drag out in the ongoing sodomy trial.

Does not benefit the majority of Malaysians?

So how do these benefit the majority of Malaysians?

Bakun Dam, Sepang F1 race track, Putrajaya, Cyberjaya, tolled highways, the new Istana Negara.........the list is a long one but I am sure you get the drift.

Benefits? Come to think of it, if what Sexualiti Merdeka is "promoting" (your word, not mine) is so bad our Malaysia might be missing a few damn good TV cooking and children's shows, government functions emcees and maybe even a space tourist or two. Then how?

---o0o---

If you're a parent I am sure you are also a bit confused about what is going on with this English No English ding dong going on in our country. Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin says NO WAY, JOSE!!! The government's decision to teach Math and Science in BM stays. No tok! And then to kick you/us in the balls as his parting gift he adds, "...the majority of the people had accepted the desicion on the PPSMI reversal but as a democratic country, people were free to voice their views." NIAMAH!!!

And now the old man, Mahathir jumps in with his 2 sen and says that the prime minister has the power to overrule Muhyiddin' decision and that this could be done for the good of the country. What the fuck!!!

But of course, Najib and his wife are over in Mecca. Maybe trying to get some pointers from higher sources on how to get out of this giant fucked up mess.

---o0o---

But the most idiotic comment came from the expert at such, Bung Mokhtar. When commenting on the Sexualiti Merdeka ban he said (the event) "......promotes same sex relationship. It will damage the country's image. Events that support casual sex (which) will exacerbate baby dumping problems.

Eh!!! I think whether it is in English or BM this YB needs some serious Biology lessons.

Niamah!!!

Are you still mad as hell?

2011-11-02T14:17:00.000+08:00

A good friend of mine wrote this which I thought you all might like to read and think about...

Dear Malaysians, if you fail to be outraged by the multiple abuses of power by our Government in power, you are condoning their actions.

There have been so many cases of corruption, crime and incompetence, they tend to wear down your resistance and sense of justice.

They are banking on your inaction, lack of protest and defeatist attitude to continue their malpractices.

As long as they stay in power, they make and break the rules.

Stay outraged. Keep your fire burning. It is a marathon we need to complete to finish them.

If you give up now, they will win again. Then, all will be lost.

Wednesday awards

2011-11-02T13:11:00.000+08:00

Some award winners need to be recognised today.

The award for Malaysian minister most unclear on the concept goes to our Higher Education Minister, Mohd. Khaled Nordin who defended the government's action in restricting students participation in national politics. He said, "The main aim of education is to encourage students to think constructively without any restrictions. That is why we feel it is unwise to let them join political parties."

HUH??? That's right. What the fuck is the fler tokking?

(Strangely, this story was front-paged in the street edition of The Star today but it cannot be found online. I wonder why?)

The male chauvinist award of the week goes to International Trade and Industry Minister, Mustapha Mohamed for saying, "I have been patient in dealing with Fuziah’s challenges. I respect her as a woman and as an MP but it looks like she does not respect me." Full story HERE.

And finally, the award for best ability to hold a straight face goes to Najib Razak for making this anti-human trafficking speech in Australia.

NIAMAH!!!

Hiyoh! How can this happen one?

2011-11-01T16:53:00.002+08:00

Is this a PR spin? Anybody?

NIAMAH!!!

What The Fuck!!!

2011-11-01T15:53:00.000+08:00

(photo from The Star)

The Mat's weren't paid enough to start up their kapcai's I guess.

Did anyone see the Star story on the Mat Rempit demonstration in Penang? Since their emergence in the Malaysian consciousness Mat Rempits have been called dregs of society, road menaces and even gangsters but never were they a force for social or political change. Now they are demonstrating for change in Penang! Calling Lim Guan Eng a racist in the process too. Mat Rempits want to Selamatkan Penang (save Penang) and also demand a Mat Rempit race track while they were at it. But there is one saving grace. Someone in the organising committee must have a good sense of humour. The Mat Rempits were dressed in YELLOW!!! Awwright!!!

NIAMAH!!!

Here is Wikipedia's description of Mat Rempit for the uninitiated...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mat_rempit

Thursday funnies

2011-10-27T17:46:00.000+08:00

Taaaa Daaaa! And the stupid award goes to....

When I turned to Pg 2 of today's Star I burst out laughing. The story was headlined:

"PM: Indians warming up to BN".

Phwaar!!! At first I thought, "What PM giving some more goodies ah?" But no wor. Then I saw the sub-title of the story and it read:

"Attendance at MIC's Deepavali celebration reflects 'tremendous response'

No wonder Najib is having so much trouble getting his head around things if he is getting this type of analysis from his people. There's been so much talk about MIC (along with other parties) losing relevance in today's politics and the support of the Indian community and all. So how does 'Attendance at MIC's Deepavali celebration reflect(s) 'tremendous response'??? Okay, maybe some Indians are again supporting MIC (or just getting a free meal since it's their sweat and toil that's made the Deepavali possible) but that cannot translate into "Indians warming up to BN" except in politic-speak.

On page 12 of The Star is the regular Rub Salt in the Wound story.......

MACC opens 36 cases

Commission investigates issues raised in A-G's report

As you know the A-G's annual report just came out. And as usual there are numerous reports of obvious corruption and inefficiencies in various ministries, government departments and agencies. And as Malaysians we are quite used to this annual circus side-show. Announcements are made. Audible gasps are heard from tired, frustrated Malaysian tax-payers. Then? We wait for next year's Auditor-General Report. But today the MACC rubs salt in our wound by announcing the above. Aiyoh! Too much la.

Also on page 12 one minister at least has the balls to admit that he screwed up. The Youth & Sports Minister Ahmad Shabery Cheek admitted that the "local authorities did not have the expertise to handle horses resulting in many of them being underutilised" which in turn resulted in the RM56million spent on buying the horses becoming basically money down the drain. Okay Shabery, it's very nice of you to admit your ministry's mistake. Now, can we also have your head on a plate, please?

On page 14 of The Star there is a really hilarious story about the Auditor-General "pointing out" a pension mistake. A misplaced decimal point resulted in some pensioner being paid RM21,433 a month instead of RM214.33! Sadly, the story did not say if the baarger returned the money la. Would you have returned it? I am sure you would. Right!

On page 16 today the headline story just made me laugh and skip the story altogether.

DPM: Learn from Singapore

M'sia keen on republic's tourism and education models

Yes, Muhyiddin we should have started learning from those baargers decades ago. About public housing, public transport, country management, finance management etc. etc. etc. Now only want to learn from them issit? And somemore about tourism and education! I thought Ng Yen Yen was doing such a good job? Maybe we should teach them about how to make tourism displays more prominent by using RM1,500 display racks. And education? I thought you already announced that Math and Science is to be taught in BM. No argument! Those SG flers will tell you it won't work. Then how?

And finally, the award for the If-I-Don't-Know-What-The-Fuck-I'm-Saying-I-Should-Shut-The-Fuck-Up-Award goes to ex-Inspector-General Rahim Noor for his fantastically incomprehensible statement....

"Every century has its own wave and this could not be avoided. Previously, it was the wave of communism and Marxism, and now it is the human rights wave."

NIAMAH!!!

Same old Same old

2011-10-26T17:47:00.000+08:00

Even Najib finds the AG's Report hilarious.

Maybe we should do like Najib and read the AG's Report upside down to make some sense of it.

It must be frustrating being the Auditor-General of Malaysia. Every year you're required to roll out the same old production. Which is to highlight the excesses and obvious inefficiencies of government ministries, departments and agencies. Frustrating because you, and every Malaysian, knows that nothing will be done to correct the mistakes and that next year you will be required to do the same old thing again. As a Malaysian I'd rather have the A-G tell us about what has been done about the previous year's fuck-ups instead of just revealing more cock-and-bull. Otherwise, what is the point? We already know that there is corruption in the system and high-level inefficiencies. But what is being done about it?

This years 'revelations' include a failed cattle-rearing project which involves a company run by the family of a working minister in the current administration. In another country perhaps, this alone would cause a furore by tax-paying citizens. But this is Malaysia. And it is just another chapter in the latest Auditor-General's report.

The AG also revealed that 9 ministries had overspent their allocated budgets by RM3.73 billion!!! That is a lot of money. If it was not in the budget where did it come from? This is just from the latest AG's report so don't expect any answers okay?

The AG also discovered that a MARA subsidiary bought equipment at highly inflated prices. Like paying RM1600 for each high-speed sewing machines and ovens only to discover they cannot be used because the area they were to be used in had no electricity!

And the feisty Ng Yen Yen's ministry of tourism reportedly spent a million + to buy some brochure/pamphlet display racks!!!

Then as if to divert attention to all this bureaucratic excesses and fuck-ups PAS decides to announce that the planned Elton John concert in Genting Highlands "would have a negative effect on the younger generation..." and therefore should not be allowed to proceed. Elton John is gay you see. Thanks PAS you guys are sure doing the cause a BIG favour.

So, depending on how you feel at the time the annual Auditor-General's Report can either make you laugh until your sides ache. Or it can make you scream with frustration and want to go out and kill yourself a politician or a government bureaucrat. But like every year, things will quieten down after a couple of days. And we will go back to being blissfully about what happens to our money and our country. Same old, same old la. Tiu!!!

NIAMAH!!!

HAPPY DEEPAVALI

2011-10-26T12:12:00.000+08:00

TO ALL MALAYSIANS OF THE HINDU FAITH

HAPPY DEEPAVALI

Enjoy!

2011-10-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

Cyber troopers are having a ball at http://www.niamah.com/2011/10/people-unclear-on-concept.html

:-) cyber troopers need a sense of achievement too.

Niamah!!!

People unclear on the concept

2011-10-19T13:49:00.002+08:00

As you probably know I am currently acting in a musical concert In Perfect Harmony. The concert is produced by the Dama Orchestra and is commissioned by The Star to celebrate their 40th anniversary. I play the role of the narrator who takes the audience on a journey of the musical landscape of Malaysia across the last 4 decades.

On October 16, which was my birthday, my family and the cast and crew of the concert, together with some members of The Star team decided to surprise me with a birthday party after the show. And The Star made a mock front page with my photo on it and presented it to me as a present. We had loads of cake to eat, laughed, had a good time.

That was it.

But there were people quite unclear on the concept. As evidenced by this comment I received after The Star published a story about the event in the Metro section the following day.

Comment on niamah.com ................

Ha ha. The most niamah story of the week was featured on The Star yesterday where Patrick & family is in perfect harmony with The Star to receive 'The Voice' award despite the paper being the source of niamah topics. How ironic. Maybe Patrick succumbed to the money (or the framed award)dangling in front of him by MCA via The Star? It goes to prove that everyone has a price in Bolehland. Truly Niamah! The readers have been taken for a ride!

NIAMAH!!!

p/s and so it goes on. Niamah has been online for years and there are still people who don't know what it is about....
Comment:

The Star has degenerated into political machinery and your association by accepting the framed picture indirectly means you have succumbed to them and have appeared to be hypocrite now a laughing stock among some of your readers.

HELP!!!

2011-10-19T12:24:00.000+08:00

I need help deciphering this one as well. Really one. Anyone understand please explain okay?

I think he or she is trying to tell you something .

Probably you was once his icon in broadcasting . You may have been once a well balance person in your outlooks . Now you have turned into a person who disregard the reality . As you have aged you have transformed to be a mind blowing chauvinist . Your chauvinistic consciousness has reflected in your musical play recently .

I felt the same way too . Though the musical concert was in perfect harmony musically but the plot had the undertones which were irritating and perhaps unnecessary to be in the plot lines .

The musical journey you mentioned was a journey to remember our differences , to laugh together , to learn our mistakes and to celebrate our diversity . For many , It is a painful journey to remember and how much we try to learn to live together with our differences there are always some who try to rock it .

Our dream and vision of a land of harmony , understanding and laughter are just the dreams of a dreamer .

NIAMAH!!!

HUH???

2011-10-17T15:48:00.000+08:00

Can someone try and see if this can be deciphered into something that makes some sense? I sure don't understand what the writer is trying to say. He's trying to say something. But WHAT???!!!

This is a comment I received to the blogpost "A Malaysian Musical Journey"......

' A perfect harmony ' hoop ! , a musical journey of ups and downs fantasizing of ' our dream and vision of a land of harmony ' hoop again !

Since the day of the second wave of immigrants stepped foot in the ' glorious land we call home , Malaysia ' as claimed , Malaysia has never been in the state of mind to ' celebrate our diversity ' and differences . It has always been the connotation of acceptance , tolerance and wisdom that superficially cultured that make us vaguely apparent ; nevertheless , a water tight and segmented society .

Yes we have the ' ability to laugh at ourselves , laugh with brethren ' and be self-criticism and be open minded to ourselves ' through the musical landscape of our country ' but throwing constructed words and thoughts in our head was an erratic bearing and an arbitration to the inevitably sensitive environment .

No doubt , there is such configuration of democracy in theater , thus liberty of the audience prevails . But democracy and liberty are not absolute . It has to come with the sense of articulation . It is a responsibility to be articulated .

Since it is a musical concert , it is musically and heavenly excellence but the some contents are ' sumbang' in its harmony .

NIAMAH!!!

A Malaysian Musical Journey

2011-10-13T16:27:00.000+08:00

Harmony is just what you think it should be.

In Perfect Harmony is a musical concert produced by the Dama Orchestra. It is a musical journey which takes the audience through the musical landscape of our country during the past four decades. On the journey we remember our differences and celebrate our diversity. We remember our dream and vision of a land of harmony, understanding and laughter. We applaud our achievements and learn from our mistakes. And we never lose the ability to laugh at ourselves. Laugh with our brethren. Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan, Dusun and all the other more than 100 ethnic groups that make up this glorious land we all call home. Malaysia.

But at the end of the day In Perfect Harmony is a musical concert. A show. And we all take away from it what we wish to. Such is the democracy of theatre. And the liberty of the audience.

I would like to share one audience member's take of the show that he/she saw at the Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPAC) last night. But just to make things clear. The bunch of marauding bullies who attacked the Chinese man and his daughter were ALL Chinese! :-) Here, read this and think...

Not so perfect a harmony as depicted by the chauvinist Chinese!

I met an old friend at the pres club he works for a big corporation and asked me if I want to go see a musical titled "A Malaysian Musical Journey" (AMMJ) at the Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPAC). So he gave me five complimentary tickets!
He said it was going to be good when the Solianos will start the night with my favourite Malay songs!
Well, it turned out AMMJ was not what it claimed to be. AMMJ should have been dubbed A Malaysian-Chinese Musical Journey, just one of those pathetic sad old story of how Chinese in this country struggled. No one else struggled just the Chinese.
But that is fine with me, they did help built the country, but please do not portray it at the expense of Malays, who were portrayed as a bunch of a marauding bullies attacking a Chinese man and his little daughter out to make a living.
When that scene was shown I bet you that crippled Chinese narrator was laughing so hard he would exclaimed "Niamah Melayu served you right!"
I was soooo looking forward to enjoying the show which I did, until that crippled Chinese narrator was jibing and making allusive and deprecatory remark on our prime minister by hinting the PM should, like Richard Nixon, resign because of being involved in an "explosive" in an unnecessary innuendo making reference to an alleged involvement of PM and the dead Mongolian woman.
Then this crippled Ciuniama Chinese made an unnecessary political remark about Mahathir Mohamad and Maggi Mee, very degrading indeed!
In the final analysis the musical was indeed very Chinese in essence, laced with a sprinkle of P.Ramlee and few Malay songs I did not stay to watch the second half of the musical I was disgusted.
Why can't a musical be a true depiction of a the essence of the journey it depicts, why must a frustrated crippled Chinaman destroyed my evening with an unnecessary political statement and innuendos?
Postscript:
To people like crippled Patrik Teo the narrator of the musical, with a good government do not for once that you think you can stage a musical anywhere in this country.
In the morning when you switch on the light of you fancy apartment or a house you live in or turning on a tap to take a shower there is government there, with a good stable government you will smell like a pig turd because in countries like Iraq, Egypt and Libya everyone smell, not as bad as you though, because they have no water and electricity.

Another award goes to....

2011-10-11T12:59:00.000+08:00

Ha! Dish us somemore la. No tax rebate for you.

Hiyah! I totally forgot to hand out this award last week.

The Can-you-please-explain-because-we-sure-don't-understand-what-the-fuck-you're-saying-or-were-you-misquoted Award goes to......

FINAS director-general, Mohd Naguib Razak for saying, that the film Nasi Lemak 2.0 did not receive the 20% tax rebate enjoyed by most Malaysian films because it did not qualify for the Wajib Tayang (mandatory cinema screening) status due to "prejudiced views" against director-actor, Namewee. The FINAS fler also said that Namewee had sparked a controversy before and so the film which wanted to promote unity and foster the 1Malaysia spirit suffered.

Huh???!!! What???!!! Can you all please read that statement again and see if you can find the logic or reasoning behind the Finas fler's decision? I also remember that not that long ago another film, Ah Niu's Ice Kacang Puppy Love had similiar problems. It couldn't get the tax rebate then because it was considered NOT a Malaysian film because the actors in a story set in a Chinese community spoke Chinese!

Errrr....wait a minute.....I think I am finally beginning to discover what 1Malaysia really means.

NIAMAH!!!

And the award goes to.......

2011-10-10T22:00:00.002+08:00

The Istana Budaya, our multi-million Ringgit national theatre. I wonder how many world class artistes it has given birth to?

My apologies for not updating this blog as regularly as I would like. Making a living is one of the main reasons for this lapse in regularity. Actually, why am I having to explain this ah? I do because I care about you all lor. You are kind enough to come visit and share your thoughts sometimes. So I guess I have a certain responsibility to keep up this source of entertainment for you. I received this comment to niamah.com today...

Niamah on another round of hibernation again?

When you wake up, Najib could be returned to power already.
Please do your national duty, please.

Okay, so now it is MY national duty to update Niamah!!! so that...actually so that what ah? Aiyoh!

Anyway, naemine. Today's update is not about the Budget. It is not about anything earth-shattering la. I just want to announce an award la.

And the award for Politician Most Unclear of The Concept goes to...

Abdul Ghani Othman, Menteri Besar of Johor for announcing to the world that Johor needs bigger theatre to breed world-class artistes.

When are we ever going to learn that big buildings don't breed anything except cobwebs and wastage of public money. Artistes are not bred by buildings but by tradition, nurturing culture and the education system. Our current education system has little or no emphasis on the arts. And so suddenly you build a theatre and Kaboom! you're going to breed a generation of world class performing artists. How?

Update: Someone sent me this suggestion on Twitter. If we follow the Johor Menteri Besar's logic we should build a bigger and better Parliament House. Then the building will give birth to world-class politicians. That's one project I wouldn't mind my tax money being spent on.

NIAMAH!!!

Weekend funnies.

2011-10-01T18:55:00.000+08:00

This was banned in government offices in 1985

This morning I drove past this nice Indian bloke with a big smile standing by the bus stop selling newspapers. I stopped and got a copy of The Star. Because the fler selling it seemed like such an affable chap. And also because we were running low on fish wrap at home. Not much inside but I did find a couple of laughable stories. I shall try and share some of the laughs with you the best I can in this sick-as-a-dog condition I'm in right now.

Page N2

".....Najib said the Government would not abolish quotas for the bumiputra but had instead asked that they not be too dependent on the authorities."

Huh??? How does that work? Go ahead. Read it again. Is there some sense to this rather incredible way of saying nothing?

There's more from the fler at the same function. When asked about the controversial UndiLah video Najib said, "There is no ban on the video. I haven't seen it but we don't ban things like that."

Huh??? If he hasn't seen it how does he know it belongs to the 'things like that' category?

Then summor the fler added that it was up to the television stations to air the clip.

Ya, right! The fact that most of the TV stations belong to us and would not dare do anything that we don't approve of is a small point only la.

Page N16

An example of how much our country has changed appears on this page which unfortunately is not available on the online Star. The headline reads "Order goes out? Don't cover faces" On March 12, 1985 it was reported that then Minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Khalil Yaacob had ordered civil servants not to wear clothes covering their faces while at work. The story was accompanied by the drawing of a woman in a purdah.

If the same thing had happened in today's Malaysia I think there would be demonstrations and calls for blood. Actually, is the rule still valid ah? I know tudungs are the norm today but are civil servants allowed to wear the full face cover for religious reasons?

Niamah!!!

Greetings

2011-09-30T14:42:00.001+08:00

And the award goes to.....

My sincere apologies for not updating the blog as often as I should. I have been very busy over the past couple of months trying to 'cari makan' (work for a living) is one reason. The other is that, for some strange reason, my domestic helper, who used to have the daily chore stopped buying The Star and I didn't ask why!!! And that has deprived me of one of my favorite sources of funnies and Niamah!!! material. Just this morning I was thinking about this and paused for a moment to consider making the short trip down 22 floors, walking across a 20-meter lobby followed by a 70 meter walk to the convenience store to get a copy of The Peoples' Newspaper. And the journey back. I thought about it and .... nah! Then I got online to read The Malaysian Insider to look for some weekend funnies for Niamah!!! It's a bit lean I'm afraid. But I managed to find a couple that might bring a smile to your faces ahead of the weekend.

#1

The winner of the "I can't believe I actually said this and expect that people will believe me" Award is Deputy Minister of Information Communications and Culture Datuk Maglin D’Cruz when he said,

"......when the government wants to implement something we will always ask the people first. We cannot simply just implement it." Full story HERE.

#2

And the winner of the "I know what I am saying is true but no Malaysian is even going to attempt to believe me and that it could happen" Award is former senior police officer, Mat Zain for saying,

"Any DPP has the power to prosecute the A-G if they want to. Anyone amongst them who has the courage and will. No one can stop them. Not even the prime minister." Phwaaar!!! Terror funny, right?
Full story HERE.

Have a nice weekend, folks.

NIAMAH!!!

UndiLah. The video

2011-09-16T18:35:00.000+08:00

Watch and spread it to all you love and care about.

I'd never have guessed...

2011-09-14T15:21:00.001+08:00

Guess who?

"..........while one man standing in the road is a nuisance, a mere distraction, 10 men standing together are far harder to ignore. And if those 10 become 100, a thousand, a million, a billion even, they become force so big, so strong and so united in their common cause that those who espouse hatred will face a very simple choice. They can join us, or they can remain where they are and be crushed by the force of our collective will."

Who do you think said that? Bet you won't get it right.........

Prime Minister, Najib Razak.

Oxford - 17th May, 2011

Read the full text of his speech HERE. But be prepared with a barf bag. Just in case la.

NIAMAH!!!

Get used to it people!

2011-09-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

Our annual haze season.

Malaysians can get used to anything. Or you might think that la seeing how we deal with things like the air we breathe, the water we drink, the roads we drive on etc. etc.etc.

Years ago when the water from our taps changed colour to that of kurang manis teh tarik we all made such a big noise. OI!!! How can man? We all pay money one you know. Baarger how can the government give us dirty water? Our children will get sick. Then the government spun us some stories. Hiyah! The water pipes old already ma. Need time to change and need lots of money also. So take time lor. Be patient la. In the meantime, buy water filters lor. And man! Did we buy water filters! How many Malaysians became millionaires selling those things I wonder? And soon the conversation shifted from "How can the blaardy garmen not be able to supply clean water to its citizens"...... to ...... "Eh! What brand your filter ah? Mine is imported one you know?" ...... "Ya ka? Mine cost RM10,000.Yours how much?"

And all too soon we surrendered yet another one of our fundamental rights as tax-paying citizens. And got used to water filters becoming an essential of living in this country.

Then we were told that in order to develope our country into the 21st century we needed a better system of roads. And that we needed to privatize expressway building cos the government didn't have enough money to build them fast enough. This meant that we had to pay tolls to use these expressways. How can? We all made noise about it for a while. Even as these expressways just charge us for getting our cars into grid-locked traffic jams faster than usual. But we soon got used to it and stopped making noise. And we surrendered something else again. Although I am not sure having good roads free-of-charge is a right of a citizen la.

Then a few years ago we had our first sniff of the HAZE. When it first drifted over to our shores Phwaaar we made so much noise that the corridors of Putrajaya shook man. We did, right? To the extent I think ministers were sent over to 'solve' the problem. And those pharmacy flers sold surgical masks like hot cakes. The meteorological department published daily updates on air quality. The newspapers were full of stories of children affected, coughing, lung problems etc. and kept out of school.

And then our tourism flers said that publishing air quality reports affects tourist arrivals and therefore would adversely affect our revenue. The reports stopped. But the call for blood of those flers burning the forests in Indonesia continued. And so somebody released the news that the fires were actually set by oil palm plantation owners clearing land for planting. And that most of these plantations were Malaysian-owned!!! Oh dear! How can man?

And then news about the haze began to disappear from our media. Sales of masks slowed down. And we went about life in Malaysia as though nothing was amiss. Oh yes, we still do cough and tear a bit la. But it's an annual affair ma, this haze thing. Nothing we can do what.

NIAMAH!!!

AWESOME!

2011-09-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

Everybody! This is awesome. Watch it and spread it around to all your family and friends and all Malaysians who care to make Malaysia what it can and should be.

Niamah!!!

UNDILAH

2011-09-05T13:02:00.004+08:00

Pete Teo's PSA project promoting the Vote. Directed by Benji Lim. Vocal performances by Afdlin Shauki, Namewee and Kuli. Cameo appearences by politicians and celebrities. Full video release on SEPTEMBER 16, 2011. Join in to be notified.

https://www.facebook.com/undilah.msia

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI

2011-08-29T22:10:00.001+08:00

WISHING ALL MUSLIM MALAYSIANS

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI

Hands up if you know the answer

2011-08-23T14:27:00.000+08:00

Okay, everybody listen up......

How many of you think that Barisan Nasional is screwing up the country and need to be voted out at the next General Elections put your hands up.........Phwaar! So many hands up. Thank you.

How many of you think that Pakatan Rakyat will do a better job when they get into Putrajaya put your hands up.........Good, good, good quite a few hands up. Thank you.

How many of you know what Pakatan Rakyat's plans are to correct all the things you think are wrong with Malaysia's management/governance put your hands up...........ok let me see......one, two, three....okay not so many hands.... Thank you.

How many of you have read the manifestoes of the parties that make up Pakatan Rakyat, namely DAP, PKR and PAS? You don't know what a manifesto is ah? Okay a manifesto is defined as a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives or views of its issuer. In other words their plan for things la. So how many have read any one manifesto of DAP, PKR or PAS or Pakatan Rakyat as a whole please put up your hands.......come on don't be shy.....

You can read the Pakatan Rakyat manifesto HERE

It will be useful next time you attend a ceramah or fund-raising dinner or any event where PR people are speaking. After listening to all the wonderfully entertaining stories about anti-corruption, competitve open tenders, welfare dividends for the rakyat, equitable policies etc you can ask them questions about their plans for the future of Malaysia.

Niamah!!!

Very confusion la.

2011-08-22T15:46:00.000+08:00

It is not so simple. But what we can do immediately we will do la. Of course we can hold elections immediately because that is our prerogative kan.

First, Bersih walked/marched/demonstrated for clean and fair elections. They say a lot of things not right. Postal votes, registered voters who are more than 100 years old, dead voters even. Then the government said okay we will form this Parliamentary Select Committee and sort things out. They appoint 9 flers to do this job. Then they argue with Opposition flers about who should lead the committee with someone coming out to suggest that the Speaker should lead. Why? Because the fler is IMPARTIAL wor! Phwaaar!!! (Pssst...I've got this Lorex watch. Cheap. Genuine one. Only RM50 for you special.) Okay, okay still they were going to correct the wrong things in the electoral rolls and whatnot la. Then we all heaved a sigh of relief. Ahhhhh...finally on the way to fair and clean elections. AND THEN...........

Najib announces that the next general election can happen anytime and that setting the date of the election is the prerogative of the ruling government!!! HUH!!! But if things not yet corrected how to have elections? The the Najib fler go and tell us that the elections are not and cannot be bound by the works of the Parliamentary Select Committee on Electoral Reforms. He also said the garmen will try to implement any suggestions that the PSC comes up with before the elections. He also said that the PSC would discuss and decide the types of improvements to be made to the electoral process. The question I want to ask is that if the PSC has not yet finalised it studies and given its recommendations how can elections take place?

But of course being the PM, Najib has an answer. He said, "We will try, there must be something that can be done immediately. What we can do immediately, we will do immediately." Hahahahahaha...ya?

But WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

You confusion or not? And then ah, if you notchet registered to vote, this weekend is probably your last chance. So if you don't enjoy being screwed from behind like some fuls...I mean fools we know, I suggest you go and register la.

NIAMAH!!!

Weekend funnies

2011-08-19T15:25:00.002+08:00

Yay!!! It's Friday and the start of a weekend. And being Friday I went looking in The Star for some weekend funnies to share with you all. And I was not disappointed. There are quite a few. But here are some to get you started on your own quest for weekend MSM comedy.

#1

Okay, let's start with the front page The Star's Metro (Central edition. Not sure if you folks in other parts of Pen. MY got this too). There is this colourful photo of a row of Jalur Gemilang bunting stretching into the distance. The story was titled, "See stripes". And I must admit I was seeing something when I read the accompanying caption. It read......

As the ultimate sign of patriotism, pillars at the Institut Latihan DBKL in Bandar Tun Razak are draped with the Jalur Gemilang. A young man is seen admiring the final effect.

Alright, at first you may not find anything funny about that story. But read the caption again. The word used is ULTIMATE.

Putting up a few flags when ordered to do so is the ULTIMATE sign of patriotism? Is it? Then we are indeed a sad country lah. And if you look at the face of the young man in the photo, admiration would appear to be furthest from his mind at that moment in his life.

#2

Remember a few days ago I echoed by friend's suggestion that the compulsory acquisition and perhaps eventually destruction of the heritage buildings in Chinatown, Petaling Street was just a government side-show? And that it was to give a chance for MCA and Barisan Nasional to regain Chinese support? Of course, days after that post went on niamah.com Chua Soi Lek visited Petaling St. and reassured all the affected flers there "Not to worry. We shall kao tim for you one." And today in the news it is reported that Syed Hamid Albar (remember the fler who handed our little piece of rock in the middle of the ocean to Singapore?) who is the Land Public Transport Commission chairman, said "MRT alignment can be discussed" one. "We are willing to talk and listen to anyone regarding (the) project, he said.

Phwaaar! Really ah? Then how come didn't talk before making the announcement about the acquisition? People make noise only now want to talk issit? Why? And by the way, I would like to ask Syed Hamid Albar, as chairman of the Land PUBLIC Transport Commission, how many times in the past 10 years has he used public transport?

#3

Hidden in page 4 of the main paper, The Star reports some funnies by the Deputy Prime Minister. the headline was "Language breaks barriers, says Umno deputy chief".

Phwaaar! Good right? And just when you might want to cut our YB's some slack you read that what the DPM and the Selanyang Umno fler Subahan Kamal were actually doing was calling on our police flers to learn 2 other languages besides Bahasa Malaysia!!! English is good, said the Subahan fler. Then our mata-mata can chit chat with the tourists. Maybe he doesn't realise that most of the tourists that come to Malaysia these days speak either Mandarin or Arabic. And I am very sure that most of the police flers present at the functions as well as those reading the news stories were thinking, "Hiyah! Give us better salaries and better working conditions la. Then we can free ourselves from worrying about where the next meal is coming from and if our children are getting the care they deserve."

But I am sure that is not in the DPM or the Subahan fler's portfolios la. So don't talk, okay.

But the funniest weekend funny is buried in page 24 of the main paper and titled "The army is apolitical"

#4

It was reported some days ago that some army flers had squealed that they were ordered to vote for their officers and their wives.

Apparently, this pissed the armed forces big boss off. So this fler, Jeneral Zulkifli Mohd Zin announced, or rather threatened very loudly .........

The people need to show their support for the army's role in the country. How can we be loyal to you if you are disloyal to us.

In some countries that fler would have been taken out and lynched for saying something like that. But this is Malaysia and so it becomes just another weekend funny.

You have a great weekend okay?

NIAMAH!!!

A very different Malaysia

2011-08-18T16:38:00.000+08:00

At the risk of being called racist, unpatriotic or disrespectful of someone's religion I just thought that this is a example of how much we have changed since the days of Tun Razak, Najib's father and Bapa Pembangunan Malaysia. Someone sent me this....

It is pages from a programme book of the KGMMB (Kesatuan Guru-Guru Melayu Malaysia Barat's 1968 AGM.................

The cover of the programme booklet....

The advertisement which appeared on Page 2......

And on the facing Page 3, the message from Tun Razak, then Deputy Prime Minister....

What a different country we were back then. Better? Worse? You will have to decide that for yourself.

Somebody obviously forgot to take the booklet off the shelves in the national archives or the library where it was discovered.

Niamah!!!

Job Vacancy

2011-08-15T17:04:00.001+08:00

Damansara Village Steamboat Restaurants

has a vacancy for a RESTAURANT CAPTAIN.

Salary from RM1,600 up depending on experience and suitability.

For interview please call 012 2846181

Since I posted this up on Niamah.com we have received exactly 0 applications. This could mean:-

a) Malaysians aren't interested in this kind of work

b) Malaysia has full employment

c) All the legal foreign workers are busy getting themselves registered to get their blue IC's and vote

The job is still open. So if you are interested or know of someone who needs work, call us.

Niamah!!!

Conspiracy Theory 101

2011-08-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

Hiyah! Mo mun tai! MCA will kao tim for you.

The Chinese flers in Petaling Street are pissed! The government recently announced that they were going to acquire properties in the area for the MRT project. In fact, they have already served compulsory acquisition notices on 34 shops. Wah! How can? Destroying our heritage! Breaking our rice bowls! Phwaaar! A lot of unhappiness down there in Chee Chong Kai man! And who can blame them. Some of those flers have been doing business there for decades and like it or not the whole area is like a big tourist draw which Ng Yen Yen has used on her numerous promotions trips around the world especially now to one of Malaysia's biggest tourism markets, China. And if business in Chinatown is adversely affected where are all the Bangladeshi's, Nepalese, Pakistani's, Africans going to find work? So the traders and owners in Chinatown are up in arms. The PR flers are also there to support and call on the government to re-draw the MRT lines so that Kuala Lumpur's cultural map is not affected.

But just the other evening a friend told me, "Hiyah! No need to shout so much la. It's just a show only. It's part of Umno/BN strategy to regain some Chinese votes ma." Huh? How? Simple what. You just wait a few weeks and see. This is how it will happen.

The Chinese flers in Petaling Street will continue to get pissed about things. The PR flers will make more statements condemning the Umno/BN government for not being sensitive to this, that and the other. And then............

Chua Soi Lek and the "knights" of the MCA will ride in and announce that they have petitioned the government, on behalf of the Chinese community, to re-think the MRT and Chinatown acquisition plans. Then, Najib or Nazri or one of those flers who happens to be not on holiday at the time, will say OK! Then CSL will tell the Petaling St. flers, "See? Only MCA can give Chinese flers good representation in Parliament ma. So vote for us lor. By the way, can give more discount on that gold Lolex ah?"

That's the latest conspiracy theory in Malaysian politics. Can one ah? What you think?

Niamah!!!

Ngeh Ngeh Kong

2011-08-08T15:41:00.001+08:00

The most misleading newspaper headline award today goes to The Star. They wrote...

Explain proper way to raid a church, Kong tells Ngeh

MCA's Kong

DAP's Ngeh

We RAID places of worship so often these days that there are proper and improper ways to do so now? And not to sound personal about it la but the names of the 2 flers signal that the story would be quite tragically funny. You can read it HERE

NIAMAH!!!

Sort of an open letter to Citibank

2011-08-08T15:25:00.003+08:00

Citibank said, "Congratulations! You have just been upgraded to a world of added privileges." Phwaaaar! Good or not? I have been a Citibank credit card user since 1990. I have a Gold card. Always paid my bills on time and always paid in full. So yesterday, Citibank thought I might like to be upgraded to the Platinum Card and enjoy a world of added privileges. Although even after reading through the enclosed literature I could not discern any of those privileges other than getting more points at certain retailers and being able to buy Business Class airline tickets at a discount. Something which I cannot afford anyway. But I thought that since they offered I might just accept la and give the battered ego a boost with a piece of platinum-colored plastic in my wallet. And so I called the number given to 'activate' the card and spoke to a very nice officer who explained things very clearly and politely. Then I was asked to verify that I was indeed the Patrick Teoh to whom the invitation was extended. What is your old IC number, sir? What is your address, sir? What is your last transaction, sir and where? When did you last settle your Citibank card bill, how much was it and how did you make payment? And the questions just went on and on and I must admit that I did not manage to answer them to the satisfaction of the interrogating officer. Not because I was an imposter but because my old brain couldn't remember all the details. So in the end, I said thank you to the nice lady on the phone and decided to stick to my trusted old Citibank Gold Card and hung up thinking that rewards from credit card companies aren't really what they are made up to be and I went and popped a blood pressure pill.

Niamah!!!

WHAT THE FUCK???!!!

2011-08-02T16:23:00.008+08:00

This has got to be the most offensive Ramadan television advertisement EVER! Thanks to 8TV! Still want to watch them and give them ratings? You decide.

Ooops! They have removed the video fromYouTube. Is there anyone who has downloaded the video to share? Let me know.

Just found this one...

Since this TV ad came to light a lot of people have commented saying that it is racist. But it isn't. The girl in the video could have been Malay, Chinese, Indian, Kadazan or any of the 100+ ethnic groups in Malaysia. The effect would have been the same. It just shows a total lack of good taste and a total absence of creativity in communication.

NIAMAH!!!

Hiyoh! Really Niamah la!!!

2011-08-02T13:42:00.000+08:00

Hiyoh! Don't worry what I say. Just follow aje la! Faham tak?

Over the last couple of days there have been several incredible stories that have appeared in the MSM as well as the online alternative media. And most if not all of the events reported definitely will qualify for entry into Ripley's Believe It Or Not la.

Did you read about Najib's unbelievable announcement about not wanting to say whether he is Malaysian 1st or Malay first? It was reported in The Malaysian Insider HERE. The Prime Minister was asked this 'sensitive' question by a student when he attended the Malaysian Student Leaders Summit. Najib refused to openly declare himself a “Malaysian first”. Why? His alleged answer will stun any Malaysian into total disbelief. Najib's answer was that he did not, ‘want to respond in a way that will divide me from my deputy. In Malaysia, that can be very dangerous’. If you have ever felt like just a pawn in a giant Malaysian game of politics that statement from the PM should have removed all doubt. But that is not all, Najib allegedly continued and said “1 Malaysia is our guiding philosophy. It does not matter what you say, just as long as you follow.” If anybody can credibly explain what the fuck that means I will buy you dinner. It does not matter what you say, just as long as you follow? Follow whom? Follow what? Is it like I will follow 1Malaysia concept but you're a fucking pendatang and should be grateful for what scraps you get so shut the fuck up? Sorry I said the last bit la but I follow 1Malaysia concept. 1 for me and 1 for you ma. Get it?

The other current thing happening that is quite frighteningly amusing is this registration of legal and illegal foreign workers. And ya, the biometric system. First of all I'll bet none of you reading this can fully explain or understand what it is and what it actually does for the country, this biometric thing-a-ma-jig. Can you? I can't. But I do know that since the name BIOMETRIC started being bandied around by the flers from the Home Ministry there has been nothing but fuck-ups. Remember how the system collapsed at the Johor Immigration check-points? Now we read about the system collapsing daily while being used in the registration exercise. But that is not what gets my goat about this registration thing.

Registering legal foreign workers? Now, that statement alone is quite confusing. If they are not registered workers doesn't it make them illegal workers? And if they are illegal foreign workers how did they get work here in the first place? And shouldn't they be penalized instead of registered?

Registering illegal foreign workers and offering them amnesty? If they are illegal foreign workers working here shouldn't they be deported? After all, we deport people for simple things like making a speech at a dinner party. So why are we wasting time and money registering these illegal workers? So they can come in, work illegally and then get registered to become "legal"? Very strange Malaysia Boleh system ain't it?

And then ah, what is this amnesty offer to the illegal baargers about?

My online dictionary defines AMNESTY as the act of an authority (as a government) by which pardon is granted to a large group of individuals.

So what? Does it mean that all those illegal flers from Indonesia, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Philippines, Myanmar etc. are going to get their papers to stay and work in Malaysia? And eventually become Permanent Residents or worse, citizens with voting rights? And all from starting as illegal workers?

Wah! I've heard that Malaysia is a paradise but this gives that statement new meaning man!

When I read the papers about this registration of legal and illegal workers I discover that there are hundred of thousands of them. Probably totaling past the million mark on final count. Call me paranoid or whatever but this scares the shit out of me with the General Elections coming up soon. We have close to 4 million eligible Malaysians who have not registered to vote. And meanwhile, they are opening counters round-the-clock to register legal and illegal workers. I am not saying that there is any connection at all here. But isn't there something at the back of your mind that tells you something is not quite right?

The only comfort about this registration thing is that it is now Ramadhan and Muslims fast. So the Immigration flers probably ain't working as fast as they can do at punching those biometric machines.

Okay la, I shall leave you today with a story that is not so tearing-out-hair type la.

It is reported in The Star today that a teenaged contractor in Penang is the talk of the town. He was awarded a RM1million contract for a school building project. But what is so funny about the story which is about MCA's Tan Cheng Liang accusing the Penang government about being racist in awarding contracts, is this paragraph in the Star report...

"Wanita MCA deputy secretary-general Tan Cheng Liang claimed that the bumiputra student was awarded the project to construct a double-storey religious school in Batu Maung which has since been completed."

This MCA woman seriously needs a brain re-tweak. So what if the contractor is 19 years old? So what if he is bumiputra? So what if he is a part-time college student? The important thing is he got the contract through open tender. So he must have met all the conditions set. And he has successfully completed the project he was awarded. Eh hello! Ms. Tan if you want to make some noise also must be a bit smarter la. Go find out if the kid has completed the building without defects and that the quality standards set by the government have been met. Stuff like that la. Still want to talk about race issit? Now add age some more.

NIAMAH!!!

Selamat Berpuasa

2011-07-31T22:54:00.002+08:00

Here's wishing all Muslims in Malaysia

SELAMAT BERPUASA.

Najib and the Queen of England

2011-07-17T15:48:00.004+08:00

Najib and the Queen

Caption contest

And the winner is...................

SC ng

Najib: *choke choke* Why your majesty, that's a simply stunning dress *choke choke*

HM the Queen: Why thank you, it's "clean" *wink*

Congratulations, SC. I have left a comment with details on your blog.

To all the visitors who participated in the contest, thank you for your kid support of

NIAMAH!!!

The day after

2011-07-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

Eh? I thought that Najib's walkabout around the Bersih 2.0 route was an impromptu act to show that the 'silent majority' supported him and the BN government? Then how come they knew ahead to get him a souvenir one?

I wonder how much this Thamby's business lost during the Najib walkabout yesterday?

Hiyoh! I tell you ah children nowadays are so smart la. You can't fool them.

(Photos copied from The Sun website http://www.thesundaily.my/news/74434 )

Niamah!!!

More Thursday funnies

2011-07-07T14:10:00.003+08:00

They are Malaysia's 3rd line of defence, I tell you!

This has got to be the most incredible statement from someone whom we presumed is an intelligent grown-up person.

Prime Minister Najib Razak announced that he wants silat (Malay martial arts) exponents to participate in the country's transformation programme. He also said that he regarded the group as the third line of defence after the armed forces and the police!!!

WHAT!!!???

Read the rest of this incredible utterance HERE

This photo and this story makes it NOT funny anymore but downright scary. What is the Prime Minister saying?

“I believe if there are evil enemies who want to attack the country from without and within, ‘anak-anak lincah’ will rise to fight them,” said Najib in a fiery speech last night.

“But tonight, we do not gather to fight,” added the prime minister. “We do not gather to wield the keris (dagger). We gather for the loyalty and unity of our country.”

Read the full SCARY report HERE

Niamah!!!

You sure or not?

2011-07-07T13:56:00.000+08:00

This is Niamah!!! funny ahead of a very sensitive weekend...

Errr...You sure or not?

If I remember correctly just some weeks ago there was a big Hoo-Hah by certain people about how Christians were plotting to install a Christian Prime Minister in Putrajaya. Demonstrations in Penang and all over the country in protest. Now there is news that Najib is going to visit The Vatican soon. I wonder if there will be more protests to come about this? Hahahahaha...

Niamah!!!

Really NIAMAH la!

2011-07-06T16:23:00.000+08:00

NIAMAH!!!

Early this morning one of my wife's staff members was stopped on his way to work. He was riding his motorcycle. The police stopped him and insisted that he take off his jacket to show them what T-shirt he was wearing!!! Ya. That was what I said when I heard about the incident. What the FUCK???!!! Apparently, they were still looking to arrest people found wearing the yellow T-shirts with Bersih 2.0 on it. Promoting an illegal gathering it seems. But I am totally confused now. What is legal and what is illegal. Or in the words of one of the men in blue, "UN-illegal".

Let's re-play the events of the last few days. His Majesty the Yang DiPertuan Agung issued a statement calling on the organisers of Bersih 2.0 to call off the march on the streets saying that it will do more bad than good. The organisers being loyal citizens of His Majesty seeked an audience with His Majesty to clarify things and said that if it was His Majesty's wish then they would call off the rally. At almost the same time Prime Minister, Najib in his infinite wisdom announced that he would allow Bersih 2.0 to rally if they would do it within the confines of a stadium. And he even said that they could 'shout' as loud for as long as they want. What does this mean? Wouldn't it mean that Najib is saying that the rally is legally allowed to take place inside a stadium? But then his cousin, the Home Minister had days ago branded the Bersih 2.0 event as an illegal gathering and threatened using the ISA on all involved. And the police, under instructions from the Home Ministry I suppose, started arresting people for taking part and/or promoting an illegal rally. By simply wearing yellow T-shirts or carrying banners or encouraging people to join the rally. And now I read from the Bersih blog that the Merdeka stadium authorities have refused to take Bersih 2.0's booking saying that the stadium is unavailable due to in-house activities or renovations or some such silly reason. So what is going to happen? One cousin says one thing, the other cousin says another. And the civil servants, under instructions from one cousin or some deputy I guess, do something else.

The latest news is that the Home Minister has announced that Bersih 2.0 is still ILLEGAL.

What the fuck is happening to this country?

This is really one time I want to open my window and SHOUT out...

NIAMAH!!!

FREE

NIAMAH!!! CAR STICKERS.

Send STAMPED self-addressed envelope to:-

Patrick Teoh

P.O. Box 472

Jalan Sultan

Petaling Jaya.

What's it all about?

2011-06-28T22:48:00.002+08:00

The Bersih 2.0 rally is happening July 9, 2011. Are you sure what it is all about? If you don't know or if you have been side-tracked or if you have forgotten. It isn't about race, rights and privileges, over-
throwing the government or waging war against the Agung. It is not an Opposition initiative.

It is about...

1. Clean the electoral roll

2. Reform postal ballot

3. Use of indelible ink

4. Minimum 21 days campaign period

5. Free and fair access to media

6. Strengthen public institutions

7. Stop corruption

8. Stop dirty politics

That is ALL.

NIAMAH!!!

It is Anwar!

2011-06-25T15:47:00.001+08:00

It is not their fault. The American experts dah confirm da. After all, they made Avatar so they must know kan? Tun pun da cakap dulu.

Datuk T: So okay. You are very sure that the video is genuine kan?

American Expert: Yes, we have done our extensive investigations and all sorts of tests and we can safely say that the video is genuine and it has not been tampered in any way. Or has any computer generated images added or enhancements done to it. Although I would suggest you use a better quality video cam the next time you want to make a porn movie.

Datuk T: So the fler in the video is Anwar Ibrahim?

American Expert: Who? What are you talking about?

Datuk T: The fler who fucked the prostitute in the video tu. He is Anwar Ibrahim kan?

American Expert: We don't know who the fuck this Ann Woa is and we don't fucking care. Just hand over the money. We got appointments with the guys from Sudan next. Ok? Thank you.

Datuk T: Ni okay juga bro. Suruh Star menulis headline macam ni, "It is Anwar". Ha! Semua pakcik, makcik kampung mesti percahaya dan kita akan menang! Kao tim! Phwaaar! Besssss ni bro. Jom gi shopping dulu.

American Expert: Errr...I think you forgot one little detail?

Datuk T: Apa tu? What is that?

American Expert: (rubbing thumb and fingers together...)

Datuk T: Oh! Sorry ah. Oi! Thamby mana Australian briefcase Taib tu? Bagi la dia.

American Expert: Thank you. Now fuck off. And close the door behind you. Please.

NIAMAH!!!

Tuesday WTF! funnies

2011-06-21T15:28:00.000+08:00

We must be moderate!!! You understand?

Some days are just days when you want to shout out loud What the FUCK!!! Today is one of those. Okay. First of all, the prime minister, Najib Razak makes this big announcement at the Langkawi International Dialogue which was reported in The Star like this...

Moderation is the way....Najib's call to stand united against extremism gains support.

I am not sure what the fler was referring to in his speech la. Whether it is some big international issue that required moderation or what. But in light of what's been happening right here in Malaysia the past couple of weeks doesn't the prime minister's statement make you want to vomit? Moderation issit? Stand against extremism issit? While some clown right here in the prime minister's own backyard is allowed to make seditious threats of racial violence and go unpunished? Not even so much as a slap on the wrist? When even Umno's own Khairy Jamaluddin has called for action against the fat clown for making racist and seditious statements and threatening the Chinese community and yet the clown is allowed to continue with his extremist rants. But of course our dear prime minister was just telling that rubbish to all the flers from Africa la.

Maybe they all more gullible la. Or maybe they just needed a good laugh.

The other WTF! story in The Star today concerns Sudanese president, Omar al-Bashir. This man is accused by the International Court of genocide, crimes against humanity and war crimes in his country. Wikileaks also allegedly revealed that he has embezzled state funds amounting to US$9 billion! But with 1 stroke of the pen The Star has almost cleared his name by praising him as a "leader much maligned by the international community". Phwaaaar! Good or not? The columnist also described his absence from the Langkawi International Dialogue as a "missed opportunity" for Malaysia. Well, maybe that is true la for some of our flers here in Malaysia. A fler who can allegedly embezzle US$9 billion might have lots to share.

NIAMAH!!!

Weekend funnies

2011-06-17T15:46:00.001+08:00

The brave boys in blue on their way to a march...sorry I mean a rally. Got to get the category right.

It's Friday so I thought I would try and look for something funny to post up here for the weekend. There's not really been much that is funny in the newspapers recently. Okay la so we all thought Ng Yen Yen's spend of RM1.8million to build 6 Facebook pages for Tourism Malaysia was quite funny. Actually, her explanation on video was quite entertaining too......

And did you notice her choreographed hand gestures? That was genuinely funny. And in the funnies stakes she was just ahead of deputy prime minister, Muhyiddin Yassin who announced to anyone who still wanted to listen that "...we (I suppose meaning Umno or/and the BN government) have nothing to hide especially when it involves public expenditure." If not for the DPM the 1st part of the week would have been positively boring. Reality comedy-wise. Thank you, YB.

And while leafing through today's Star I found a couple of funnies to share with you. The first one is on page 2 titled Umno Youth plans march. Apparently, in a case of "if you can't beat them join them", Umno Youth chief, Khairy Kamaluddin announced that the wing will be organising a march on the same day the Bersih 2.0 flers plan to demonstrate for fair elections. Okay la, so some of you are really worried about what is going to happen on the day of the march (-es) and if there might be violence and injuries. So what is so funny about that, you ask? Well, for one Khairy announced that the reason for the Umno Youth demo is "to create awareness on the shortcomings of the election system and propose suggestions to improve the election process." Huh? Isn't that what Bersih 2.0 wants to do? So why is Umno Youth organising their own march to demand the same thing? Why not join with Bersih 2.0? After all both groups are Malaysians wanting a better-run country ma. Regardless of race some more. That would be truly 1Malaysia, right? Or a step in the right direction. But being that I guess it will never happen. Now, that's funny. This next bit also very funny one...

Khairy alleged that many voters' names were moved by the Opposition from its winning Parliamentary constituencies to losing ones. You understand that or not? When I read that I was also confused. Huh? What? So I did some asking around. What the accusation meant was this. Let's say Mr.X of Opposition won with a majority of 20,000 in the last election when all he needed was a simple majority of 10,000 to credibly keep the seat. So he got surplus lor. So Mr. X then gets the other 10,000 flers who voted for him to all agree to go to the national registration department and change their addresses and then re-register with the new addresses so that they can vote in the constituencies where the Opposition is weak. Now if you're a Malaysian you will know what an incredible and impossible task that is going to be. But Khairy says that is what is happening. Maybe he knows how it's done. From experience.

In the same Star story it is also reported that DPM Muhyiddin warned that Bersih should think "carefully about what it is doing and its effect on the country and impact on the people." That is also funny. In a 'hmmmmmm......' kind of way.

In the meantime, Puteri Umno has joined a "chorus of protests" against the planned Bersih 2.0 rally Actually why is the Umno one called a march and Bersih one called a 'rally'? March got no water-cannon and tear gas issit? And why no protests against the Umno Youth "march"?

Eh? I just thought of something. Both the March and the Rally are going to be heading to the Agung's house, the Istana to present their cases to His Majesty. Then how ah? Interesting leh.

Wah! Actually this week ending quite funny la.

NIAMAH!!!

p/s And have a great Father's Day!

Ipoh chee cheong fun

2011-06-08T16:52:00.000+08:00

The first thing I heard as I stepped out of my car in front of the legendary Kedai Makanan Canning Garden was this resonant voice projected from the depths of the diaphram. The owner of the voice stood over a plastic chopping board, a plastic chopper in his hand. Resolutely cutting pages of white chee cheong fun into strips. This was the man whose chee cheong fun stall I had been looking for that morning to satisfy my craving for some good Ipoh-style chee cheong fun. Ok, for the less-informed chee cheong fun is literally translated into pig's intestine noodles although that part of the pig's anatomy is not used in the preparation of this quintessential Ipoh-ite breakfast food. Ok, back to the man. He was swearing in Cantonese that would make a Triad hitman blush. It appeared that was part of his charm because none of the queue of customers seemed to take any notice of his reference to parts of their parents anatomy liberally spiced with descriptions of what they could do with their orders for "less soya sauce", "more chili, less sweet sauce", "no shalllots" and the list did indeed go on to an extent that it would test Job's patience. But his swearing seemed to concentrate on how busy he was and that he didn't have the capacity to listen to everybody at the same time.

I went and stood next to him. And when there was a pause in his rants I slipped in saying, "Excuse me, can you tell me when you have time for me to tell you what I want? I can see you're busy so I am asking you to tell me when I can speak to you." That seemed to shock him. He paused his chops of the oily noodles. Took a long look at me and then...SURPRISE! He asked me for my order despite the fact that there were at least 4 customers ahead of me. A minute later his assistant shoved a large metal plate of chee cheong fun at me and barked "Sarm kao yee!" 3 Ringgit 20 sen. I took the plate, sat down at a nearby table and enjoyed my breakfast while watching the next customer curse when told that I had taken the last order of chee cheong fun available for the day.

The famous Canning Garden chee cheong fun. It is more chewy than the factory-produced variety that we KL folks are used to but definitely more tasty. I like mine with just soya sauce and oil although you can order it with a variety of other toppings. Curry pigskin, mushroom sauce or even (gasp!) a thick gravy of prawn paste.

The guru of chee cheong fun, Ipoh-style. Depending on whom you speak to this fler has been selling his chee cheong fun on the same corner of the kedai makanan for 30, 40, 50 years. But looking at him I would say 40 is the closest. He looked like in his early 60's. Quite trim which meant he probably never ate his own oily cooking. Tobacco-stained teeth. And an attitude. When I spoke with him later he informed me that Ipoh people were the most difficult, fussy customers in the world. More of that, less of this, don't cut it too thick, don't sprinkle sesame seeds...if I get gastric from your pickled green chili you pay for my doctor's bills ah? I forgot to ask his name. But I am sure that I shall visit his stall again. And maybe even introduce him to.......

NIAMAH!!!

What the ****!

2011-05-21T10:16:00.001+08:00

Minta maaf ya. But you all must really stop eating altogether la. Ok? Anyway, it's bad for you and you will save money if you don't eat.

There has been a lot of speculation about the prices of RON95 petrol and diesel going up because the government intends to cut subsidies for fuel. I am not pissed off about all the proposed cuts of subsidies. What I am pissed off about is that we NEVER ever see the money that we are supposed to be saving from all these cuts!!! We're always told by the PM, DPM and other assorted BN YB's that the money saved from cutting subsidies will be used for all sorts of projects that will benefit the Rakyat in the long run. But do we see these? Maybe my eyesight not so good la. You leh? Got see ah? If got please share with us okay? So we don't have to enter the weekend so TOO LAN leh? Thank you hor.

NIAMAH!!!

p/s And like DAP's Tony Pua said the "overwhelming bulk of fuel-related subsidies (are) given to companies with lucrative concessions earning billions of Ringgit in profits annually". So explain that first before asking the Rakyat to 'change their lifestyle and tighten their belts" Muhyiddin Yassin!!! AGAIN!!!
Niamah!!!

What cock!

2011-05-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

Together we'll tighten our grip on their gullibility.

(The money for both their suits would feed a rural family of 4 for a couple of months. At least!)

We all know politicians tend to talk cock. Most of the time. But there are times when the cock they talk can really get on your goat la. Like today in The Star, the Deputy Prime Minister announced that there are going to be "increase in prices on various products due to increase in oil prices and reduction in food supply caused by changes in the global climate." I especially like that last part. "......caused by changes in the global climate." Phwaaar!!! Sounds damn terror, right? Changes in global climate. Of course, if you read on you will realise that part of what he was trying to do was to cushion the announcement that the government was going to cut subsidies on diesel among other things. Cuts in subsidies are inevitable I suppose but it was the DPM's next statement that really pissed me off.

He said "Malaysians should control their expenses and learn to increase their own food supply."

Doesn't that make you mad? Control expenses? Like how? Eat ONE meal a day instead of THREE? Tighten the belts some more? If we tighten belts any more like the DPM and last time the PM advised us to do we'd die of asphyxiation. Increase our own food supply? How? Plant rice in terrace house 4ftx6ft "gardens"?

And in the meantime the government has just spent money erecting all those 1Malaysia monuments to stupid extravagance all over the country, bought submarines that don't submerge to patrol ...... (actually to patrol what ah?), failed to explain YB's whose lifestyles are comparable or exceed those of the rich and famous, or YB children who can afford to even consider RM400million divorce settlements......you can continue the list as you wish. And you know you can make a long list.

NIAMAH!!!

Some damn funny stuff

2011-05-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

Sssssssssssssssshhhhhh! Cabinet meeting in session.

This is a good Thursday for a few laughs from the newspapers and online news portals. On the front page of The Sun today there is a story headlined "Islam's status secure". The story is about Najib's furious attempts at defusing the tensions raised by the Utusan Malaysia articles about a Christian plot to take over the government and make Christianity the religion of the country. The PM said that "everyone must accept the fact that Islam is the official religion of the country and that it cannot be changed in whatever form. This is because the reality is that we have the Federal Constitution and its provision on the position of Islam and the other religions is very clear......Under whatever circumstances, the Federal Constitution cannot be amended and as such, no one should be worried or feel uneasy on this matter"...

What's funny is that Najib said the Federal Constitution is cannot be amended "under whatever circumstances". I think it is common knowledge that the Malaysian Constitution, since Merdeka, has been amended more than 600 times!!! So why our prime minister tell us cannot? Like that will sure scare anyone who thinks that the nonsense Utusan says will come true, right? Funny, right?

Another funny can be found on page N3 of The Star today. The headline read DOE: Drop in visibility an annual affair. The story was in reference to the shitty air-quality that we are currently experiencing. Haze up your ass that chokes your lungs faster than a pack of finest Virginia tobacco. What's funny? Don't you remember that just a few short years ago it was, "What?! Fuck the baargers!". Demonstrate in front of their Embassy. Boycott their maids and labourers. Report them to the United Nations. Stop listening to keroncong. How can they do this to us every year? And now it is "An annual affair"? But at least now they do say that the haze is the result of winds blowing over smoke from open burning in Sumatra. No more that "a neighbouring country" kind of shit. Progress!

On another page of The Star today is the report about Taib Mahmud's son divorcing his estranged wife. Mahmud's wife is asking for RM400million in matrimonial property and 'gifts'. Now I find that really funny. Why? How come Barisan Nasional chief ministers and YB's always have the ability to raise children who have such brilliant entrepreneurial skills as to amass vast fortunes in such a short time and at such a young age? Funny, right? Okay la. So it also pisses me off la. You too, right?

And this to me is the funniest bit from The Star today......"Umno has to be the pillar of the country. The Umno brand and its leaders are still strong and valued by the people. If we work hard to maintain our position by putting the people first, we will continue to celebrate more anniversaries in the future"....Najib Razak, president of Umno.

I want to laugh with you some more la but the haze is coming inside and I'm choking. It's just an annual affair la.

NIAMAH!!!

Wednesday funny

2011-05-11T15:09:00.001+08:00

No la. It's nothing.

I was feeling bored while waiting for people to arrive for a lunch meeting. So I looked around and found a magazine which had a photo of Dr. Mahathir on the cover. And like so many Malaysians I did the next thing which was to open the magazine to see what Dr. M was up to. Inside there was a multi-paged article and interview with the senior statesman. Nothing new or funny about that I suppose. Then towards the end of the piece I noticed that the writer had done a listing of Dr. Mahathir's 'achievements' and titled it "Dr. Mahathir's Legacies". What I read made me fall off the chair laughing. Truth be told if I was Dr. M I would really be upset that such a list was printed. Take a look and see if you think it is funny. In a ironic kind of way.

Dr. Mahathir's Legacies:-

Vision 2020
National Car manufacturer, Proton
Petronas Twin Towers
North-South Expressway
Multimedia Super Corridor
Putrajaya
Kuala Lumpur International Airport
Sepang International Circuit
Bakun Dam
Langkawi's Development
Malaysia Boleh

Other than the North-South Expressway which made travelling a bit more convenient for Malaysians, does the man have anything to be proud of? Funny, right?

Niamah!!!

When a community comes together

2011-05-10T12:12:00.003+08:00

When a community comes together, regardless of race or religion, wonderful things can happen. Including making bad music videos and tolerating corny lyrics and bad singing. After all, we made this TOGETHER.

But in the case of these flers it might just have been too little a little too late la. Same as us maybe, hor?

We have much to learn.
Niamah!!!

Aiyoh! What is happening la?

2011-05-09T13:45:00.002+08:00

Events in Malaysia over the last few weeks have really been mind-bogglingly confusing and scary and funny. All at the same time.

Najib and his supporters are still mouthing the 1Malaysia slogan although a little less confidently than before. And I think the other slogan, Rakyat DiDahulukan is all but forgotten in the political parties' race to see who can outdo whom in the circus centre-ring.

First, we hear of the leader of a race-based political party, MCA, telling the Chinese communities that unless they choose MCA in the next general election they (Chinese) stand to lose representation in Parliament. This is followed a few days later by more threats to the Chinese from no-less than the Prime Minister himself! I paraphrase, but he more or less said, "Unless you vote for Barisan Nasional and MCA you flers are fucked!" If that is the way things are done in Bolehland then I pity the Eurasian flers. And the Orang Asli brethren. With the kind of representation they have in Parliament they're fucked for sure. Wait a minute...I think they already are. Sorry guys. Maybe you want to consider starting up parties of your own. Since it has been said many times by the Prime Minister and other YB's that Malaysia is not ready and should not have a 2-party system then perhaps the more parties we have the better.

The latest issue to come up is this ridiculous accusation by Umno-controlled daily, Utusan Malaysia that there are plans afoot by certain political parties and Christian groups to turn Malaysia into a Christian country!!! And that a Christian prime minister (or non-Muslim one) is so totally unacceptable. This is all beginning to sound like a school yard fight, doesn't it? Among children with nothing else better to do because the teacher is not looking or caring or using the students to start something for their (the teachers) benefit. And some more those flers keep quoting the Malaysian Constitution! When it is clearly written in the Constitution that what they (Utusan and their supporters) are claiming is WRONG! Read this report.

I think the events of the past few weeks must finally make all Malaysians realise that we are ALL Malaysians. That this is OUR country. That we must ALL work TOGETHER, regardless of race and religion for the future of our Children and our HOME!!! Regardless of what colour we are, which God or Allah or gods we worship. What language we speak. What clothes we wear. What food we eat.

We are Malaysians.

NIAMAH!!!

Tragic funny

2011-04-28T15:49:00.001+08:00

Errrr......teacher, teacher I very hard the misunderstanding your Engrand glamour la.

My almost 8 year old son goes to a government-type Chinese primary school. It's the only type of school that we can afford. Like other little boys of his age, he enjoys going to school. And like hundreds of thousands of other little Malaysian children he IS NOT getting the education he deserves.

While grown-ups and politicians argue about......

Who is in the sex video.
Whether it is 1Malaysia, 1Melayu, 1 Bumi.
Whether one race is supreme over another.
Whether to teach Math and Science in English, Chinese, Malay or Zwahili.

......my son and others like him are required to grapple with problems like this in their Math in English work sheets.......

"Zaini has sell 4 electric water heater which its type is instant water heater for Monday. He has sell 1 and 3 water heater on Tuesday and Wednesday. How many electric water heaters did he sell?"

Oh ya, somebody also forgot to tell this teacher that those aren't pictures of electric water heaters, instant or otherwise, they are electric kettles! Okay, okay so kettles are water heaters too. But they sure ain't the instant type, right?

NIAMAH!!!

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T10:09:00.000+08:00

Wishing all Malaysians of the Christian faith

HAPPY EASTER

May the Lord's blessing and love be upon all

Free email or not free email?

2011-04-21T14:19:00.000+08:00

Yay! Free email account for all Malaysians. Only cost RM50million.

No, no, no...I mean won't cost anything cos it is a private sector initiative.

First of all I must apologise for not following the comedy about free 1Malaysia email accounts as closely as I should have la. But I woke this morning and read the news reports about it and I got very confused leh. Okay, let me try and list what I remember about the comedy show as chronologically accurate as I can.

1. Najib announces that as part of his grand scheme of things every Malaysian aged 18 years and above will receive a free 1Malaysia email account.

2. All sorts of shit hit the fan. Thousands of Malaysians came online and protested. Free? We already have free email accounts. Gmail. Yahoo. Hotmail. Et cetera. We've had them for years. So why do we need this 1Malaysia email?

3. It's just a way of Big Brother wanting to keep track of us. What we're up to and to make sure that we don't get "urges" to support the Opposition.

4. Then it was announced that the whole business is going to handled by a company called Tricubes Bhd. which is a GN7 (or something number la) company. Meaning that it is in danger of being de-listed by the BSM because of poor performance or something. At the time the shares of this company were worth only RM0.05 each.

5. Another piece of turd hit the fan when they said the whole exercise was going to cost RM50million. People started screaming. Waffor? Why waste money? Free email account without internet connection or computer for what? Give la free WiFi. Or 1Malaysia laptops to every Malaysian over 18.

6. Then garmen explain that it is not only free email but also a way of communicating with the garmen on all sorts of things. Can ask questions. Can pay bills. Can make life easy when dealing with the garmen la.

7. Then garmen also explain that it is a private initiative and money is not coming from tax-payers.

That last statement really made me confused la.

So this company that is really in the shit house financially decides one day to do this free email and multi-tasking portal because it realised it wanted to do its duty and give Malaysians something free before they go bankrupt ah? No. Today they explained that the company plans to generate revenue from the 1Malaysia Email project via advertising, an online marketplace, and the online delivery of government bills and notices. Oh. Okay......so this is an example of the company's brilliant business strategy in the face of impending TUTUP la.

And the latest report in The Malaysian Insider discovers that Pemandu, the Performance Management and Delivery Unit, has changed details of the 1Malaysia email project on its website between the day it was announced and yesterday, and now calls it a private sector initiative when it was previously listed as a government initiative. Not something that will reverse public perception of the project nor instil much needed confidence in the garmen's transparency, right? But here comes the best bit so far from this near to bankrupt company.

"...the government is neither funding nor underwriting this project" and it would be financing the RM50million require over 10 years by reinvesting revenue from the project.

Huh???

They plan to finance the project by re-investing revenue from the project??? When the project not yet start or just started where got revenue to re-invest? Got ah? Must be some kind of new business strategy.

I don't know about you but as a lay Malaysian all I am thinking is that the government must have said to these flers. Ok la since you in deep shit we help you out. You go invent this thing and we will announce a new BN garmen initiative and buy whatever you make la. We'll pay to connect all our payment stuff to you. All notices. All sorts of things la.

But wait...sorry, sorry it is YOUR initiative ok? Not ours. Make that clear ah! (pssst...Najib, you cocked up. Again.)

Niamah!!!

A good Thursday funny

2011-04-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

Hiyah, where got? Only RM2.2billion la.

For the past few weeks our Customs flers have been under the spotlight. For the wrong reasons. The MACC flers started investigations into corruption in the department. It was reported that dose flers were responsible for causing the country to lose RM108billion in revenue. And of course there was the tragic event of the death of one of the Customs officers in the MACC building.

And so, I was just waiting for some sort of rebuttal from the Custom's big-shots. It came out in the Star today.

At a press conference yesterday Customs director-general, Khalid Yusuf announced quite proudly that losses were actually about RM2.2billion. The reported RM108billion was losses due to illegal activities involving other government departments.

In another country the fler would have resigned in shame and maybe thrown himself out the window of a tall building.

But in Bolehland dat fler comes out smiling and says Hiyah! Only 2.2 billion la. The other one not ours one.

Like he is announcing an achievement???!!! What the FUCK!!! Hello! Mr. director-general instead of trumpeting your failure in not losing enough why don't you go find out what happened to the RM2.2billion and explain to the taxpayers why it happened in the first place? That's what we pay you to do.

NIAMAH!!!